all 108 comments

[–]BluepillProfessor 63 points64 points  (6 children)

This is what is meant by masculine stoicism. You are on the right path and I have no doubt your grandmother would be proud.

[–]KublerRossWasWrong 5 points6 points  (2 children)

I will share with you an example of what I believe "masculine stoicism" to be. It's a story related to me by a good friend, sometimes-mentor, who happens to be about fifteen years older than me.

His father had passed away and a funeral was arranged. Having been a socially active man in our town, many people attended, including--but not limited to--local businessmen, religious and civic leaders. At the wake, following the service, my friend started talking to the owner of a chain of dry cleaners. He was lamenting his father's sudden poor health that led to his death. The businessman looked at him and said, "What? It wasn't sudden, he's had heart problems for nearly 20 years." My friend was shocked, as nobody in the family--including the man's wife--knew.

As they continued to talk, my friend pressed for details. How could this person know more about his father's medical state than he, his own son, knew? The businessman said, "Surely you know he suffered a heart attack while standing in my store." My friend replied, "No, he's never had a heart attack that I know of, you must be mistaken!"

At this point, the businessman's wife, who happened to also have been an employee that 20 years ago joined the discussion. She relayed a story of the day the deceased stopped in to pick up his dry cleaning. As he reached up to grab the hangers off the rack, he swayed a bit. As the woman watched, he leaned forward and gripped the edge of the counter with both hands. So hard that his knuckles turned white. She said his face turned red and he tensed up, but just stood there for five minutes.

By that point, a small crowd had gathered to hear the story. One of those listening was the man's doctor. Who confirmed that the dear departed had, indeed, come in to his office about a week later and they determined that he had suffered a mild heart attack.

The man rode out a heart attack, in a dry cleaners, standing up, while gripping the edge of the counter. Once it passed, he collected his dry cleaning and went about his business. He never told his family about the incident. According to my friend that was just how is father was. "There wasn't anything any of us could do about it, so why bother telling us? That was typical of him."

That, to me, is perhaps the pinnacle of masculine stoicism.

[–]franklyforthright 4 points5 points  (1 child)

that's just pure retardation. Go seek medical help if you require it. For fucks sakes people

[–][deleted] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

This. Deny and suppress your emotions, even grief. It is totally healthy for you. Women will love you in the end. They don't want another girl who cries. They want a man. If anything, pour out a few glasses of whiskey (neat, always, ) to drown any emotions you may be feeling.

[–]icouldhavehaditall 63 points64 points  (7 children)

This exactly. You need to be a rock, always calm, stoic and unaffected. Women lean on you for support, never the other way around.

[–]ohsweetword 34 points35 points  (0 children)

Women worth your time are allowed to lean on you for support.

[–][deleted] 13 points14 points  (2 children)

I agree with you, but as men, we must recognize our weakness. Our emotions must be understood, from outside the bull-shit frame of "getting in touch with your feminine side", something that equates true masculinity to being a completely disconnected robot. Remember that even Atlas shrugged, and so will men like you and I...many times, I assure you.

[–]DocObvious_ 0 points1 point  (1 child)

That's why your brothers are for. When my friend died on his motorcycle, my bros were right there. I didn't call some woman, my brothers heard about it me called me. They were my shoulder when I needed one, and I'm theirs when they need one.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's what I like to hear (your bros helping you, not the unfortunate news about your friend, I'm sorry to hear that, brother). We as men must cultivate a pro-male culture of brotherhood, and we must help one another out for a change, instead of throwing our fellow men under the bus for the attention of some woman.

[–]merkmerk73 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There are a few situations where women find it acceptable to lean on them just a tad or shed a tear - dead family, dead dog

That's it

[–]DocObvious_ 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My frame is a brick wall. Stoic as fuck. Women will eat out of your hand if you arrange a glimpse into your fortress.

[–]MichaelKeaton 14 points15 points  (3 children)

Yep my grandma just died not too long ago and I was the one that had to go find her. Turns out she had been dead for a week already upstairs in a house with no A/C in the middle of summer. It was a pretty unpleasant sight/smell.

