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[–]Endorsed ContributorRedPillDad 131 points132 points  (53 children)

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Rock solid advice. It's a marathon, and you'll be amazed how far you'll get by perseverance alone. Talent is mostly a myth. I see so many young people with advantages they squander away by relaxing into their advantage. With attractive girls certainly among the worst offenders.

My sons were so relieved to know how the shitty grind they face in their 20's pays off handsomely in their 30's. And all those rude bitches they meet will eventually get the harsh reality they deserve.

[–]Endorsed ContributorRedPillDad 76 points77 points  (25 children)

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Here's something I worked on that might help broaden perspective...

Spectator Mode: Waiting around for something to happen. This passive (feminine) approach kills the potential for seduction.

Chode Mode: Wasting time on distractions. Not achieving or learning anything. Acting like a self-centered, self-indulged child resisting the transition to adulthood.

Fantasy Mode: Where you lose yourself in an alternate reality - such as online games, porn and watching sports. With these forms of escapism, you feel successful, powerful and respected. They trick your brain with the illusion of success. You feel a sense of accomplishment, but, in reality, your real life is neglected.

Champion Mode: is intense and driven. It's stepping up to take charge of yourself and the situation. Ambition and self-discipline are the essence of what it means to be a man.

Beast Mode: Very physical approach with a more primal, masculine style. You act on primitive instincts instead of being stuck on the sidelines. This beast mode is effective in competitive sports as well as pickup. You want to clear your head of thoughts and attack forward without any doubts or inhibitions.

Pimp Mode: A variation of champion mode where all your drive is directed towards seduction. Pimp mode can help develop your swagger, but if you go overboard like some guys do, the game can completely take over your life.

Sustaining pimp mode can leave you off balanced, unsatisfied and less attractive as you neglect the champion mode aspects of your life... You don't want to be another shallow, damaged soul with hollow eyes who has dedicated his life to pickup and has amounted to nothing beyond that.

There are plenty of other mode variations to consider such as social mode versus professional mode. The point is to become intentional and more versatile. Most guys are flat out dull with no concept of mode variation.

EDIT: Be careful of "Critical Mode" where you sit back and poke holes in things. You want to build and strengthen, not come up with easy excuses as to why it's not worth the effort. You have to be willing to embrace ideas that serve you, even if they aren't perfect. It's a girly move to criticize, focus on exceptions and do nothing.

[–]peepshowfan 24 points25 points  (8 children)

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I've been in chode mode for a solid two years now. Well, time to change.

[–]Shire_Leaf 27 points28 points  (7 children)

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I've been in spectator/fantasy mode for several years, found TRP and How to become a man and it opened my eyes. This last week I said FUCK THIS LAZINESS and bitch slapped myself, got a decent paying job and some new clothes(for work), Started Nofap(had a serious porn addiction), restarted keto and working out, and cut alcohol and weed down too. Time to keep this shit going and fix myself. I am going 90days hardcore Fix myself mode to become a MAN. After that It will be time to evaluate where I am and see about outer game and put what I have learned into action.

[–]VelociReactor 3 points4 points  (5 children)

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Nofap is a great exercise in self control. I'm on day 180 myself atm.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (3 children)

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I can't believe the lust i feel on a daily basis since I stopped jerking off. Talk about fucking motivation.

[–]daftpunkfunk 22 points23 points  (6 children)

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Fantasy Mode: Where you lose yourself in an alternate reality - such as online games, porn and watching sports. With these forms of escapism, you feel successful, powerful and respected. They trick your brain with the illusion of success. You feel a sense of accomplishment, but, in reality, your real life is neglected.

Goddamn League of Legends

[–]morsX 1 point2 points  (0 children)

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I still play Counter-Strike Global Offensive competively. I set aside about 12 hours a week to play with my team and view the time spent no differently than if I was engaged in a more physical sport. I work as a software engineer now and have been weight lifting seriously for 3 months now. I am in better mental and physical shape than I have ever been previously in my life.

Life is all a game of balancing your time.

[–]lillojohn 0 points1 point  (3 children)

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I was there too.

