all 84 comments

[–]Brooklynbulls 265 points266 points  (5 children)

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Your devious plan to make the rest of the world get a silly tattoo next to your balls simply isn't working. You're gonna have to get more creative.

[–]biffsocko[S] 23 points24 points  (2 children)

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if I flex, I can make the worm dance too!

[–]Manuel_S 3 points4 points  (1 child)

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My worm dances. Gotta get me a tattoo to make him company.

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

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[deleted]

    [–]SunAtNight 127 points128 points  (5 children)

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    Pussypass with a twist: even with certified crazy, rape accusations are taken as gospel truth.

    [–]Esminia 20 points21 points  (1 child)

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    Might not be pussypass, could be for male retards too. but this is some seriously shit policy yes

    [–]ThePedanticCynic 4 points5 points  (0 children)

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    could be for male retards too.

    This is a necessary requirement for pussypass.

    [–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (2 children)

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    Well there is a shit ton of sexual abuse of both men and women in psych hospitals.

    [–]biffsocko[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

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    for the record - I can see where it could happen, but I've never witnessed any kind of abuse where I worked

    [–]SunAtNight 1 point2 points  (0 children)

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    I'm not saying to turn a blind eye. All accusations should be taken at face value as a standard. But one would at least hope the accused is considered innocent until proven otherwise. That's not always the case. In fact, it's rarely the case.

    [–]monsieurhire2 37 points38 points  (4 children)

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    On the other hand, someone finds out about it = proof of rape! Welcome to the real world, where you can get fucked in the ass with a splinter-filled broom-handle at the drop of a hat. Why would they AUTOMATICALLY believe people in a psych ward? I mean, sure, they are many cases where they ARE abused, but why does it automatically mean a suspension upon accusation. I bet there were little to no consequences for her either.

    [–]chakravanti93 4 points5 points  (0 children)

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    Bingo.

    Tattoos are more identifying than not.

    [–]biffsocko[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

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    You're right - no consequences for her at all.

    [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child)

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    Agreed. Women love to share juicy gossip about men. I was at a party not too long ago and two women that I barely know decided I was the person to bring up another guys' dick shape with. They described the dick in detail and asked for my opinion on whether it was normal. I guarantee that every woman in their friends group knows about this guy's dick. Similarly, if anyone finds out about OP's worm tattoo, everyone does. He was lucky, it was his personal get out of jail free card, but it only works once. And as stated above, once the secret is out anyone can use it to abuse you.

    [–]Hughtub 5 points6 points  (0 children)

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    And imagine the simple creativity required to make it sound 100% real: "he even told me to lick the worm on his tattoo on his inner thigh". NOBODY would disbelieve such a claim.

    [–]DegenerateAsshole 57 points58 points  (0 children)

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    That's a great idea. Hilarious, but great. I luckily have never been accused of rape but I have had the 'im gonna tell everybody you raped me' thrown at me by a girl I hardly knew and it scared the shit out of me.

    [–]T-rexTea 34 points35 points  (15 children)

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    Great story, man. But aside from a 'forced' blowjob, it won't serve in most other cases of false rape allegations.

    [–]biffsocko[S] 22 points23 points  (7 children)

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    apparently, it got Michael Jackson out of whatever happened as well.

    [–]scarfox1 43 points44 points  (4 children)

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    Yeah he was still black down there

    [–]HolographicWhaleTail -3 points-2 points  (2 children)

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    Oh shit, really? Wtf why would he keep himself two-tone?

    [–]iopq 28 points29 points  (0 children)

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    So he could say he's black from the waist down

    [–]updock -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

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    That or paying every child got him off. The dude admits to sleeping with children. Might not be a good example.

    [–]17 Endorsed ContributorHumanSockPuppet 48 points49 points  (3 children)

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    You don't even need the tattoo. Just say "Oh yeah? Describe the tattoo I have down there." If she goes into a BS description, or hesitantly declines to give one, or says anything other than "you don't have one," she's obviously lying.

    [–]chakravanti93 1 point2 points  (0 children)

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    The problem is that that's also the best response to that inquiry when making a false rape accusation. Statistically, a cock you've never seen is less likely to be tatted than have any specific tattoo, possibly a tattoo at all but IDK real statistics on men tattooing their groin.

    That takes logic. I would probably rrather not work in mental health than have the kind patient capable of that level of calculating odds be believed at their word.

    Not to mention you're in a medical facility. How was he suspended before she had a rape test kit?

    [–]Soulcrux 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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    I don't think they usually give you the option to cross-examine the accuser in front of an intermediary who decides whether or not to report the whole thing to an actual court depending on the outcome.

    [–]ablank1313 10 points11 points  (2 children)

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    In a similar situation where the girl was crying actual rape as opposed to a blowjob, they would have done a rape kit and fihured out that the woman had not in fact had sex with the guy.

    [–]zookeepier 10 points11 points  (0 children)

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    Unless she said it happened weeks ago.

    [–]SCOldboy 8 points9 points  (0 children)

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    Or in the same situation, you could just asked the accusing party to describe your tattoo. This will probably lead them to describe a tattoo that doesn't actually exist. ie. it's clear they are lying

    [–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

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    I'll take your advice when I take over your job in the psych ward.

    [–]miscmantheman 7 points8 points  (2 children)

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    TBH I'd rather lose my job than have that goofy fucking tattoo.

    [–]symko 1 point2 points  (1 child)

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    Amen! In the 90's, "wow cool you have a tattoo!" Today, " oh you have a tattoo."

    http://theoatmeal.com/pl/minor_differences5/tattoos

    [–]biffsocko[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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    well, It was actually the early 90's when I got the tattoo. And, while I have a few others, I have absolutely no recollection of getting this one. Like I said - I woke up with a tattoo.