I'm a firefighter/paramedic so I'm used to seeing nasty shit but it's certainly a little worse when it's someone you know. Def didn't get a whole bunch of support/sympathy which is fine but that's the point. You gotta suck it up and keep on truckin. I don't think there's anything out there that can phase me. And I don't want it to.

[–]NemesisN7 6 points7 points  (2 children)

Wow man. Keep staying strong brother. Can I ask you what lead to this to happen? Was she living alone without any hospitalization?

[–]MichaelKeaton 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Yeah she had been living alone for many years. Had been doing fine without any obvious need to check up on her too regularly. Decided to go see what was up when no one had heard from her for a little over a week.

[–]john-b[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Damn ugly way to discover the truth.

[–]nigmondo 35 points36 points  (0 children)

Very sorry to hear of your loss brother

[–]lord_of_vader 9 points10 points  (2 children)

Once your mom dies, you're on your own.

[–]DrakeSaint 21 points22 points  (11 children)

I underwent my first surgery alone. It was my decision to make it. There was no "need" to do it, but both physicians I went to told me there would be huge benefits. It was a simple surgery, which required one day in observation at the hospital, a rhinoplasty to correct a sinus deviation. Looked online and asked around; most people who were recommended on the surgery told me it was the best thing they ever done. A few said it was "shit", and had no real benefit to them, but at the same time all those who were against the surgery had previous nose problems completely unrelated to the deviation.

So I went there, alone. In the first time of my life, doing something completely unnecessary, moved by my own motivation to improve. To become better. If I wanted to improve physically, improving my breathing would be very good.

Stayed at the surgery rooms' corridor for half an hour. Feet trembling, cold temperature, anxious as FUCK. Couldn't sleep that night; stood awake rethinking my priorities, but became adamant in doing it at the end, thankfully. Took the anesthesic. Fell asleep before I could count to 10. Slept like a baby.

People say the first sense you recover is hearing. Heard the doctors removing the breathing tube from my throat. Heard them saying the "surgery was a success". Heard the nurse carrying me to my bedroom. Only became fully awake after ten minutes, or so. The only pain so far was from being tubed; nose didn't hurt, but bled every 15 minutes, even when I was completely immobile on bed.

The first recovery week was tough. Bleedings, general discomfort at the nose and the upper lip. At least there was no pain. Had to go to the doctor once every week to clean the area. First week after surgery took the splints (no packings, thankfully). The biggest relief of my life. Second week took the stitches off. Third week started lifting again (lost 7lbs in this period), but only slightly, and returned to work; had to watch blood pressure. If I lifted too hard, my nose would bleed, and the bleeding wouldn't shut down on itself, so I had to be carried to the hospital.

Fourth week, became 100%. Fifth week, fully recovered my lifting.

I'm in the second month right now, next week it's my 3rd month with a new nose. Everything I do is better; sex, soccer, lifting, sleeping, running... My whole life I was living with an oxygen reduction. After fully recovering it, everything went better.

This was all motivated by my desire to improve. It could be anything. The real question I asked myself was "Why not?". Ask yourself: why not take the chance to improve? Live better day after day.

Be a fucking man.

[–]omgimbackagain 5 points6 points  (6 children)

Did you breathe for your mouth prior? Im looking at this surgery but breathe though my mouth currently.

[–]DrakeSaint 0 points1 point  (5 children)

Seldom, mainly when exercising, sleeping... one of my nostrils had only a fraction of standard oxygen intake. My problem just wasn't worse because I always practiced swimming, which improves breathing a lot. It always felt normal to me, but after the surgery, it still feels like heaven to not run out of air even when exerting myself to the peak of my physical conditions.

Look for a trusty doctor and do it. Think of like a shitty month investment for a lifetime of improvement.

[–]jjshinobi 0 points1 point  (3 children)

So anyone can do this and suddenly get more oxygen?

