all 138 comments

[–]LifeIsLoud182 93 points94 points  (8 children)

I would leave social interactions feeling exhausted and not like myself

This was me until about 6 months ago. I used to occupy an almost bi-polar existence where I felt like a dancing monkey with some people and a grumpy old man with others (quite often my family) and on my own. Now, whilst I have some way to go, my moods are far more consistent from situation to situation and more congruent with what I regard as "me". It feels liberating but it took a bit of determination, a leap of faith and a healthy harnessing of anger.

The take home message is 'Don't worry about going too far the other way. In fact, you have to.'

Have you successfully killed your beta smiling and talking behavior and replaced it with with strong body language? Is it even possible?

Yes

How did you do it?

1. Get in touch with your anger. This is the emotional fuel you need to drive the change. Turn those self hating phrases like "most talkative little bitch in the room" and turn them into a silent "fuck you" when someone tries to coax you into being that little beta again.

2. Silence & Stillness. This is the key to get going and is harder than you might think. If you are like how I was then your anxious brain and body are always champing at the bit to say or do something to prevent anything awkward. You talk at a 100mph and move like your on MDMA. Practice slowing the fuck down. When you catch yourself talking too much on then just stop. Then subtly take a deep belly breath in, hold it for 7 seconds , slowly breath out through your nose and mentally slowly say to yourself "calm. the fuck. down." This exercise alone will make you more attractive because you'll be spending so much energy focusing your own impulse to speak or move that you won't have time to be supplicant to anyone else.

3. Relish in the awkwardness. The whole reason you do this is because you're terrified of rejection/abandonment/reprimand. You are impulsively filling any potential gaps in social interactions with unconscious desperate pleas of "accept me" and "don't leave me." You need to learn not only to tolerate that intense discomfort, but to to relish it. For instance the next time you're with a group of people and there is a genuine awkward silence that everyone feels, instead of rushing in as usual to try and fix it, do nothing and become the observer. Sit back and enjoy everyone else's discomfort and watch on with a sly grin as you wonder who will break frame first as they just can't tolerate it any longer. Later you'll be able to enjoy the awkwardness that you yourself create in the people around you by being a man and speaking your mind without care of the consequences. This is what "just being yourself" really means, being comfortable with having the more abrasive aspects your of your personality on show and being emotionally resilient when someone tries to shame you for it. Them: "you're an aloof arrogant dick"; You: "Yup...".

4. Re-engage on your terms. Once you know you can exist in a social situation and have enough self control to just be there without having to be the centre of attention you can calmly start making decisions about how you want to relate and interact with these people. It's a weird concept but after so many years of talking you'll be surprised about how much you didn't know about people. Start to watch and listen at what is really happening. It can be quite overwhelming actually especially if you have a lot of knowledge about social interaction from TRP. It kinda feels like seeing sunshine for the first time. You see the subconscious social games people play, you see people's emotional reactions to each other more clearly, you realise that a significant proportion of people are boring as fuck. You have to assimilate all this and then decide how you want to interact carefully. This can take a while and can feel isolating but it's also immensely empowering. Be patient, with some people you'll actually be defining the relationship between them and the (real) you for the first time. It's worth it.

Does it feel natural now?

Yes more than ever before because it feels like I'm actually being myself.

How did you get over the initial awkward phase of getting comfortable in your new skin?

This is an important question and one that I feel often prevents guys from truly developing. We're terrified that by making attempts to become more masculine that we push away those who actually matter to us or become some "Dark Triad" Sith Lord. It is at the core of why you are like this in the first place. In short, don't worry. Relationships aren't made of glass and you won't become an irreversible dick. You actually have to go "to far" the other way just to see what's there, to not fear it (it is part of you after all) and to realise that people won't cut you off because you went "too far." This process is central in helping you decide where on the scale of 'aloof tombstone' to 'hamster on crack' you want to be. I highly recommend you read this article about the Jungian model of Male Archetypes. The 'Shadow' concepts really helped me. So basically jump in, have fun and get messy. Nothing bad is going to happen. I've realised that people actually kinda like it if you throw a bit of mud at them. They may be shocked and aghast at first but then they realise that they didn't disintegrate and that you are being playful as opposed to malicious so they smile and throw it right back at you. Great fun.

That should be enough but to ally some of your specific concerns

"You'll appear depressed, unhappy, and unfriendly. People will think you're boring"

Actually my experience is that people find you intriguing. They don't see you acting the same anxious way everyone else is and wonder "why is he so calm." And if they do think you're boring/unfriendly then so what? Why should their neurotic misinterpretation of your behaviour influence your state. And perhaps more profoundly, if they are commenting on your state then that means you have completely reversed the power dynamic within the interaction. Whereas before you were the one seeking validation now they are coming to you saying "please reassure me by changing your behaviour so that I feel more comfortable/validated."

"Those who know you will wonder why you're acting differently, whether you're trying to prove a point. It's try-hard"

Shit test 101. You're creating dissonance in their minds by being a stronger version of you which intimidates them so they test this version's integrity secretly praying that you crumple under their judgement. Yup you are behaving differently but only from how they have known of you. You reserve every right to change or try out different ways of thinking and behaving.

"This feels really strange and not natural at all"

Yeah it will do. You're exploring a side of yourself that you fought hard to keep at bay for fear of social exclusion. But it's still you. Give it a bit of time to develop and refine itself.

Apart from smiling and talking too much, what are some other body language things we might be doing wrong that we may not even realize?

  • Moving too much, too fast, too jerkily. Think before you move and do so slowly and intentionally. Cut out all unnecessary movements, flapping arm gestures and definitely any repetitive tapping, pacing, jiggling.
  • Muscle tension. You can tell when someone is uncomfortable because in addition to their incessant jabbering their shoulders are scrunched up beside their ears, they're bent over double and they've successfully tied their arms and legs into knots. Relax man.
  • Eyes darting around the place. They weren't kidding when they said your eyes are the window to your soul. Humans have more of 'the whites of the eyes' visible than all other animals. This allows us to detect very quickly where people are looking because the white contrasts so starkly with the darker iris/pupil. This quickly reveals if they were looking you (or your boobs), who they are interested in and their emotional state. An anxious beta will be wide eyed, eyes darting from face to face to check for signs of disapproval towards his behaviour from the dominant members of the group. The alpha has heavy lids so that he almost looks half asleep. His gaze is off in the mid distance or it lazily moves from face to face, monitoring how people react to each other.

Edit: Formatting & spelling. Also, to answer your question about smiling. I recommend a calm neutral expression for most situations as it conveys stability and doesn't give your feelings away. The other useful expressions are the smirk, the warm fatherly smile and the discerning-challenging raised eyebrow. For good examples google harvey specter, johnny depp and james dean. I won't say much more but for now pay attention to the variation in "tension" in their eyebrows, jaws and the corner of their mouths as well as the angling of their head.

