top 200 commentsshow all 332

[–]skylineboulevard 452 points453 points  (48 children)

The crushing disappointment she must have felt when she knew her meal ticket was gone. Not your problem.

[–]CoyoteCS 320 points321 points  (19 children)

"Your tears are so yummy."

-Cartman

[–]10u15 130 points131 points  (15 children)

Alternatively

"Mmm your anguish sustains me"

-Stewie

[–]Ulquiorra_Schiffer 54 points55 points  (13 children)

Did he actually say that? I can't remember jack shit ever since they changed him from a murderous sociopath into a gay boy genius.

[–]aptway 40 points41 points  (4 children)

Consequently, that's also when Family Guy started to go down the shitter.

[–]10u15 15 points16 points  (3 children)

Yup. The whole gay thing in the later seasons is just tiresome imo.

Here's the clip https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u6i9BsYwspo

[–]aazav 5 points6 points  (2 children)

He's a fucking infant. Infants don't have a damn gender preference. It totally turned me off from the show. He was a great character before that.

[–]Dysentary_Gary 2 points3 points  (0 children)

An infant being a genius psychopath? Believable.

An infant being a genius and a bit flamboyant? Outrageous!

I agree that they over developed his gay tendencies, but don't try and bring some "logic" into this.

[–]Dr_Acu1a 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He tastes Meg's tears and says it.

[–]JablesRadio 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Don't ever compare Cartman to Stewie.

[–]Archdemonic[S] 35 points36 points  (27 children)

Honestly, she's not very good at finances, I wouldn't put it past her to use that child support more for her support.

[–]t21spectre 72 points73 points  (12 children)

Don't most women do this? My mother did.

[–]itsfullcircle 24 points25 points  (2 children)

I'm sure a lot of women do. But from experience my mother did not. All of the little bit she got went to clothes, shoes, haircuts and the like for me. Obviously not at the same time but the things I needed or asked for here and there she used child support for.

[–]ametalshard 21 points22 points  (0 children)

My mother also took great care of myself and my two younger brothers. She pretty much didn't have a life of her own until two of us left for school. I can't talk to whether she did right by my father, but she honestly did what was best for us at her expense for our whole lives.

[–]MomoUnchained 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I suspect as this new more narcissistic, immature, and uncontrolled generation of women starts to have kids that we'll see worse and worse mothers.

[–]Archdemonic[S] 3 points4 points  (4 children)

I've always noticed men like to think more rationally in terms of finances, while we may want to buy something recreational, but we realize it may not be a good idea financially.

Women seem to like to impulse spend. They see it, and they buy it, I once saw her buy a $100 purse because it was on sale, $100 is still a fair sum of money.

[–]aazav 2 points3 points  (1 child)

That's the emotion for you.

My friend's wife would have all these Louis Vuitton bags, like 12 of them. Each at a few hundred a piece. She just had to have them. Would love to see her walking about wearing all the same bags at once.

[–]-Ignote- 5 points6 points  (1 child)

My mother spend more on me than child support, so I don't think I benefitted her financially.

[–]rebuildingMyself 22 points23 points  (11 children)

If the government really have a damn about the children they would regulate child support

[–]WillWorkForLTC 25 points26 points  (4 children)

They would regulate that the mother is providing for her children.

[–]ITravelin_Man 22 points23 points  (3 children)

That money should be on a bank card of sorts. Documenting when, where and what was purchased. As it stands women are buying the boyfriend gas, jewelry, dinners & clothes. Or they spend it at the beauty salon.

Source; I have had girls buy me materialistic crap.

[–]getinthevan315 2 points3 points  (0 children)

When my mom got child support for us, it was on a state issued card. I can remember my mom pulling it out at a store and saying this on your dad.

[–]Archdemonic[S] 12 points13 points  (1 child)

Really, child support has turned into a corrupt institution that demands reform. Otherwise men get financially punished and women get money.

[–]smokingmonkey420 2 points3 points  (1 child)

More government intervention is not the answer.

[–]speed3_freak 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Fucking right, and it goes both ways. I work with a woman who has 2 kids and has to pay her ex husband child support. Dude is a deadbeat, and she had to work 2 extra 12 hour shifts to buy her sons school supplies because the dude spent the money on a new gun.

Shitty people are shitty people and shouldn't get to use their kids to support them.

[–]mister_barfly75 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, oddly enough my ex applied for child support at the exact same time that her boyfriend moved in.

[–]Endorsed ContributorRedBigMan 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ironic considering women a couple generations ago women were supposed to be the financially responsible ones dealing with the checkbook and bills and such that women of this generation can't even be trusted to have their name on a joint bank account.

[–]thegr8b8m8 136 points137 points  (28 children)

Thank God for paternity tests. 30 years ago you would have been paying for this child for 18 years. True story after my wife delivered our child I snuck out to the drug store and picked up an at home paternity test. I swabbed my and my kids mouth while my wife was asleep and put it in the mail that day. 3 days later I had total piece of mind. I was relatively certain that she was my daughter but honestly this is the first time in human history that men can now know for certain and there is nothing wrong with that at all!

[–]snukums 115 points116 points  (15 children)

Plot Twist: All home paternity tests are made and sold by governmental social services and all results are "you are the father".

[–]loknarash 35 points36 points  (1 child)

Could make a blockbuster thriller movie with just this simple premise. How fucking terrifying.

[–]oblivioustoobvious 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Sounds intriguing but I'm not that big of a fan of horror movies.