[–]ButtonJoe 1 point2 points  (2 children)

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I honestly don't think games are always a bad thing as long as you're not putting off other things that need to be done.

If you're sitting around all day playing wow or some shit, then you're wasting your time and fooling yourself into thinking you're anything but a lazy prick.

But if you're home after a days work, already worked out and done what you need to do, fuck it, have fun.

[–]Complecs 2 points3 points  (1 child)

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This. Some people go overboard with their 'kicking the habit' mindset and drop the shit all together. For me at least, when I tried that I thought I had more self control because of it, but it didn't take long for me to realize it showed almost as little as playing all day(if it truly is a passion in your life). For me games are an outlet, and that 'cheers' like atmosphere that I can log into every night after a long day of work to catch up with friends, and do something fun while im at it. I now keep it under control now, versus the 3 years I spent 70+ hours a week playing games, I now keep it to less than 8 during the work week, and however much I want on the weekends, as long as I get my shit done. This was before I found TRP, and now instead of playing games all weekend I've found myself going out and finding other ways to enjoy life, but I've never excluded video games.

[–]stupid_fucking_name 1 point2 points  (0 children)

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That's true, but like any habit, some people just can't handle moderation and have to kick it altogether.

[–]t21spectre 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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Studies have been done on this. The brain makes no distinction in it's reward center between accomplishments in real life and in simulated worlds (video games, social networking likes/upvotes etc.) Like "achievements" on xbox, a cheap gimmick to keep people playing.

[–]InferiousX 2 points3 points  (0 children)

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Pimp mode can help develop your swagger, but if you go overboard like some guys do, the game can completely take over your life.

I posted this a little while ago in regards to pursing women as part of the break up recovery.

A good gauge I think, is imagine talking about yourself and what you've been up too without mentioning any hookups or women. If you are coming up blank, you're spending too much time on pussy and not investing enough in yourself in other constructive ways.

[–]DreadMe 1 point2 points  (0 children)

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I have some friends that have gone into "fantasy mode" and not come out they are addicted to Wow. I used to play when I was younger, until I figured out it is really just a shitty version of real existence.

[–]ohsweetword 1 point2 points  (0 children)

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I think OP's point is if you're in the first 3 modes you can't just jump up into a new mode.

You have to take time off to better yourself before the pieces fall in place. Learning self-discipline is the first step.

[–]checkered_floor 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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i was in Spectator mode for years... spent all last year to work on myself. About to join the military after shedding 50lbs got a beautiful girlfriend in the process, by this i guess im in Champion mode.

Love yourself first and everything falls into line.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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been in spectator/chode/fantasy mode forever. slowly climbing out of that. awesome post.

[–]JGH8763 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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There has to be a transition to 'champion mode', like 'trying to get into champion mode but haven't gotten there yet, but clear-headed and knows the avenue to success, and not wasting time on distractions and fantasy...mode'. I think most of us here are in that mode. 'Grind mode'?

[–]laere 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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I think I'm between champ and beast mode. Used to be spectator mode for my early 20's (now 25) I STILL GOT TIME!

[–][deleted]  (26 children)

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[deleted]

    [–]theozoph 9 points10 points  (3 children)

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    No Asian or White man has ever broken the 10 second 100 meter mark, West Africans do it regularly.

    Not saying you're wrong in your analysis of genetic advantage, but white French guy Christophe Lemaitre broke the 10s barrier 4 years ago, and since then established a personal record of 9,92s. And everyone agrees the guy has poor form, and room for growth.

    Genetics vary widly within a given population : a statistical disadvantage can be offset by a luck of the draw. Yeah Chinese are small on average, but Yao Ming is 7'6".

    Genetics might be destiny, but race isn't.

    [–]still_very_alive 2 points3 points  (4 children)

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    It's true that if you want to be one of the best, truly world-class at one thing, you need a combination of vast innate talent and grueling hard work. This goes for pretty much everything But on the day-to-day side of things, for most people - hard work alone is enough, and is the more important of the two. (Talent does help, though)

    [–]colovick 2 points3 points  (3 children)

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    Talent separates the half million dollar contracts from the 20 million dollar contracts, hard work separates the burger flippers from the pro players

    [–]still_very_alive 1 point2 points  (0 children)

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    Well put. I'll probably be quoting that at some point.