[–]DrakeSaint 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Anyone with a sufficiently deviated septum, excess nose cartilage or a bone spicula which interferes with the air passage. Not all deviations are harsh enough. Most people have only slight deviated septums which some doctors insist they should do surgery, even though the benefits are minimal and/or inexistent (this is why I went to consult myself with two completely unrelated otorhinolaryngologists for surgery evaluation; both had the same diagnostic).

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Did you snore before your surgery? My ENT suggested I get a rhinoplasty/sinuplasty done because I snore loud as fuck. It's the only thing that's killing my confidence and I can't wait to have these procedures over with. Glad it went well for you man.

[–]DrakeSaint 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Only slightly, when I was very very tired. As I posted here before, my breathing when sleeping was seldom done by mouth, and snoring happened under those circunstances sometimes. It can definately help.

[–]omgimbackagain 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is my life of thinking. I just want to be able to train myself to nose breathe and get enough oxygen aswell. It seems to either work really well, or do nothing. Nothing ventured nothing gained.

[–]BloodyPhallus 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Are you saying that you can now fuck, play, lift, and run without breathing through your mouth?

[–]DrakeSaint 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm saying that even though I still breathe through my mouth sometimes (mainly when physical exertion is happening), my nose isn't partially blocked. You only absorb air 100% through your mouth if you physically block your nose, so now even when I breathe through my mouth, I get more oxygen.

I can now sleep without breathing through my mouth, though. Which is great.

[–]the99percent1 0 points1 point  (1 child)

I did the same surgery too.. albeit with a family member around and constant visits from friends. Did you have your tonsils removed? After years living with this condition, my tonsils had enlarged to the size of golf balls!. Some freakishly huge tonsils I had.

The feeling of having nose corrected, wow, finally realised what it felt like to breathe without any blockage. My snoring was completely gone after that too.

[–]DrakeSaint 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No reason to remove them yet. But if needed be, I'll have to, most probably.

[–][deleted] 210 points211 points  (20 children)

No Facebook attentionfest, just TRP attentionfest.

[–]TheKyleP 152 points153 points  (4 children)

I understand but disagree with this sentiment. We often talk about how we need male spaces because only another man can empathize with us.

His post is valid, and If he only did it because he needs some fellow men to pat him on the back and say "carry on my man" then I for one am glad to do so.

[–]insickness 31 points32 points  (3 children)

His comment is getting upvoted because it points out something legitamate: we all seek validation in one way or another. Reddit is a form of validation with its upvotes and downvotes. To seek validation is human. I would argue that it's the most human part of us.

Human beings (and chimps) are separated from the lower animals by our hierarchy. Every animal is social to some extent, more or less, and social living requires hierarchy in order to function properly. Without it, everyone would be at each other's throats.

Human beings (and chimps) form a different type of hierarchy than lower animals like wolves. Social hierarchy for wolves is based on threat. Who ever is the most physically dominant wolf, who ever can win a physical fight with every other wolf in the pack, is the leader.

Human beings (and chimps) form hierarchy based on contribution. The person with the most valuable contribution is the leader in what is termed hedonic hierarchy (as opposed to agonic or threat-based hierarchy). Who is at the top of the hedonic, contribution-based hierarchy? Nobel prize-winners, Olympic gold-medalists, elected presidents. Those who contribute most to society are given the most power.

Our entire social structure is based on rewarding those who contribute most. Reddit (and facebook) simply harness this inner program. It feels good to get upvotes and bad to get downvotes. These things mean nothing practical in our lives. It won't effect me at all if five thousand people downvote me or upvote me, but to get upvotes feels good because I'm a human being. I am a validation-based organism.

[–]Overzealous_BlackGuy 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I don't think his comment was meant to be read that way...but as human beings I believe we do seek validation. I think there should be a thread on this as well. I mean part of TRP is learning to not have to strive on validation, whether it comes from friends , family , or females. Relying on a crutch when you're fully capable of walking won't get you far.

[–]jjshinobi 2 points3 points  (0 children)

True, in this validation-based society, men's second half of exponential growth and contribution increases after focusing on intrapersonal intelligence. Old school societies and clubs were based on charitable consulting that increased intrapersonal intelligence which lead to less conspicuous tendencies and more awareness on how to socially mobilize, together.