[–]lemonparty 21 points22 points  (8 children)

When a government is that far gone, it doesn't resort to those lengths of deception. It just does what France has done: make paternity tests illegal.

France has all the left wing, feminist bases covered:

  1. paternity tests are illegal without a court order, and rarely issued to get a man out of obligations to a woman

  2. "preserving the peace" within French families is more important than justice for a man

  3. "fatherhood is determined by society, rather than biology"

  4. The maximum penalty for carrying out secret paternity testing is one year in prison and a €15,000 fine

source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parental_testing#France

[–]1independentmale 11 points12 points  (1 child)

The maximum penalty for carrying out secret paternity testing is one year in prison and a €15,000 fine

Still worth it compared to raising someone else's demon spawn (18 years to life and hundreds of thousands).

[–]Endorsed ContributorRedBigMan 4 points5 points  (2 children)

The maximum penalty for carrying out secret paternity testing is one year in prison and a €15,000 fine

May still be cheaper than 18 years of child support...

[–]MedicusQuis 1 point2 points  (1 child)

To be entirely fair, if I remember correctly, this is a holdover from an old Roman law that states that the community determines fatherhood, so this isn't an example of France being left wing or feminist. Unless you want to argue that the Romans were left wing of course

[–]tsudonimh 16 points17 points  (1 child)

Plot Twist 2: The dude sent in DNA samples from the baby and the family dog.

[–]arrayay 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's why there are independent chain of custody options.

[–]theultmatecad 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I did this too. Kid was mine and I felt like you did....relieved

[–]fuckucheater1 48 points49 points  (32 children)

Paternity tests are a god send. I wonder how these things were handled in the past. You'd prob get shamed / threatened into raising the kid. Actually that's prob exactly what happened for low smv guys in the past..imagine all the cuckolding that took place. Fuck.

[–]goodguy29 57 points58 points  (28 children)

Just be thankful you don't live in France, where they're illegal except under a court order.

[–]fuckucheater1 77 points78 points  (17 children)

Any paternity testing without a court order is banned, due to the official desire to "preserve the peace" within French families, with the French government citing psychologists who state that fatherhood is determined by society, rather than biology.

I expected it to be bad but not this bad

[–]goodguy29 44 points45 points  (10 children)

Yeah. The reasoning is so thinly veiled it's hilarious. By that logic, women shouldn't care one bit whose baby they take home from the hospital, right?

Don't forget the part where it's punishable by a $15,000 (euro) fine and up to 1 year in prison.

[–]2elysius 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I'd totally go to prison. 1 year in prison beats 18 years of child support hands down. Unless they'd still make you pay for it after you're released, in which case I'd just leave the country.

[–]jmg83 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I wouldn't pay it. I'd leave the country if I had to, I'm not paying for some bitches little bastard that I had absolutely no hand in begetting.

[–]fuckucheater1 3 points4 points  (7 children)

Maybe were missing something here. If the guy has reason to believe his spouse cheated is the court reasonable in granting a test? We can't draw conclusions from a short blurb on Wikipedia. I doubt Frenchmen would be cool with raising other guys kids just like that

[–]goodguy29 30 points31 points  (5 children)

The article doesn't say how hard it is to get a court order, you're right. But that's not the point. It's outrageous that a man should need a court order to find out whether he's the biological father of his child.

[–]fuckucheater1 14 points15 points  (2 children)

I agree with you but one caveat. Its very difficult to understand a culture when you view it through your own. In the context of ours ya its bad but over there it could be a non issue, I'm guessing guys frequently violate the law, the law isn't seriously enforced, the court orders are easy to get, or any combination of these. Its important that we examine things critically and with an open mind or we sink to the level of reactionary tumblrinas.

[–]csehszlovakze 5 points6 points  (1 child)

Just read this news article to see French mentality (Charlie Hebdo related).

[–]fuckucheater1 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Damn..that article gave me a different perspective on the whole Charlie thing.

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[deleted]

    [–]theultmatecad 9 points10 points  (0 children)

    The law clearly was written with hypergamy in mind. It's to prevent men from walking away from cheating women and their kid. Society doesn't need or want single mothers raising kids

    [–]seeing-red- 5 points6 points  (0 children)

    that shit is so common in france they say you're not a man until you get your first mistress.

    [–]rebuildingMyself 17 points18 points  (1 child)

    Preserve the flow of beta bux to cheating whores so the government doesn't have to do it.

    [–]BoTuLoX 8 points9 points  (0 children)

    fatherhood is determined by society, rather than biology.

    That's an improper use of the term however.

    The word they're looking for is actually "cuckold".

    [–]u-r-silly 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Except the woman has to go to court with a lawyer to claim child support, the same court that can order the paternity test. I don't think the judge will refuse to order it if you and your lawyer ask for one.

    From french gov site:

    "One who had intimate relations with the mother can discard the child support demand by proving by any mean, notably genetic assessment, that he cannot be the child's father".

    So the paternity test is a right you have as a man to claim you're not the father when the mother is demanding child support.

    The fact it can't be conducted privately, outside of court, is to prevent it to be made when the family is already established and when it could do harm. Like, realising five years later that you're in fact not the father.

    The whole "fatherhood is determined socially" can in fact protect your rights as a father. When you raise a child as your own, he or she legally becomes your child with all the rights and responsability you deserve. You can't test your paternity to leave a child who is considered yours, the same way a woman cannot use this test to keep you away from the child who you consider yours.

