all 194 comments

[–]hakett 175 points176 points  (19 children)

Stay busy and distract yourself. Personally, if I start comparing myself to other people I very quickly fall into a pit of despair and wallow for hours or even days. Accordingly, I make a conscious effort to repress those thoughts and fill my schedule such that I have little time for rumination. If you're always engaged with something, you're much less likely to feel inferior or lonely simply because your mind is on more important things. I'm already a fairly busy guy with school, work, gym, studying, and student organizations, but I also read a lot of books, write software to solve problems, etc.

Similarly, I think it's good to always be talking to multiple girls at once. If there's only one and something goes wrong, you'll overthink the situation and probably do something beta to "fix" it instead of just waiting for her to come around. If you have multiple girls you're working on, your mind will focus on them instead--i.e., something productive rather than destructive.

tl;dr Idle hands are the devil's playthings or whatever

[–]thecrimsoncapsule 51 points52 points  (5 children)

This is true, and has been helping me as I start to take this journey more seriously. (I've been lurking on TRP via my main account for a few months now, and just created this alternate login to become more actively engaged here.)

For the sake of balance, allow me to quote Seneca (Letters from a Stoic): "For love of bustle is not industry, – it is only the restlessness of a hunted mind."

I say this as someone who is known in my social circle as being "so busy all the time." But the reality, unknown to them but painfully known to myself, is that much of my busyness is only a distraction, rather than focused self improvement. Procrastination disguised as "research."

Filling one's hours is easy. The blacksmith could spend an entire weekend picking out the finest looking coal for his furnace, and half the next week reorganizing his tools. But at some point, you have to put hammer to anvil.

[–]square-one 5 points6 points  (4 children)

(I've been lurking on TRP via my main account for a few months now, and just created this alternate login to become more actively engaged here.)

Holy shit, I just did the exact same thing at the same time as you and I shit-you-not, as I was creating an account I was going to call it thecrimsoncapsule but I went with this instead. That's crazy.

[–]thecrimsoncapsule 4 points5 points  (0 children)

We clearly need to go kill a moose together.

However, square-one is also a great name for TRP as well.

[–]garbonzo607 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Wow, if this is true, this is simply amazing. Maybe you two are twins, separated at birth.

[–]1Ill_mumble_that 5 points6 points  (1 child)

square-one and OP are literally the same person.

[–]SecondBullRun 36 points37 points  (0 children)

I think you've hit the nail on the head when it comes to side-stepping the blues of loneliness - in fact, there's some research (though the link for it eludes me, sorry) that suggests keeping busy is optimal for people suffering depression. While the OP isn't suffering depression, they're arguably still feeling the sting of loneliness - which is a feature of depression.

It's important to remember that focusing on a lack of something (in this case, feminine attention) is a quick road to feeling inadequate. When a person feels inadequate, they will resort to old ways of behaving and thinking - in this case, blue pill behavior. This hurts your overall development as a person and more specifically as a man. Granted, you will probably slip up a couple of times (I know I have). As long as you keep getting back up on that horse and keep trying, you'll be golden.

[–]1independentmale 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Personally, if I start comparing myself to other people I very quickly fall into a pit of despair and wallow for hours or even days.

Let me add: Don't compare yourself to others.

Look, there will always be someone better than you. Period. That's just life. I'm a decent looking guy, I make great money, I have class, I have style. I'm happy with all of that.

I'm never going to have the sex appeal of a man like Johnny Depp, nor the money of Elon Musk, nor the general prestige of the countless elites with far more resources and connections than I. That's okay. I'm not them; I'm me, and I like who I am.

No matter where you go or what you do there will always be someone better. There are plenty of guys at the gym who could whip my ass no sweat. Plenty of taller, better looking dudes with more confidence who could swoop in at a club and seduce a girl I'm hitting on out from under me. Even if you do manage to get to the top of your respective area of interest, you won't be there for long. Whether you're a top tier athlete winning multiple Olympic golds or a filthy rich businessman who is just dominating his world, you'll soon be beaten at your own game by someone else.

Better yourself for you and compare your results to your past results. Be happy with who you are and what you can achieve on your own merits. If you can't be happy knowing there are other people doing better than you, you've got a real problem.

[–]ioncehadsexinapool 4 points5 points  (7 children)

Similarly, I think it's good to always be talking to multiple girls at once. If there's only one and something goes wrong, you'll overthink the situation and probably do something beta to "fix" it instead of just waiting for her to come around. If you have multiple girls you're working on, your mind will focus on them instead--i.e., something productive rather than destructive.

this is super important. always having at least 3 you can talk to for whatever is crucial to not giving in and acting beta

[–]dtyler86 1 point2 points  (6 children)

Agree 100%. Been single for a year after my ex of 5 years cheated on me, so my extreme reluctance to climb back into a relationship has completely stunned and angered a lot of girls. Sure, I like to keep my options open, using things like Tinder and OkCupid, but when a girl that made it to second date status started invading my freedom, I became aloof. And voila! 3, 4, 5 or even 6 girls at a time became overwhelming, but it certainly keeps them on their toes, intensely interested, and most importantly, kept my options open and vulnerabilities low.

[–]nowboarding[S] 0 points1 point  (5 children)

How did you build up to so many plates starting from nothing, was it all online or did you go about it other ways as well? Did you work on yourself big-time (gym, fashion, etc) to get to that level?

[–]dtyler86 0 points1 point  (4 children)

It's funny actually, but not really. I definitely learned immediately that wearing worn old deftones tshirts and shorts wasn't going to cut it, so dropping some cash on shirts, pants and new shoes definitely helped. Honestly, I'm a voice actor and I work from home, go to then beach when I want to, and travel a lot. More so than anything, I'm really just lucky to have a job and lifestyle that girls find intriguing. As douchey as that may sound. I almost have a hard time telling girls what I do, because they start to just think it means I'm loaded and attracts gold diggers. Note: I live in south Florida. Constant problem here.

[–]curiousgeorgius 0 points1 point  (3 children)

Honestly, I'm a voice actor

Teach me your ways! This is something I've always wanted to do. Do you enjoy what you do? How did you get into it? Any recommendations for starting out?

I have a solid voice and multiple years of acting training/experience (studied theater in college in a nationally recognized department before switching majors)... but obviously I don't know how that would translate in the voice acting industry.

[–]dtyler86 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Hey there man!

It's obviously not at all a quick answer, but Ill try. So its like this, I was a commercial producer at a large ad agency where I did all of the audio engineering for Nissan and Papa Johns. Because I was an audio nerd, I already had all of the gear from college and stuff, so when I decided to take my pro skills from the workplace and make a bullshit demo to "fake it till you make it" so to speak, it was very easy to do. Living near Miami helps me a lot.

Sooo... if you dont know naything about audio, dont have at least about $80-1,200 to start, you would need to live in a market where it is in demand. LA, NYC, Chicago, etc. Assuming youre american?

If you realllly want to give it a go, make a demo, buy the gear and have a kick ass lifestyle and travel a lot. LMK! haha

[–]curiousgeorgius 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Awesome. I think I could make this work, for sure.

I'm no audio pro, especially as far as engineering in a studio setting goes - but I do have quite a bit of experience with sound/audio equipment and sound boards (again, theater and related activities). I'd have a lot to learn, but given my background could possibly pick it up fairly quickly. I have a budget of 2 grand or so I'm willing to work with- I'd like to give the "home setup" a go before having to relocate - though I am indeed in America, so relocation is an option.

It's decided then; going to put a clock on getting some gear and making a demo.

Appreciate the response dude!

[–]dtyler86 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey bud, been an insane week. Ill get back to you soon.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Invest in plates the same way you'd invest in stocks: diversify, diversify, diversify

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

that rumination thing is weird as hell.

I had my vaccination from it when I broke my leg running and got fired from a job and rejected by a group of old friends who invited me to their circle at the same week.

I wish it actually worked like evolution intended.

[–]1tombreck2 58 points59 points  (0 children)

Always look out for #1. When I don't have something to do on a Friday night I will watch a new movie, go for a long run, read a new book etc. Even if I have nothing to do I'm doing something to improve myself

[–][deleted] 60 points61 points  (6 children)

One thing I've found is that its much better to embrace these shitty feelings than it is numb them with complacency. I'm going to be home alone this weekend, like I have been for years and likely will be for some time.

Instead of resigning myself to that I COULD dig out my old POF account and pick up a single mom with passable looks for company and sex, but what good is that, really? I don't actually want to fuck a 5-6/10 single mom, I'm just numbing my dissatisfaction with a pale imitation of what I truly want.

Instead I internalize my dissatisfaction rather than hiding from it and in doing so I channel that negative energy in motivation. This feeling sucks because its SUPPOSED to suck. Its a sucky feeling not because losers just deserve to suffer, its because emotional suffering is your brain giving you the stick that whacks you into doing better. With technology enriching our lives with illusions of pleasure and satisfaction, its become far too easy to run from these negative feelings. But in doing so you also miss out on what those feelings are there for in the first place.

[–]thecrimsoncapsule 16 points17 points  (0 children)

Thank you for putting into words the obnoxious buzzing I feel when I hit refresh on OKC and see more of the same, then, because of sunk cost fallacy, I end up messaging some girl that's barely passable.

We're all better than that.

[–]MaxPower6 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Im currently living in the same movie as you.

[–]miles37 5 points6 points  (0 children)

'Inspirational dissatisfaction', as it's referred to in 'Think and Grow Rich'.

[–]hiphoprising 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Instead of resigning myself to that I COULD dig out my old POF account and pick up a single mom with passable looks for company and sex, but what good is that, really? I don't actually want to fuck a 5-6/10 single mom, I'm just numbing my dissatisfaction with a pale imitation of what I truly want.

I feel like a lot of us were once there, I know I sure was.

[–]Labore_Et_Constantia 25 points26 points  (1 child)

This is a good video on the topic (specifically the last 20 minutes):

The best thing I can tell you is to enjoy the journey and enjoy the activities you're taking part in.

Enjoy the serious aches you get after a lifting session.

Enjoy your brain being pushed to it's limits consuming mind expanding material.

Enjoy seeing your social circle improve as you begin to understand how to command respect, how to court attention and how to make others essentially, admire you.

As somebody who is now on the other side of that 5%, this side can be just as "empty" as the other side, were it not for the fact that I truly enjoy what I've created and all the hobbies I've developed over the past 5 years. While it's fun to get your ego stroked by women and have them laugh at your jokes, you also become increasingly aware of how absent they all were when you first started the journey, you begin to see how positively they respond to any (at times awful) joke you utter and you see how they try and turn you into a utility for them.

