Most of the advice here is often geared toward helping guys in the late-teens and early twenties cohort get a leg up as they venture into the sexual market place, with an occasional nod to a few issues that we must deal with as we get older.
I would like to start a thread about what happens to a RP guy as he gets older.
So, you’re gonna take the advice not to get married, stay single, build yourself a life, and do some plating as you go? Well, you are going to get older regardless, so you better be prepared. The only thing constant, you know, is change, right?
I’m going to give you some advice based on my experiences via a Red Pill lens. Hopefully, you’ll find some of it useful and even some of it you’ll probably have trouble accepting.
Finally in this preamble, I hope other older guys (I’m late 40s) will chime in with their own views.
I will break down my comments into the following categories: Body/Health, Fashion/Style, Hobbies/Skills/Interests/Accomplishments, Social Circle/Social Life, and Game
Unless you are already eating right and working out, if you keep the same habits you have at 20 into your 30s and 40s, you are likely to get fat. Like it or not, our ability to burn calories slows down. Also, our daily activity will take some hits. You just might find yourself staring at the mirror at 30 wondering how you became 40lbs overweight. You cannot really stop taking care of your body and expect it to remain the same.
And even if you have an active lifestyle, the dings, dents, and bruises are going to add up. You might break a bone, blow out your ACL, or fuck up your shoulder. Those pains will stay with you but you can choose what you do about them. When they start piling up (and/or refuse to heal nicely…and they will), you’ll find yourself going through bouts of self-induced discouragement. “It hurts.” “I don’t’ want to reinjure myself”. Etc. Now, some of this is sensible. If you over-exert yourself while injured/healing, you can do some long-term damage. But beware the male hamster. There’s a thin line between being sensible-cautious and talking yourself into lethargy. Learn to buck up and get back on your feet. It is easy to spiral into self-pity when your activity slows down because of prior injuries. They will pile up and you need to be ready to recognize this and prepared to handle them. Go to physical therapy if you need it. If you get diagnosed correctly, those PT folks will do you wonders if you stick with it.
Also, you are also likely to experience a hernia at some point. It’s one of the most common injuries in men. Here’s the catch-22: get out of shape and do something overly strenuous? Risk a hernia. Stay active and keep being vigorous and competitive? Risk a hernia. We age and there’s no getting out of it. And as we age we will tend to breakdown more easily. Get and keep your health insurance in order, because once a hernia happens, it doesn’t heal itself. It requires surgery, and that can be the difference between indolence and staying active later.
Just like during adolescence, your body is going to go through other changes. One day, you’ll wake up and see a shit-ton of ear/nose/back hair you never noticed before. Adjust your grooming habits accordingly. On this stuff, you’ll have to be vigilant because that nose/ear hair shit will grow faster than you’ll ever realize. Girls will never tell you to your face “Ewww, your ears are gross” but you better believe they’ll notice that mustache coming out of your ear canal.
Losing weight/building muscle does get a bit harder. Grind it out, puss-boy. You are gonna have to stay disciplined. It’s not impossible at all to say fit and looking good, but you will have to adjust your strategy to do so. Also, if you are not accustomed to working out, not only should you get that way but you better learn the right form or you’ll be risking the type of injuries described above. If you were a fit 20 year old but slacked for 2 decades, just going back to the gym and throwing shit around can get you hurt. Study up first or even get a trainer to show you the ropes if you need to.
You are going to go gray at some point. Some sooner than others. Some make it work for them, others age terribly with gray. A short hair-cut can fix that a bit. If you are bald and it looks like shit, shave that shit now. If you ever pondered a comb-over, neither I nor this board can probably help you.
Keep your teeth looking good. Fix that grill if you have too. If you need to pay extra insurance to get coverage, it’s worth it.
If you are still young, avoid getting too many tattoos. A few well-chosen ones are fine, but that impulsive sleeve the meth head got ain’t gonna serve you well when you are 40 and it looks older and dumber than you were. You’re not going to be 20 forever and 40 is not a death sentence. Just remember, though, you will be judged on your past and us RP guys know this, so don’t do anything permanent now that will take some spailing or laser removal decades down the road.