[–]BehrGris 24 points25 points  (0 children)

I'd hardly call this an attention fest

[–]Perfected 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I disagree, everyone here doesnt even know this guy, i'm assuming, hes not actually getting any real attention from anyone that matters. He's just using his situation as an example.

[–]1Watermelon_Salesman 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Partially agree.

TRP can start massive circlejerks, but it can also be a decent enough resource.

I think it's fine to have a space to talk to brothers, or to share experiences with strangers who understand you. No need to circlejerk, no need to "poor you", but the feeling of isolation does us no good either.

Just keep an eye out to avoid becoming a professional victim.

[–]GottlobFrege 4 points5 points  (3 children)

reminds me of a post here where some guy accused women of being vapid and paying too much attention to celebrity news, then listed a bunch of detailed celebrity news topics that he is condemning women for knowing about

[–]LAMFF 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hahaha, I remember that post! Sounded like he hurried home from work to watch TMZ every night.

[–]Ididitall4thegnocchi 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Meh, we might have handles but this is mostly an anonymous arena.

[–]cali_gunner 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Nobody knows who he is here. It's genuine empathy.

[–]john-b[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

I'm using an anonymous name and you are too. By your principle, I could say you are attentionfesting by claiming I'm attentionfesting.

I've also not posted to my facebook about it in any way. I've told a few friends about it as to explain why I won't be able to hang out with them on the weekend which is the extent of it.

My grandma dying was only the context in which the subject of my post was about.

Not my fault you failed to see the message and instead embarked on an ego trip.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

The whole idea behind reddit is to get attention for things you post. If you weren't looking for some kind of attention, why even post it in the first place? Anonymous or not, you still wanted some validation for your thoughts. I was merely pointing out the irony. I'm not sure how that equates to an "ego trip."

Anyway, nothing personal, since this is all anonymous. Sorry about your grandmother.

[–]john-b[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The same to you, nothing personal.

[–]1johnnight -1 points0 points  (2 children)

He does not need our validation of his emotions. All he needs is our agreement on the facts.

That IS the difference.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Emotional states aren't facts about the world? You've lost your mind.

[–]2RedPillSafe 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Civilization was once geared toward enhancing our natures as men and women to give a larger purpose in life. (family, neighborhood, state, nation) But history shows that civilization often breaks down and reverses the natural order and forces us back into the lowest starting point of just guarding ourselves. While I agree all is lost now, I don't agree that it's always lost. Realize that the future is not going to repeat the present. This era ends eventually.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

An easy lesson to forget in our current cultural climate. No matter how emasculated we are by society and our parents, the burden of being a man will always weigh upon our shoulders.

To be a man is a truly humbling thing.

[–]hamstercide 9 points10 points  (2 children)

I'm pretty sure your family is joining there in your grief at the funeral, as well as anyone else attending, so no, you're not alone. I know everyone here emphasizes that you should "be stoic" like some '80s action movie hero, but realize that even Jesus and Gilgamesh wept, as we are drifting away from healthy human nature. My condolences to you, though.

[–]zlex 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This. Also, I don't think there is anything wrong with talking about your grief with friends and family. It's healthy. As someone who has lost a lot of family I can tell you that it's a lot easier to pretend your emotions don't exist than it is to deal with them.

[–]CH375268277ARS 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Let me ask the sub a question based on the present scenario:

You don't have a LTR to lean on and FB attention fests are clearly not in our quiver... however posting here, whether you check the comments or not shows that your human, you feel emotion and do appreciate support.

Where and how do we draw the line between asking for attention and asking for support when needed? Is it OK here because we trust each other?

I'm asking because I'm I'm curious.

OP - Sorry for your loss and thanks for the post.

[–]TheSKSpecial 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Where and how do we draw the line between asking for attention and asking for support when needed?

Simple. What's the end goal? If it's anything other than "solving the problem I need support for", it's attention.

That said, wanting attention and human contact is not a bad thing. The problem comes when it becomes your priority and you're focusing inordinate amounts of time on it.