Most of all, just enjoy the process man. You may think in some far off abstract manner about some perceived "reward," but that's never the TRUE reward, the REAL reward is putting in the hard work day in and day out and seeing everything around you transform, to your accord, to the way you desired because you got up and stopped taking shit, taking shit from women, from men and from society.

Best of luck

[–]3 Endorsed ContributorRedPope 14 points15 points  (0 children)

the REAL reward is putting in the hard work day in and day out and seeing everything around you transform, to your accord, to the way you desired

Great statement and I 100% agree.

I have slept with beautiful women, owned expensive cars, traveled the world, and earned a fair stack of cash. But when I reflect back on what makes me feel best and most proud, it isn't the rewards for my efforts, it is the results of them.

I am proud of the things I built. The changes I created. The stuff that only happened because of me. Items and events that only exist or happened because I stepped up, took responsibility, and willed them into being.

The women and cars are nice, but the excitement never lasts. The trips and experiences are better, but those are just breaks in the action. Their memory fades. Men far, far richer than any of us are just as lonely.

What I created may not endure, some efforts never came to fruition, but the act of creation is what I cherish and value. Learn to recognize and appreciate those moments as they are happening.

They can be small or large, important or trivial. A garden, a painting, a toy for a single child. A family, a business, an empire. Doesn't matter. Create. Add to the world.

[–][deleted] 22 points23 points  (1 child)

Delete fucking Facebook. Never look back.

[–]lost_2_apathy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was thinking this exact line.

Who give a fuck what the world thinks of you? Life isn't a social media party where you should be living up to those fake expectations of fun crowds and hot women everywhere.

Advance your life and seek self improvement for that, but don't set unattainable goals of reaching a worldwide audience. Great if you can, but do it for yourself not so you can obtain some fictitious lifestyle you see on instragram.

[–]1IVIaskerade 36 points37 points  (7 children)

In order to combat loneliness, you need to keep busy, but to do that, you need motivation.

I hate that I'm lonely. I hate that nobody owes me anything. I hate that life isn't fair and that I have to work for everything. I hate that I don't have more time to be lazy and play video games, to watch films and eat bad food, to sleep and read bad pulp novels. I hate cheaters. I hate that all the coffee pralines go first. I hate that as a man, I will always have it harder than a comparable woman. I hate that there will always be someone better than me. I hate that I'm not willing to use steroids to get a boost when in the gym. I hate pumpkin spice lattes. I hate a lot of things.

I use this hatred. I hate the man better than me? If I work hard, he won't be. I hate that I don't have more free time? Work harder now, finish faster, and I will. I hate that nobody owes me anything? Work harder, and it won't matter. I internalise my hatred of those aspects of my life, and I use it to fuel my determination.

Because at the end of the day, if I am penniless, hungry and down, I will still have that hatred, and that means I still have motivation to do better.

TL;DR I don't get lonely because I hate too many things.

[–]ioncehadsexinapool 15 points16 points  (1 child)

I hate pumpkin spice lattes.

Jesus dude i was not expecting that

[–]1Ill_mumble_that 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah that belongs in /r/wtf, too much for me to read here without some kinda trigger warning.

[–]ihscb 5 points6 points  (4 children)

Man I just rewatched fight club last night and between this thread and that movie I am feeling really motivated.

[–]BloodyPhallus 22 points23 points  (3 children)

If you derive your motivation from a movie and a paragraph of text, it will not last. You need an iron core of determination, a cold fire in the gut.

[–]1Ill_mumble_that 7 points8 points  (1 child)

And hatred as a motivator will also only work for so long. As you improve, you will find less things worthy of your hate.

Hatred is a good way to get started. But, a lasting motivation is a true love for oneself. Love yourself fully, because no woman ever will. Not even your own parents will ever love you as much as you do yourself.

If you love yourself, will you skip the gym? Fuck no. If you love yourself, will you eat junk food? Fuck no. If you love yourself, will you allow yourself to skip out on social interactions and making important friends? Fuck no. If you love yourself, will you waste all of your time playing video games? Fuck no. If you love yourself, will you put up with a woman's shit and be all beta? Fuck no. If you love yourself, will you be content with mediocrity? Fuck no. If you love yourself, you will want only the best for yourself and you will be motivated to do whatever it takes to acquire that.

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.
-Oscar Wilde

[–]Quiznasty 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This right here! You can love yourself without being complacent and removing the need to keep working hard.

People are going to give you shit your whole life. You don't have to take shit from yourself.

[–]2emptyform 16 points17 points  (2 children)

The only way I've found to assuage it is to find a gang of other men who are also pushing themselves, but aren't there yet either. Your wolfpack, your crew who are on a similar wavelength as you (make sure they aren't bringing you down) will make you lose most of the loneliness and will make you to raise your game. That, and/or become an apprentice to an alpha in your field.

[–]nowboarding[S] 6 points7 points  (1 child)

The suggestions you've offered are powerful but without further guidance impossible to execute for the vast majority of us here. If you have experience with meeting and gaining rapport with high value men, or bonding with other guys at your level with the same level of determination, please consider making a post about it.

[–]2emptyform 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I'm afraid most of the specific actions you need to take are going to vary widely based on the field(s) you're in, but Jack Donovan's "Way of Men" discusses the gang mindset and the things that men value in men: courage, strength, mastery, honor.

[–]1chivalry_augustus 107 points108 points  (44 children)

I know it's demoralising, but ... there's actually no point pursuing this lifestyle and dream if you don't actually want it. Swallowing the red pill for me has been a realisation of truth. I don't want to be in the top 10% of men in the sense that women will perceive me as being in the top 10%. What I mean by that is, I don't want to work damned hard to up my SMV just because it will up my SMV, especially because being a wealthy bachelor is never how I foresaw my life developing.

In actuality, swallowing the pill has been a realisation and an acceptance of the futility and the reality of the void. If, indeed, I do become wealthy, or I do become stunningly attractive, or I do become this or that or whatever, it will be because I wanted to do that for me. I will become greatness for my own sake, if indeed I do. But as far as women are concerned, what sense does it make to me to elevate myself above other men just so the vapid half of the human population can like me on a superficial level?

This is where I'm having real trouble with some of the elements of RP. My life as I see it now is one bereft of pressure or ambition. I want to bum around for a decade and see the world. I don't particularly care whether I live or die. I am happier than I was but I am happier more because I have embraced the utter sense of solitude that inevitably prevails when you realise that, truly, all men are islands. Hence, dealing with loneliness is not something that you can do on a temporary and ongoing basis, rather, loneliness is the prevailing reality and you have to determine what exactly you are going to do knowing that that is true.

I know that seeing loneliness as the context may seem perverse to some, but that, I feel is the nihilistic nature of things. That is why committing to self-improvement seems like a crazy idea to me unless you genuinely want it. For me, you have to accept and embrace the loneliness first, and from there, progress to the point of deciding if, and eventually, how, you are going to deal with it. But I don't get the constant obsession here with being a high-quality man. Ultimately, you're going to pay your dues time and again to win a prize that, at the end of everything, isn't much of a prize at all. It's just a life of toil in the hope of making up for a life of frugality.

[–]cofair 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Hence, dealing with loneliness is not something that you can do on a temporary and ongoing basis, rather, loneliness is the prevailing reality and you have to determine what exactly you are going to do knowing that that is true

Blowing my mind right now man

[–]smokingmonkey420 8 points9 points  (0 children)

This echoes my feelings quite well. Since swallowing TRP, I've decided what I want to do with my life, but it certainly doesn't include becoming a millionaire or some bullshit executive.

Your attitude here is completely outcome independent, and that my friend is far more attractive than a multiple-millionaire. The rat race that everyone takes part in is partly based on TBP fantasy that if they have enough power everything will be better. But what does it matter? No one gets out alive. Women and men both know this that's why we live for the moment in most cases. Frankly, if you're enjoying yourself and taking care of you'd responsibilities then you are doing alright.

[–]tallwheel 15 points16 points  (13 children)

Thanks. This is the comment I identify with most in this thread.

Personally, whenever I have a GF to fuck I actually find myself wishing I had more time on my own to play video games. It's kind of a 'grass is always greener' thing. I'm an introvert by nature, and don't get lonely easily, and recharge emotionally by being alone. My hope for the future is to have a job which allows me to get by with as little effort as possible, and enjoy a comfortable MGTOW life in solitude. I think one thing we need as men is merely the assurance that there is nothing wrong with such a solitary lifestyle if that's how we choose to live our lives. There's so much social conditioning to convince us that being alone means we must be pathetic losers. I really don't care as long as I find my life comfortable and enjoyable.

[–]GC0W30 9 points10 points  (11 children)

FTR, not all women want more of your time than you're willing to gie. I've been with a variety of women with different preferences for personal time spent on them.

If you've got no desire to put up with a woman's shit, I can respect that, but remember than while AWALT, the LT is not always the same.

Another note is that as you age, your desire for gaming may wane: I have gotten to the point where I realize that I'm mostly just repeating the same motions I made in a game 20 years ago.

[–]Surf_Or_Die 7 points8 points  (9 children)

So true. When I was 15 I could spend an entire Sunday playing video games. When I was 20 I'd get bored after a couple of hours. At 25 I haven't touched a video game since college. To each his own, I suppose. I just find video games boring.

[–]GC0W30 9 points10 points  (0 children)

For me the tipping point was probably 30. I still game, but it's maybe 100 hours a year instead of what it was before.

There are some great reasons to ignore women for some time, but... at this point in my life, those aren't games. When I do play games, 'playing the game' is less important than watching the story unfold. I can't be bothered to spend 6 hours fighting a damned puzzle, or playing action games as I watch my reflexes get a little shittier each year past age 25. Still kind of enjoy watching a story unfold, but it's like watching a movie or reading a book now. I enjoy the hell out of a good play-through, with The Last Of Us videos as a great example.

I can run a small business and make a ton of money just as easily as I can play a video game.. and the stakes are real, in a game where (over the course of a week) I always win.

[–]1independentmale 3 points4 points  (1 child)

I got married at 19. For the first couple years of the marriage, we (mostly I) gamed constantly.

It was good fun but one day I sat down and analyzed how many hours I'd put into this and realized I could have accomplished some damn cool shit had I put that time into something else. Thousands and thousands of hours with nothing to show for it... It was depressing.

I quit gaming and found other hobbies and projects I enjoyed just as much but that produced a tangible result. Today I pour most of my free time into financial pursuits and I have a lot more fun watching real money pour in than I ever did mining for fake money in games.

[–]Avelheda 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And what really is life about ? What would you really "accomplish". I feel like these "accomplish something" mindsets are just dumb, you know why? Tell me why you spent your time playing video games? It was because you had fun with it, you had a rush of dopamine every time you killed an enemy. Tell me now, what do we get when we accomplish something? We get the same rush of dopamine. In the end it's all a the same thing, we are doing it for the pleasure we get in the end.