    [–]Azothlike 19 points20 points  (8 children)

    I don't understand how this would be socially executed. If I were a Frenchman, I'd simply deny fatherhood until a court mandated a test to get money out of me.

    Seems to me that the above scenario would be more disruptive to families than just getting a paternity test.

    [–]popthatpill 2 points3 points  (1 child)

    The point is to make peace-of-mind testing illegal.

    [–]rebuildingMyself 2 points3 points  (1 child)

    It's only disruptive if the woman was a cheating whore.

    [–]Azothlike 14 points15 points  (0 children)

    Sadly, not true.

    Because of this law, you are incapable of peaceably getting a paternity test together. The only way to get a test seems to be, break up, file for child support, refuse to pay unless parentage is proven.

    You can't stay with her because if you do, you're the acting father to an unproven child, and I don't see why the court would order a paternity test to a happy couple.

    The logical consequence to this law should be most men immediately ending the relationship when they find out she's pregnant, until a court orders a test.

    [–]joazito 132 points133 points  (27 children)

    she claimed I cheated the test to get out of paying child support.

    Not the first time I've seen that. Fucking delusional bitches.

    [–]Archdemonic[S] 59 points60 points  (24 children)

    She really is kind of delusional, if she is proven wrong she will still insist she's right.

    [–]adamryanx 48 points49 points  (22 children)

    She accused a guy of cheating a paternity test. Let's all let that sink in for a minute.

    Odds are she knew it wasn't yours. But the female hamster is so self-deluding that that didn't matter. In a moment of pure solipsism, she manages to convince herself it's yours. She wasn't delusional when she accused you- it was true for me in that moment, she'll reason. Because she deserves a guy like you. It can't be the other dude she fucked around with because, while, yes, he did give her the tingles, she knows he gives lots of girls the tingles. He would never commit to her. So obviously he can't be the dad. After all, that wouldn't be faaaaaaaair.

    Believing a man cheated a paternity test entails believing a dude held another bro's jizz in his pocket while the paternity clinic had him fill out paperwork, poured out said bro's man juice into the little plastic cup they gave him to collect the sample, and then tried to pass off the results as reflecting his own DNA. To know that some guy isn't the dad and yet feel perfectly confident accusing him of this requires an unawareness unseen by even abstract objects.

    This is absolutely a thought process that would only happen in the female mind.

    [–]XOrAcLeX 62 points63 points  (8 children)

    Believing a man cheated a paternity test entails believing a dude held another bro's jizz in his pocket while the paternity clinic had him fill out paperwork, poured out said bro's man juice into the little plastic cup they gave him to collect the sample, and then tried to pass off the results as reflecting his own DNA.

    Umm, they do not use "jizz" to determine paternity. I'm not sure what fantasy land you live in. A cheek swab is commonly used, or more infrequently, a blood sample is taken to confirm or deny paternity.

    The real delusion here is that in order to manipulate the results the testing lab itself would have to be in on the deception as they have chain of custody procedures to ensure that the samples tested are from the proper donors.

    [–]speed3_freak 46 points47 points  (4 children)

    LMAO at adamryanx if he ever tries to cheat the system by showing up to the lab with a pocket full of some other dude's trouser gravy.

    [–]WhiteTrashInTrouble 7 points8 points  (0 children)

    The plot twist would be that that the other dude is actually the dude who banged his girl and it comes up positive anyway.

    [–]Rpalt 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    "Yeah, I bought all I could from this bank...I got the rest from this guy named Ralph in an alley--stupid asshole didn't even charge me, he just told me to close my eyes and suck it out of a hose!"

    [–]MattyAnon 19 points20 points  (0 children)

    And this is why emotional reasoning beats logical reasoning for women.

    She persuades a guy to give her money to raise "his" child. If she was logical, she'd get nothing. If he's decent and thinks "yeah, might be mine" (before the days of pat. testing) she might well have gotten away with it.

    Being logical leaves her worse off.

    [–][deleted] 11 points12 points  (7 children)

    ...jizz? Bro, its a cheek swab or a blood test. Unless he paid off the nurse, he couldn't have done anything shady...but jizz does not enter into the story lol

    [–]Workchoices 7 points8 points  (1 child)

    Unless he paid off the nurse,

    Not inconceivable. Nurses don't make that much, I bet if you had $10k in cash for the nurse to look the other way while you "Swabbed your own cheek" [ swapped the swab for one your mate used earlier] you would pull it off.

    $10k is a lot less than 18 years of child support.

    [–]netgrey 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Just send your friend with a fake ID bro.

    [–]flyingwolf 3 points4 points  (1 child)

    ...but jizz does not enter into the story lol

    Well, in the beginning there was jizz

    [–]Garconanokin 17 points18 points  (0 children)

    Cheating is certainly in her repertoire, no wonder that's where her mind went.

    [–]t21spectre 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    Like when they say you're lying about your vasectomy with all the medical paperwork for it in front of them.

    [–]1kick6 112 points113 points  (30 children)

    $10 says she knows exactly who the father is, and when she realized she was pregnant...looked for the first dude with money to stick with the bill.

    Abominable behavior, and somehow...socially acceptable.

    [–]thegr8b8m8 19 points20 points  (0 children)

    This. Chick's know who the father is. It's there own body for crying out loud. You can even track back to within a couple of days of conception. The female body has a very specific timetable and if it alters much you will have problems.