Your dick may stop working like it used to. Not sure what to tell you here, as mine is still in tip-top form. Still, it wouldn’t hurt to consult other guys or your doctor. If you are gonna get her home, you are gonna have to rail her good no matter what.
On a related note, some guys lose their testosterone levels as they age. In fact, if I am correct, most do. I’ve never been checked, so I don’t know about myself. However, low-T can negatively affect weight, muscle, libido, and other things. It is something we all should check at some point (same with prostate and colon issues).
Finally, quit smoking. I wish I never started. It cuts into your finances and health too. It’s on my to do list but it should never be on yours as you should never start in the first place. Always keep in mind that the habits you start young are the hardest to break when you are older. Add in addictiveness to those habits and you’ve doubled the height of your hurdle.
Very, very few men can rock the same hair they had at 22 when at 40. If your hair makes you look like you are holding on to the past, go get a bigboy haircut. Make it stylish of sorts and don’t make it look like every jack-ass father in a collared shirt. If you are sporting a pony tail over 30-35, you probably look like an idiot. Probably.
Speaking of clothes, if you can walk out of a bar and onto the golf course and still make dress code, you probably are not doing it right. Those short-sleeve collared shirts are for the golf course but they do nothing to make you look good or turn the chicks’ heads (not saying that is all you should be about, just be forewarned that many “comfortable” men’s attire do nothing in terms of your SMV). If you want the ladies’ attention, don’t make yourself common or
ordinary, which = invisible.
Find some nice vintage clothes that say “stylish swag” and not “50s dad” or “metro-sexual.” You are not going for hip or trendy but rather “timeless cool” or “unique and unplaceable.” I get a ton of complements from women on the jackets I find at thrift stores and vintage stores. If you do it right, you look like you put little to no thought in your appearance but you still look sharp because it is simply a reflection of who you are.
Belts and leather shoes should be in your wardrobe. Colored socks too.
Can’t beat a good fitting pair of jeans. These are classic. Just make sure they fit so that it doesn’t look like you have a load of shit in your pants.
If you are still fit and got good muscle tone, plain black/grey t-shirts are a good go to. In fact, a lot of slightly tight fitting t-shirts will look good on you if you are fit. Too tight and you look like you are trying too hard. Find some that are form fitting without you busting out of them.
None of your clothes should look like an advertisement for the company that produced them. Big logos and popular name brands do nothing to set you apart. You look like a drone.
If you can afford it, get a tailor-made suit or two.
Lose all of the following: sports jerseys, baseball caps, cargo shorts, tennis shoes (unless playing a sport). These are for kids and you are a grown-ass man now. I know some younger guys will protest, but go into any bar, club, restaurant, etc. and spot the 40+ guy wearing this shit and then spot the smartly dressed lothario… who do you think looks more Johnny-on-the-spot and attractive to women? In fact, I would offer the same advice to 20 year olds. Again, if you wear this shit your look like just every other schmuck at the bar, the mall, the restaurant, the gym, the bookstore, etc.
Very few hats are going to make you look good.
In cold weather, find a long, stylish coat, not the generic North Face shit every other guy wears. If you wear them, learn how to tie a scarf that looks stylish but not effeminate.
As you mature, you should develop a wide range of hobbies, skills, and interests and, if you do it right, these will produce accomplishments. Combined, you become a well-rounded man exuding experience and confidence, which you should do whether or not you want to spin plates, wife-up, or go your own way and ignore women.
And by hobbies and interests, I definitely do not include “gaming.” That shit is a time-sink with no appreciable payoff outside the console. It’s for children… aged under two digits.
Music, painting, hunting, woodcraft, martial arts, sports, climbing, and whatnot are the types of hobbies and interests you should cultivate. There are, of course, others.
You should have some nerves of steel forged in competition with other men. Sports are a good choice here. Even if you are not a genetic athletic freak, you need to have experience testing your mettle against other men and overcoming fear of pain, defeat, etc. If you are past highschool/college, you can still find pick-up games and other things to participate in. You need to do this while you are younger so that when you are older you are used to the effort, skill, and discipline it takes when challenging yourself.