[–]1aguy01 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Same here. I used to play for 14 hours a day if I had the time. Now they are the least interesting thing ever to me. I just grew out of them.

[–]cuervojones85 2 points3 points  (3 children)

Yeah, i'm 30 and became an occasional gamer too. I'd rather play wii party, goldeneye, a dance game or a fighting game than crawl 120 hours of a generic RPG again. Hell i don't even have patience for GOW anymore. I used to enjoy waddling trough these games and doing every little thing, but now just feels like i'm wasting time.. like an escape from reality, not entretainment.

[–]jonivaio 2 points3 points  (2 children)

[–]cuervojones85 0 points1 point  (0 children)

nice, definetly saving this for the future.

words for the powerful automod

[–]tallwheel 2 points3 points  (0 children)

FTR, not all women want more of your time than you're willing to gie. I've been with a variety of women with different preferences for personal time spent on them.

For me, her preference is irrelevant since the relationship has to be carried out in my frame. I only see her when I want to.

To give context to my comment above, I usually only see my current GF on the weekends. This weekend I met up with my GF and some other friends on Sat. night at a craft beer festival, then went back to her place to screw and sleep. After another morning screw, we went back to the beer festival and drank all day till we couldn't stand anymore, so we went back to her place, took a nap, screwed again, and then I went home. It was an awesome weekend, and I enjoyed every moment of it.

However, when I got home I realized the new fall games are coming out soon, and there's still some more time I want to spend on the current games I'm working on. So, if I could have anything I'd have 4 days off a week so I have one weekend for GF and friends, and a second weekend for playing games and doing jack all. It's asking for too much, though. :)

[–]Gotmilkyy 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's hard to swallow this. Everywhere in society, such as schools, government, teachers, etc. portrays a solitary life in a negative light. It's nice to see another perspective finally, for me, to shine new light on this.

[–]McDoner 7 points8 points  (1 child)

But as far as women are concerned, what sense does it make to me to elevate myself above other men just so the vapid half of the human population can like me on a superficial level?

Interesting you bring this up. I have been thinking similar thoughts. I see many posts on TRP which seem to show a desperation for female affection/acceptance. This seems counterintuitive to TRP. All this working out, reading, "bettering yourself" is great stuff, but on a lot of posts lately, it seems the only reason for doing these things seems to be to score hot chicks. For many of us, swallowing the red pill opened our eyes as to why we weren't getting chicks, but just getting chicks should not be the main goal. Thanks for bringing this up!

[–]Avelheda 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"Interesting you bring this up. I have been thinking similar thoughts. I see many posts on TRP which seem to show a desperation for female affection/acceptance. This seems counterintuitive to TRP. All this working out, reading, "bettering yourself" is great stuff, but on a lot of posts lately, it seems the only reason for doing these things seems to be to score hot chicks."

Exactly this. I feel kinda weird when I read theses things here in trp, we say woman should not be the primary goal for men, but in the end everything that is told you to do is in to make you more attractive to girls in the end.

[–]teeelo 13 points14 points  (23 children)

Hey Man, don't fret...

No one here should ever pressure you into becoming something you don't want to be, lest some Imaginary manifestation of Alpha-Dog manliness that is seemingly unattainable lol

Look, if you want to be in the top 10%, 20%, 30%, even 50% that is totally cool.

As long as you have absorbed TRP, and continue seeking out what you want- what else do you need?

[–]1chivalry_augustus 129 points130 points  (22 children)

I'm not fretting. I guess my contention is that this sub is often overly concerned with that which is within only because of the effect it shall have on that which is without. There are guys here obsessed with getting into the top 10%, but there are two things that are not talked about enough:

  • Being in the top 10% is not the same as being happy
  • For some people, the top 10% is simply unattainable

I know that sounds unpleasant, but it's true. For me, red pill began when I started thinking in terms of the moment, and looking forward towards a life in which I could be happy. Women used to figure heavily in my equation, but as time goes on, they devolve to a point where they're just background noise. I used to find them interesting because, well, vagina. RP has probably taught me best to look at them more as what they can offer me, and 99.99% of women I meet are dull and pathetic, yet society expects me to a) cherish them and b) work hard so that I can be considered worthy in their eyes.

Luckily, all that concerns me now is how I can be considered worthy in my own eyes. Making it into the top 10%, it just doesn't interest me. If I ever am among that top tenth, it shall be incidental, the by-product of my madness. Something I've had to accept is that I am lonely, but it's not because I am alone. I'm lonely because that's how life is for a man. Anybody who says otherwise is, in my opinion, deluding themselves. I often feel more alone in company than in solitude.

[–]1ubiety 22 points23 points  (0 children)

For men, loneliness is pervasive and downright unavoidable. I guess you could claim the same for women, but it's definitely not the same. Biology made us the disposable sex. Numerous men avoid this despair by filling the void with 'things' 'desires' and 'wants'. Citizen Kane shows a classic example of loneliness - a successful man goes throughout his life building a fortune and possessing a bunch of things - but in his dying breath, he utters out the name of his favorite snow sled. Not a women, not a desire, but something he briefly cherished as a child.

When you swallow the TRP, you realize that the world is a harsh, cruel place. Our selfish minds try to see the best option of all of our choices, but sometimes we need to select the 2nd or 3rd best options given the constraints outside of our control. When we take back control of our lives, we allow ourselves the possibility of happiness if we so choose. Happiness takes work, and isn't an inherent quality of man. We can sidestep the day to day toil and remember that the fruit of our labor will amount to something one day (even if it doesn't, the joy rests in the journey/process rather than the reward). Find something worth living for, even if everyone else thinks otherwise.

[–]theguyinthestory 13 points14 points  (0 children)

You just perfectly described what TRP is to me. It's not about hamsters or getting sex, nor is it about self improvement or mens rights. It's about looking at the world with both eyes open. No rose tinted glasses or seeing the glass half empty.

It's about seeing the world for what it really is; only then can we decide what path to take. The stuff here can help you open your eyes, and help you on certain paths (eg, the path to raising smv), but what you wrote is what I believe to be the fundamental basis of trp... and I think it's something that gets overlooked all too much

[–]ragerdat 7 points8 points  (0 children)

damn that last sentence really hit home for me.

[–]keeperlit 9 points10 points  (1 child)

What age are you if you don't mind me asking

[–]Endorsed ContributorRedPillDad 10 points11 points  (1 child)

Women used to figure heavily in my equation, but as time goes on, they devolve to a point where they're just background noise. I used to find them interesting because, well, vagina. RP has probably taught me best to look at them more as what they can offer me, and 99.99% of women I meet are dull and pathetic.

Cuts to the core of RedPill...Wisdom and abundance allows a guy to finally overcome pussy addiction and realize women aren't so special.

[–]Upvote Me!trpbot[M] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Confirmed: 1 point awarded to /u/chivalry_augustus by RedPillDad. [History]

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[–]ihscb 27 points28 points  (0 children)

You are dropping so many knowledge bombs right now. Damn.

[–]Yoda7 19 points20 points  (2 children)

For some people, the top 10% is simply unattainable

Id say for ~90% of people, to be exact.

[–]Strykarun1 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Id say It's temporarily attainable for many. It's important to keep in mind that top 10% varies entirely by context and that humans are not static entities - why can change and develop.

That being said, if you are in the bottom 30-40% now, it will be very hard if not impossible.

That being said, you can lose your position in the top 10% just as easily.

[–]Yoda7 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Imo the top 10 % is largely something that you are born into. Genetics will decide for most. Some will be through success or fame, and a tiny amount will be through sheer work and game. If you are hot enough many things will be thrown at you with no effort.

[–]Zeepop 3 points4 points  (1 child)

Sometimes I feel that most people in this sub are in borderline manic-states. Your post deserves gold.

[–]snyderkurva 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow, just awesome! I envy your ability to convey your thoughts, very well written. Thanks!

[–]JointsFerDaze 1 point2 points  (4 children)

First sentence blew my mind. What did you do to get to the point of writing so well?!

[–]1chivalry_augustus 1 point2 points  (2 children)

I'm an autodidact where writing is concerned - I taught myself from a very young age.

[–]redpillMafia 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Can you give some tips on improving my writing? I want to improve too. English is not my first language and I want to improve my grammar and writing style.

[–]1chivalry_augustus 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I don't feel like I'm qualified to give anybody tips. I improved my writing by reading a lot and keeping a diary. I write in my diary every day and that's really the only opportunity I have to practise, other than when I'm writing on here. My belief is that writing is a skill like any other, in that it rewards you for the amount of hours you put in. Read widely, learn to enjoy reading if you don't already, and try and emulate the skills of the writers you like, as well as the ones you don't like.

[–]robots_gtow 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for echoing my exact thoughts of recent, and phrasing them better than I could. I feel a little less eccentric now, less disconnected.

[–]Gotmilkyy 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thank you. In the two comments that I read of yours on this thread, you have described many troubles that I have had since swallowing the pill.

[–]rockumsockumrobots 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I've been reading the 4 hour work week and it's been changing my outlook on life (as ridiculous as that sounds). I used to think that wealth would make me happy. Now I see that pursuing what makes me happy will make me happy. Everyone enjoys something.

We're all going to make it both mentally and physically. bro.

[–]spectre-13 16 points17 points  (1 child)

This poem and this article have really helped me deal with the loneliness and frustration you are talking about.

I also make myself not fall into the trap of coveting another person's relationship or current situation. You only see their situation in it's positive side, not its negative side. I don't want what they have because I don't know exactly what they have. I want to create my relationships and my own success, because it is custom to me and wholly mine, not someone else's idea of success. The world notices the people who succeed out of differentiating themselves from the masses. The greatest successes among us have not gained the stereotypical success stories, they created it. The fact that they created it made their success stand so much higher than just the regular stories of success. The world recognizes those who distinguish themselves from the dumb masses, and women certainly recognize it.

TL:DR Loneliness can be avoided through true stoicism and purpose, and success from the world's perspective is far greater if you create your own success, not simply what the masses consider stereotypical success.

[–]52576078 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Good post. I find some Red Pill ideas very compatible with some Buddhist ideas (and more generally ideas of awakening to Reality e.g. the writings of Jed McKenna etc).

[–]17 Endorsed ContributorHumanSockPuppet 18 points19 points  (3 children)

I would offer two suggestions:

  1. Spend time around men whose lives you want to have. High value men, with great social influence, gainful employment, and horizon-expanding hobbies - from whom you can learn by example.