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

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    I would flip that around.

    [–]colovick 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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    For the sake of flow I agree, but the meaning isn't lost in the wording as is

    [–]glacierelement 8 points9 points  (7 children)

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    In some sense you're right, you are stuck with your genetics. However, that doesn't affect what you can accomplish in the big picture.

    Sure you can't be the number 1 basketball player in the NBA... That is luck of the draw. Not only in terms of genetics but also environment.

    However, the people who excel in fields where genetics doesn't exactly dictate your future generally spent a lot of time practicing and refining.

    Malcolm Gladwell wrote a book called outliers. Two big examples from the book are Bill Gates and the Beatles. By the time they reached the peaks of their careers, they had put in over 10,000 hours into their trades. In Bill Gates case, he was lucky because he started using computers when they first became available.

    10,000 hours doesn't seem like a lot. In reality that means if for the next 10 years of your life you spent 2 hours per day working out and that's every fucking single day. No breaks. Then you would probably become an expert at working out, assuming throughout that time you would be constantly trying to improve. Same thing with women if you spent 2 hours every day trying to seduce women, you would become an expert after 10 years, if you spent 4 hours a day you could do it in 5. And that is an underestimation that's only 7300 hours according to this rule.

    Same thing with confidence, no giving a shit, trying to make money... All of that takes practice and experience.

    Your genetics may give you a capacity for intelligence but it is your experience that provides you with wisdom.

    Practice makes perfect. But ya no shit nobody is perfect.

    [–]dancingwithcats 1 point2 points  (3 children)

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    Genetics most certainly do affect what you can accomplish in the big picture, that big picture being life. One still needs discipline to capitalize on one's talents and gifts, but if applied properly they can make one successful in every aspect of life.

    [–]glacierelement 0 points1 point  (2 children)

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    Affect but don't dictate.

    [–]dancingwithcats 0 points1 point  (1 child)

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    Which is not what you said.

    [–]glacierelement 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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    In some sense you're right, you are stuck with your genetics. However, that doesn't affect what you can accomplish in the big picture.

    Sure you can't be the number 1 basketball player in the NBA... That is luck of the draw. Not only in terms of genetics but also environment.

    [–]improve_myself 2 points3 points  (7 children)

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    If you're White or Asian, you will never be a world class sprinter.

    Not with that attitude.

    No Asian or White man has ever broken the 10 second 100 meter mark

    This is no longer true. Christophe Lemaitre has ran 100m in 9.92s

    [–][deleted]  (6 children)

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    [deleted]

      [–]improve_myself 2 points3 points  (0 children)

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      The worlds 2nd and 3rd fastest 100m men are 1.78 and 1.80m, the 5th is 1.70m. I can only agree with your third paragraph.

      [–]dongpal 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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      you simply forgetting the most important part, fast twitch and slow twitch fibers

      [–][deleted]  (2 children)

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      [deleted]

        [–]1bicepsblastingstud 0 points1 point  (1 child)

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        This isn't really the case. There are far too many genetic differences to be able to say "it's the muscle fibers," and many sprinters who aren't that good have the same fiber ratios.

        [–]Zaorish9 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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        I think the point is, you need to forget about talent and genetics if you are going to push yourself to improve. You need to believe in your own potential for improvement.

        [–][deleted] 44 points45 points  (4 children)

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        This is the best post I've read on this sub.

        The thing I like about TRP is that people are here to support you to become better, even if you're rock bottom. These Blue Pillers will attack "guys that can't even get laid" or "probably has a small dick". When we know its like 20% of dudes fucking 80% of the women.

        Over here at the RP they say, "so your fucking rock bottom? So what? Time to lift yourself up! It can only get better from here".