[–]foreverconfused 13 points14 points  (1 child)

Phenomenal post man. Almost all of this rings true for me and is backed up by my experiences.

[–]LifeIsLoud182 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks man. It's reassuring to hear it rings true with others' experiences as it's so easy to be put off by BP naysayers, especially in the early stages.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Dude! This post is so good, its worthy of sidebar material. Thank you for having the time to write this out! As i move towards becoming a better man, i realise how beta it is to constant talk and seek approval and that silence and being more reserve really can be so powerful.

[–]200mgtestc 1 point2 points  (0 children)

my experience is that people find you intriguing.

What I've found, is that I'd rather speak selectively and bat 1.000 rather than get my finger guns out and bat .250. I was hi-larious, but nobody took me seriously.

Bonus: If you speak less, people will try and win you over.

Muscle tension

I've become aware of how my resting posture in conversations is that my face and fists are extremely tense. There's no reason other than I feel uncomfortable... and there's no reason to feel uncomfortable.

[–]cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Amazing post. Thanks for going into so much detail.

[–]Goupidan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm a month late, but this is gold. I'm going to save it and read it again.

[–]abdada 147 points148 points  (12 children)

There's a huge difference between beta smiling like a goofy retarded kid and a smug facial expression all the time, especially when making eye contact with women.

I rarely have a frown on. I always have a smug on, because I really do truly fucking love my life and every step I take.

And that smug works, because I get plenty of smiles and come hithers when I travel through the public areas ahead of me.

[–]Gold_Mouth 69 points70 points  (6 children)

Yup. The same women that tell me that they love the fact that I'm always smiling are the same women who end up wanting some penis. I believe smiling is fine, as long as you don't look like Ed and shit.

[–]abdada 20 points21 points  (5 children)

Exactly.

A passing woman's smile is a scream to engage her in a quick discussion.

No need to spend more than 30 seconds of your busy life chatting her up.

I don't want a woman if she's tingled by my rare scowl.

[–]loin_fruit 20 points21 points  (4 children)

Some times I have a hard time being able to tell if smiling just because they're being friendly. Or if its an ioi.

I started talking to my then girlfriend because she smiled at me when walking by. Later on I told her that's why I started talking to her and she told me she was just smiling to be friendly and wasn't because she wanted me to engage or to hit on her.

Then again you can't listen to what they say so who knows if she was telling the truth.

[–]abdada 28 points29 points  (2 children)

Women are dual brained and they have no idea.

Men are single brained. We always know.

[–]loin_fruit 6 points7 points  (0 children)

True that. I can't think of a single time where I was smiled at, I acted accordingly, and it was actually a bad idea.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Whilst i agree that men are often much more aware than women. It is a massive oversimplification to suggest than men know and aware of their actions and women are simply following their biological instincts without any higher level of awareness. Women often are much more calculating than you are accounting for, and men also acting on much great level of unconsciousness and irrationality than you are accounting for motives and behaviours they are unaware of. If men were really the rational creatures you are portraying you would think that every beta male that recognised their low status would make actionable steps to deal with their situation rather than wallow in self pity and pain - this is simply not the case.

[–]superyay 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Honestly, she was probably telling the truth. But that doesn't mean she wasn't attracted to you.

Just cause a woman doesn't "want" to be approached, doesn't mean she isn't necessarily open to one.

[–]redbluepilling 11 points12 points  (2 children)

Instead of trying to stop smiling--trying to remove it, express genuine emotion instead. In the context of women, allow yourself to feel sexual intent and be comfortable with it. OP mentions how that's been repressed. Let it out, and that's how your friendly smile turns into the charming, smug grin.

[–]asdfghjkltyu 0 points1 point  (1 child)

People tend to react negative to no positive emotions (smiling, interest in communication) but they also react negatively to trying too hard (that fake pinned smile on your face and fake laughing).

The best thing you can do is show genuine emotion.

[–]RedPill115 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The best thing you can do is show genuine emotion that's attractive.

Try showing genuine emotion that's unnattractive, it really really does not work well. Whether it's genuine or not.

[–]redpilltom 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not even smug, but content. I'm always smiling, but I'm just about always happy and relaxed, that's just my personality. Its not for anyone else, but I wouldn't suppress it just to seem masculine.

[–]brotherjustincrowe 72 points73 points  (12 children)

Never smiling is an overcorrection, you don't want to seem like a humorless douchebag who takes everything too seriously.

[–]rondiculous 40 points41 points  (2 children)

Smiling doesn't make you beta. I smile when I greet people. Sometimes I think some of these guys confuse being an unpleasant prick with masculinity.

[–]asdfghjkltyu 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Fake smiles makes you beta. That constant smile on your face to give out a 'friendly personality'.

[–]Dr_Avocado 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yea this is truly a shitpost

[–]Canwang 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I read a post a few days ago on here that gave some sound advice; don't smile when approaching women unless it is a full on 100% sincere smile. The rest of the time, stoicism with a touch of a sly smirk is necessary.

[–]mega_beta 15 points16 points  (7 children)

If you think about how often you smile and shit like that, you might be a beta.

[–]1sailorJery 27 points28 points  (2 children)

I mean I thought this sub is about self improvement, so some self reflection on how you present yourself isn't necessarily a beta trait right?

[–]Dr_Gabe_Lackman 11 points12 points  (1 child)

Smiling to establish supplication and a need to impress is a beta, but there are different kinds of smiles and different signals to cross depending on your motivations.

If you aren't selling somebody something or intending to sucker them then don't do a big toothy smile or a big smile at all, show them that you are giving them attention by actually giving them attention. Look them in the eye and pay attention to their voice and words, your body language will naturally shift, pay attention to those shifts so you can simulate them in times when you just don't care.

Most people have solid natural body language, over thinking it is typically the problem the simple rules are monitor your own language and the responses you get and learn the bariers people raise and lower with body language so that you can understand their subconcious assessment of you.

Things to look for in others is the direct their body is facing, the direction their feet are pointing and the stance, monitoring the line of shoulders over hips, hips in front is typically relaxed, shoulders over hips is attentive to neutral and shoulders in front of hips is typically hyper focused, a form of cowering or withdrawn attitude. Are their arms crossed, that's typically the stance of critical assessment and a barrier most easily toppled by mirroring their stance.

Hands are a body language que and are so sublingual you can push another persons thoughts around by manipulating them.

This is why a used car salesman will position a customers hand palm up during a handshake; it is a way of establishing dominance in a very subtle manner but they also show their full supplicating smile most of the time as a way to throw you off the trail. They let you read a lie in their body language while subliminally having yours effected.