  2. Spend time with friends who are also building themselves up from small beginnings, so that you may motivate one another to remain disciplined. Alternately, if you do not have friends like this at present, then cultivate them. Inspire your friends to change, and then work together with them.

Whichever path you choose, you will have built strong bonds with other powerful men as you start to come into your power.

Like muscular strength, social influence emerges slowly through constant training, and largely without our realizing it. And like muscles, you'll be surprised at how much you can move when you finally put them to real use for the first time.

[–]nowboarding[S] 6 points7 points  (1 child)

Would you turn this into its own post? The suggestions you've offered are powerful but without further guidance impossible to execute for the vast majority of us here. If you have experience with meeting and gaining rapport with high value men, or bonding with other guys at your level with the same level of determination, it would be very well received.

[–]17 Endorsed ContributorHumanSockPuppet 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sure. I'll think on it and then post something when I return from class tomorrow afternoon.

[–]TheYoungPatriarch 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree with that line of reasoning. I would like to offer, however, another form of learning by example from great (or High Value) men: Reading definitive biographies of great and famous men.

There are hundreds of great examples of men who made fortunes and accomplished greatness whose lives were studied and accounted for in great detail for the benefit of others. A good biography will not only give you background information on a certain character in history, but also inform you of the actionable steps that characters took, his failings and success on the road to greatness.

When you study a great many historical figures that you wish to emulate, you start to put together a pattern of behavior that is both actionable and practicable. By emulating their successes and virtues and by avoid their failures and vices, you can make great bounds in self-improvement in a shorter period of time.

You create role models. You piece together the ideal man you want to be from the examples of the historical figures you study. A method touched upon in Napoleon Hill's Think and Grow Rich is to recognize characteristics that you wish you had, find historical figures that embody these characteristics and study them. Once you study these characters and fix them in your mind, they begin to take on a life of their own and you can "hold council" with them.

I've never tried that method to that extent, however, when I stop and sincerely ask myself something like What would James Bond do? I often see the likeness of Sean Connery, sharply dressed deliver me a curt admonishment in his signature Scottish accent. Depending on the situation Daniel Craig may also appear and say nothing, but deliver the perfect response to a situation in the form of a gesture or amused smirk. (James Bond is admittedly fictional, but damn he's cool)

Some quick biography recommendations: Andrew Carnegie, Albert Einstein, James Bond Stockdale, Ernst Junger (Storm of Steel), Henry David Thoreau, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Chester Nimitz, Henry Ford, Mark Twain, etc.

Don't neglect classic literature and examples either. Nothing makes you feel like you aren't accomplishing stuff like when you look at the lives of Alexander the Great or Ghengis Khan.

All of this may help to provide a wholesome vision for a successful future, but of course it doesn't help you gain social influence now. it might provide topics for conversation, or affect and air of sophistication if you can quote a great line or present a relevant historical analogy.

TLDR: Read a good biography about someone you admire. If you don't read books, you should.

[–]1aguy01 14 points15 points  (3 children)

My dad, a pretty RP guy, has always told me that the greatest satisfaction comes from achievement with a properly functioning team. When everyone is on the same page and everyone is putting in their best effort you are swept up in the energy and you lose yourself. Whether it's software development or gaming you should be working towards the competitive team scenario, because evolution has designed men to function as a cohesive tribe with high stakes. People didn't fuck around; everyone was serious about what they did.

Unfortunately there are few opportunities in your adult life for this. There's a reason people spend the rest of their lives living in the past when they played sports. It's because that shit feels fucking awesome to a man. Winning a close game with a competitive team is better than sex.

[–]10pack 5 points6 points  (0 children)

This is basically why I only play competitive online games. When everyone is on the same page its a thing of beauty.

[–]__ROOSTER__ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree, and one of your "properly functioning teams" should be your relationships, and for those inclined your marriage and family.

Lead, make people aware of their roles and responsibilities, what the team goals are, how we plan to get there, etc. set the course, monitor performance, use the stick and carrot, achieve success.

[–]FireTheHarpoons 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As Jack Donovan puts it, the way of the gang is the way of men. Our natural place as men is as part of a small group of men working together against external forces.

[–]Southtxaccent 41 points42 points  (2 children)

Delete Facebook. All you will see is everyone else's exaggerated high lights to make their life seem more glamorous than it is.

Get a dog.

Learn to love yourself, before you expect others to love you. Careful though: don't love yourself for the sake of loving yourself. Love yourself by improving yourself.

[–]2emptyform 0 points1 point  (1 child)

To love yourself in a masculine way is to challenge yourself, to look after your own long-term well-being, to turn your rationality onto yourself and listen to that inner voice that is always telling you what you know you need to do--not necessarily what you feel like doing. To love yourself as a man is to defy your own fear for your own sake, and it is to hate that which takes away from realizing your fullest potential in whatever avenues you choose to pursue. The side effect is that you end up really fucking hating cake.

[–]Southtxaccent 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Couldn't have said it better myself. I didn't mean love yourself in the same manner that the fat ass acceptance groups love themselves. If you're not consistently improving yourself, I don't think one can truly say they love themself. At least not in the truest sense of the word.

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I just wanted to thank you for this post so much, man, thank you.

[–]chadchadington 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Per rational male:


These two links mimic my feelings on this topic.

Becoming an outlier means pulling away from the pack. It's similar to an attractive woman's dilemma (from what a few have told me) that people only want her for things so she never believes the love she is given. The curse of the outlier male is his increased value. Your lazy GF is cute. Now that you're cut from 14 weeks at the gym, eating right, reading, doing whatever cool shit you do and pushing your limits, she is a weight to you pulling you down. Women notice you, people respect you and your GF's chub around her stomach and lack of motivation begin to annoy you. Similar to women marrying up. What man would date down? In the short-run, sure. Long-run...remember that blurb in Psychology about your environment influencing you.

A woman can be hot as hell and work in a bowling alley and a man doesn't care as long as she licks his mushroom tip. Switch roles and the man in the bowling alley would not likely be with an a super attractive woman. Yet as one improves he may re-evaluate his definition of a quality women. Pussy is pussy. Or is it?

I get annoyed since so many women don't have their shit straight yet expect to land an awesome guy on their time.

Yeah ladies, a lot of you...suck at managing your money (if you haven't spent it on crap yet), you can't cook/don't want to cook/have not desire to learn to cook, your room is a mess and you complain constantly about your shitty job but don't do anything to change your circumstances. Blow money on "Deals!!!!". So you want to be a mom? See former list as a starting point.

My last paragraph seemed off-topic a little but this is my frustration with women today--mainly our American ladies. Sure have fun and fuck them but so many I've observed seem unaware or asleep at their reality of not having their shit straight. Kids? Ha! Marriage? Double-ha! Moving in together...GTFO.

Where was I....oh, yes. In short. Everything comes at a price, my friend.

[–]cofair 15 points16 points  (0 children)

While you spend your weekend eating right, hitting the weights, shopping for nicer clothes, and engaging in 1 or 2 interesting social events that challenge your comfort zone, you feel good though can't help but be reminded how alone you really are. You see reminders everywhere that people are currently living the life you want. Hot girls with cool guys on dates, big groups of cool friends at a restaurant together, good-looking couples enjoying each other's affections everywhere you look. It is literally everywhere.

This really resonates with me right now. Lately, after some social interactions, I have been getting emotional. Because I am recognizing that I am lonely. Thanks for this post.

[–]svogliate 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Just because you and your friends recognize and celebrate your improvements

This is where I quit reading, because you clearly haven't done what you're posing as an expert on.

When you reach this point where you're celebrating your improvements, you can look forward to losing most of your friends. You'll have to make new friends every time you take it up a notch.

Occasionally someone will keep pace with you - that's someone who can your be true friend. But that's rare. You'll leave most of your friends behind.

And you know what, don't wait for the world's validation. Do what another poster recently suggested: Become undeniable. Then you won't care what the world thinks.

[–]philocognito 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I get tired of eclusively workingon myself, and feel extremely burned out from working full time and going to school full time. I love spending time with people more than anything right now, and having stupid conversations with close friends. I am fortunate to have a tight knit group of friends, so that definitely helps. Im in a band so that is extremely helpful as well. Recently ive been more reckless about calling for time off or calling out if I need to spend some alone time or simply help my mom out with stuff at home. she is starting a business so helping her out is extremely rewarding. i havent been on trp for weeks now but needed this read in particular to help realize that i am truly becoming better and to disregard the lack of sexually available girls at the moment. im on tinder to meet girls from outside my circles so this should help. i cant stand flaky girls, and i was beginning to bring myself down because of this tonight because a girl i somewhat liked flaked but i really appreciate you posting this. i think im just about ready to cut her off and put no effort whatsoever. i know my writing is unstructured and makes no sense, but fuck it. i let it out now so enjoy. im going back to work on my resume and hopefully get a job with better pay. thanks again mates, youve all helped me through my breakup, dads arrest, being the new man ofmy house etc etc etc. your work here does not go unappreciated. take care.

[–]WingedScorpion 12 points13 points  (2 children)

I believe in TRYING to have my cake and eat it to.

Every day for me is a life improvement. I just hit a plateau in lifting and I'm struggling to keep moving up, I've moved to a better job I thought would be immediately easy but it's no, I've got tons of friends I'm in the process of searching through for the good ones that will make me better.

I'm seeing a couple girls that are already putting out AND, I'm not settling for them. One is a 7 the other is a 6. I can easily settle for one, the hottest one the 7, and keep improving my life. But I've been flirting with a couple 8's so I want to keep my options open.

Some may say, "oh you've flirted? but you haven't gotten with them. you're not alpha". Fucking no shit, I'm a work in progress. I don't have ultra good looks and money and shit. I have to work for my plates. My game is getting better and I'm spittin' some crazy shit when ever I just go off script. "Natural game" they call it I think. I'm not there yet, but I know I'm going to get there. Until then, I MAKE DO WITH WHAT I GOT.

Keep in mind. These people were given this or maybe already worked for it. They're happy and complacent but they might be stagnant. Moving forward is tiring, and never comfortable. Fuck comfort. You need to keep moving. Always on the move, always on the prowl, always bettering.

It's not going to be easy. You're going to get tired. But this is the life if a man who wants to be the best he can. You're going to get better and better things in life. Better money, better girls, better friends, better body all of this.

But you can get this, AS you go along. Don't wait until you get there because you never will get there. I have a friend who's really big and has been working out for 13 years and I'm barely on my 11th month. He is still afraid to go up to girls because he's "not big enough".

Fuck that, I'll do it. Yeah I may get rejected because I'm not big enough, but I'll get accepted by some. After a while it turns into a challenge. I can literally track and calculate in what areas I improve, and what I have to do to make up for it.