    [–]17 Endorsed ContributorHumanSockPuppet 106 points107 points  (21 children)

    It's not abominable behaviour. It's female behaviour. You're making the mistake of scrutinizing a female's actions through the lens of male ethics.

    Remember this basic rule of survival: organisms choose the path that gains them the greatest reward for the least amount of effort.

    Think back to a time before civilizations existed in any meaningful sense, when we operated in small packs. Males are the dominant human players in the game of survival because they're built to improvise, outmanoeuvre, and outlast competitors. We're specialised to interact with the world.

    Given that nature favours those who are "successfully lazy", women gradually specialized not for interacting with the world, but for interacting with men. Why go to all the trouble of improvising, fighting, and enduring themselves when they can simply consume our excesses, providing breeding privileges as repayment. Maybe a man was cuckolded now and then, but it worked well enough to move the species along as a whole.

    In this sense, men and women developed a symbiotic/commensal relationship with one another. Sexual dimorphism is an emergent property of nature's tendency to reward the successfully lazy.

    The problem now is that modern laws are turning women from symbiotes to parasites, because they aren't legally obligated to offer us anything in return for robbing us blind. And in fact, the state oftentimes robs us on their behalf.

    Quick ninja edit: This is why at the Red Pill we say things like "don't take women seriously" and "control her for her own good". Because left to their own devices, women often aren't conscious enough to understand that their base motives and actions are harmful to the very civilization that upholds their sexual agenda. Left unchecked, a civilization that favours the female sexual imperative over the male one will eventually eat itself alive.

    [–]harkrank 24 points25 points  (4 children)

    What is abominable is that there is such a thing as child support and betas to enforce that system.

    In the past a woman had to do her best to make sure the man stayed, and if he left her nobody would care. Child support puts all power in the hands of the woman as she can behave in any unacceptable way and still have guaranteed money from the man. This is what collapses civilizations.

    [–]Muff_Muncher 13 points14 points  (0 children)

    Aaaand teaches the children she raises that everything she is doing is ok. Rinse and repeat.

    [–]thegr8b8m8 5 points6 points  (0 children)

    And our society is paying the consequences for this. Then everyone wonders why the divorce rate is so high and how come there are so many single parent families around?

    [–]bluedrygrass 15 points16 points  (6 children)

    There's no such thing as "male ethic". Ethic is universal, it doesn't change for anybody.

    Giving women a free moral pass (a moral PUSSY pass) only because they have an hole between the legs is exactly what lead to that rotten society.

    Women can and should be held accountable for their actions. No excuses. It has been done in the past, and it worked great.

    The real reson women in general don't follow other rules outside of "me, me, me" it's exactly because, since childhood, they're treated as little princesses and allowed to bahave like entitled bitches.

    You can't grow up believing in moral codes if they never applied to you.

    Biology is only partly responsible, since trough the centuries women have risked and suffered less for the consequences of their actions, hence not selecting good behaviour as a succesful trait.

    While at the same time, bad behaving men were hanged in public places or directly stabbed to death were they were.

    [–]OKJaded 3 points4 points  (5 children)

    Eh. Ethics are subjective, not objective.

    Puritan ethics compared to hedonistic ethics.

    [–]Burner1701 1 point2 points  (6 children)

    Where do you live that this is socially acceptable?

    [–]1kick6 22 points23 points  (1 child)

    'merica

    And by socially acceptable I of course mean bitches and white knights are ok with it.

    [–]Burner1701 8 points9 points  (0 children)

    Good, I thought you meant everyone thought it was ok.

    [–]harkrank 5 points6 points  (2 children)

    I bet that 90% of people you asked would support the system of child support.

    [–]stemgang 29 points30 points  (2 children)

    Her attempt to enslave you failed.

    Congratulations to OP for escaping.

    [–]Archdemonic[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    Indeed, really child support seems to be more like indentured servitude rather than you know, helping the child have a good childhood.

    [–]soccerplusaviation 71 points72 points  (7 children)

    Jerry: Archdemonic, you are not the father. *op jumps up down with joy and does a little jig. * irresponsible, lying, cc rider, starts crying and begs OP to take care of her and the child. Crowd chants: jerry jerry jerry jerry jerry jerry jerry!

    I'm happy for you OP. And this is the first I'm not the father post I've seen on TRP.

    [–]Libertarian-Party 25 points26 points  (3 children)

    The Maury show is top notch cable trash and i love it

    [–]zxsteven 20 points21 points  (2 children)

    Even after 6 appearances, they still never find the father.

    [–]Endorsed ContributorRedBigMan 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    Is someone up to 6 appearances? Wouldn't surprise me though I think I seen someone with 3 appearances.

    [–]zxsteven 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I don't watch it anymore. I don't know about 6 appearances, but I've seen a few times where there were 2 or 3 guys at once, and none of them were the father.

    [–]Archdemonic[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

    I'm glad that I am indeed not the father, it's good to know I'm absolved of child support.

    [–]mirinrustles 17 points18 points  (0 children)

    [–]gt35r 22 points23 points  (1 child)

    I know it's cliche as fuck, but for good reason. Document EVERYTHING.

    [–]Archdemonic[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

    Indeed, the paternity test results are on file, if she tries something it will be difficult to make me the father.

    [–]17 Endorsed ContributorHumanSockPuppet 40 points41 points  (11 children)

    This kind of anecdote really sheds light on the truth behind the "dead-beat dad" myth.

