all 73 comments

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[deleted]

    [–][deleted] 25 points26 points  (0 children)

    One thing I witnessed a few weeks ago that I think is an interesting idea. I was at the grocery store and this guy (probably early 20s or late teens) walked up to me and started making conversation. He was definitely practicing approaching people and talking.

    My advice (that I gave him), if you're going to do that have a basket or cart with some shit in it. Otherwise the person you're talking to is wondering what you're selling or what you're looking to buy.

    [–]1TVTestPattern 51 points52 points  (13 children)

    Don't let people cut you off and talk over you when you're making a point. Finish your sentence.

    I'll expand on this a bit and offer a technique I use in all speaking situations.

    Do not let yourself be "cut-off" while speaking.

    "Ok TestPattern, how exactly do I do this?"

    You have all seen this in action, but may not have realized what was going on. How often in a heated discussion have you seen someone butt in while someone else is speaking? A typical speaker will increase their volume and pitch in an attempt to drown out the interloper right?

    Don't be that guy... you sound like a child.

    When speaking, in any situation, never pause at the end of a sentence Only pause mid-sentence... <pause>... never at the end Make sure that the only opportunity others have to jump in... <pause>... because you paused... <pause>... is mid-sentence, and you will never be interrupted again It's because... <pause>... <significant look>... doing this highlights how rude an interloper looks jumping in mid-sentence It's most effective in meetings... <pause>... "Don't you agree Gentlemen?"

    [–]miles37 39 points40 points  (7 children)

    I tried reading this out loud to test it and sounded like Stevie from Malcolm in the Middle.

    [–]1TVTestPattern 18 points19 points  (6 children)

    Listen to Chris Hitchen's speak.

    [–]trying2bracehumanity 5 points6 points  (1 child)

    You can almost hear him making panties wet at 53:42. What a genius, thanks for the great post.

    [–]1TVTestPattern 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    He really was... I find it reassuring when I see examples of sanity like Hitchens. I encourage everyone to YouTube him.

    [–]jimpz 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Great advice. Thanks! Building confidence does wonders with how to handle situations like these but techniques like these definitely nails it down.

    [–]charlesbukowksi 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    subtle, I learned something.

    [–]piiig 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Iv always wondered this, awesome advice I'm going to try it out.

    [–]higher-standards 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    This may work but won't always stop others from interrupting you.

    What i do when someone interrupts repeatedly is simply interrupt them back - and say something like "hold on, I'll let you finish" and then continue on with my point

    [–]1TVTestPattern 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Heh... that reminded me of this clip from Meaning of Life

    [–]RedPillMotors 29 points30 points  (0 children)

    All true, and good stuff.

    At first this stuff is hard to notice unless you see yourself on tape or hear yourself on a recording. After doing some public speaking and seeing myself on tape I started to notice this type of thing in day to day interactions and correct it on the spot. A short pause before speaking is vastly preferable to an aahhhh or ummm.

    Like everything else on this sub, practice is key. It sounds stupid but record yourself giving a prepared speech and you'll notice all kinds of things you could improve.

    [–]1xwm 12 points13 points  (3 children)

    TIL what laconicism is.

    Good post. Not sure what I was expecting, but this is a really well formulated breakdown on speaking

    [–]hakett 4 points5 points  (2 children)

    Actually comes from Laconia, the region of Greece that contained Sparta... Spartan soldiers spoke little but made their words count

    [–]Manmore 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Yeah I love those stories. Like the one where the general sent a note home when they conquered a city, saying only "city taken".

    The ones at home of course thought a "taken" would have been enough.

    Look up some of them, they're pretty funny =)

    [–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (3 children)

    Yep, great points. Except for the bashing on Australians:

    Don't trail off or end sentences . . . with uptalk (aka a rising inflection) as though you're maybe asking a question? It's you know, very beta? Speak like a fuckin man maybe, like?

    (Not serious).

    [–]Average_Black_Man 5 points6 points  (0 children)

    That video is pretty great.

    [–]nightillustrious 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    As an Australian I can relate to this...

    [–]TheOnlyBliebervik 3 points4 points  (4 children)

    I like the points you made. But what if you're naturally not quick on your feet when speaking? Using metaphors (and other enriching conversational tactics) don't really come into my mind when I'm trying to convey a point.

    [–]saucey_cow 5 points6 points  (0 children)

    Practice. Just like approaching women, you may not be good at first, but once you practice you'll be a pro.