I'm not that big? Work on spittin' game. I've found that it's a process of approaching a girl, saying the right things, making the mood, getting her number, making the mood over text/phone, getting her to show up to date, THEN saying the right things to get a kiss and not fucking that up either to get them to do more. It's hard, and I see other dudes getting girls to throw themselves at them because they were born rich and with a pretty face and a pot belly.

Does it make me angry? It used to, now I just think "bitches man". It's getting easier, as I said my game just comes out of me naturally alot now. I've been getting girls to comment on my arms now and I've found out just how much arms can count and how little the rest can not with "clothes on game". I'm still a bit scrawny but by the time they see me with my shirt off, we're fucking and if you do a job of fucking her good, she really is going to stay.

And after that, you still have to survive the onslaught of shit tests.

It's a never ending game, you will be alone. You have to focus on yourself, and KEEP TESTING YOURSELF.

This is why approaching is integral to improving yourself. The girls you approach are like a test of how great a man you are. I wasn't doing so great a couple years ago. Now? I look good enough that they smile when I approach, laugh when I talk and even say stupid shit, and willingly give me their number. They're still the flake part of showing up to the date and the shit tests of the first date so my SMV is not high enough to breeze past that yet.

Accept you are the man you are, accept your SMV, and keep improving and keep approaching. If you really are improving, you WILL see results. If anything, something that inflates my SMV(that is brought down by me mediocre looks) is my burning desire to be better every day and my discipline and willingness to stick to it.

You don't have to be lonely on the way to the top.

[–]tallwheel 3 points4 points  (0 children)

This. I just don't understand OP's premise that the road to the top need necessarily be a lonely one. I think if you're sacrificing your weekends in order to work out and eat healthy, then you're probably overdoing it. You can still enjoy life while gradually improving yourself. It's a slow process, and you need to make sure your life is still enjoyable on the way there... otherwise you will only be more likely to quit partway and say "Fuck this. This is too much work and I want to have fun."

Life is too short to delay happiness so much. Always remember you could get hit by a bus tomorrow.

[–]gokurakumaru 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is downright inspiring.

[–]Whoredan90 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yes! I've found that expecting nothing from a women helps tremendously, that way you're expectations aren't fucked. Also, girls will eventually notice that you've been working out, in better shape, or that you're doing well financially and mentally because when you truly are YOU'LL know it too, and not a damn thing can stop you.

[–]1Modified_Hackware 3 points4 points  (0 children)

How do you keep the end goal in sight and not let your current loneliness or lack of immediate success derail your efforts?

I bought a journal and I write in it my failures, what I did well, what I hope to do tomorrow; and what I am thankful for in my life.

I strongly recommend it, might not work for some people but it sure as shit works for me.

Reading back over my notes from a year ago I can see how far I have come and it makes me realise that I wasn't treading water and am heading in the right direction. It motivates me.

[–]wjlalley 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Volunteer. I'm serious.

Recognize that there will always be people who you perceive to be above you, but if you're on TRP, then chances are there are FAR more below you, in terms of whatever standards are important to you. Realize that there are people in life who live amidst insufferable conditions and could really use your help.

This will not only make you feel happy (realizing that not everything you do is inspired by helping yourself but helping others) but it will also increase your SMV. Those who care for others are more interesting.

[–]52576078 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Great suggestion. Could you give some examples or ideas how to start this?

[–]the99percent1 7 points8 points  (0 children)

You talk about fitness and bodybuilding alot.. what about education, career and business?

Those are the harder parts to develop in your top 5% aim.. especially your career and business because you will have to depend on others for you to achieve your goals and success.. Quite often, you will have to piggy back on more successful people to accomplish your own. How do you get them to allow you to piggy back is entirely down to your like-ability, charisma and kinship. Successful people are intelligent and know who is piggy backing off their success. Some wont mind it, most will cut you loose.

Other things you need to focus on is sacrificing short term gain for long term success. Which, you have pointed out by focusing on yourself and not being distracted but also learning how to delay self gratification and instead, use your time to work on a difficult, but very important task. Always think bigger picture and have a solid plan to achieve your goals.

Failure is something that happens. You should know how to cope with it and not let it prohibit you from taking future risks. Because the bigger your ambition, the more risk of it failing. Failure can be overcome if you do not give up and that is why it is important to have a bigger picture outlook.

An example of this would be, I intend to make $x amount of passive income per year. Passive being money that works for me, not me working for money. Financial freedom is very important to me. The power and feeling of being unshackled to do whatever I please and live a comfortable lifestyle is more important than the girls I fuck.. I'm putting in the hard yards now in my youth so I can retire early in life. That is my big picture goal and my plans I execute are very risky with high rewards, but also high chance of failure. I have to cope with it and that is extremely hard work and focus. Are you mentally equipped and prepared for this with the right education and right people surrounding you? You think lifting is hard? try building your wealth..

Everything is achievable if you dedicate your full effort, mind and will to it. Most important of all is your hunger and drive to succeed.. This feels like you will pummel anything that is preventing you from achieving your goals 6 feet into the ground, with your bare fist.. Walls are erected to prevent those who don't want success badly enough from scaling it. There will be walls en route to success. You must climb it.

I'm in the contracting business and it is cut throat. I work 60-70 hour work weeks and have 3 hour deadlines to meet. You know what I'm thinking when I feel down and beat? I'm thinking about my competitor and how fierce he/she would be in trying to win the contract. I put myself in their shoes and envision a proud and proven warrior in-front of me. I know I have to become a warrior myself if I want to beat them. I then go into god mode razor sharp focus and determination to hash out the difficult task at hand and make my prices as competitive as ever to secure the contract. I also go to great lengths to prove to clients that I'm the one they want to hire to complete their job. And that's just one example.. Try doing that over and over and over for all aspects of your life.

If you aren't willing to exert yourself and push through barriers, you will never achieve the top 5% of men.

[–][deleted]  (1 child)


    [–]messystoner 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I once was banned from a sub after the mod looked in my history and saw that I had one or two posts on TRP. True story.

    [–]Hajimotto 1 point2 points  (15 children)

    How to be alone. This video is one I think should be shown to every male.

    [–]Yoda7 -2 points-1 points  (12 children)

    How to be alone - be delusional. Got it.

    [–]Hajimotto 0 points1 point  (11 children)

    Can you please explain that statement further?

    [–]Yoda7 3 points4 points  (10 children)

    In the video she primarily rebrands negative things as if they are positive just by pretending it's so. If you're alone it's because you failed in life, unless you are rejecting tons of people. That's not really a positive thing no matter how much you want to pretend it is. I'd call that delusional.

    [–]Hajimotto 0 points1 point  (9 children)

    I think two different people can come to two different conclusions. I think that the large majority of finding internal happiness is not based on following what someone tells you to do but discovering it for yourself. Notice how she never advocates for everyone to be alone, rather, about how to be comfortable enough with it so that you discover if it is for you.

    [–]Yoda7 1 point2 points  (8 children)

    If you can find internal happiness thats great. I think its more of making the best of a bad situation than being alone is awesome. Being alone is a high risk indicator of suicide. I guess its up to the individual to interpret her video how they want. I took it as glamorizing loneliness, which personally I dont think that its a good message. Maybe thats her coping mechanism, a sour grapes kind of approach, but to me it belies the underlying message that loneliness is a very serious problem for society.

    [–]Hajimotto 1 point2 points  (7 children)

    But I do not think that she is lonely. I think that you are projecting your own fear of being alone onto her. She is talking about how she is happy to be alone and the different ways that someone can learn to appreciate being alone. She says that being alone is a form of freedom. I think that you are trying to make the claim that her act is unhealthy and have the health aspect do all the argumentative heavy lifting. However, I do not think that she is at all unhappy with her life and I do not think that a requirement for happiness is to be in a relationship. I think a central tenet of Red Pill Theory is to be confident enough with who you are to be alone when there simply is not a suitable mate present.

    [–]Yoda7 1 point2 points  (6 children)

    I think shes presenting a carefully scripted facade. I think if she is truly happy alone its because she knows she can end it any time she wants to. Unlike most men who are alone. If you subscribe to Maslows hierarchy, then the accessibility of sex is a requirement for a healthy life. Either Maslow doesnt make the claim his chart appears to, or its not a need in which case hes debunked, or its not a healthy life. Those are the only conclusions I can see. If you can live a suitable life without it, then it cant be a need now can it? And Im referring to only the lowest level of the pyramid not even reaching full Self-Actualization. Humans are social creatures, that is not in dispute. Some humans function seemingly well alone, but I personally suspect thats more of a coping mechanism that is adopted than a true lifestyle.

    [–]Hajimotto 0 points1 point  (5 children)

    The problem with that line of thought is that it loops back into itself and never justifies the general claim. It is faulty to be alone and if you are faulty then you are alone, because this is true you must be suicidal. If we assume that someone is not faulty if they are alone then your idea is not universally applicable. Further, you yourself claim that most men are alone. Either most men are suicidal and faulty or being alone is only a bad thing if you are a woman. I do not readily accept either premise. Also I do not think that she ever states that she has no friends or lovers. At several points she mentions talking with strangers and going clubbing. I think that her statement is that one can be happy without the need for another to justify their existence for them. That a justified existence is something that someone can do for themselves. If you can justify your own existence then suicide is out of the question and self-actualization has occurred.

    [–]Yoda7 1 point2 points  (4 children)

    • It is generally considered faulty to be alone.
    • If you are faulty you are more likely, but not guaranteed, to be alone.
    • If you are alone, you are more likely to be suicidal.
    • More men are alone against their will.
    • More men commit suicide.
    • Being alone against your will is generally bad.

    Each statement is accurate. As I said she is not alone. She cant possibly know what its truly like to be alone if she can discontinue loneliness at will. I realize she made a fun little video, probably for the fun of it. But other than entertainment value I dont take anything away from her performance. This isnt about justifying existence its about basic human needs. Those who are hopelessly alone, and possibly suicidal, dont have what they need to live a healthy life. Suicide can never be categorically ruled out of anyones life. You are never impervious to mental illness no mater who you are. Even if you somehow were today, that isnt a guarantee for the rest of your life. And suicide only needs to happen once in your life, for you to lose. So to claim some kind of victory over suicide, before the moment you are about to die, is arrogance and nothing more.

    [–]testarossa5000 1 point2 points  (2 children)

    How do you keep the end goal in sight and not let your current loneliness or lack of immediate success derail your efforts?

    I don't know. But, let me know when you find out. This is my current situation. I am at the bottom of the 2nd base of the self-improvement pyramid. Just got a sweet job, starting to workout again. I could use a new car, new clothes, but because I've had to move 4 hrs from home, I haven't made any cool, new friends yet or met any hot babes.