[–]Surf_Or_Die 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sure, but I'm not ashamed to admit that I cried when my grandma died. We were very close and I loved her. You deal with it but I ain't no fucking terminator. When my family members die I feel a pain much worse than a broken arm.

With that said, no there's no attention whoring feel sorry for me-type of shit. I just gathered with my family and we shared memories of her. I imagine it will be much the same the day that my parents die.

[–]raouldukeesq 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm a person. I'm on my own. And so are you.

[–]1cover20 1 point2 points  (1 child)

The girls can't trust their girlfriends. We often have real friends, something they may never have had.

Notice how your gf or wife "dumps" you when you have a personal difficulty? They are no better to each other, probably worse, and that's with their "best friends".

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

When my father died, as soon as I told my girl what happened, I never heard from her again. I saw on her fb she was now seeing some overweight drug dealer and doing coke with her 'buddies.'

Women are sex toys, nothing more. My boys were there for me all the way, though.

[–]hawkster9542 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Self-reliance and the ability to keep your shit together when everything hits the fan are two of the hallmarks of masculinity. Keep it up, my man.

[–]RN_TH3_TRP 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm sorry for your loss. This was a good reminder for me today. Thanks for posting.

[–]brotherjustincrowe 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We buy guns until the gun-grabbers try and have us thrown in jail for even talking about it (not gonna beat the Elliot Rodger dead horse but did anyone else catch when some feminazi said RPers were "terrorists" and anyone going on RP sites should be imprisoned?)

That's all that concerns me honestly. Everything else is a matter of holding frame.

[–]pickyourking -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I will pray for the repose of her soul.

[–]oshouseofreps 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i was just thinking about this on the way out of my house this afternoon, go figure

[–]Fulgidus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This remembered me of two years ago, when my LTR left me a month after my father died and my mother was diagnosed with cancer for the second time...

I remember the patting on my back from few close friends, and the nights alone in my queen size bed in my apartment... Unable to sleep, wandering all night, squatting and flexing alone in the dark to try to exale some of the pain and fear...

Damn... That was tough.

Keep calm, and remember that you will survive, you will overcome it and afterwards you'll be stronger.

[–]phillip42069 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry for the loss man. but he knows that he's had to handle it, we can't do anything for him really. Other than to show a little support. Any human being enjoys validation . TRP or not. He's handing what needs to be handled by himself and he's not relying on people as a crutch, but rather using it as an example or us to learn from. Don't get it twisted. That should be why we are all here. To learn. It's not all about women here

[–]SpartanLegend 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I freaking love this, it's so true. When my sister had cancer, I was 16 and had to start taking care of my younger siblings because my parents basically ignored the three of us. I didn't complain to anyone, I didn't demand answers (yet), I just, as my football coach used to say "Took a big dose of Man the Fuck Up." I was alone, and I had to learn how not to be afraid.

TRP speaks the truths that no one wants to hear.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (3 children)

I thought this was generally understood here and a staple of TRP 101....

[–]RedFapstronaut -3 points-2 points  (2 children)

Shh. They downvoted me, they'll get you next

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[deleted]

    [–]RedFapstronaut 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I personally am glad we have it. In a BP world, it's great to be able to vent about it from an RP perspective. It's just these "euphoric" posts that I feel contribute nothing to us that bother me.

    [–]PopoMcdoo -1 points0 points  (0 children)

    [–]Weed_n_Wisdom -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

    You want applause for accepting death as a part of life? Sorry for your loss. But stop it.

    [–]Dark_Shroud -1 points0 points  (0 children)

    I just got a call a few hours ago when I was getting ready to go on a several mile bike ride as part of my self un-fucking plan.

    My grandmother was calling me for help. My Uncle was taking her to the hospital for her heart condition, she had an episode; & she needed me to watch over her house for a few days.

    This calls for Kansas:

    Kansas - Carry On Wayward Son:

    http://youtu.be/2X_2IdybTV0

    Kansas - Dust in the Wind

    http://youtu.be/tH2w6Oxx0kQ