        [–]EducatedCavemen 11 points12 points  (0 children)

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        Fuck yeah! The only person that can truly help you is yourself. If you won't help yourself NOBODY else will. Blue Pillers follow the crowd and think that there is an excuse for somebodies shitty behavior. TRP is about knowing who you are, going out there and becoming your best self. If you fucked up, tough shit, you just fucked up. Learn and then try again.

        [–]Dark triad expert: - http://illimitablemen.com/ - [3 Points]IllimitableMan[S] 12 points13 points  (1 child)

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        [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

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        Yep. Ironically enough, taken in another context a lot of the self-help stuff I read on here could be reworded to the kind of "work on yourself, do your best" crap BP society forces down your throat. But it sticks when I hear it here, because it is qualified by the foundation for why one needs to improve - that you are not special or important, and that you are the sum of what you are capable of achieving. That people won't "love you anyway". When seen through that lens, self improvement isn't some abstract, romantic ideal; its an absolute necessity to make the most of your days.

        [–][deleted] 39 points40 points  (13 children)

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        You know why this is especially great advice? Because there are guys out there who start out learning game, they get one unusually attractive girl interested (usually half-accidentally), turn blue pill, lose her, and get set back to where they were before, if not worse. By actually raising your value, women get interested for the right reasons - and you wont have to "fake it to make it", you will genuinely be a man with value and options.

        [–]garlicextract 11 points12 points  (8 children)

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        A large part of this is mentality - how do you convince yourself you're worthy of the finest pussy after being beta for such a long time?

        I'm following most of the advice in this post, and have managed to remove women from the pedestal (which is HUGE). But the fact remains, my notch count is shitty, all I can claim is I'm not a virgin. I've been self improving by lifting and also academically... but what happens when you attract a hot chick for the right reasons (since I will soon/do have options)... and then you get into bed, surely it will take her less than a minute to sense a guy has very little sexual experience. Also,- she won't be wowed or impressed whatsoever when I take my boxers off. Maybe a bit underwhelmed. It's the cold truth of the matter.

        I mean, one or the other, but very little sexual experience and an average/small penis? I'll eat her out real nice but... that's not a good combo, especially for the girls I want to attract.

        [–]1independentmale 8 points9 points  (0 children)

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        and then you get into bed, surely it will take her less than a minute to sense a guy has very little sexual experience.

        Maybe, maybe not. Who cares? You practice to get better. So what if she doesn't enjoy herself and never fucks you again? Learn from the experience and you'll be better for the next girl, and the next, and the next and so on.

        Don't beat yourself up over it. None of us were born sex gods. We had to figure it out as we went along.

        [–]deville05 5 points6 points  (0 children)

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        Bitches say they care about penis size, but the really dont. Porn sells us dick size cuz it appeals to our ego. In reality its insignificance is insignificant. Guys get horny by a hot body. Girls can get horny just by who you are. Use your penis wisely though oh and for the most part.. If yr inexperience, Fake it till you make it. Good luck

        [–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

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        Just think, Doesn't matter: Had sex. Maybe she will be like "meh", but who cares, next time will be better.

        [–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

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        I've got a buddy (5'6) with a small dick who held down one of the hottest chicks in our high school. He played hockey and was in great shape, and prided himself on eating pussy well. A small dick does suck, though, but I guess it can be overcome.

        [–]A5M 2 points3 points  (0 children)

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        Focus more on your own pleasure and getting her to do what you want.

        [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child)

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        You can give up, or you can make it work for you.

        It's that simple.

        Also, I highly doubt your dick is that small.

        [–]colovick 2 points3 points  (0 children)

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        As a guy who's been blessed with more than the average bear, it's equally depressing to think about how little it matters... I've scared off a girl or 2 with it, but very few are interested in me because they've heard about my package...

        [–]ContinueTheInquiry 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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        Check out "Sex God Method".

        [–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (1 child)

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        and you wont have to "fake it to make it", you will genuinely be a man with value and options.

        I had this issue for a little while . I didn't have enough inner game to keep my charades going.I could fuck bitches that were 7s and higher but nothing developed because I lacked substance of longevity desire.