    [–]Yoda7 -3 points-2 points  (1 child)

    The bottom base includes sex drive. So you are the bottom of the last level.

    [–]watersign 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    good post..i went out this weekend for the first time in awhile and noticed all the things you're tallking about (hot girls, nice couples, restaurants,etc)

    what motivates me is learning and being contrarian and knowing that being self-educated gives me a big edge of most of the population and when I get to that point, I know my ideas will pay for themselves.

    [–]Easypeezie 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Easily the best post I've read here and I've been here for years. Congrats.

    [–]Ceekoe 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Great clarification on this subject and I agree. That self improvement that's you speak of is so elusive that its hard to even quantify. So much so that most times we hardly even notice it's happening. For example, the years I spent lifting didn't shine a spotlight on me. The lights slowly brightened, as it were, and before I knew it the tier of women I was sleeping with and spending time with became more and more elevated. When I walked into a room no one said "hey, here's the big awesome guy that we all look up to". No, they just would ask me about weightlifting and diet and health issues on the regular. And if you don't keep mindful of it, it can slip under the radar.

    [–]Samson2557 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    By helping other people

    Especially if they have the same/similiar goals as yours

    [–]__ROOSTER__ 1 point2 points  (4 children)

    Every single person on this planet is in the end , alone

    All you can so is both accept that and get people to go on various parts of the journey with you

    Make friends. Make them without the unrealistic expectation that they are on all of your journey. Friends you can confide your fears or problems to May not be RP. Guys working towards top tier finances may not care about their bodies. Build bridges with other men regardless.

    Build relationships with people that are awesome at something. Soon you'll know tons of incredible people

    [–]nowboarding[S] 1 point2 points  (3 children)

    The suggestions you've offered are powerful but without further guidance impossible to execute for the vast majority of us here. If you have experience with meeting and gaining rapport with high value men, or bonding with other guys at your level with the same level of determination, please consider making a post about it.

    [–]__ROOSTER__ 1 point2 points  (2 children)

    Start becoming excellent at things. Develop your social skills so that when the oppuntunity to meet other awesome men happens you don't blow it. Be dressed right. Groomed right.

    Is it really that hard? We men as a whole are pretty easy to approach and we deal with straight talk fairly well.:-)

    Strong dude at the gym? Ask him if he could critique your lift. Never be afraid to show a lack of knowledge. That lack of knowledge of ability doesn't impact your frame of worth. Men understand not every one of us knows everything. We recognize specialists and hierarchy.

    Walk up to men that have their shit together and ask them an intelligent question.

    Be awesome enough at something that they want you in their circle of specialists. A buddy of mine is killing it at work this last year. He's not RP. Has a lot of beta tendencies but also has a lot of alpha type hobbies. After years of telling him , he changed his dress at work. Instant promotion and bonuses. Seriously, instant change. Probably increasespd his take home by 25% this year.

    He has also went drinking at the local dive bar with guys at the top of the company and he took a bunch of them shooting. Now he gets called by the number two guy in the business to be asked questions and then told he will be getting tasked with something through the proper channels tomorrow.

    Have social skills, dress right, be really good at what you do, have some manly skills, go out of your way to socialize with people far above you.

    I've seen guys get status from stuff as simple as being the guy who owns and can run a chainsaw.

    A friend couldn't get "in" with the guys at work. He's Christian, doesn't really drink, family man, etc. he wouldn't go out when they went drinking !

    I told him, go out, have a drink or don't drink, you can even leave first, but you have to go! Go and don't just sit there acting like you don't like it. Go and socialize, be fun, then say "it was awesome, got to go". You don't have to go every time but you have to go. Instant change at work once he started going out.

    [–]__ROOSTER__ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Adding: I'd rather be a top 10% man in every way possible before you worry about being a top 1% man in anything. Diminishing returns. It's easier to be top 10% in ten ways than push from top 10% to top 5% in even one category.

    Also finding top 10% guys isn't that hard! that's 1:10.

    [–]nowboarding[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    This is a fantastic and actionable answer, seriously thank you.

    You seem to have a lot of good knowledge about dealing with other men, which I think is a key part of being a fulfilled man. Especially since we know women are less likely to be able to provide the sense of brotherhood, bonding, and belonging that other men can.

    I'd urge you to please consider making a thread with knowledge you have gained about how to effectively bond with men (I imagine your post above is just the tip of the iceberg of what you know), as it could really transform men's lives (like the buddy at work you mentioned).

    [–]slippyweasel 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    First, embrace your situation with grace. Stop worrying about what you want, how long it will take to get there, what you don't have yet, and find some Zen in the NOW. Revel in who you are and what you do. Be glad for beautiful women who are out fucking and enjoying themselves, and respect the men who are out there doing the fucking, because they have already committed themselves to being a fucking man.

    Also, do your self improvement for you, but do it for something greater as well. If the world recognizes your improvement, that means you're also impacting the world, even if just by your example. Improve yourself to improve the world.

    If you're feeling some blue ball, try to train your mind to focus your sexual energy (sexual energy is creative energy) upward. Feel this energy move up your body and focus it where you want it; heart for feels, throat for expression, brain for imagination and creativity, very tip top of the skull for intuition. Some great men used this practice to focus their energy and accomplish great things.

    [–]LukeMooney 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    meditation helps, it's fucking hard to get in to, but gives the most incredible results. check r/meditation for everything you need to know.

    As for the worry about what you don't have compared to others, it's called "self-improvement". You compete with yourself, better yourself, as long as you're always trying to improve, you're winning. How far you go is dependant on your effort and talent.

    Personally, I find myself falling in to sadness / loneliness when I feel like I haven't achieved what I wanted to. Fucking good, show me a good loser who ever won anything, all winners hate losing. Take pride in feeling down if you don't achieve what you want to. I.E. I'm on a diet, I'm angry that I haven't got down to 12% body fat, other people will say, Luke, you look great though!!! Fuck you, I challenged myself to get to 12% didn't do it, momentary anger, deep breath, now I re-focus and continue towards new goal.

    If it all gets too much, I usually watch a documentary about the cosmos to put things in to perspective.

    [–]Snookied 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I don't have much to add, but I would like to compliment /u/nowboarding on this well written post.

    [–]TheGoldenCaulk[🍰] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    This is a strange coincidence. I AM that skinny bastard, I AM starting to go to the gym every day THIS week. The journey has just begun for me, that really resonates.

    However, I've always kind of been a loner. It's not like I'm anti-social or anything, but if friends aren't available, I can survive being alone more than most people. Plus, if it comes to, I always have a loyal and mostly supportive family to fall on.

    For me, the journey begins for real.

    [–][deleted]  (4 children)


      [–]nowboarding[S] 1 point2 points  (3 children)

      since reading Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It

      What a fantastic book. Just downloaded it based on your recommendation and already read it (only 60-something pages). I think it'd help guys if you created a separate post about your experiences with the 'i love myself' exercise and any other things you may be doing with regards to self-esteem.

      [–][deleted]  (2 children)


        [–]nowboarding[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

        Also deep and honest examination of relationship to ...

        How do you examine these things? Journalling? I find when I just sit and try to think about them I start to ruminate and feel resentment or regret rather than make progress.


        Could you expand on what you do, in practical terms, to practice stoicism? Checking out the subreddit it appears to just be high philosophy and not accessible things to practice.

        Basically I can't afford therapy so (right now I) have relentless pursuit of figuring out how to speed up growth on my own.

        From my experience, the kinds of things the average therapist would have you do doesn't come close to the work you've been investing in yourself. Most of them are trained to help the wider population who've never invested a moment in examining or improving their condition.

        [–]Booksarefun666 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        To know the fact that, truly, I can strive to become a man that many people wish they were already makes me motivated to do stuff. I'm with my divorced father because his harpy of a wife, my mother, ditched after shagging a plethora of men. Even during marriage, that cock carousel never ended for her and definitely not after the divorce.

        I love my father and I respect him for the most part, but I don't want to be that man. I want to be better than him in every aspect, even the aspects he's good at himself.

        I jerked around a lot in high school and got nothing note of done but after being dumped into real world I had to get my bearings quick or be taken by the tide.

        So that's what I'm doing, I'm keeping up in this true investment of myself -- an investment much unlike what I've been told during my childhood. Instead of college, I'm going to get a low-end job and do a business on the side. Instead of getting a family with some chick in her thirties, I'm going to let myself become much like wine and have myself get better with age, enjoying the splendors later on in life.

        That promise -- something I'd even call a near guarantee if I simply keep on the path I'm going now is invigorating. I have purpose and no amount of lack of friends will stop me from that nor the girls that never been in my life previously.

        That will change and as a result, the future looks good. Damn fine even, I can't wait to find out I one-upped everyone in my class when I was the bottom of the barrel previously.

        [–]derkonigistnackt 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        combat sports. I think this is a bigger shortcut than weight lifting in terms of where it puts your confidence levels. I don't feel as less than the jock because I know that after +3 years of muay thai I am still superior than him in at least one very big and important (in the most primitive way) category... I could beat the living shit out of him. If you are constantly training and getting your ass handled, it does two really big things for you:

        1) It puts you somewhere in the food chain. This is a humbling experience, and there's no shame in knowing that everything is part of a process and you are working towards a goal. Besides, in my experience fighters make for great, loyal friends.

        2) It gives you the confidence that you could destroy most people you see in the street, if it ever came to that. So I never feel intimidated by anyone and I am not afraid of calmly asking someone "if he wants to step outside".

        The second point might sound as a petty way to self inflate, living in a big city where most people avoid physical conflict as much as they can. But confidence is a funny thing, and it somehow translates to other areas of your life. Work and sex for instance.

        [–]I3luee 1 point2 points  (1 child)

        To all of you: Why feel inferior?

        It's like: you're feeling inferior in front of the son of a rich guy. In my town there were many rich kids that had it good: the fame, the chicks, the "gadgets" (rare you see an 18 yo with 2 cars), the money, the "looks" (of course he had great fashion sense and with money and a lot of time you get a big physique due to time in the gym + money for proteins and stuff).

        But in my eyes all that pales quickly as I think: "His dad will die, he's just reaping rewards and has no real life training/ value. When the family heritage falls on his shoulders he'll fuck up."

        I've seen guys inheriting businesses/ bars/ etc and failing them in 1 year after they received ownership.

        But I've also seen guys that had their fun with the fantasy life and now are building their future. The guy above isn't exactly TRP material but going to a Law school and having a ton of money -> sure lawyer/ jurist/ etc. Even so I doubt he'll be the "bomb" that his dad was. I doubt that his name will be known and his business be as famous as his dad. Why do I say this? Because I saw the tired eyes his dad had. Even though his son SEEMS to get straight, it was not due to the hardship of life or due to his own conscious and uninfluenced choice.