This information is all over the web; pick up on this and developing a strong speaking voice and verbal mannerism and you will find social confidence will come surprisingly easy as long as you don't make a habit of contesting people about stupid things.

[–]1runnerrun2 6 points7 points  (0 children)

In general this is true, if you're caught up thinking at any given moment about smiling too much or not enough then you're in a self-conscious zone.

However, if you've never been aware of this, you will definitely benefit from going through a short phase where you pay attention to this. This isn't just true for smiling but for a whole range of other types of body language and behavior.

This is something I don't often hear about but something I distinctively noticed happened to me. I didn't do it consciously, more like I noticed after the fact I was emulating peculiar (to me) behavior I had noticed in other people that I started to try out and then make my own. A few short examples because that's the only way I can try to explain what I mean.

I noticed when my friend adopted this leen way of talking when he called up a woman to talk. I never talked like this. Why? What did it mean? How would you have to feel to talk like this? So I called up a woman and talked the same way. This showed me a lot of things.

This colleague who DJ'd in the weekend had this very friendly-open way of saying things to people. I never did that. So I started doing it too. Great results allround.

The way my (cool) cousin crossed his arms in situations where he was talking to people and wasn't at all ill at ease. I never did that. So I started trying it out here and there.

I want to reiterate that this wasn't planned, I noticed after the fact I was doing these things. The results of a whole bunch of this stuff was most noticeable. From all sorts of places I started hearing I was goodlooking. Noone had said that to me for a long time. Women suddenly started to feel very mellow and easy-going whereas before it always felt like more of a struggle. It's a most intruiging thing because it happens so gradually that you're not even aware you're doing anything different.

Hm seems like I just needed to get that off my chest. I wonder if other people have gone through similar experiences;

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[deleted]

    [–]ocho-muerte 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    I too have this problem, for women they call it "resting bitch face". I no longer give a fuck, and just carry on about my day.

    [–]PotatosAreDelicious 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I think it's more just showing self confidence issues. Confidence is important but you should still practice humility and not be cocky. Lacking confidence to the point where you always have to be talking/smiling and then to the point where you are questioning it is definitely unattractive.
    You can talk/smile a lot and still be attractive because that's who you are it's not just you filling a void with one emotional mask of happy.

    [–]zxDanKwan 56 points57 points  (28 children)

    Since I started TRP, I've made a change at work...

    When I'm sitting in my boss' office, I now stare out his window while he talks to me. I respond back to him with clear, concise answers. I don't belabor any points unless he asks for more details. I don't acknowledge that I've heard what he's said until he has finished his point. And when I do acknowledge, it's as simple as "Got it," "No sweat," or "It'll be done by X". No smiles, no emotion.

    I look back at him occasionally as he speaks, but then turn to look back out the window.

    He has complimented me several times in the past few weeks alone on how much better my communication has gotten.

    [–][deleted]  (11 children)

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      [–]tracer123 27 points28 points  (2 children)

      Collect the evidence and take her to court, for the kicks. But..but..equality.

      [–][deleted]  (1 child)

      [deleted]

        [–]WindowToAlaska 22 points23 points  (2 children)

        That's sexual harassment bro

        [–][deleted]  (1 child)

        [deleted]

          [–]Cashews4U 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          You shitl0rd!111 Think of the justice!

          [–]frequentlywrong 6 points7 points  (1 child)

          Prolonged eye contact with a woman is flirting. Prolonged eye contact with a man is threatening.

          [–]zxDanKwan 5 points6 points  (0 children)

          It depends on the boss. Mine has a neurotic desire to be seen as alpha, but you can tell it's from insecurity.

          By "ignoring" him while he talks, I present myself as more dominant than I used to, while still acknowledging him allows me to avoid pissing him off.

          Now, I have a sort of "bored" appearance while he talks, like I'm just biding time until we can get to the real action.

          Now that I've elevated myself in his perception, he can feel good about himself because he's "leading a leader".

          I get the fallout benefits for being the reason he feels better about himself (since it happens when I'm around, but no one else dares not watch him when he's talking)

          [–]bring_the_gimmedats 2 points3 points  (0 children)

          I'd be careful with the staring out the window idea. I think that's one screw up away from you getting fired.

          [–]draketton 4 points5 points  (6 children)

          what were you doing with your eyes before you started staring out his window?

          [–][deleted] 41 points42 points  (1 child)

          Staring at the boss's wife tied up in the corner.

          [–]zxDanKwan 3 points4 points  (0 children)

          Well, I thought the classy thing was to just not mention it... so I had to find somewhere else to direct my gaze...

          [–]gggkin 4 points5 points  (2 children)

          Not him but I notice the same behaviour changes from myself. I believe that most people are extremely bad at communicating clearly and concisely. People who are good communicating are usually military-type people or people who have many years of professional experiences.

          Things like stuttering, rambling, beating around the bush, cutting off the speaker before he finish, not maintaining eye contact, etc... are mistakes that need to be corrected.

          [–]topspeedj 14 points15 points  (0 children)

          It comes when you realise that everyone on earth (except your parents) doesn't give a shit about anything you have to say.

          They care about:

          1. What you can do for them

          2. How well you can do it

          3. How long it will take you to do it

          4. If what you're doing gets fubar along the way

          [–]ColTreize 1 point2 points  (0 children)

          My military background definitely causes me to be more direct and concise when working.

          [–]zxDanKwan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Just watching him speak, waiting for my turn.

          Too submissive. Stopped it. He liked it.

          [–][deleted]  (1 child)

          [deleted]

            [–]zxDanKwan 1 point2 points  (0 children)

            Bad listening would be if I didn't have answers for every question when they were asked, if I didn't know when to say "got it," or if I was turning in work that didn't meet the criteria.

            Since none of those apply, it's merely a form of aloofness. I'm listening, I'm doing as directed, but I'm also contemplating deeper issues. Which, by the way, pertain to the work I am being paid to do. So if the boss ever calls me out on it, I will be saying nothing except what he wants to hear.

            [–]rationalthinker1 4 points5 points  (1 child)

            What if there is no window? Where do I look then?

            pls respond.

            [–]zxDanKwan 9 points10 points  (0 children)

            Just stare at your crotch. Occasionally giggle at it, like it amuses you.

            Or, try to interpret the concept behind my actions, and extrapolate for your own individual circumstances.

            You know... whichever works better for you.

            [–]relish-tranya 4 points5 points  (0 children)

            A subordinate that competently does the job without a lot of babysitting and questions is pure gold. When a person can take a task and do his own thinking, it's such a relief. Only emergencies and intractable problems should be escalated.

            As for the smiling and talking, lets face it, nobody cares about information anymore. Our heads are jammed with info and we can google what we want. It's best to keep statements interesting, concise or not at all. Gossip is trouble. Smarmy, ingratiating people are despised. Actions speak louder than ever in this information world.