        Being poor sucks. Your self esteem can take a huge hit for the longest that way. Thus resulting you go back to your blue pill methods.

        Liken this to :

        A 89 hatchback Honda with a sick looking body job and a sweet looking tail fin, but the engine is from 1989 and hasn't been modified at all.Stepping your game up change out that engine and drop a NoX kit with a suspension system etc to resemble more alpha oriented traits..

        Or for us “Sigmas" like myself with that 03 Buick Regal with the super charger in it and you don't realize you have potential with that car and need to bring it that sleeper beast in it to out rock 644 horses with just a few inexpensive tweaks just to know you don't have to be flashy . You have powered potential without the need of a car club to prove it.

        [–]Zaorish9 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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        Exactly what happened to me recetnly. Since I started reading, it's so clear now. I am now printing all this shit out, and focusing.

        [–]Air4ce1 62 points63 points  (26 children)

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        I did this for four months May-August. I went into Cocoon mode. I already lifted, but for these three months I lifted (and slept) for 6 days a week and more intense than ever. I would only hang out with friends on Saturday night after my morning lift (Sunday was rest day anyways). Mentally I started reading a lot more and just extracurricular stuff for my major.

        When I went back to my university the first thing people said was, "Wow you got jacked." This was mainly from guys, but I later found out that all my female friends definitely noticed they just didn't say it. It turns out that life got easier when I got selfish. I became happier because I am doing things that make me happy. People start treating you differently when you lift. Guys are more inclined to respect and not intentionally disrespect you. Girls don't come up to me but they are more receptive if I approach them (I have to work on this) I'm the kind of guy that doesn't like to have one night stands, but rather friends with benefits (more stable I guess). I don't know if that's red pill ideology or not. Anyways the point of this is if you need to go into cocoon mode, do it. You'll come out a better man.

        [–]Dark triad expert: - http://illimitablemen.com/ - [3 Points]IllimitableMan[S] 49 points50 points  (13 children)

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        "Cocoon mode" I like that term. It's good. I'm going to use that, if you don't mind. Thanks for contributing.

        [–]thegorechild 31 points32 points  (0 children)

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        I call it "going monk." You need these times to focus on yourself.

        [–]DirtyD27 6 points7 points  (1 child)

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        I'm pretty sure that was coined on /fit/, very similar to what you guys described. As big of a shitshow as it is, I learned a lot on there and it directed me to TRP.

        [–]Air4ce1 4 points5 points  (0 children)

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        It was. /fit/ is nice to go and get a good laugh and that's about it.

        [–]Air4ce1 6 points7 points  (0 children)

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        Don't mind at all.

        [–][deleted]  (4 children)

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        [deleted]

          [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (3 children)

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          ...they have is better running genes.

          That sounds like a bullshit excuse to me.

          [–][deleted]  (2 children)

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          [deleted]

            [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

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            I don't doubt that some are naturally better at running than others, but unless you know for sure that they're not training, resting, eating and sleeping better than you are, it's still just an excuse.

            [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (5 children)

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            Mind sharing your workout routine? Six days is a lot, unless you're doing a different body part each day.

            [–]Duderson 6 points7 points  (0 children)

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            I'm not the one you asked, but I'll answer just to give more variety. In college, I lifted 7 days a week. This was my split:

            Day 1: Chest/Back

            • Incline Barbell Bench Press, Weighted Pull-Up, Flat DB Press, Chin-UP, Incline Fly, T-Bar Row, Flat Fly, Barbell Row, Hyperextension

            Day 2: Shoulders/Arms

            • Military Press, Lateral Raise, Arnold Press, Rear Raise, Weighted Dip, Barbell Curl, Overhead DB Extension, Hammer Curl

            Day 3: Legs

            • Squat, Leg Press or Front Squat, Seated Leg Curl, Stiff-Legged Deadlift, Heel Raise

            Day 4: Chest/Back

            • Flat Barbell Bench Press, Weighted Chin-Up, Incline DB Press, Pull-Up, Flat Fly, Cable Row, Incline Fly, DB Row, Hyperextension