        I do feel lonely, but I like to listen to music a lot. Also I have a job -> takes up 2/4 out of your day; I tend to work out and I tend to love solving problems -> "a light bulb popped? Put it on the TDO list. Stained the couch? Get some rubbing alcohol -> put on the TDO list." When the list is big enough I devote as much of that day as I can to solving it. You'd be amazed how quickly you can populate a list. Also I don't delete things from the list when they're done. I set a "DONE" in front of them and I leave them to linger in the list so that I remind myself how successful I was. I also leave the list there without deleting it (even if complete) for the same reason as above.

        For loneliness: talk with your friends. No matter if you're having garbage conversation; put aside whatever higher thinking/ self awareness/ theories you have in your head and just talk whatever the subject. Don't close the door even to those that are not worthy of your time. Keep a crack open that's wide enough to leave room for conversation/ social interaction when you feel the need. A key aspect here: people love speaking about themselves and love talking more than you -> go 30-70 (your amount - their amount).

        Regarding success with women: appreciate improvement no matter how small. I've noticed that I tend to land girls that are substantially smaller than me (I'm 1.84 cm and I usually land 1.60-1.65). I don't really like it but the looks of my latest girl surpass those of my previous one thanks to TRP. As I advance and as I feel that I'm ready for the next bracket, I'll move to go for taller girls. (I've tried hitting it with taller ones but for one reason or the other things just don't click and I don't land the date/ number/ lay. Maybe it's because here the general mentality is that the guy should be at least half a head/ a head taller than the gal)

        For now I'm focusing on my career and renovating my apartment. Good luck mates and keep in mind: the shore is far away, but squint your eyes and you will see it's contour better and better as you advance.

        EDIT: corrections since English is my 2nd language.

        [–]Adroxiom 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        I track all my progress. From food (macros / calories) to my workouts (SL 5x5), and even my sleep (sleepdroid).

        I raise the weight of my lifts every time; be it 2.5lbs, 5lbs or even 10. It doesn't matter as long as I'm progressing. I take that and get a graphical representation of where I was 6 months ago and smile; because I know damn well that every fucking ounce counts and when I get under that bar, I might fear it initially but fuck it I'm here to push myself further than anybody I know.

        The results from facing my fear under the bar helps me approach women, job opportunities and life opportunities. I don't have fear because when I lift that's the scariest part of my day; will I fail this rep or will I break a new PR?

        I know the best times in my life are still ahead of me so I'm here, patiently pressing this bar; and fuck man, it doesn't get lighter. But until the world recognizes me for the man I've made myself into, I'll keep pushing and pressing.

        [–]youngandparanoid 1 point2 points  (5 children)

        Man this resonates with me sooo much. It's been one month into college, and it has been nothing like I envisioned. Turns out college isn't a huge fuck-fest for most people. And most of the friends I have either party a lot (and I only see them on weekends) or are in my classes and don't party a lot. I guess I'll have to devote a good chunk of time on academics (cuz I'm a CS major) and working out for now and hope that things will become better down the road.

        [–]Endorsed ContributorTDCRedPill 9 points10 points  (4 children)

        hope that things will become better down the road.

        Hell no son. You make that ish happen. You're one month when EVERYONE in your clique is new. Hit the streets and make a social circle with purpose. Every ounce now will pay off big time. Go go go. This is NOT the time to be complacent!

        [–]youngandparanoid 1 point2 points  (3 children)

        Sorry if I sounded like I had given up already. I have been meeting people through mutual friends, clubs, in my hall, and through approaching women during my lunch hour between classes, but most of those encounters don't go too far. (Although I did make a few good guy and gal friends so far.)

        What I meant by hoping that things will become better down the road is that I'm having trouble getting women interested in me, and I have some trouble escalating with them. I'm probably being way too tryhard at this point, and I hope that by following OP's advice, I will reach that point where women find me attractive and I don't have to chase them like a beta male. But for now, I shall focus on making solid friends as well as academics and fitness. Thanks /u/TDCRedPill for reminding me.

        [–]52576078 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        I'd actually encourage your to spend more time pursuing quality male friendships rather than looking for chicks to bang. Now is the time to build up your network of good buddies, and get that social approval. The chicks will come later.

        [–]GC0W30 1 point2 points  (1 child)

        For fuck's sake, make friends who will be in your industry and stay in touch. If you get laid off in your 30's after a decade at one company, you will thank me.

        [–]Mizerableman 0 points1 point  (2 children)

        I'd suggest you just face reality and learn to deal with being lonely from time to time.

        You really shouldn't put more than ONE month of pure self improvement as your top priority. After one month you should be in a better place mentally, physically, socially, financially, etc. It's hard to move into the top 10% for most people... 90% of people to be exact.

        Good news though. There's plenty of other lonely men and women girls and boys out there to meet and make relationships with. It just won't be stupid easy like it is for an elite individual. A pro basketball player makes 90% of the 3 point shots he takes while an amateur makes half. Similar ideas apply with people, loneliness, and almost everything in life.

        You miss every shot you don't take and the more shots you take the more points you make.

        [–]MaxPower6 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        One month of self improvement won't show any noticeable results. OP seems aware of this.

        [–]ComradeGoby 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        Nigga no basketball player shoots 90% from 3. He'd be the best basketball player of all time if he did

        [–]widec 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Being alone doesn't mean you have to be lonely. You're definitely going to want to see your friends on a regular basis, but you should be able to enjoy the time you spend alone. Hobbies are a key point, working out usually feels rewarding, and there's a lot of interesting stuff to learn through books and the internet. Everyone's different, but it's important to be able to have fun alone.

        I find that as long as your making progress every day and can look back and count the positive things you did today, like work out and pull some overtime money, you can still feel satisfied with your current lifestyle.

        [–]53Pirate 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Just fake it till you make it. Practice on some less-than hotties. Fives & Sixes or whatever. Faking it is good practice for being the real-deal. Just don't lose sight of actually becoming the real-deal & settle for faking it long term.

        [–]argunta 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        I spend a lot of time on reddit to fight off the isolation, that has oddly been hurting me more than helping me though.

        [–]Amorevolous 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Surround yourself with people that are doing shit with their lives. Don't allow people to slow you down, if someone doesn't support the things you do to better yourself then cut them off. Stay focused on always improving, try not to get stuck stopping to smell the flowers. Do be sure to sniff a few along the way though, a slight change of pace always keeps things interesting.

        [–]rockumsockumrobots 0 points1 point  (2 children)

        nobody owes you anything.

        I always liked this relationship with the world. The world never gave anything to me and I am not obligated to give to it. If I do so, it is of my own free will. I just wish I knew about TRP in full in my late teens (I'm 22). I would have invested MUCH more into myself instead of dicking around on the PC and trying to build a small business. what a waste of 4 good years, I could go back in time and beat the piss out of the old me and tell me that "once time passes, it is lost forever" and "these are the years to get a degree in STEM, ANY degree in STEM or learn one thing really well, like C++, get ripped, learn a new language! Only after you work on build value in yourself can you can create something with it's own value to work for you!"

        I'm turning my life around now though and finding confidence. What do I have left to lose anyway? More time?

        great thread btw, thanks OP!

        [–]52576078 1 point2 points  (1 child)

        Dude, I'm 42. Believe me, you're just getting going. Go back and do whatever it is you really want to do. You're still a kid. Nobody else is judging you other than you.

        [–]metallica11 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        It is a lonely road, but you can think of self improvement for those that are not high enough SMV yet and need a lot of time and effort to improve as sort of a toned down "monk mode". You know it will take time, and effort to get where you want, but you know that when you emerge and you can invest more time in recreational activities (gaming girls) you will be perceived stronger/more confident, and get a better response.

        I know my SMV is not high enough yet - I need about another year. By next summer if I play my cards right I'll raise my income to around 95,000, while eliminating my debt, and hit my ideal fitness goals. When that time comes I'll have enough free time to work on making my appearance even better/join some clubs/get out more.

        It's been a very long journey for me trying to improve my SMV. I am STILL not there yet, I had a lot of things about me that did not line up with what attracts the opposite sex. It took me a while to get passed what the 'average" guy is, and even longer to get to the point where I consider myself slightly above average.

        [–]codemoney 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        how do you lessen the sting of loneliness that you feel

        I would have to ask for a definition of loneliness. For me, this would be isolation. A bad thing for me. I have decided to search meetup and find activities to do 3 times a week. I don't have to become the top 10% to enjoy other people's company or for them to enjoy mine. I believe this could be the basis for a normal life.

        You can also pick those kinds of meetups that challenge you to become more than what you are. Yes, you get to start at/near the bottom of that social hierarchy. Likely, they are not a bunch of jerks and will welcome a lesser member, if they don't then NEXT THEM and find another group.

        Notice there is no mention of women in what I have written yet. I believe all the above would give someone a good life...without any dating/plates/etc. In my opinion, this should be enough to cover loneliness and if it isn't, try to figure out why and solve that without depending upon women.

        But you want more than this eventually. That's great. Have this kind of basis in place and keep it. THEN you can go forth knowing that there isn't any way someone can destroy your was already there before you met them, is still there, and will be there.

        [–]Jollyskeleton 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        I really wish there were more threads like this on here. These threads are the reason I subscribed to TRP. i think that TRP focuses too much on women and not on themselves which is significantly more important.

        [–]1kick6 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        I think the object is to get used to be alone, and stop immediately casting that as lonely. If you think about it: even if you're an apex male smashing a different giner every night of the're still alone. You have no peer group, and the women you bed are more of a physical fulfillment than an emotionally comforting one.

        [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        how 2 deal with lonliness when you are stuck for an unknown time below your self improvement goals:

        1. travel
        2. don't chain yourself with STUFF
        3. use the internet
        4. use your freedom to learn and so stuff you wouldn't have otherwise and don't apreciate

        for all those teenage guys being stuck with a shitty family, bullied in school, not being taught how to do stuff, then suddenly about to be kicked out at 18, your situation is better then outwardly "succesfull' BP people, infact its 80% of the population at one point or another. would you really want to get married and get chained to a mortgage for a house the size of which you can't really afford?

        [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        I find having some kind of creative hobbies you can lose yourself in can be really helpful when trying to not dwell on your loneliness.

        I don't mean video games or watching box sets, I'm talking about hobbies where you can get some sense of achievement and really feel good about something you've done.

        It can be anything from cooking to drawing cartoons, learning an instrument or writing. You don't have to be world-class, and you don't necessarily need to be putting it out there for everyone to see, but as long as you're concentrating on that, and getting pleasure from it, it's doing you some good.

        A side-effect of this is it improves your confidence, and that really comes through. You don't even have to mention what you do, it'll just show because you have a mastery of what you do.