    [–]mudra311 3 points4 points  (1 child)

    Read. Reading will allow you to learn certain metaphors, how to tell stories, learn new words, explain things in a different way, etc. there are so many benefits to reading everyday, it's ridiculous.

    Obviously, don't become a recluse and read all the time. Read maybe a chapter a day depending on the book and go socialize.

    Practicing your writing is also a good skill. It will help you learn structure and transitions. Too many people can't transition conversations or get off topic quickly.

    [–]1TVTestPattern 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Nothing has impacted my life in as many positive ways as being an avid reader.

    Remember no matter how skilled you become in anything, your language skills define your ability to communicate that expertise to others.

    [–]rozarin 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    [–]Olipyr 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    I've gotten to the point where if someone does try to talk over me or cut me off I will just call them out. I stop talking, and just stare at the person. If that doesn't get the person, then I'll chime in with a "don't interrupt me."

    Much more effective plus it gets the to apologize to you and gives you the power back. Unless they are a complete chode. If that's the case, you shouldn't be hanging out with them anyway.

    [–]GermanDude1 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Speaking slowly is very important. This is especially important because it gives you time to think. If you leave arguments saying, "Man, if I only remembered to say this," or "I should've said this instead." you have to think more. It's a beta tendency to speed through arguments and appease the person because a beta hates confrontation.

    edit: spelling

    [–]FigurativelyAdolf 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    An interesting text is publicly available from Air University as pdf: On Metaphors We Are Led By. Go look it up. Its very analytic but also insightful. Found it while answering the question "Are there textbooks on military theory specifically created for use on universities?" Turns out that many of them are public.

    [–]zenplus 2 points3 points  (3 children)

    Two weeks ago I made it a point to start doing this. It worked for a day or two but then I reverted back to my old behavior.

    One thing I've found hard is to do this at work. If I'm staring at the computer for several hours and someone asks me a questions, usually I'll be sort of flustered and start talking fast. This is unfortunate as work would benefit most from proper talking.

    Any ideas for a solution?

    [–]Focusi 2 points3 points  (2 children)

    Look them the eyes silently untill you know what to reply and how

    [–]zenplus 0 points1 point  (1 child)

    That's the thing though - I completely forget. I am completely zoned into my work that I forget anything about enunciating or talking slowly.

    [–]Focusi 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Which is why you should take a moment to think about it. Do this everytime someone adresses you and it will become a habit

    [–]RPL23 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    i used to work at a grocery store as a cashier. i always looked forward to working the express lanes because one of my team members was a social genius. i just loved watching him in action and learning from him. in less than 10 seconds, he had people smiling or laughing, telling them their life stories.

    i asked him how he did it. sans verbatim, he said "tonality, indifference of outcome, and make it fun for yourself. they'll come along for the ride".

    TRP like a fuckin' champ.

    [–]the99percent1 7 points8 points  (2 children)

    Voice projection is everything. I can speak clearly and confidently to a roomful of people without the aid of a microphone.

    Now that's something that you need to learn. As a man, public speaking should come naturally to you. If you are not good at it, you will need to work on it and overcome your fear of public speaking.

    [–]Drogoe[S] 4 points5 points  (1 child)

    Were you always able to project your voice to that extent? It's an interesting phenomenon when someone naturally does it, and I wonder how much of it is genetic

    [–]the99percent1 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    no, it never came naturally to me. I had to work on it and had the perfect opportunity when I became a VP of a prominent NGO. For two years all I did was speak in halls, presentations and anything to raise capital for my organization..

    That being said, I do have a deep, low toned and commanding voice. The ones found on CEOs, and Darth Vader.

    [–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    Don't be verbally incontinent.

    Beautifully put. I know too many male friends that are verbally incontinent.

    I think part of the problem is that we are conditioned from birth from television and radio to speak too fast. Typically, broadcasters speak non-stop to avoid "dead air." They also talk fast to cram in what they are trying to say before a certain time limit....especially commercials, of which there is never any shortage anywhere.

    So as kids most of us were plopped in front of said TV from birth, going on several generations now. Guess what behavior we are going to model growing up? It's not rocket science.

    [–]Wiskie 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Toastmasters man, I'm tellin ya.

    [–]easyrandomguy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    so basically... don draper

    [–]BluepillProfessor 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    Holy crap this is some first class advice!