            Day 5: Shoulders/Arms

            • Military Press, Lateral Raise, Incline Lateral Raise or DB Press, Rear Raise, Weighted Dip, Alternating DB Curl, Cable Pushdown, Preacher Curl

            Day 6: Legs

            • Same

            Day 7: Extra

            • Heavy Deadlifts (sets ranging from 1-10 repetitions), Shrugs, Cleans (rarely), Reverse Curls, Wrist Curls

            Once per month I would do heavy flat barbell bench presses and squats (down to doubles and singles). In general, I would take my primary chest, back, shoulders and leg movements down to the 3-5 repetition range after pyramiding up in weight and down in repetitions.

            Routines like this only work if you can eat a lot and get enough sleep to avoid over-training. Also, proper form is always important, but if you're going to lift 5+ days per week, it becomes even more so because of the higher baseline strain such frequent training will put on your body. I included my movements just to be detailed. I grew a lot and got much stronger on this routine, but mileage may vary.

            [–]Air4ce1 3 points4 points  (2 children)

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            I switch between workout routines. When I'm home I have more time to workout so I follow a ABABABx routine. When I'm at school I follow an AxBxCxx. The "x' being rest days. Generally if my workload isn't heavy then I'll do the first routine. What it stems down too is the first routine is A day- Chest, Shoulders, Back. B day- Legs and Arms. The ABC is this http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/wotw21.htm it's the second place workout. The only reason I workout 6 days a week is because I had ample enough time to eat and sleep a lot since I went into the whole cocoon mode. In terms of exercises as long as you're doing the main compound movements the accessory exercises shouldn't matter. The only time I do the 3 day is split is when I'm busy or training for basketball (currently) so I have to cut down o weightlifting.

            [–]Science_isthenewcool 1 point2 points  (0 children)

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            Just as another point of reference:

            I've had a lot of success with ABxABxx too. You may want to try it when you feel you have hit the overtraining wall from ABABAB and AxBxCxx isn't doing it for you anymore, if you want to change things up, or you just want to totally fuck your CNS with max intensity, high weight, low rep but fast rep speed. I used to train uber heavy-close to my max on the first AB and then medium to high reps, lower weight on the second AB as I was still recovering from the early week workouts.

            [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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            Thanks.

            [–]ButterMyBiscuit 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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            If you're past a novice level of lifting, you can do body parts twice a week. I have 3 routines, let's call them day 1, 2, and 3 that focus on different areas. My week generally goes 1,2,3,1,2 and I rest on the weekend.

            [–]Daimai 3 points4 points  (1 child)

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            Definitely going cocoon mode this summer.

            [–]Dream4eva 1 point2 points  (0 children)

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            This is funny as I'm currently in cocoon mode right now.

            [–]notmyuglyside 1 point2 points  (1 child)

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            You only slept 6 days a week?

            [–]Air4ce1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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            Yeah, I see my grammatical error. I lifted six days a week, slept every night.

            [–]JohnGalt316 46 points47 points  (8 children)

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            this doesn't only apply to ugly betas

            even if you have a nice job after college and are still banging girls, don't get complacent. my buddies and i got entry-level jobs after college. we did the whole 9-5/bar+club lifestyle. however, i wasn't satisfied with doing that for the rest of my life.

            4 years later, i'm finishing up medicine while they are still at their entry-level jobs. what happened? we were making money, going out, having fun, and getting girls. that was enough for them. even though they still go to the gym regularly, they've gained that beer belly and don't ever make any gains.

            we used to all talk about how we were going to do great things. each one of them had amazing plans for their life. when i last visited them, they were STILL talking about how they've gotten too lazy and they are going to finally change and do something with their life. it is sad to see my friends deteriorate in front of your own eyes. they've stuck themselves into LTRs with the trashy sloots we used to ridicule.

            i gave up going out regularly and my numbers have dipped, but i gained an intrinsic happiness that comes from truly believing you are on the right path for your life.

            [–]phil619 21 points22 points  (3 children)

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            It is time to get new friends that correlate with your goals.

            [–]abutterfly 4 points5 points  (2 children)

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            Honestly, I'm still in undergrad and this is my biggest problem.