            [–]RedPill115 0 points1 point  (3 children)

            He has complimented me several times in the past few weeks alone on how much better my communication has gotten.

            This can be good, or this can be bad. The problem with this is that people you aren't trying to date do love it when you act beta towards them and act towards them like they're above you. This is especially true if it's your boss.

            You shouldn't treat your boss like you treat a club girl, but that's my point - what your boss likes might make you look low status to the club girl. You basically are acting in a way towards your boss that says "you have power over me". Now not acting that way at all at work would be an absolutely awful idea.

            But acting that way towards others in other contexts may or may not be good.

            [–]zxDanKwan 1 point2 points  (2 children)

            The problem with this is that people you aren't trying to date do love it when you act beta towards them and act towards them like they're above you. This is especially true if it's your boss.

            Depends on the boss.

            A truly good boss does NOT want you to be so beta around him that he has to hold your hand and do your work for you.

            Managers hire subordinates to take work off of their plates, not to be able to add the title of "babysitter" to their resume.

            When I understand the objective my boss wants me to achieve, and he doesn't have to give me step-by-step instructions, he feels relieved that he has someone who can handle the task, and he can relax and focus on his own duties.

            By conveying the appearance that "I got this shit on lockdown," I convey to him the understanding that I will achieve his desired objective without him having to spell it out for me.

            It's a form of non-verbal powertalk. "I'm not interested in the details of this conversation, because I already fully understand what you want. Release me to achieve your goal, or you are wasting your own money by tying both of us up with pointless conversation." All said without a single word.

            By the way, my boss is the president of the company, and I'm the director of operations. So I'm not talking about low-level employee -> supervisor kind of relationship. Supervisors tend to not be good at letting others run free. When you get to mid-management->executive level relationships, like what I deal with, you find there is a much stronger desire for you to be a guy who can think for himself, and is willing and able to take charge.

            Presidents do not want betas directing operations. They want betas doing the grunt work, getting the low pay. They want alphas to be the ones calling the shots. Thus, when you're at this level, acting alpha is always better.

            [–]RedPill115 0 points1 point  (1 child)

            I agree with - a lot of what you wrote, and you did perhaps a better job of explaining it.

            Presidents do not want betas directing operations.

            Sort of. Have you read the Gervais Principle? It really depends, a lot of times they fill the middle with clueless who parrot back what they want to hear. It really depends on where you work regarding how bad that can get. It's better for the company to have someone competent in charge, but not always in the personal interests of the person in charge.

            A truly good boss does NOT want you to be so beta around him that he has to hold your hand and do your work for you. Managers hire subordinates to take work off of their plates, not to be able to add the title of "babysitter" to their resume.

            This is true, it depends on which scale you're talking about. Managers often want Beta, but not Omega or Gamma. How Beta, vs what position this person holds, is also a question. Someone doing customer service calls is viewed differently (with good reason) than someone who needs to be in charge in order to be effective.

            I responded to your post originally imaging you were lower level. It applies at your level to but not as much. Still, I say that you can definitely take it to far. Your boss needs you to act more on your own, but doesn't care (or might be negative towards it) if you have your own interests that conflict or don't coincide with your own. Whereas women find this more fascinating and interesting.

            [–]zxDanKwan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

            I think we're coming closer and closer to agreeing.

            Either of us could be right in any given situation. The real defining factor, I think, is: does the boss I question profit from the company's success, or only his own?

            In my case, the president profits when he has a team that supports him by way of covering his weak spots. Other bosses may profit more (or at least think they do) by hiding their weaknesses.

            The later kind will look for parrots they can control, while the former will look for those who can play at the same level, so as to cover their blind spots.

            Example: just the other day, my boss had a representative from one of our vendors come in. He arranged to delay that person in the hallway while I was supposed to get on their laptop and download a file onto a thumb drive. Standard corporate espionage at its finest.

            He just told me to get the file, and then went and kept the guy busy. They walked into the room and there I was on my boss's computer, looking like I was dealing with an email issue for him.

            He asked if I had figured it out yet, and I simply said yes, everything was now running as expected.

            There are definitely times when you need to employ people that can run with shit on their own and get results. There are other times you need to have a parrot that won't step on your toes.

            [–]Dark triad expert: - http://illimitablemen.com/ - [3 Points]IllimitableMan 36 points37 points  (8 children)

            • Say less than necessary.
            • Smirk, don't smile. (I shouldn't be able to see your teeth.)
            • Sit up straight, don't slouch.
            • When standing, don't lean against things, stand tall, chest puffed out, arms back.
            • Don't look away first once eye contact has been established. Especially with women. If it becomes a competition, have fun with it, try to throw them off with a smirk or some shit.

            • If you WANT TO look away first because you don't like what you're looking at, no rapid jerky head movements, slowly move your glance away as if they were momentarily caught up in your visual sweep. The worst thing is sharing a glance with someone you had no intention of sharing one with who holds no desirability to you whatsoever (eg: a beggar, who FYI, stares at you until you feel eyes on you so that he can then catch you in an eye lock straight away and pressure you by using that to immediately ask you for free shit - annoying as fuck.)

            • Breathe deeper for a deeper voice. Higher pitch voice sounds gay and looks hilarious on a built guy. I've seen/heard the jacked guy high voice combo and it very uncomfortably juxtaposes physical masculinity with a feminine sounding voice.

            • If you can grow it, keep shaved stubble. 5 o clock shadow baby.

            [–]vaker 10 points11 points  (1 child)

            When standing, don't lean against things, stand tall, chest puffed out, arms back.

            This can be thought as a somewhat relaxed version of the military at attention: "chin up, chest out, shoulders back, stomach in". It's no accident that militaries adopted this standard everywhere. This posture generates internal confidence and projects confidence outwards as well.

            Sit up straight, don't slouch.

            A broad slouch/sprawl taking up space can be fine IMO.

            [–]PlebDestroyer 2 points3 points  (1 child)

            What about the relaxed, laid back, taking up space, feet spread position while sitting? Like 50 Cent in a Maybach or something?

            [–]19 Endorsed Contributordrrrrrr 1 point2 points  (0 children)

            That works too for different situations. No one who stands at military attention all of the time is your optimal body language model. Leaning back with an irreverent slouch can work from time to time - it is a casual behavior that movies have picked up on and used to show CEOs at the board table. Everyone else sits at rapt attention and the CEO lounges back in his chair.

            If the CEO always did that though, it would get ridiculous.

            [–]foldpak111 1 point2 points  (0 children)

            Reminds me of Elliot Hulse in '09 with the voice thing.

            [–]Seishuu 0 points1 point  (0 children)

            Can you explain why leaning on things would be a bad idea? Seems like a confident, relaxed pose

            [–]topspeedj 0 points1 point  (1 child)

            James Dean leaned against things all the time and he was a pretty universal sex icon, and still is today to an extent.