    Yeah, there are some lousy guys out there who will fuck and run regardless of the woman in question. But I seriously doubt many men would leave a woman to fend for herself if she had at least a handful of redeeming qualities that made her decent company.

    Whether it's a boy or a girl, that kid is fucked. But I hope for the kid's sake that it's a girl. For a boy, being raised like a mother like that is at best life of pain and thankless toil and at worst a death-sentence.

    [–]Archdemonic[S] 29 points30 points  (8 children)

    Really, I don't think I'm a dead beat dad, I just don't want to raise any child that is not of my progeny. Nor do I want to pay child support, she didn't even want me to help take care of the child, her exact words were, "Pay child support."

    If I had not insisted on a paternity test, good grief I have a feeling she would have used the money for one of those QVC conveniences she so enjoys.

    I feel a bit sorry for the child, I have a feeling it's going to be rough for them. I do not know their mother as a good mother, hopefully she snaps up to the task.

    [–]17 Endorsed ContributorHumanSockPuppet 32 points33 points  (1 child)

    she didn't even want me to help take care of the child, her exact words were, "Pay child support."

    Behold the modern man, a vending machine which dispenses attention and money.

    If I had not insisted on a paternity test, good grief I have a feeling she would have used the money for one of those QVC conveniences she so enjoys.

    It's good that you were vigilant and adamant about getting that test upfront. Legal precedent shows that once you make that first payment, you can get locked in for the next 18 years even if the real father is confirmed later.

    I do not know their mother as a good mother, hopefully she snaps up to the task

    Odds are she won't without a man like you to whip her into shape. The essential Red Pill question is, "What's in it for you?"

    [–]rapreaper 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    A vending machine where everything is really cheap.

    [–]esco_ 29 points30 points  (0 children)

    fucking bitch. Im not a woman-hater by any means, but fuck her. She tried to commit fraud and take you for all you're worth

    [–]SCROTAL-SACK 4 points5 points  (1 child)

    PLEASE don't feel the least bit sorry for this woman. And that child is not your concern at all. Live your life guilt free. I can promise you you dodged a bullet and she'd feel no guilt in taking your hard earned money. Screw them.

    [–]thisismytrpacct 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I don't think I'm a dead beat dad

    You have to be a dad first.

    [–]johnbranflake 10 points11 points  (1 child)

    If its a girl she will just be another slut like her mom, not exactly better off imo.

    [–]17 Endorsed ContributorHumanSockPuppet 14 points15 points  (0 children)

    A girl would get to enjoy a certain fifteen to twenty years of her life, at least.

    [–]InformalCriticism 17 points18 points  (1 child)

    I recently got into it on 2x for fun and the topic was who's more important, the child(ren) or the man? I tried to rephrase the argument to, what's more important, punishment for the woman, or double punishment for the man? Every opponent tried to conflate the argument to "the children come before the man" but this was in the argument centered specifically around when a man finds out after 8 years that a child is not his. There are women out there still who say the man should be responsible and the woman should have no consequences. No one in that conversation said the kid deserved it, but life sucks, why does it have to suck even more for the man who's been tricked?

    [–]Archdemonic[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

    That's a good point, there's actually a lot of cases of women using child support for personal things.

    I've heard the stories and I don't want to become another one of those stories. Knowing her, she's not going to be any better at managing child support money than she is with her rent money.

    [–]crazydave1979 13 points14 points  (0 children)

    In other words the other guy is a complete loser and prob on drugs. Better get yourself tested for stds

    [–]chrisindub 11 points12 points  (0 children)

    You fucked up in the beginning by allowing her get comfortable using you for money before she was pregnant.

    You gotta set yourself up to win. If you play this game with women where you pay for them, its always gonna end in a similar way for you.

    Don't do things that establish a precedent of money going from you to them.

    [–]19 Endorsed Contributordrrrrrr 10 points11 points  (1 child)

    Well done. Even if you were sure you were the father, the thing to do is to demand a paternity test.

    From your post though - "she liked to spend my money" - you played a role in spawning this entitled behavior. She was used to enjoying your finances so in her mind, it was something she could rely upon getting again.

    [–]TheRedPillHawk 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    She was used to enjoying your finances so in her mind, it was something she could rely upon getting again.

    Yeah but in his defense, maybe he thought she wouldn't be purely rotten-to-the-core evil. Maybe he was plugged in and thought she would show gratitute for his favors.

    [–]raceAround126 7 points8 points  (4 children)

    I've had a few ONSs which didn't happen. Simply because the girl got weird or annoyed about me insisting on a condom.

    One even swore blind that she was on the pill. I said, "Show me the packet, what ones are you on". Amazingly she claimed she'd run out that day and would get more tomorrow... but we were quite safe.

    Gents, it's a jungle out there. Get your own condoms and fucking use them.

    Just a slight onwards to that story, one girl I used to work with one day said casually, "I don't always remember to take my pill, lol..."

    [–]1independentmale 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    "I don't always remember to take my pill, lol..."

    None of them do. Never, ever trust a woman who says she's on the pill.

    My daughter was born because my girlfriend told me she couldn't get pregnant. Had a whole story about medical issues, how the doctor said she would never be able to have a child, even cried about it and expressed worry I would break up with her.

    I didn't care because I wasn't trying to have a kid. So we didn't use condoms and she got pregnant right away. The OB/GYN told her she was one of the most fertile women he'd ever seen while I was standing right there. Should have dumped the bitch but I got married and stuck it out for 15 miserable years. Totally my fault, I should have know better but I was 18 and thought I was in love.