    Don't forget it is the full package you are delivering. Your NONVERBAL communication needs to sync with the verbal. If you are expressing a strong point, any fidgeting or eye darting or even a closed stance is incongruent and unattractive, even weird.

    Also, OP included use of vivid metaphors in his advice but the real meat of it is to EVOKE EMOTIONS in your language especially with girls.

    [–]1Padre55 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    To a point, some people are simply jack n the boxes and will talk over anyone. When that happens, simply wait for "Jack" to STFU then pick your point back up as if they said..nothing.

    From what I've witnessed, the "uhms" and "ahhs" are usually coupled with this sort of frenetic monkey energy..say something, laugh at own joke, fidget fidget, nervous laugh

    I'd also say..make DEFINITIVE statements. If Fellas want to up their Alpha or Sigma game, that is the place to start. Say whatever as if one is Moses coming down from the Mtn top.

    [–]Manmore 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I like this a lot, especially the last one. I've seen it so many times, guys that try to run these long fucking comedy shows and try really hard to make people laugh, without much result. Sometimes I manage to turn everyones attention to myself with one sentence (or even a word). The only problem I have with this is being to silent and kind of "forgotten" in the social environment, if you dont't participate for too long.

    [–]StillRedder 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    • Don't trail off or end sentences with "so", or end your sentences with uptalk (aka a rising inflection) as though you're maybe asking a question? It's you know, very beta? Speak like a fuckin man maybe, like?

    This one and the one below can be corrected the same way: see below.

    • Reduce verbal filler, like uhh, uhmm, like, yaknow. Silence is better while you gather your thoughts, as long as it doesn't stretch on too long. In general don't worry about the silences (Ironically, it's when you blather that people are less likely to listen to and value your words.)

    This one is probably the hardest to master. It takes constant vigilance of the words coming out of your mouth to catch yourself in those "umms" and "uhhs." As you practice, you'll just leave those out and notice the silence those words used to take place of, and it will be awkward being aware of the silence. Revel in it, use the silence to observe your audience. Eventually it becomes a natural ebb and flow (how conversing really ought to be).

    • In public speaking use moderate tones. Low talkers and shouters don’t sound confident, and they're annoying.

    To add to this: speak loud enough for others to hear you, regardless of venue. Nothing more, or less.

    • Using vivid metaphors and imagery is a secret to making your words memorable

    I'd have to say for the new guys, don't be a try hard. Nothing is worse than someone trying to look smarter than everyone around them. It's cringe-worthy. Maybe having a few go-to stories about some crazy shit happening to you (or someone else) with some colorful language will be better suited to noobies.

    • Listen well. It's immensely charming when someone shows a genuine interest in the other person - there's a skill to this, which is hard to convey in writing

    I've heard it said like this: "When you take an interest in people, people are interesting." Literally everyone is better than you at at least one thing; try find out what that is, and learn from them.

    but unless your personality is fruity and high energy then make your words count

    I lol'd, this is me. Happy go lucky game, ftw.

    [–]Drogoe[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I'd have to say for the new guys, don't be a try hard. Nothing is worse than someone trying to look smarter than everyone around them. It's cringe-worthy. Maybe having a few go-to stories about some crazy shit happening to you (or someone else) with some colorful language will be better suited to noobies.

    This is a good point (your whole post is good but this stands out). Don't force it, just make a point of moving in this direction. A little goes a long way.

    [–]Mengs87 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    Excellent. Should go into sidebar.

    [–][deleted]  (2 children)

    [deleted]

      [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      People who talk very quietly.

      This does work to your advantage when you are convincing someone to wear a "puffy shirt" on their appearance on the Today Show.

      [–]1 Endorsed ContributorMeatclap 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      This is a great post, and one I totally agree with. One of the aspects of a leader is clear verbalization, and it frustrates me to no end when someone is speaking and inserts "y'know" into a sentence. That's a fast way to make a statement sound like an implication.

      Don't let people cut you off and talk over you when you're making a point. Finish your sentence.

      I'd add that it's important to listen and understand as well so it goes both ways. If you listen rather than assume to know the rest of what they are saying you are allowing things to be totally clear in the discussion. In an argument it's also a great way to give people all the rope they need.

      [–]notmyuglyside 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      This is good stuff. I'm an air traffic controller and I started improving my speech after hearing myself on recordings. It's amazing how many uhhs we say.

      [–]LetThemEatWar32 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      I really struggle with projecting my voice, and when I try I go hoarse, which is a nuisance.

