"Nobody cares if you don't go after what you want; only you do and therefore only you missed out."
Remember that quote.
I've lived in a small town called St Catharines (close to Niagara Falls but thankfully not Welland) my entire life, and life was good. I could sit on the computer for as long as I wanted, I worked as a dishwasher and that's about it. Or well…my parents thought my life was good. I however, wasn't exactly on the same wavelength. I wanted out and fast.
A dream of mine since highschool has been to move to a big city. At first it was New York, but upon further investigation I found visas for the USA are damn near impossible to get. Then it was London, England which coincidentally was even harder to get a visa for. I had to stay in Canada and after a little bit of research I decided upon Montreal. That was the city where I was going to rebuild my life.
Highschool I was a shut in, I spent 100% of my waking hours on the computer and quickly became addicted to video games. I had no friends, no one to talk to and was terrible with girls. I never got invited to a party, I never drank before and didn't do anything outside of video games. Even IN the games I had no friends. I was a true loser.
Despite my rather unfortunate past I still wanted to move to Montreal. I didn't care that I was anti-social and had a hard time socializing. I wanted out. I would rather of DIED in Montreal than spend the rest of my life in my small town condemned to a hopeless future of dishwashing, community college and farm work.
June 28, 2014 was the target date for the big move. Which now that I think of it, it wasn't really big, I didn't bring a lot of stuff with me at all. Everyone and I mean EVERYONE was telling me that moving to Montreal is a bad decision. I was told I'm clueless, my own parents said I'd last two weeks and want to go home. My brother begged me to stay because…well I don't remember why. My mom thought it was the worst decision I ever made and really tried to get me to stay in St Catharines. I wasn't having any of it, I love these people but for ONCE in my life I am doing something because I WANT to. Not because someone ELSE wants me to.
Realistically though, my move to Montreal was incredibly risky. This was what I was stacked up against.
I had 3k in my ban account
I've never been to another province. Even to visit let alone move to
I knew very little about the city
I don't speak French
I had no job lined up
I had no place lined up
There was no family or friends in Montreal
My social skills were pretty crap
I've never lived outside of my parents house
I've never had to pay for a single thing in my life (very spoiled)
I'm sure there's more but you get the picture.
And you know what?
I've been in Montreal for six months now, ironically I'm writing this from St Catharine's as I am visiting for Christmas. But moving to Montreal was the BEST FUCKING decision I have EVER made in my ENTIRE LIFE. The amount of shit I have gone through, the things I've learned, the people I've met, the experiences I've had are just incredible. If you have the balls to move to a big city I HIGHLY fucking recommend it. My life has changed completely.
In this five part series of posts I am going to outline what I've learned since I've moved to Montreal and
provide insight to those looking to do something similar.
Part Un - Can you just fucking approach?
Part Deux - Track your progress by keeping a journal
Part Trois - Finding a job is like talking to women, it's not hard
Part Quatre - Sales, A job that provides more than an income
Part Cinq - Do NOT get comfortable
Can You Just Fucking Approach?
Anyone can approach but chances are you're having some self rationalizations and talking yourself OUT of approaching. Cockblocking yourself before you even got out of the gate. Let me ask you a question.
If a starving African child came up to you and asked for food and you just bought a pizza would you give him a slice?
I would Diece.
Good, you wouldn't let him starve.
No, I wouldn't Diece.
Okay, so why do you starve your dick of the pussy it needs?
It's right there in front of you but you would rather starve. Poor Johnny.
One thing you quickly learn when you're in a new city without friends or family and you're not enrolled in the pussy carousel that is University/College is that you have to be very proactive with your social life. You're days and nights are completely reliant on how social you are. You can't go to a bar and have a good time without approaching. You have no one.
You see that cute girl? You approach. Simple as that.
But Diece, what do I say? I might get slapped or rejected.
Pook has a great section regarding this in his book titled "The Book of Pook"
When you see a girl you want to approach, or you are getting cold feet about a date, remember three words:
“Perfect is boring…”
“Perfect is boring…”
Your brain will spin out all these reasons why you are unworthy…
“Cheap and wimpy car.”
“Not as good looking”
“Perfect is boring!” and watch those reasons evaporate. Stand up! Already, the blood is pulsing through your >veins. You’ve always wanted to do this but have always been scared of yourself. Let go.
You stand up and go out the door.
You see a beautiful woman but are afraid to approach.
“Perfect is boring…” and you go and talk to her.
But you like to spend your free time on the computer. So what? Talk to her.
You are scared to ask for her number…
“Perfect is boring…”
She gave you the number! Again, you are scared of the date. Too many unknowns! But…
“Perfect is boring…”
Look! She is smiling at you! She wants to kiss you!
But you have never kissed a girl before. Would you mess it up? Would you slobber over her? What of it!