    [–]Archdemonic[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    It's a bit scary to think that some are so casual about taking the pill. It's not a kid's game, it actually has serious consequences.

    [–]floppymammarygland 7 points8 points  (3 children)

    So you had a paternity test prior to the child being born?

    Edit: Holy fuck. "prenatal paternity test". I had no idea.

    [–]Burner1701 7 points8 points  (1 child)

    More specifically the NIPP test which just needs the mother's blood. The older paternity testing needed a sample of amniotic fluid which carries some risk of miscarriage. The new test is awesome.

    [–]floppymammarygland 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    So badass. I thought you had to wait until the kid was born and would be put in a position (via shame and guilt) of having to support (pay for) the entire pregnancy. Sweet!

    Kick a bitch

    [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    They can test about 3-4 months in, when they also test for genetic abnormalities. But you need to ask specifically for the test, it will not be done automatically.

    [–]clam61 8 points9 points  (8 children)

    wow great news. just curious since this was brought up--how is the amount of child support calculated when two people are not married?

    [–]Adelaideagain 13 points14 points  (4 children)

    A friend is dealing with child support here in australia. It's calculated on his earnings. He's paying something like 17000 a year to this cunt and he can't even see his kid. Can't fight it either because he earns too much for legal aide but after child support and cost of living he can't afford a lawyer.

    Bitch has already got another kid to another guy, within a year of her second daughter to my friend dying. She's a nutter.

    On a happier note I'm getting a vasectomy

    [–]clam61 2 points3 points  (1 child)

    thanks. for people in california, I found out "In California, child support is based on a complex calculation that takes into consideration the parents' incomes, how much time each parent spends with the child, and any tax deductions that are available to either parent."

    [–]jupc 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Yes, the complex calculation is not performed manually.

    Both sides use a calculator which is modeled after Dissomaster, which is what is used by the court before it rules on support.

    [–]trp_angry_dwarf 5 points6 points  (1 child)

    In Australia - generally speaking - it's 18% of the pre-tax earnings for 1 child, then bumps up to 35%. But you still pay tax on the full amount.

    Remembering that Australia is pretty socialist (by comparison to the USA), we pay more tax.

    So, 2 kids, above average income of 100k, 35k to ex-wife, 40k to tax man and all of a sudden you have 25k to pay for everything. And at ~15k for rent/mortgage, there's fuck all left.

    Now, look at it from her point of view. If she has 4 kids to 2 different 100k dads, her PASSIVE income, TAX FREE is 70k.

    But she pays no or fuck all tax (single mum) and gets all manner of benefits (subsidised child care, power, phone, rates, possibly even a free house depending on how "victimised" she can be or if she made one husband leave the premises during the break-up)

    AND THIS IS ALL INDEPENDENT OF ANY BETA BUX!!! This is all in addition to her income and all other factors.

    I saw this first hand with a work"mate"

    Equality for everyone! Fairness for all! Best interests of the child!!!

    [–]lasertits69 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    australian tax rates:

    $100000-(0.35*$100000)-($17547+0.37*($100,000-$80,000))=$40,053

    [–]longjohnboy 7 points8 points  (0 children)

    Child support is not alimony – they are distinct. You cannot sign away child support rights in a pre-nup, for instance. Being married has nothing to do with child support – except that being married means you're automatically considered the father for any legal matter, whether you're the biological father or not – you gotta get lawyers involved if you've been cuckolded. Child support is often just a fixed percentage of the income, calculated at the time the child support order was issued (the specifics vary by locale).

    [–]3 Endorsed ContributorRedPope 6 points7 points  (1 child)

    Laws vary by state and country. In my state, marriage status (single/separated/divorced) does not change the formula. The three primary factors are:

    1. Percentage of custody
    2. Income disparity
    3. Number of children

    The base formula itself is very simple, but there are pages and pages of special rules: If one/both parents are disabled, business owners, active duty military, out-of-state residents, if the child has special needs, etc.

    My state is at least sensible in that there is a per child cap. An upper limit on support per child. That saved my ass. My ex has no documented income. I'd be paying more than double without that cap.

    I've heard horror stories from guys in other states. And not just rich dudes getting reamed. We all hear the stories of celebrities owing millions to some gold digger. You expect that. But poor guys can get hit even harder. There was a young enlisted guy on here few months back, something like 70% of his pay went straight to C/S.

    [–]2Kill_Your_Ego 9 points10 points  (0 children)

    Yeah the percentage of custody thing only encourages women to give their ex husbands as little time with their own children as possible. As they get more money this way.

    [–]BrunoOh 83 points84 points  (38 children)

    And this is why we need to abandon child support. It is literally the only reason that Shaniquas from the ghetto get kids.

    [–]gggreorge 77 points78 points  (5 children)

    Shaniqua gets welfare not child support.

    [–]17 Endorsed Contributortrudatness 51 points52 points  (3 children)

    She gets both actually - don't kid yourself.

    Several black dudes I know are out there busting their ass to trying to have a normal life despite supporting a greedy, selfish, lying, ungrateful baby mama.

    [–]Mightyskunk 11 points12 points  (2 children)

    They shouldn't have misjudged that last pump. It's not all on the woman.

    [–]nived321 4 points5 points  (1 child)

    Thats why your pullout game gotta be on point... Every time I see one of those not your baby clips on Jerry Springer, I think they are think I knew my pull out game was on point.