            [–]StLaag 0 points1 point  (1 child)

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            Get on that asap. My biggest regret from my undergrad days is the friends I hung out with (mostly because it is just easier to keep doing whatever it is you are doing even if you know it's not for you - status quo bias http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Status_quo_bias).

            My advice fuelled by hindsight: just be ruthless. Look around for the people you want to hang out with that /u/phil619 said - who correlate best with your goals. And it is really easy to do that in undergrad. Then, phase out your current friends.

            [–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (1 child)

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            Don't hate on your friends. Not everyone NEEDS to be obsessed with achieving things for the sake of achieving things.

            Your friends are making bank and getting laid - they're doing far better than most men.

            I noticed there are a lot of people on this sub obsessed with achievement but fuck it, if you're enjoying life, keeping fit/healthy and sustaining yourself financially you're doing fine. No need to become some hotshot CEO (or in your case, doctor) who lives to work.

            [–]ButterMyBiscuit 7 points8 points  (0 children)

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            Your friends are making bank

            I doubt they're making bank at an entry level job. They're just not poor.

            [–]ilovemyself101 1 point2 points  (1 child)

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            What made you go into medicine?

            [–]bassivemalls 1 point2 points  (0 children)

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            I believe the go-to answer to the question is: this.

            [–]16 Endorsed ContributorCyralea 15 points16 points  (1 child)

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            You wouldn't try to sell a completely beat-down house if your goal was to maximize revenue when you can make simple upgrades and greatly increase its value, and similarly you shouldn't be looking to market yourself if you're too hard of a sell. You see the most gains at the start with the least amount of effort. A few weeks in the gym, a re-vamp of your wardrobe, a few weekends practising a new skill.

            Spot on post. Take a little time out and improve your product before you go about trying to sell it. Been my motto for a while. Especially true with money, a half a years savings makes a huge difference for mental comfort.

            [–]vox_veritas 1 point2 points  (0 children)

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            Take a little time out and improve your product before you go about trying to sell it.

            That's a great TL;DR of the OP, and a very good way to think about these things in general.

            [–]unsungman 8 points9 points  (0 children)

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            "Most of your friends are more associates than they are friends, they won't give much of a fuck about you they're so busy doing their own shit the only time they think about you is when they want you for something that benefits them - need company to go drinking or some crap like that."

            This is true and it goes both ways. You have to be reasonably selfish about who you spend "social time" with. Spend it with people who are going to improve your lot. If not that, at least spend it with people you enjoy drinking/bullshitting with and people who won't question your change in lifestyle.

            There are people that I still consider as friends and would help out if they asked but honestly I've iced a considerable amount of them by "going my own way" because:

            -They are in LTRs.

            -They provide few opportunities to meet other single women via mutual friendships.

            -They won't get me a higher paying job or help with side ventures.

            Most of the guys I hang out with now just want company to go drinking...but at least the feeling is mutual. I actually want to hang out with them because they're single guys in some form of "hustle mode" like me and they'll actually make an effort to throw me a bone every once in a while.

            Once you take TRP you'll notice you don't want much to do with your old friends who are still in LTRs. It's nothing personal...just business.

            Lastly, in terms of fitness and improving SMV...working out will improve your SMV but don't make women the focus of your fitness efforts. This gets said alot but it's not easy to explain to guys who are just getting into fitness. I've largely been doing what OP has been talking about since Oct 2013 and recently wrote about this topic:

            http://unsungman.com/blog/posts/tightrope-tactics/distance

            The point is...women will no doubt notice you're looking better once you commit to getting fit. But, if they get the hint that you're doing it for them, the gains/weight loss loses its utility somewhat IMO.

            Every man who is "doing it right" in terms of fitness does their thing for their own reason(s):

            "I'm running because I want to run fast or run half marathons."

            "I'm in the weight room because I want to be strong, look like Arnold, be a beast, etc."