“Perfect is boring…”
She loves it! Now look at what position she is in! You know what to do…
For the love of yourself, for the love of life, you are letting go and are actually becoming human.
Pity those who want the perfect life! Break me, tear me apart, let me be beaten and altered by life, let my life >be touched and touch in return for I will be Human, for there is no reason on earth to be scared of yourself.
Perfect is boring… let it be written in the sky, painted on buildings, read with your eyes, transcribed on your >soul. All those people who are ALONE are perfect… but those with the girl realize that being perfect is boring!
Pook is right, perfect is fucking boring. I remember doing a cold approach that was just perfect. I did everything right, got her number and texted her. Guess what happened?
Diece, the girl that just walked by. She's fucking hot. Jesus christ, I want to approach but I just…
"Perfect is BOOOORRRIIINGGG"
You're right but…she's gone now, it's too late.
Okay, but before you give up. Think of this.
That hot girl that just walked by. Who is she?
She could be horny and wants to fuck right there, she might provide an unreal adventure, she could end up being a great friend and an awesome wing, she might be taken but her friends are hot and single, she could take you to her lake house two hours away for a party, she could be a serial killer.
The point is, you don't know what the fuck she is until you approach her. Find out who she is. It's not will she like me or what does she think of me. It's I wonder who she is and is she as cool as she looks? Can she provide value to my life?
Damn Diece, You're right. Fuck it she's a mile down the road but I can still vaguely see her. I'm going to fucking approach.
That's the spirit! Go find out WHO she is.
If you're a rational human being you're probably thinking…
While approaching could add a lot of value to my life it's still kind of weird.
It is. I won't lie. Going up to a girl and saying
"Hey, I saw you over there and wanted to introduce myself. I'm Diece"
Is weird. But remember what Pook, the Don Juan himself said?
"PERFECT IS BBBOOORRIINNGG"
I want your tombstone to read
"PERFECT IS BORING, I WAS NEVER PERFECT."
But Diece!! How many times does cold approach actually amount to something? The girls usually just flake and it's a waste of time. Right?
In a way. You're right, I get a lot of flakes when I cold approach but do you know what else I've gotten?
All of these things are the result of cold approaching. So to answer your questions. Yea, it is strange but do you know what else is strange? Moving to Montreal. Fortune favors the bold and nothing can be more bold than cold approaching.
So you've cold approached and now you have gotten invited out to do something. Great!!! You're doing a good job and I am proud of you. But what's this? You don't want to go because the venue isn't really your "type". You feel tired and just want to stay at home.
Before you text send that text. Read this.
You were on the subway and saw this cute girl, you remember reading my post about how you never know what you may be missing out on until you try. You were hesitant but then you remembered Don Juan's wisdom.
"Perfect is boring."
You're right, perfect IS boring. Fuck being perfect.
You approach her and she seems to like you, you do some light touching and before it's your stop you get her number. Good job!
You text back and forth and on a Friday night she sends you this text.
"Hey Tom, I'm headed down to Hatters with some friends. It's like a rock bar you're welcome to come."
That's great but you're genre of music is more EDM and you couldn't name a rock album if your life depended on it. On top of that your T.V and couch are starting to look really inviting right about now. What do you do?
You could stay home and watch T.V, but if you do, what might you miss? You can watch T.V anytime it's always going to be there. Jill might not.
You meet up with Jill and her friends. At first you were apprehensive about the venue and vibe but after being there for some time it starts to grow on you. You kinda like rock music, maybe when you get home you'll download an album or two. Hmm, Jill doesn't really seem interested or attracted to me beyond friends but that's okay I'll talk to her hot friend Eliz instead. Eliz turns out to be attracted and now it's three in the morning. everyone but Jill and Eliz has gone home. You start making out with Eliz, feeling her up but then she tells you she's not straight but bi. As she says this Jill comes in and starts making out with Eliz. One thing led to another and next thing you know you're at Eliz's place with Jill's pussy on your face while Eliz rides you. What a night.
Tell me Tom, how inviting does that couch and T.V look now?
Whenever you are invited to something ALWAYS go. Doesn't matter how stupid or insignificant the event is. You fucking go. The only time this rule can be broken is when you are invited to more than one place. If that's the case take the best invitation and go.
This rule is even more true when you move to a new city with zero friends to fall back on. If you don't hangout with these people the first time VERY rarely will you get invited again. You spent 30 minutes to an hour building up a connection with someone and your willing to throw it all away just because you don't feel like going out. That's not very smart, now is it?
I don't EVER want to see you sitting at home when you are invited out. If I do I'm personally going to come to your house and drag your ass out the door.
Living in a big city with no friends or family can be intimidating and hard, but if you take advantage of your time and really put an effort to cold approach you'll find that even you can build a social circle from scratch. You don't need university, work, family or even festivals and other events to do so. You just need you, and that's ALL you'll ever need.
I spent a lot of time on this post. I would really appreciate feed back on my writing.