    [–]Mightyskunk 8 points9 points  (0 children)

    Or just get a vasectomy. And, avoid Maury too.

    [–]Exactly_what_I_think 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    She is still looking for that beta bucks CS.

    [–]Archdemonic[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

    Really I think the child support system has a lot of corruption behind it from women, I wouldn't put it past her to try and get money from me this way.

    [–]LegitAnswers 27 points28 points  (23 children)

    It is literally the only reason that Shaniquas from the ghetto get kids.

    But I thought black kids never have fathers?

    I'll take myself to r/imgoingtohellforthis now.

    [–]HeinousFu_kery 5 points6 points  (2 children)

    "Father" in her mind apparently means "Deep Pockets". Good thing you weren't married since child support is often demanded of non-fathers in divorces; I've had friends hosed this way.

    The accusation of "cheating" was the first key. It was essentially responding to an issue that hadn't been on the table.

    [–]TheRedPillHawk 3 points4 points  (1 child)

    Good thing you weren't married since child support is often demanded of non-fathers in divorces; I've had friends hosed this way.

    What? What? What? So... wait... what?

    You're saying under said legislature your wife can cheat on you unprotected and if you do a paternity test and file a divorce for that reason you... will have to pay because she now has a child?

    Whoever enabled this law as well as those who enforce it should encounter high velocity bricks if you ask me.

    [–]HeinousFu_kery 5 points6 points  (0 children)

    Yep, though it will vary depending on state. The usual justification is something like "to provide financial support for the child while they grow up" - roughly the "deep pockets" argument.

    Google around if you want to find others.

    [–]jmg83 5 points6 points  (4 children)

    The paternity test concluded that I was not the biological father. She was honestly in hysterics, she claimed I cheated the test to get out of paying child support.

    Wow. And women say men are childish. I've seen this happen a few times, a woman losing her shit because she's been proven wrong/caught lying, and there's nothing else for her to do and no way to save face.

    The child is not biologically mine, but she claims I should still help her out financially because she's, "Tight on cash."

    So even though you have absolutely no legal or moral responsibility to this woman and her brat, she's still trying to make it your problem? Un-fucking-believable.

    [–]2elysius 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    I've only ever met one woman who didn't absolutely lose her shit when things didn't go her way.

    [–]dancingwithcats 4 points5 points  (1 child)

    If she wasn't prepared to care for children she should have used birth control. So should you in fact if you don't want to risk it.

    In any event, yes it is not yours so it is not your concern.

    [–]HydrogenxPi 4 points5 points  (2 children)

    [–]JACKDOGBOB 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Sounded like a dying animal....

    [–]jjakers88 3 points4 points  (2 children)

    Good for you, although I wouldn't have been as nice as you seem to have been.

    As a side point, in business and life it's not good to start sentences with "Honestly," It seems to be a habit of yours

    [–]Archdemonic[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    I mostly do it when I type more than when I'm talking.

    I've always tried to be reasonable with her, it seems to be the only way I can reason with her at all. Otherwise I won't get through to her at all.

    [–]JACKDOGBOB 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Honestly I think you just really dodged a big bullet.

    [–]SCROTAL-SACK 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    Beautiful.

    You must send this to rub some salt into the wound.

    http://i0.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/007/349/1728animated_gif_not_the_father.gif

    [–]loknarash 6 points7 points  (1 child)

    Some food for thought: bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks.

    [–]Archdemonic[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    That does seem like a running theme, that's why I went back to the carousel.

    [–]16 Endorsed ContributorGayLubeOil 3 points4 points  (8 children)

    This could have all been avoided if you used the male birth control called Deca.

    Nandrolone, popularly known as Deca, is a classified as a progestin. Deca derives many of its benefits from its progestenic nature: including, but not limited to, increase IM fat storage and increased fluid retention in the joints from glucocorticoid(GC) stimulation.

    Deca is the most widely used form of prescription contraception in the first world. Deca is superior to testosterone as a form of birth control because its progestenic effects which result in rapid onset of azoospermia.

    Unfortunately deca has side effects: it causes a massive increase in muscle mass. :(

    [–][deleted]  (2 children)

    [deleted]

      [–]TheRedPillHawk 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      I'm not sure, but if it's a prescription drug you should try asking your doctor.

      Also strengthens bones and gives munchies, apparently.

      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nandrolone

      [–][deleted]  (12 children)

      [deleted]

        [–]A_WolfAmongSheep 21 points22 points  (3 children)

        She still can't put him on the hook without his acknowledging paternity of the child, either by signing the birth certificate or an Acknowledgement of Paternity form.

        [–]rorrr 1 point2 points  (2 children)

        [–]tsotha 2 points3 points  (1 child)

        That's not a consequence of the law. That case is just straight-up fraud.

        The mother can put whatever she wants on the birth certificate. Depends on the state, but these days what you'll get as the supposed father is a court order for a DNA test.

        There are certainly ways you can get stuck paying for someone else's kid. Where I live in California if your wife gets pregnant the kid is yours. End of story. The kid can also be declared yours if you act as that kid's father for any length of time.