            [–]bitchdantkillmyvibe 0 points1 point  (0 children)

            Yeah, that one is definitely not universal... as long as you do it with swagger and not insecurely. Always standing at attention can make you look like a square. James Dean usually did it with his hands in his pockets but with his thumbs sticking out (the only way to have your hands in your pockets while still exuding confidence) or just his thumbs in the pocket with his hands sprawled towards his groin (a huge body language indicator of comfort with one's own sexual prowess, calling attention to the penis and almost showing it off) and always had his pelvis sticking out, conveying sexual energy. There's a way to do it, but if you don't do it right it definitely comes off as insecure.

            [–]johnnywahd 43 points44 points  (16 children)

            When walking look forward not down. Lead with your pelvis and not your head, i.e. lean back a little. Leading with your head implies you think too much, while leading with your pelvis implies you are sexually confident. Walk with a purpose. Make every step count.

            Take up space.

            Keep your body language open.

            Look people in the eye when talking to them. Eye contact is a very powerful tool when used correctly.

            When talking to a girl do the triangle with your eyes: look at her left eye, then look at her mouth, then look at her right eye. It is a cool trick.

            Firm handshakes. This is important.

            Most communication is nonverbal. Recognize what body language cues she is sending when talking to her. Is she open or closed, inviting or cold? Mirror her body language to establish a better vibe.

            While you're at it, practice your deep voice.

            Read up on this stuff as there is tons of info out there.

            [–]simple_human 19 points20 points  (0 children)

            While you're at it, practice your deep voice.

            oh you mean this dead sexy voice that i get naturally from knob creek and parliaments

            [–]Iupvoteforknowledge 11 points12 points  (4 children)

            Saw on a forum one time someone said walk as if you got a fucking cape on and you are off to save the world.

            [–]averageredditor123 20 points21 points  (2 children)

            [–]Iupvoteforknowledge 8 points9 points  (0 children)

            Lmao... Uhh not quite like that.

            [–]Tekidek 1 point2 points  (0 children)

            This is actually really good.

            [–]roadtoRP 7 points8 points  (2 children)

            Some great stuff in here, most of it I know but it doesn't come natural to me so I keep practicing it consciously. The one thing I'm curious about, what about eye contact? I have no problem looking people in the eye, but notice pretty much everybody looks away every once in a while. I get the feeling maintaining eye contact for too long is a little creepy, so how do you now when you are "staring" and look away to avoid making the other person uncomfortable?

            [–]kinklianekoff 3 points4 points  (0 children)

            hold until they have flinched and returned and then some. make them uncomfortable. and dont look away just to look away, look at something.

            [–]johnnywahd 1 point2 points  (0 children)

            I think what facial expression I have at the time helps in this regard. There is that vibe you get when maintaining eye contact the other person also feels. Has something to do with the eyes considered to be the window to the soul...or so the saying goes.

            How long should you maintain? Depends on the scenario. In conversation with a girl you like? Don't break contact first. Keep a smile or a playful smirk on your face, or convey a seductive look on your face when talking to her. I think this helps you communicate non-verbally.

            Marni Kinrys is a professional winggirl who wrote Get Inside Her. The Female Perspective. One of the things she advises is to be more expressive with your face when interacting with women.

            It takes practice but you'll get a sense of when too much is too much.

            [–]Praxice 1 point2 points  (1 child)

            What does the triangle trick do?

            [–]johnnywahd 2 points3 points  (0 children)

            I'll look through my books I have for the answer, but if I remember right I think it conveys to her that you are thinking about kissing her by looking at her lips. It "plants" the idea in her head and interrupts her thoughts. Jedi mind trick kind of thing.

            I'll report back when I dig up the answer.

            [–]Roughknot 0 points1 point  (1 child)

            A mental trick I use to bring on this sense of confidence is to imagine an army walking at your back. People are going to move for an army, you can choose to be the benevolent leader and grace someone with a smile or you can burn them with your gaze.

            [–]johnnywahd 1 point2 points  (0 children)

            Good idea. Anything you can use to project confidence in yourself is good.

            [–]Iramohs -1 points0 points  (1 child)

            My father always told me to walk with purpose, as if I had a stick shoved up my ass.

            [–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (2 children)

            I just decided at one point that I wasn't going to express an emotion I didn't have.

            I have what I call a "resting scowl". It's the meanest fucking look that just naturally falls on my face. If someone does something that pleases me, I give them a smile, generally a smirk. If they do something I find funny, I laugh. I just don't bother holding back at the same time that I don't deliberately try to express something that isn't genuine.

            All of this falls into place naturally the more you talk to women, especially strange women.

            [–]bluemyselfearly19 5 points6 points  (0 children)

            Julian from Trailer Park Boys comes to mind when I think of a "Permascowl."

            *spelling

            [–]TheeRyanGrey 17 points18 points  (0 children)

            This is a fantastic post and one I hope garners alot of views.

            There's a lot of good and most importantly personal anecdotes here. Very relevant. Very accessible. Very useful.

            [–]1tombreck2 4 points5 points  (0 children)

            I'm still trying to figure out the right median between smiling a lot (when I'm out with friends) and trying not to seem beta/needy (when talking to a random girl)

            [–]yummyluckycharms 5 points6 points  (3 children)

            Your body language should be appropriate for the occasion.

            If you're meeting women or are just out in the street - yes - tilt your head back and definitely dont smile as that's not attractive. This is because you are trying to be dominant.

            Ally building mode: smile at the person if he's telling you a joke.

            At a meeting with the boss: give him 100% undivided attention. Do not ignore the boss or look like your daydreaming - horrible advice to do otherwise. What I do is that I stare intently on his face and what he is showing me - I mean - really drill it. An intense stare coupled with powerful intellect is amazing way to get promoted.

            [–]Endorsed ContributorRedPillDad 3 points4 points  (2 children)

            Your body language should be appropriate for the occasion.

            I understand why you would say that. But blending in is somewhat a fail when it comes to seduction.

            I intentionally play little games. When I walk down the street, I intentionally look at pedestrians and drivers of oncoming cars to strengthen the confidence of my eye contact. I'll sometimes wear fucked-up clothing or walk with a crazy little ass-slap just to get over my desire to conform and to look "normal."

            People mostly don't give a shit about anybody but themselves. The strict boundaries we create for ourselves leave us stifled and boring. Break this shit down and taste freedom from self-imposed expectations.

            I'm certainly no pimp on this matter, but once you have this freedom, you can dress like a boss, act like a boss and others will buy it.

            [–]ColTreize 2 points3 points  (1 child)

            So I should wear a clown costume, eye fuck strangers, and "stomp the yard" to build confidence? Wilco daddy-o!