You should have participated in something, hopefully lifelong, that challenges you and makes you overcome your fears and perceived limitations (or even real ones). Learn to cook. Write a book. Hike the Appalachian Trail. Build a deck. Rebuild an engine. Know how to ride a motorcycle. Brew beer. You get the picture.
Develop a home library with books you’ve actually read and can talk about. You should sound like you know things without being showy or smug. Humble is okay if your intelligence is off the charts but otherwise just be educated, well-read, and able to hold a conversation on a variety of topics.
In your late 20s and early 30s, you should be moving up in your career. You don’t have to necessarily be an obsessed ladder climber, but you should have more ambition than being at the bottom rung. A man should always move forward in life and if done with a level of effort and skill, rewards, including women, will come. Don’t give yourself the opportunity to look back with regret.
By your late 30s into your 40s, you should have accomplishments and stories to tell. Your life should be interesting to hear about (without bragging) and also interesting day in and day out. It should be a life that others would either envy or like to join. You should never be “bored” or “boring.”
Social Circle/Social Life
It is hard to imagine something more important than having a circle of good friends you love and trust. In your teens and 20s, you should be weeding out people that bring no value to your life and weeding in those who improve it. Choose wisely and you’ll cultivate life-long friendships that are invaluable. They will have your back, invite you to parties and get togethers, and come to yours. You’ll enjoy their accomplishments and they will embrace yours. If you remain single, this will be your family as you age.
You should avoid gaming chicks in your social circle as you age, for several reasons. First and foremost, the guys in your social circle are your best allies and they need to feel very, very secure that their women will not see you as a branch to swing to. Your reputation in that circle is everything, guard it with your life. Don’t hit on women in that circle, taken or otherwise. If a woman is taken and you game/bang her, you risk blowing up your most valuable life-resource. So, don’t do it with any women in that circle.
Really, not even the single ones? No, not even them. Why? Because when you become intimate with a woman, she’s very likely to tell her friends about you. If you are good in the sack, they will know and you don’t really want a bunch of married women to find out and then start playing jealousy games with their hubbies/your guy friends. Shit in the sack? The same, she’ll tell her friends and if her friends are yours, they will know. Which leads to a third reason not to game women in your circle: it’s their job to act as preselection for you and introduce you to their friend at work or whomever. If your SMV rep in your circle turns to shit, then other doors will close.
You will bring your women into that circle when you choose but this too comes with risks. The foremost risk is that your new girlfriend makes friends with your female friends. Often, this is good because it creates a nice community of rainbows and unicorn farts and everyone is happy… until you dump her / she dumps you. Then you’ve got the problem that your female friends keep inviting your ex-gf to bookclub, girls weekend, birthday parties, etc. and now you’ve got to see her regularly still. Sometimes this works out okay but not often. Worse yet when you now have a new gf and the ex-gf is still part of the group. If you are lucky, everyone acts like adults, but don’t count on it.
At some point, whether you like it or not, you will become the “old guy” at the club. This will happen probably before you realize it. And by “club” I mean the “thunk thunk thunk” vacuous music DJ type of club with sluts and skanks everywhere. I’ve never been one to frequent such places much, but you know the club and guy I’m talking about. Even if you are fit and look good, your age will show through at some point and it will be hard NOT looking like the “old guy” trying to score young chicks. The problem is not scoring young babes per se, but rather looking like that dude skeeving on them, which in fact makes them run away. It’s a suckers bet.
So you can still bag the young hotties but your venues and strategies may have to change. Pubs, bars, social events, live music venues, professional meetings, art galleries, sporting events, etc. become better grounds for your pursuits. If you look and dress well, women of all ages will still be attracted to you and you will have to adjust your gaming strategy accordingly.
Some parts of game will change, some will stay the same.
First, what stays the same?
Be fit. Dress well.
Be fun, but often stoic. Don’t get overly emotional on minor topics and stay in control.
Emotion is best expressed as passion for some interest you have.
You must always have abundance mentality and exude outcome independence.
Don’t chase. What is chased runs away.
Minimal text-game outside a LTR. Texting is the girl’s job.
Screen and screen hard and well.
Second, what changes?