      [–]seekere 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      As someone with a speech problem (silent blocking), this is an interesting read. the first thing you get taught as a stutterer is to slow down.

      [–]Hymen-Ripper 0 points1 point  (1 child)

      Speaking slower and enunciating are easier said than done. Anyone have tips or exercises for improving this?

      [–]psugrad98 2 points3 points  (0 children)

      Speak slowly. Read a book, pretend you are reading to a child. If you think you are reading slowly or speaking slowly, you are probably speaking faster than you think. Listen to a book on tape and then copy their speech patterns and notice how slowly it feels to you to speak that way, but to others it sounds just about right.

      [–]psugrad98 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      I can attest to this. I am 6 foot tall, so I'm fairly tall, but I have a very deep voice and a naturally very loud voice. I am always told jokingly to 'use my inside voice'.

      I have had several women come up to me and tell me I have a very beautiful voice, once woman actually did a double take when she heard me speak.

      I use it well, I believe, as I can assert myself simply by talking. Raising my voice can be frightening to those not used to it, also by softening my voice I can appear more approachable.

      [–]laplayaplaya 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      [–]daktardoom 0 points1 point  (1 child)

      I'm one of those people who speaks way too fast and often trips over his words. I always have to conciously slow down, but often forget to do so, or when I get enthousiastic I speed up. Aren't there any video courses out there? Or something to learn to speak better?

      [–]TRP-Talk 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      Find a copy of Herman Melville's Moby Dick and read it out loud. Pick any paragraph you like and read it with conviction without making any mistakes. Practice it. Study it like an actor in rehearsal. Sound it out until you discover new ways to emphasize certain parts more than others. Pronounce all the words correctly, pause appropriately at every punctuation mark, and don't be afraid to raise and lower the pitch of your voice. Maybe record yourself doing it. Play it back to yourself and objectively evaluate whether or not you are pleased with what you hear. If you don't like what you hear, keep trying. Strive to become more like a narrator in a movie. Read without haste or too much effort.

      The point is not to go out and conduct yourself like a narrator in a movie or a book, but to recognize that your voice is an instrument and getting good at playing an instrument requires practice. Practice using your instrument on beautiful texts and learn how to use it! Learn how to breathe, first and foremost. Speak using your chest and lungs. Most people are horrible at reading out loud, barely enunciating the words, hardly using their lungs, scarcely pausing where appropriate and entirely without passion or vigor.

      [–]redpillthrower 0 points1 point  (1 child)

      This is one of those things where i go "Do i go with the red pill advice" or with the advice that i have read in very impressive books. "Don't let people cut you off and talk over you when you're making a point. Finish your sentence." Is the exact opposite of what would be recommended in 'the charisma myth' where she says near always let yourself be cut off and make sure if you know someone has a habit of cutting in that you keep your points as short as possible.

      [–]Drogoe[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      if in doubt, go with red pill. doesn't rhyme unfortunately

      [–]87GNX 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Verbosity is womanly

      What is that shit, 15k vs 25k words in a day?

      [–]bisexie 0 points1 point  (1 child)

      Low talkers and shouters don’t sound confident

      What do you mean by "low talkers"? People with low volume or people with deep low voices?

      [–]TheSliceman 0 points1 point  (2 children)

      shouters don’t sound confident

      Not true at all.

      Who sounds more confident than Alex Jones or Joe Rogan. Both are shouters.

      The best is a naturally loud pronunciation. Not shouting, but loud.

      [–]tixzq 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      youre both correct, partially. if you can pull someone in your frame shouting can be useful tool to rile them up further, but its mostly for public speaking, hitler style. in a convo youll sound like a nutjob (jones) or a retarded kid (rogan)

      [–]Drogoe[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Context. public speaking is different - the part you omitted from your paste. public speaking doesn't mean any speaking that's done in a public setting. alex sounds like an idiot in my opinion, and is.

      On podcasts Rogan doesn't shout all the time, he uses moderate tones and fluctuates his cadence as the context calls for it. UFC obviously is a different context

      [–]rubycando 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      It's hard work sorting to all those N'th iterations of X. But then again you sometimes strike diamonds :) Thanks for the great write-up man!

      [–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

      When having a civil discussion with peers, concede some of their points before explaining where your thoughts differ if the objective is to sway to/inform of your POV.

      [–]jjakers88 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

      Don't repeat yourself. It makes you look weak and needy. If you say something twice, yet the person can't hear you or isn't paying attention just be silent.