    [–]ProfessorD2 3 points4 points  (0 children)

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    I have a distinctive, obvious but not hideous, birthmark down there so no tattoo needed. :) but great idea!

    [–]captainramen 2 points3 points  (0 children)

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    Gonna put my higgs boson decay right there

    [–]SilentDoodlebug 2 points3 points  (2 children)

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    Wouldn't it also work if you asked for them to describe the tattoo in the general area of your johnson, and then when they give a detailed description, reveal you don't have one there?

    [–]AuspiciousGroove 0 points1 point  (1 child)

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    It would also maybe work if he got the tattoo (or for that matter a fake one) after he got accused.

    [–]Phoenix978 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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    He'd have to get the timing perfect, I heard they have a long healing time. My be too obvious if it's too fresh.

    [–]vox_veritas 2 points3 points  (0 children)

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    "I had my eyes closed because the experience was so traumatic I was trying to block it out of my memory."

    [–]Endorsed Contributor2comment 1 point2 points  (0 children)

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    I guess tattooing your scrotum with a pic of two lottery balls would be too painful?

    The thing is, I could see this as a double edged sword. Girlfriends blab. Her girls will know all about it, and them or their friends could make false rape claims seem more legitimate.

    [–]Hughtub 1 point2 points  (0 children)

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    Similar story - I was minding my own business in the library one day when a sexy librarian came up to me in the corner and whispered in my ear, "I'm going to fuck you whether you like it or not. Come with me to the librarian's office or I'll fuckin KILL you!"

    I went with her and she started ramming her ass into my hard dick doggystyle. I noticed she had a small tattoo on her lower back, and that's how I identified her to the police.

    So tattoos are also useful to identify sexy women librarian rapists.

    [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

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    I have an outline of a diamond in my pubic hair. I call it the diamond in the rough.

    [–]pleasedontknowme30 1 point2 points  (13 children)

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    or ask them to describe your erection. Some guys have a unique erection (veins, curve, size, etc...) so yea, would be awkward to prove that, but cheaper then a tattoo :)

    [–]breakingmad1 5 points6 points  (2 children)

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    That's so retarded though, I doubt if a girls getting raped she looks at your dick, she's probably trying to fight you off. Hell i fucked girls without ever looking at their pussy, just slipped it im

    [–]pleasedontknowme30 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

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    A bj and sex are a bit different she can better describe a dick her mouth has been on

    [–]Esminia 1 point2 points  (0 children)

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    Wow that's clever. Do you have any other tricks to prove things like this ?

    [–][deleted]  (8 children)

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    [deleted]

      [–]pleasedontknowme30 -5 points-4 points  (7 children)

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      Well the western "norm" is cut...so they might think going for the opposite of said question would be correct. Unless it was used as an additional question.

      [–]dotrar 6 points7 points  (1 child)

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      Well the western "norm" is cut

      keep telling yourself that. And your sons.. and your son's sons...

      [–]pleasedontknowme30 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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      I am uncut. My kids were uncut when babies but due to a medical issue we had them cut. But wasn't our first choice.

      [–]1121895 4 points5 points  (3 children)

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      Circumcision is no more normal than a lobotomy

      [–]Jar_of_apples 1 point2 points  (1 child)

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      western norm does not mean he's saying the practice is normal.

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Norm_%28social%29

      [–]1Zanford 1 point2 points  (0 children)

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      Most FRAs do involve sex. It's just it WS consenual.

      Could backfire, by allowing her to prove she'd seen that area.

      [–]Mihawk01 2 points3 points  (0 children)

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      Bitches love tattoos.

      I reckon in situations where your whole life can be destroyed by some crazy bitch, you should take matters into your own hands and get some serious payback. Going as far as physical harm.

      Even though you might say this is too much, this way, if everyone does it, women will know not to mess with men, eventually.

      [–]TheSchnozzberry 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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      I've always planned on getting one around my thigh, now I have a solid reason to go through with it.

      [–]yourenogood 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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      Ha, funny you said this, I was thinking the same thing myself recently.

      I know they do similar things in court; asking the girl how big the guy is, etc; doesn't usually count for a lot though, last one I was reading about the girl said he was huge, his doctor said his penis was tiny, she hamstered it up about "w-well it was huge to me!"

      A tattoo I think would be much more concrete. You'd have to be sure you told absolutely nobody you had it though.

      [–]wellitsajob 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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      Good idea, but one problem: She could claim that you had her do it while you had your pants on, and could believably not know you had ink. On the other hand, if that worked, then this might be able to work even if we don't have a tattoo at all: We could claim that we had a prominent, visible tattoo on the front of our thigh (without proving it) and ask her what it was, and that would still make her confess because she'd have no reason to doubt you when she already knows she's the liar. When you're being accused of bullshit, you have bullshit on your side.

      [–]FortunateBum 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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      You're just lucky she wasn't a better liar. There are so many lies a woman could tell to skirt the tattoo issue: Too dark, pants on, I was in fear of my life, etc.

      [–]bama79rolltide 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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      Always make them ask cut or uncut.

      [–]charlie_bodango 0 points1 point  (1 child)

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      Brilliant. Or stupid. I can't tell.

      [–]biffsocko[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

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      I woke up with that tattoo .. i have no memory of getting it. .. sooooo probably stupid.

      [–]EscortSportage 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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      wow a tattoo that actually does something good in life. Im impressed.

      [–]1exit_sandman 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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      Sadly, works only if you were never intimate and if it was only a blowjob (or something comparable for what she had to have a look at your private parts) she made up.