            [–]Endorsed ContributorRedPillDad 3 points4 points  (0 children)

            I didn't say it as succinctly as you, but hell yeah!

            Edit: Maybe my comments seemed out there, but it's easy to get caught up in chasing tactics - how to win in the moment. I believe it's important to strip away some of the programming and not constantly worry so much about winning in the moment. Outcome independence allows you to stop trying so damn hard and forgo attempts to outmaneuver women.

            [–]NinjaSlipper 4 points5 points  (0 children)

            Studies often find that women consider smiling to be the least attractive facial expression on a man.

            http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/between-the-lines/201105/study-finds-smiling-men-are-less-attractive-women

            [–]AlfaWolf 2 points3 points  (1 child)

            Fuck smile. Smirk. Think Bruce Willis.

            [–][deleted]  (4 children)

            [deleted]

              [–]Jessie_James 0 points1 point  (2 children)

              Yes, but I don't know what. All I can tell you is when I am in a bad mood, my wife goes out of her way to try to please me and cheer me up. I'm sure you can imagine how.

              [–]RedPill115 0 points1 point  (1 child)

              If your boss is angry people will try to please him and calm him down - perhaps by fixing whatever problem he's angry about. If a child is angry, same thing.

              Acting angry will either cause people to try to placate you, or to stay away from you or take you down. It can go either way.

              [–]Jessie_James 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              I try not to act angry, but when I am in a bad mood it's easy to tell. I'm not talkative, want to be left alone, etc. My wife usually tries to find out why, or makes me a drink!

              [–]afropuffs 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              This. I remember going after this one girl for a large part of the semester. I initiated 99% of the time. The one and only time she ever initiated, I was having a horrible day and didn't want to be bothered with anyone.

              The irony; the one time I didn't want to listen to her is the one time she initiated and wouldn't stfu.

              [–]confuseacatlmtd 3 points4 points  (0 children)

              What you are talking about here isn't smiling, it's putting yourself into other peoples frame. What you are doing is showing them signals that you are submissive to them.

              It's like laughing at someone's joke before you know the punchline.

              What you are doing is signaling that you are seeking their approval. I used to suck at this stuff, so let me tell you some basic signals and what they mean to people.

              Good things to do:

              Warm smile when greeting someone: Cool, you are at ease and happy to see them.

              Cocky smile with eye role when female teases you or buddy rips on you: You are all friends and I am not taking this seriously. I'm gonna get you back though.

              Blank expression, look away constantly and polite smile when someone is talking too much: This is one of the best ways to take away someone's power, especially when they are trying to get something from you.

              Concentration frown, calm small smiles, and head nods when a superior is giving advice or even talking down to you: You are taking it all in and are calm and have a plan to take charge and make improvements.

              Narrow eyes with smug smirk and hungry look when seeing a hot girl: You are letting her know you want to fuck her. If she gives you one back, make plans to go talk to her.

              Bad things to do:

              Laugh at bad jokes: By giving someone your approval who didn't earn it, you are lowering your own value.

              Look down and away when people talk to you or you receive attention: You are telling people you are not worth much and don't want/can't handle power.

              Smile or nervously giggle when you are teased: You are letting them know it got to you.

              Talk too much/ramble and explain yourself: You are letting people know that you think you need to prove yourself to them.

              HAVE A GOOD RESTING POSITION

              When you are walking around, or just standing, your posture should be strait, chin held high, small smile on your face, relaxed, maybe amused, enjoying life. Your hands move with your palms up when you talk. You breath slowly. When you talk, your voice is deep and slow. When you get happy or exited, it is brief, but intense, and the woman can't help but glow.

              When you greet another male, it is brief, exited, happy, and powerful. Think highschool jock.

              MAKE OTHER PEOPLE WORK INTO YOUR FRAME

              You give approving or dissaproving looks to them. They take up your time when they talk to you, and you don't have a lot of it. You let them know calmly and politely when you just can't do something. You give out favors, but only small ones and only when it works for you. You do it because you are generous. You share laughs, but then need to be on your way. You are the prize. GO ACT LIKE IT.

              [–]2RedPillSafe 5 points6 points  (0 children)

              Keep in mind many CEO's are of the "Best Buddy" type. (Extroversion 4.5, Agreeableness 4.5)

              You can have social graces and still be an Alpha male.

              Remember also that most actual conflict is beta-to-beta so use Powertalk instead of being the "punk kid".

              You can be a "smooth operator" if you have the "Alpha Core" inside.

              (coming from beta you might need some MGTOW to get your "Alpha Core" stronger first)

              [–]AmazonExplorer 2 points3 points  (0 children)

              I'm disgusted at how guilty of this I am. In my classes in college and highschool, its a gamble at how I'll act but its between two 'personalities'.

              1. Quite, reserved, unnoticed.
              2. Energetic, funny, #1 personality of the class, always making jokes with everyone adoring me.

              Honestly I always had more fun with personality 2, but I'd only adopt it if I was able to overcome my initial shyness in the class and make at least 1 friend. Once I got to know 1 person well, gradually I'd become more talkative.

              But another thing I noticed about the difference between the two personalities was the people had less respect for me with P2.

              In fact, in one class, I never managed to make any friends so I remained P1 for the entire time. That class would also be the first class that a girl would approach me and start talking, saying how stoic I am.

              But then I'd make the mistake of yapping away, turning to the extroverted P2 and wouldn't you know, she speed walked away. For that entire class when I was P1, people would tell me how 'stoic' I was, and act extra kind and respectful towards me.

              In classes with P2, near the end of the year, when the class slows down and everyone segreates into their groups, I'd often find myself alone, isolated from their groups with no one to talk to. I'd fooled myself into thinking that all those people who laughed at my jokes loved me. But really I was just a soundtrack, a background noise to be laughed at.

              [–]merkmerk73 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              Great post OP.

              I tend to do ok in social situations and am fairly good looking, am not a total chump, etc. but I've absolutely noticed this kind of behavior with different people.

              [–]imaRPman 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              Read: No More Mr. Nice Guy.

              It's about claiming yourself and not working to please people.

              A natural smile or cracking jokes is simply having fun ...as long as your not performing. Or filling awkward silences. Its about being comfortable in your own skin.

              [–]smokingmonkey420 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              There's a certain rule I try to follow by Don Miguel, author of The 4 Agreements.

              • Be impeccable with your word.

              Powerful stuff. Well worth a look.

              [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              I know exactly what you mean, OP. I think I asked something similar on /r/asktrp a while ago and they roughly told me to start becoming more aware of my mannerisms until it becomes a habit.

              It's kind of similar to reminding yourself to sit with your back straight on a chair if you have a poor posture. It's not gonna come naturally for a long time but in the end it will worth it.