Frame is easier to keep. You’re older, more experienced, etc.
You cut your losses quicker. You’ll put up with flakes and female bullshit a lot less. Your willingness to walkaway becomes easier. You know more what you want and what you don’t.
You might even consider some “slump busters” you might not have earlier in life. Your mileage may vary, of course, but you just might find that a few less-attractive women with a touch of girth can be a freaking hoot in bed. They are horny and some of them love to be despoiled. I know many RP guys will recoil at this and I have a hard time rejecting their objections…. Still, that said, some rides at the amusement park are more fun than they look. Sometimes you just do it for a lark… just don’t make a habit out of it…. Just like fastfood.
Venues change, as discussed above.
Actively gaming younger girls is something you will do less. Stress here on “actively”, meaning your overt attempts to sarge them will decline and your skills at “passively” attracting them to you will increase. Your ability to tease them, not take them seriously, coming off as a high-value man will all naturally increase. You’ll find younger women like your company and will make themselves available for a more subtle type of game that doesn’t come off as old guy trying to bang young chicks. Rather, it will appear as young chicks trying to prove themselves to you they are worthy of a spin.
Your attitude about age will change. There is no one day where you wake up and feel “like an adult” or like “a 40 year old.” If you’ve done it right, you’ll still feel like the same 20 year old dude you were (with the body changes mentioned above). But your attitude about women’s age will change though. I often read comments from younger guys about older women that go something like, “to hell with those cougars and their saggy tits and dried up pussies.” Well, the news is that (1) not all older women have saggy tits and dried up pussies and (2) whether your want to admit it or not, as you age you will slowly find a certain percentage of women your age attractive and sexually viable. Yes, you will not lose your boner for younger hotties but at some point that 30-40 year old chick at the bar looks more appealing to you when you are 45 than she ever would have when you were 20 or 30. Of course, the choice is yours whether or not you decide to pursue any one of them, but the fact of the matter is your tastes and desires will morph over time. You may not like to hear the idea that someday you’ll find yourself gaming and banging some 40 something former CC rider, but again if you are committed to remaining single you will age and your decision making viz-a-viz opportunities for casual sex will change too. Trust me on this one. And many of them are great in the sack and if you’ve screened well, they know it’s a ONS and won’t stalk your suave smooth talking laconic ass.
And, if you do what I’ve spelled out in all the prior above, younger chicks will still come to you. This is for a few reasons. First, if you’ve done it right, most women will underestimate your age by about 10-15 years. Some of this is because you look good but much of it is because of your attitude. Wife, mortgage, soul-crushing job, fat gut, and bad dad style have been avoided in your life and you’ve cultivated interests, tastes, hobbies, and accomplishments. The result is that your DEMEANOR is something that is attractive and does not shout “old, boring guy.”
Second, as we know, many women prefer guys older than them, though not always too much older. And if you are attractive and interesting, there are many younger women whose curiosity will be piqued by you. They will often subtly make themselves available for gaming (know the signals).
Third, there’s an additional subset of younger women who actively pursue older men and not for beta-bux. If you’ve been meticulous to not cultivate a “dad” persona, they will see you as an experienced “bad boy” who just might be a ton of fun. These women know that older men fuck better than the little boys throwing themselves at every set of tits they see. Be the former guy, not the latter.
But be warned… there are women out there that see older guys as potential beta-bux by default. Your job is to display this is not you and you do this by your appearance, style, demeanor, attitude, frame, and game.
Still, you will find your patience with younger girls starts to become very taxed. You might still want to bang them and sometimes can, but you’ll discover a drawback of their youth. Younger girls are often impulsive, vacuous, incredibly boring, mercurial, and often just plain stupid. They usually have shit game and you’ll not have the patience for it. Now, this is not to say that no women that are older lack these traits, but rather you’ll find that spending a lot of your free time with younger women becomes trying and often just a time-sink. They are great to pull from a bar for a romp, but dating them is not all it’s cracked up to be (with exceptions, to be sure).