        There's nothing quite like spending the evening lost in your hobby, totally focusing on it, and trying not to sink into doubts about relationships.

        As I say it need not cost you loads of money, and you don't have to spend years learning it.

        Some easy examples to get you going:

        • Get your phone out and try some photography.
        • Get yourself a game project and learn a programming language like Python.
        • Broaden your culinary skills and try cooking meals from scratch.
        • Immerse yourself in some non-fiction.
        • Engage in the fine tradition of journal-keeping.

        Whilst you will definitely have off days where you can't seem to stop the negative thoughts, pushing your focus onto your hobbies hard will not only keep you sane but will have even more benefits in the medium to long term.

        [–]fizwhiz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Man, this hit home. This hit home real hard. I recently went through a purge where I just cut off contact with all the people I had been hanging out with. My previous roommate and some friends that lived in the neighboring area because I realized that fundamentally I was conflating propinquity with friendship; these guys were busy dealing with their own insecurities on a daily basis without actually doing anything actionable to improve themselves. I fell into the trap and one day just heard myself whining about something out loud and stopped dead cold in my tracks thinking "Damn, I've turned into what I've always hated. How the hell did this happen?". That's when I knew that I was better off being alone than hanging out with a bunch of guys who would gradually bring down my morale and create an atmosphere where having a low ceiling is not only OK, but encouraged.

        Do I have lonely dinners watching TV at home? Yes. Do I wish I could I kick it with some of the old familiar dudes just to feel a sense a comfort? Sure. But I know this is a necessary part of my healing because now I have no option but to commit myself to a life of self-improvement.

        Seeing these underachieving motherfuckers from a distance serves as a warm reminder as to why I need tread this path with conviction.

        [–]BloodRoseTRP 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Loneliness is the reality that prevails when no other reality is available. It is the default, but by that token it is also easy to change.

        Many posts on this thread share a common sentiment that loneliness is unavoidable, that it is simply not a choice. That it is a sacrifice you must make in order to achieve greatness and great goals. And because of this, many posters don't engage in this or that because they say it doesn't make them happy, that the loneliness is not worth the outcome.

        This is feel good bullshit TM. You delude yourself that loneliness is unavoidable. You delude yourself that greatness cannot be achieved without sacrificing company.

        Before I was introduced to the red pill, I was withdrawn. I was friendless. I was lonely. I was also an under achiever. Thoughts of people talking behind my back plagued me. Continuing on that trajectory would have led me on a path to beta bucks, and the icing on top was that I was unaware of it.

        Then I began reading on this sub, thinking it was some alternate seduction forum. Mind you, this was when the sub was young, with less than 1000 subs. I realised how low value I was, how repulsive my attitudes were, how pathetic my excuses were.

        Gentlemen, loneliness is a mindset. I realised this as I began university. People approached me, and I expected them to be repelled by me, and they were at first because they could feel my loneliness mindset. But overtime, I learnt to repress those thoughts, and assume high status, even when I had nothing to offer.

        So, it is my firm belief that your loneliness is the result of your actions. That means you can influence the outcome. As to sacrifice, you need not be lonely in order to have what you believe to be future happiness. What would be the point?

        Granted, there are those who genuinely know what does and does not make them happy, and so they choose not to pursue activities they disdain. But on the internet, one cannot discern between a truth teller and a great liar.

        [–]stickfiguresk 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Get a dog that you can run with. He will be your bro that's down for everything.

        "Are we going out to pick up chicks at the park? Or go for a run? OH GOD, I HOPE IT'S A RUN! I LOVE YOU!"

        [–]aa223 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        To me as someone who lacks a social component to his life I am very thankful that I have a best friend who I have known for over 10 years and we still do stuff to this very day. This has helped me cope with the loneliness that I have felt.

        Otherwise, I for one would be in favor of an old-fashioned man's club where men can be men and we can help other men rise to their potential. You can join a lodge too in addition to your self-improvement if it helps. And, you are right you don't need to settle being lonely and as I keep reiterating this self-improvement is to make you a better man not to help you get good with the ladies. You want to get the ladies join /r/seduction.

        Remember that with the red pill getting the ladies is a side effect not the goal and, it takes work and dedication. Like I said if there is one of those old-fashioned man's club join that.

        [–]TrimHer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        This thread hit the top right when I needed it, so have a little upvote

        [–]FallenHighSchoolJock 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        When I say I'm over this sub, and never posting or even lurking again, what I really mean is that I'm viewing it logged off or posting with one of my alt accounts that everybody knows about only to log back in and comment again when somebody says something I disagree with.

        [–]johnnywahd 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Your inner state is projected out into the world and people pick up on it. It's like a vibe you put out there. Ever been around a clinically depressed person? Feel their misery while you're in their presence? Been around a really miserable, angry person? Pick up on that vibe while you're in their presence? It's the same with feeling lonely. People will pick up on it. Right now I think it's a case of fake it till you make it, and never let 'em see you sweat kind of thing.

        Just remember that this is only temporary. Smile because you've been given a huge gift by discovering TRP and are actively taking steps to improve your life. How many guys out there are still clueless or have simply given up? You're among friends here who are mostly in the same boat. Some are further along, some are just starting out while others have mostly completed their transformation.

        I'm not yet where I want to be but I'm doing something every day to improve myself. I lift and read up on TRP, read up on reading body language, read up on communication mastery, etc., etc. Basically, no more wasting time.

        And don't forget that when you see all these guys with girls in their lives, you don't know how many of them are really happy, how many are still clueless betas who have no RP knowledge, or how many of them are miserable stuck in a bad marriage because she's a psycho crazy bi*ch.

        I combat my loneliness primarily with my guitar. It's my way of expressing myself, plus it is a handy tool to impress the girls when we're alone.

        Just keep it in mind that as you improve and get closer to your goal, things will change. And when you get to your goal, you're gonna own it. Keep your chin up. It does get better.

        [–]vultus 0 points1 point  (6 children)

        Coming from an 18 year old guy who's just about a month into his freshman year of college, thank you. This has been probably the loneliest time of my life. Compared to my senior year of high school being around my family, my best friends since kindergarten, and having the greatest, hottest girlfriend in the world.. its pretty fucking different.

        College has been fucking weird. I'm doing engineering so I have been taking a bunch of show up and take notes classes without any discussions. No one on my dorm floor is interesting in talking or anything, its fucking weird, especially compared to some of my friends dorms. Doors are always shut, there is no noise. Everyone person I start a conversation with gives one word responses like they're fucking retarded. I'm not one to jump into friendships quickly since I've had great friends my whole life but I'm still a very social person. I haven't even added a contact to my phone in a whole month, guy or girl.

        Thankfully I started working out hard when I was 15 so I'm honestly really well off in the fitness department. I've been working on improving myself for a long time so I don't really have to jump start anything, which I seriously can't be more thankful for. I've been studying and doing my work. I can't not improve myself all the time or I kind off destroy myself with guilt. This is still the loneliest place I've ever been though and I'm getting more and more depressed every day.

        I guess I have to nut up and try to change something.

        [–]a_tes_soulhaits 2 points3 points  (1 child)

        You could always work on your socialising, Don't lose site of why you went to college. (To get a damn good degree). Make sure you learn how to be around people how to enter a room and work it. These skills will actually make you more money that the degree you gained.

        [–]vultus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Yeah, I totally hear you on that.

        [–]prodigyx 1 point2 points  (1 child)

        Engineering schools are usually like that. Eventually you will find the more socially active people. Also, join a frat.

        [–]vultus 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        I'm actually at a Big 10 university, but all my classes are engineering related and I think I actually got put in my dorm where there are tons of engineers because of my major.

        Being at an all engineering school would be terrible.

        [–]wjlalley 0 points1 point  (1 child)

        Look at it as a challenge. Embrace it. Life isn't supposed to be always happy, or otherwise you would become immune to the feeling of actually being happy. When you find your place in college and begin to feel excited, you will greatly appreciate it. Even in comparison to high school.

        [–]vultus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Yeah I'd like to think I'm relatively wise for my age (which would mean that I realize I'm really not that wise.. lol), so I know that you need bad times in your life to really have happy times. It's hard to tell yourself that sometimes though. It's funny how when you've been very happy for a long time and it suddenly goes away you go "holy shit, I've never felt this bad, this must be the worst thing ever", and you have to realize it's not. Plus college is such an opportunity for new, great things. I'm sure it'll be great eventually.

        [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        you've come to accept that nobody owes you anything

        I've come to accept no such thing. The world owes me a fuck of a lot. I've just come to accept that the world is an irresponsible, untrustworthy enemy and is never going to give me what it owes me. I can either stay angry about it or deal with it by focusing on my spiritual life (for the next world, which I have a lot more faith in than this one) as well as improving myself physically, thus taking a hand in my own evolution.

        I can either stay bitter at the world or master the world by becoming the most well-evolved human being I can, and by denying the world the use of my talents on anything but my terms.

        [–]Endorsed ContributorAFPJ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        How do you keep the end goal in sight and not let your current loneliness

        This is a load of shit, the Bar Refaeli kind of "loneliness". As a guy, no matter how fat, unaccomplished or ugly you are, it is possible and not that hard to have friends. The only thing that stops you from having friends is shyness, reluctance to reach out to people, fear of rejection and other insecurities that keep eating away at your psyche.

        You'll be upgrading friends more often if you are dedicated to the path of self-improvement, but you'll have friends.

        Only at the absolute top of society - something most people never reach - will you have "passive" meetings where people will come and talk to you: men and women alike. Most will never reach this point. The closer you get, the easier it is to make good friends / fuck women, but you still have to reach out and be the first to talk to people.

        [–]harkrank -1 points0 points  (0 children)

        Social isolation will have negative mental effects that might become permanent. Should you stay months without breathing, drinking water, eating or sleeping? No, you will die. In the same way you shouldn't stay months without sex or meaningful social interaction, you will begin to mentally die. You might become damaged for life.

        If you find yourself sexually and socially starved for a long period you must get out and get to another place. No excuses. An animal that doesn't find food moves on or perishes.

        [–]manslutalt -1 points0 points  (0 children)

        Solitude was a choice for me most of my life so it doesn't bother me. I have friends that I see now and then, family that I see more often than I would like, and girls I can't see because of distance or other circumstances. The lack of girls makes me lonely. I have a few things to keep me from going crazy. Memories of girls I've slept with (usually paid in cash). Knowledge that I will sleep with hot girls in the future, regardless of whether or not I succeed with my short term goals. A girl who keeps pestering me on skype - even though it's annoying it also gives me validation.

        I'm not content with my current situation, but I'm content with the path I'm on towards a better me and a better life.