              [–]KarYotypeStereotype 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              My God, this describes me so well. I could never put a finger on it until now, thanks to your beautifully articulated post.

              Well at least now I've identified a very specific thing I can work on. Thank you!

              [–]docheavycock 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              I think I had something similiar OP, for me, my self esteem was dependant on others liking me.

              All these behaviors stem from that inner belief. Realise how stupid it is to base your esteem on something outside your control

              Read the six pillars of self esteem,

              [–]40_SixandTwo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              As far as body language, I started to walk and carry myself in a more masculine way, standing erect, hands out of pockets, and when I sit down I lean back and relax. Anytime I slipped up I would just correct it. Eventually after about a month or two, I just do it on autopilot and it comes naturally.

              I'd say give that a try, just keep correcting your body language and implementing it, and believe me, it'll start to feel weird and awkward to slouch over or walk with your head staring at the ground.

              [–]golimo 1 point2 points  (1 child)

              I'd also caution, from personal experience, that some girls love a good smile. My girlfriend still says to this day that my smile was the first thing that attracted her to me.

              [–]ur2l8 2 points3 points  (0 children)

              Agree. One of those areas I disagree with TRP on. I smile all the time, and it's never affected anything.

              Smile for yourself, not for anyone else. If the former, you're good. Completely agree on not speaking too much though.

              [–][deleted]  (1 child)

              [deleted]

                [–]fetusovaries 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                If a girl is telling you that you looked depressed or mean, it's a good sign. She's obviously checking you out. If you're attractive, you're dark and mysterious. She wants to know the secret. If you're ugly, she will stay away from you.

                [–]CanadianSnow 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                Smiling: I disagree, smiling is fine so long as it's a Han Solo-type grin and not a kid-getting-ice-cream type smile. I can imagine so many times flirting would have been awkward if I flat out refused to smile. I can't deadpan tell a girl "your ass makes me rock hard."

                Body language: Stand up straight, never lean in to hear someone talk, relax those shoulders. This communicates self-confidence in the situation.

                Talking behavior: Just talk less, be succinct and use less filler.

                [–]Jswiizle 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                Dont really agree with this post. I am not going to go around acting like some hard ass and keep a straight face. A slight smile actually turns girls on.

                [–]Merica911 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                Great post.. You really took some time on this one.. You really dive deep just on one topic! Great read

                [–]Spiderman48 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                Can anyone help explain the reason why some of the most happy go lucky guys I know get the most women?

                They are masculine and fit with a lot of TRPs ideals but they aren't stoic at all. They walk around with a smirk on their face a lot of the time and smile when they talk to people. Is it the motives behind it that are different? Or is this a topic (smiling and showing outward happiness being beta) that TRP hasn't come to a consensus on?

                [–]1favours_of_the_moon 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                It's very insidious how society breaks down and shames young men and boys.

                [–]FishFoxFerret 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                Lifting and posture.

                Read up on good posture and get your as practicing. It's going to make you feel confident in addition to looking confident. You'll walk down the middle of the halls like you own them. It flattens your stomach too. Sitting with good posture can fee a little less natural than standing. It can feel like you have a rod in your spine, but having a iron spine is a good thing. Spaghetti spine is for cowards. I notice this the most with Obama, his sitting posture could be better in this, but still he's not leaning back. He's sitting up alert and in control: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_3nRA8om_ao

                Good posture takes practice, and 2-3 years to become natural. Seeing a physical therapist to improve your posture is always a good idea if you have the money and time for 1-2 months of PT.


                Lifting. There is no excuse for not lifting, except for having a physical disability. Being fat isn't a disability, it's a reason to go to the Iron Temple. If you don't have a right arm, you can't exercise your right arm.

                If people call you out on your new behavior you have a few options:

                • "I got tired or that/I got bored or being that way."

                • "Lifting isn't just a physically change."

                • "I recently fought off a bear and a tiger that broke out of the zoo." -in case they're shit testing you, and if they're not it'd be entertaining (to me) anyway.

                [–]19 Endorsed Contributordrrrrrr 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                The thing is, smiling is both a sign of confidence and a sign of seeking approval. It just depends on how you do it. You should be outgoing, extroverted, social, and in a good mood when you're out with people; you should smile when the situation warrants it, and if you life is awesome, the situation warrants it a lot. Politicians and celebrities are constantly smiling, a great example would be Arnold Schwarzenegger's bigass smile plastered to his face throughout his time in office.

                What's beta is the SPEED at which you flit from smile to nonsmile to frown to nonsmile, constantly calibrating your face to put forth what you believe the encounter requires. That change, the delta, outs you as beta. Your face lacks resistance - when you see Clint Eastwood (grim intense look) or Ronnie Coleman (jubilant smile), their expressions might be polar opposites, but what's in common is that external events do not change their face.

                A bomb goes off nearby or shooting starts, Clint Eastwood slowly turns his head to see what's going on. Someone tells Frank Underwood he's going to be president and SLOWLY over 10 seconds a smug smile slowly breaks onto his emotionless face.

                Your face should show emotion and you should have the basic ability to appear warm, happy, successful, etc. You just cannot change your face to meet what you perceive as the "expected" reaction for any given circumstance to be. If you are frowning in concentration and then a girl comes over to talk to you and you think "oh shit, look friendly" and then you bust out a smile and speak in a soft, seeking rapport style, then what you did is micro-calibrate your face (and voice). The smile wasn't necessarily the issue, it was the change and the rapid nature of that change.

                [–]laere 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                I would say I smirk more than smile,especially when making eye contact with a cute girl.

                Other than that it's just practicing. I work retail so literally every day I can practice body language. How I walk, how I stand. If a guy or girl is talking to me at the register I pretty much keep a neutral face. I don't really nod, or supplicate to their stories, hell a lot of the shit they say is just boring or them yelling on their phone. I am a man on a mission at work. I don't have time for your stupid ass stories or the fact your daughter became the new percussionist of her school band.

                I literally will run into people at work, If I am walking you get out of my way,not vise versa. The number one word I hear at work is "sorry." I never say it, it does nothing, however it's greatly overused, and get's annoying to hear.

                [–]2asd1100 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                Have you successfully killed your beta smiling and talking behavior and replaced it with with strong body language? Is it even possible?

                Not really, I twisted a confrontational, provocative jackass, that sometimes decides to stand back and acts as a spectator at the drama of herbivores. Into a observerer of human behavior and sometimes a reshearcher that does experiments.

                It think there are real changes to your person and surface changes without substance. The first you do with life experience and getting older, the latter is just a matter of practice.

                How did you do it? Does it feel natural now?