One way to manage this is to keep her in a strict plate-status. If you girlfriend her up, you’ll find that she’ll want you to go hang out with her gaggle of hens. Spending a decent amount of time with 3-5 20-somethings at a bar when your 40 is basically a drag. Nothing beyond their drunken sex stories is interesting and even then those get tiresome. If you do more than meeting up with a younger hottie for just a bang, you do it on your terms and environs and avoid too much time at hers. You wanna be that guy at her sorority mixer? Meet her parents that are your age? Really?
Some warnings about women the same age as you in your 40s. First, the RP axiom of never dating single mothers will need some modification. If you are lucky, her fuck trophies are older and don’t need her constant dotage. Second, just because of the way growing older works, the odds simply grow that the women you meet will have kids. Now, here at TRP we know the problems with women with kids (you’ll always be second or third priority; she’s looking for a provider, etc) but if you rule them out from the get-go, you can miss out on some fun times. Here’s why…
Many older single mothers are dick-craving women busting to have a good time. Just don’t give the impression that you are looking to wife-up anyone. They’ll take a spin and likely move on once they realize you are not a substitute daddy in the making. Also, they are much more tolerant of you spinning other plates if they perceive you as high value (i.e., a woman rather share an alpha….etc.).
Another thing about actually dating older women is that many of them will start prodding in subtle ways about moving in with you. They’ll wonder about your bills, finances, mention friends who are moving in together, ask you how your retirement plan compares to hers, etc. They’ll probably start this around your first year anniversary if you are in LTR. Be prepared. And, I can hardly blame them. Who doesn’t consider their long-term security as they age? I know I do…
I’m not going to advise you to or not to move in with her, but I will advise you that it should only be after year two, if you even consider it. An older woman will often be on her best behavior for year one and if she knows she has you on lock down, then the LTR shit-tests will start. Personally, I see no reason to change what you’ve always been doing. I’ll probably not even consider having a woman live with me before 50, but that’s just me.
Also, once some older woman have been with you for a while, they’ll wonder when and if “you are going to settle down”…meaning, stop going out, stop having fun, stop drinking so much, stop going to concerts, and so on. That woman is not for you. That’s the beta-ization process.
Watch out for it. If you end up with a woman your age in your 40s, she should, in my opinion, have the following traits: like you, she’s INTENTIONALLY avoided marriage and kids. You should never LTR up a woman who is still pining for a ring and spawn. Also, if she’s avoid these things because of her feminist cred, that could be a serious problem as she’ll not be used to male leadership in a relationship or household. She should have the same interests, to some extent, as you. You like to hike the woods? So should she. You like live music? So should she. Is she not into sports? Well, she should at least know and accept that you are going to watch the goddamn game with or without her. In short, the woman you date seriously at this age should do very, very little to change who you are. If she does and you stay with her, you are asking for trouble.
Never, ever forget that you are the prize and your own priority.
So, for a LTR and not just banging, your woman should have planned a life similar to yours (i.e., no marriage, no kids, lots of interests). These women WILL get rarer as you age. Also, I personally believe she should have a career and not just a job. Now, we hear at TRP very often that a woman’s degree and corporate job do nothing for our boners. That’s true. Still, if you are committed to being single as you age but still want to do more than spin plates (i.e., LTR), she should have cultivated some sort of skill, talent, intellect that translates into a productive career. That shows she has some substance and if you are going to do more than fuck, you will need to have conversations and activities and so she should be interesting too and have more going for her than just a set of tits.
She should know how to cook. She should eat right. She should remain active. She should take care of her appearance. She should have a good sense of humor. In short, make sure she brings more than her sexuality to the table if you are going to have to spend time with her outside of the bedroom.
And more than anything else, she should be pleasant and fun to be around. You date her because she adds value to your life. If she doesn’t, you simply move on.
Abundance mentality and outcome independence are still your best friends. Why? Because even in your 40s, women sense desperation easily. You should not give off an air that your life is incomplete without a girlfriend. No woman wants a man who needs her to be “complete”. That’s rom-com nonsense and even if a woman believes this on the surface, once she’s in a relationship with that type of guy, she’ll grow to despise him and soon he’ll despise himself.
Avoid that shit at all costs.
So, those are some of my thoughts and advice. Any input by older guys in the forum is most welcomed.