        [–]kranos33 17 points18 points  (1 child)

        She can't just claim the guy is his father without his consent. Otherwise you would have delusional women putting the name of the father famous people, etc. From NY's laws:

        When a child is born to a married woman, the law assumes that her husband is the child's father. However, when a couple is not married, the biological father is not considered the legal father until paternity is legally established. Establishing paternity gives certain legal rights to the child. It also gives certain legal rights and responsibilities to the father. There are two ways to establish legal paternity: one requires the filing of a petition and the entry of a court order (usually done in Family Court), the other requires a written acknowledgment signed by each of the parents and recorded with the child's birth certificate. Until 1997, the father of an out of wedlock child could agree to have his name listed on the child's birth certificate without signing this formal acknowledgment; therefore you can not assume that paternity has been legally established based solely on the appearance of a child's birth certificate. However, the law provides that an unwed father's name cannot be listed on the birth certificate without his consent (PHL§4135, Form DOH-2739).

        [–]2elysius 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        In Brazil women can just say a name and the dude becomes the father. He then needs to challenge it if he wants to set the record straight, when she asks for child support.

        [–]Archdemonic[S] 12 points13 points  (2 children)

        I am aware she may attempt that, I have kept the paternity test results filed and safe, if she tries to make me pay child support I can dispute it very well. My lawyer has also been notified of these transpiration of events.

        [–]3 Endorsed ContributorRedPope 14 points15 points  (0 children)

        Laws vary by state and country. There is some crazy shit on the books. Don't expect common sense from the law.

        OP: Talk to a custody lawyer. Initial consults are usually free, and your case is so simple that may be all you need. Cover your ass!

        [–]PBRistasty 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Depends on the state. In most state now, she points the finger, you do a paternity test, if your not the daddy, your off the hook with the state picking up the price of the test. if its yours, you pay and get billed for child support for the next two decades.

        [–]aa223 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        Congratulations, you should have been in Maury for free money and hotel expenses though.

        In any case, I am glad to see you averted a potential disaster.

        [–]ThePhog1 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        Congrats and I mean it. I dodged a similar bullet 3 years ago with my ex who also has BPD. I'm very much single these days and loving life.

        [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

        Heartless manipulative bitch; I really feel sorry for that child, especially in a world where she's cheered on for being the single most cause of the child's failure (single motherhood = societal degeneration).

        [–][deleted]  (3 children)

        [deleted]

          [–]Archdemonic[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          Don't worry, my lawyer has been consulted and if she tries something, it will be difficult.

          [–]Tarnsman4Life 4 points5 points  (0 children)

          I hope you didn't let her list you on the Birth Certificate or else you might not be out of the woods yet. Good job not falling for the simp-bait, keep it up.

          [–]maximun_vader 4 points5 points  (1 child)

          It's not a hard concept, I feel sorry for her child, it seems like they will have a rather difficult childhood.

          Oh, well, they are not mine so it is none of my concern.

          You are right, technically is no different from any stranger's child

          But I couldn't stop feeling some degree of sadness for the kid. It's a fucked up scenario for the kid... Having a shitty mother and an invisible dad

          [–]evilkenevil 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          After some deep consideration all I can think of is: Hell, fuck yah! Well done on the dodge. Go enjoy the rest of your life.

          [–]Dongbei 1 point2 points  (1 child)

          What the hell is your problem? She let you have sex with her and now you should give her money because she is a tender, weak female. It is your responsibility to give her money because that child could be yours. This is what all women are like and you should know that.

          haha. I love when they to to pull this shit. Happened once. Loved every minute of it when I was off the hook.

          [–]hermit087 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          I fucking love these stories.

          [–]_grump 1 point2 points  (1 child)

          at least these lyrics won't apply to you

          "She got one of yo kids got you for 18 years I know somebody paying child support for one of his kids His baby momma's car and crib is bigger than his You will see him on TV Any Given Sunday Win the Superbowl and drive off in a Hyundai She was spose to buy ya shorty TYCO with ya money She went to the doctor got lypo with ya money She walking around looking like Micheal with ya money"

          [–]bluedrygrass 1 point2 points  (1 child)

          Op, the only thing missing in that story would be a camera movie of her reaction to the results of the test.

          To put on the tv some rainy days, and watch with a glass of wine to lift the mood.

          [–]II-Blank-II 1 point2 points  (1 child)

          I read the title of this post like it was the professor from Futurama announcing it.

          [–]Archdemonic[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          For some reason it seems to flow naturally.

          [–]orangevanadium 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          Did you get it done on Jeremy Kyle?

          [–]tsotha 1 point2 points  (1 child)

          I asked her for a paternity test to be certain, it took some persuasion, she insisted, "It's not necessary, I know it's you, you're the father."

          That right there should have been the big tipoff that she's trying to put you on the hook for someone else's progeny. The more resistance you get to testing from an ex the less likely it is that you're actually the father.

          [–]dukeluce 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          tight on cash ,not on pussy...

          [–]strangelyversatile 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          She's not even trying to hide her plan...

          [–]BigBubblesNoTroubles 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          Good for you, I hope you learned your lesson about using condoms.

          Remember if she tells you you don't need to use a condom, she tells that to EVERYONE.

          Also use your own, don't accept that anything that is provided will work.

          [–]theultmatecad 1 point2 points  (3 children)

          Did the timing make sense where perhaps you could have been the father?

          [–]Archdemonic[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children)

          Not really, but she insisted that I was the father.

          [–]theultmatecad 0 points1 point  (1 child)

          So you always knew it was bullshit

          [–]Archdemonic[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          Why do you think I insisted on a paternity test? I wanted there to be a record that I am not the father of her spawn.