                I stopped giving a fuck about being liked or right(this was a big one) and looked at social situations as entertainment not a battle. Sometimes you want to watch drama other times you want to wrestle with another ego. It feels amazing only if everyone is having fun.Now I can talk to a stranger with the peace and calm of an old friend or take over groups of people with a appropiate mix of targeted compliments and negs .

                How did you get over the initial awkward phase of getting comfortable in your new skin?

                I got in a lot of phisical altercations due to me not being smooth enough in the begining. I didn't really gave a shit, as far as I was concerned, they where pissed I was right. After a while I let go and started enjoying myself, I framed it as a excercise and there are no long term consequences to loosing or being wrong.

                Apart from smiling and talking too much, what are some other body language things we might be doing wrong that we may not even realize?

                not moving with purpose, just "chilling" in a obviously non-chill way. just floating around. doing your mental acrobatics to get the courage to try to behave like a human being. You stand out like a sore thumb, sorry. Go out to have fun, do what the other people are doing and game occasionally after you had fun, you can not whish yourself into having fun into being in the mood.(the self help books are wrong)

                [–]nosesandsight 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                Hey thank you for this post! This is exactly what I am currently struggling with. Any feedback from the group would be really appreciated.

                [–]should_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                I find I behave differently, in terms of dom/sub, with different people. I've basically come to terms with the pattern that I always act quite like a submissive beta bitch with my boss, because she can get really furious about nothing and most of my income comes from her whims, which is a scary thought in itself that occurs to me every time she walks in my office. If you find yourself in situations with lower stakes, or tell yourself that the stakes aren't that high, you might find you can break the pattern with a concentrated effort, a little voice in your head in the moment when it's happening. If you're friends with someone who's pretty popular with the rest of the group and thus has higher status, you might find yourself being submissive with this person. Even with perfect strangers, since you don't know if they'll call you out on something, you might find yourself a bit submissive. With closer friends I find I'm not like that, and with people I'm meeting I'm just upbeat. Are you like this with your family too? I'd think about where the exception to your rule is already in your life and work from there.

                Expressions to try that will relax your smile in the moment: thoughtful frown when someone says something interesting that you can maintain until they complete the thought, raising your eyebrows and saying "wow" and retaining a not-smiling demeanor when someone says something bad happened to them, not smiling when you're narrating something funny as it's happening ("that...was...the dumbest thing...I've ever seen"). With this last one, you'll find people will laugh and smile to compensate for your temporarily lacking one.

                I'd been wondering how to expand body language too and accidentally found that when I wear something really cool and look in the mirror I just naturally want to expand my arms out when I talk. Was gifted a black jacket with an eternally popped collar, which I would've thrown 5,000 feet away from me on a normal day due to popped collar, but it's nothing like popping a collar on a polo like some seriously douched up douche.

                [–]fopdespotic 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                By far, my biggest weakness is smiling. I naturally smile in almost any interactions unless feeling directly negative emotions. It's really difficult to stop myself from doing it.

                I used to slump my shoulders forward and look down as I walked, but I fixed those habits with lifting and the self-esteem increases it gives me.

                [–]razometer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                Push/Pull is the key to balance and success gentlemen.

                [–]AntixD 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                a smirk is what you're going for,also how old are you op?

                [–]Flimflamification 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                Sounds like you used to be a nice guy. You were so invested in other peoples perception of you than your perception of yourself. Theres nothing wrong however with being kind. Kindness comes from within but being nice is an external influence and so fucking fake. Ive replace it with strong body language and I feel better because Im genuinely listening to the person without being outcome dependant. I did it by practicing bioenergetic exercises like the 'breathe into your balls' video from Elliot Hulse. I also took deep breaths whenever I felt nervous and moved my body out to a more comfortable position. It feels weird at first because it challenges your ego and you dont feel like what you think is 'you'. It feels very natural now. I think sitting at a desk is a common weakpoint for myself because I find myself slouching which is back for the back and it literally feels like im in a slave position to the computer. Also people tend to cross their arms or have at least one arm strongly in front of them like a defensive position. I like to rest my arms on the chair making sure my chest is at the forefront.

                [–]Killigraphy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                Given that I was raised in NYC, you learn quickly to not walk around like a merry andrew singing in the rain. You tend to grow stoic and smiles and laughter is a reward for someone who made you do so, not a generic disposition that happens when you wake up. Women want Rhett Butler from Gone with The Wind; a man who smiles when he's right, and when he's making fun of people, not The Joker, that shit is creepy to both sexes.

                Be abrasive and revel in it, a smirk to acknowledge how right you are, or how wrong someone else is, should be enough. Try to be Swearengen from Deadwood...you're only being funny because people are trying to avoid the backhanded compliment you just gave.

                [–]RedRisingHood 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                This strikes a chord with me, I am naturally really serious and quiet and people talk of the strong silent man archetype, but I am always worried about seeming not awkward, but boring, so I speak to prevent this.

                Advice?

                [–]Transmigratory 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                I don't think so... I think it rewards manipulative beta body language. Every top person in the world expresses RP tendencies.

                [–]slcjosh 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                Shutting the fuck up is one oft he best moves you got. Just be comfortable in silence.

                [–]angeliswastaken 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                I'm a woman who does this. Is it as unattractive in a female as it is in a male?

                [–]iwish4zombies 0 points1 point  (1 child)

                Incredibly hard to do this when cold-selling, door to door type stuff. People need to like you to buy product.

                [–]ragerdat 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                I feel like if you're in that type of work a career change might be in order.

                [–]SuperPhiSwag -1 points0 points  (0 children)

                You don't need to change everything lmfao. You need to show people another side of you. A confident, strong, passionate side. Why is being happy beta? Just don't act like this all the time (let it come naturally).

                [–]ColTreize -1 points0 points  (0 children)

                I became a nudist. I am completely comfortable in my own skin! Plus I'm always thinking about inside jokes and such when I'm walking about clothed, so I almost always have this smug smirk on my face. Either that or I'm lost deep in thought and look extremely focused.

                [–]Jesse_J -1 points0 points  (3 children)

                If you have to think about it and try to work at it, you're being beta right there. You need to learn to care less about what people think of you by realizing how little they actually do. The universe is indifferent to your efforts, your successes, your failures, your pains, your pleasures... If you can honestly say to yourself "I like me." then fuck everyone else's opinion. You have to just be alpha.

                //life motto
                if(You.beta()==TRUE) {
                    beta().stop();
                    beAlpha();
                }
                

                [–]a2abfcd4 2 points3 points  (2 children)

                off-topic

                It should be 'you' not 'You'. Uppercase is for classes, not an instance. beta() isn't a static method, because it depends on the person, therefore 'you' must be an instance of some class.

                [–]Jesse_J -1 points0 points  (0 children)

                I respect your attention to detail.

                [–]ThousandTruths -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

                If you smile like Jack Nickolson and try to bang every chick you meet, you are alpha.