            For me I just want to be fit enough to box/spar again. So bad that I don't even think about women. I don't care if they notice my progress because I'm not doing it for them. They can comment on it all they want but they won't help me go 12 rounds without puking and they won't help you bench w/e weight you want to bench or run however fast/far you want to run.

            Get fit and your SMV will improve...just be careful about making fitness a means to the end of swooping babes or better quality women.

            [–]musicvita25 8 points9 points  (1 child)

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            I agree with this so so much.

            My personal journey took me longer then expected. I started my own business I struggled for so long. I was hardly meeting girls. I had low confidence. I had self doubt.

            But then I basically did the following;

            I took risks in my business - Huge financial ones. They paid off because they were calculated risks, but risks nonetheless.

            I styled my hair - Believe it or not, a gamechanger. I had very thick, unfashionable hair, I went and got it relaxed, I look like a rockstar.

            I bulked the fuck up - I eat a lot, I train a lot. I have apparently "massive arms" broad shoulders, and a broader chest. I didnt realise it, but thats 6 months of lifting right there.

            I wear simple clothing - Black tees, leather black jackets, I overload on black. It suits me as I have dark features.

            These things have got me to a better place. I've improved myself. I am no longer surprised when a girl likes me. Its because I have vastly improved. Its all thanks to TRP. Theres no turning back now.

            [–]Dark triad expert: - http://illimitablemen.com/ - [3 Points]IllimitableMan[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

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            Congratulations.

            [–]Swingbladez 7 points8 points  (1 child)

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            Great post, 10/10. Describes the action stage of Redpill very well, I started to hit this stage about 6 weeks ago, and concentrated on work, work studies, gym, diet and nothing else. Ditched chemical vices and cant imagine going back.

            Make sure you hit this transition, apply it to your WHOLE LIFE EVERYDAY, and once you see the benefits, tangible and feels, keep increasing it. You will realize you have at least twice as much mental and physical energy than you knew was possible. Shit, I have been lifting 5/6 times a week, getting a 30% increase in salary (negotiated up from the offer too, for the first time), working two jobs in the interim and can directly attribute my mental state while achieving this to Redpill philosophy.

            Ignore people trying to drag you into their frame of misery, bluepill frustration and bitchy resentment. They are everywhere and take all forms young and old, male and female. Identify and engage with natural alphas, feed off their energy and learn - they get it without reading a blog or website, they are your rolemodel at a level that an article cant be.

            Its fun to sneer at feminism, watch hamsters hamstering, sloots hitting the wall but that is not of value to you beyond proof and context. Put this to use hard now, or first thing tomorrow if its bedtime, because otherwise you will get bored of reading every manosphere blog every day and eventually drift back to the matrix

            [–]vox_veritas 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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            Its fun to sneer at feminism, watch hamsters hamstering, sloots hitting the wall but that is not of value to you beyond proof and context. Put this to use hard now, or first thing tomorrow if its bedtime, because otherwise you will get bored of reading every manosphere blog every day and eventually drift back to the matrix

            Exactly. You can spend all day reading Red Pill 'philosophy' and 'theory', but without any action, all you become is a keyboard jockey.

            [–]garlicextract 5 points6 points  (5 children)

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            Great post.

            So I'm gaining the fitness, having started a lifting regimen. I'm also back in school after my bachelors' degree pursuing a Masters. I exhibit better posture and body language, and I've noticed that women have noticed - they say hi more often, or watch me when I'm lifting, whereas before I was invisible.

            I'm doing these two things for myself, and things are getting better - except game. Girls are noticing me more, and I can hold a conversation with anyone (I was pretty fun at parties before TRP, so this isn't new), but I still have no natural "game" and it ends up with them thinking they had a nice conversation but this guy isn't sexually interested in them (I assume).

            Any tips? Thanks.

            [–]Dark triad expert: - http://illimitablemen.com/ - [3 Points]IllimitableMan[S] 11 points12 points  (4 children)

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            Sounds like you need to develop your wit. Join a comedy club/watch stand-up and try to hang out around witty people. Wit is like a muscle, it needs to be developed. A keen wit is the difference between an awkward guy with nothing to say and the guy who pulls the cutie giving him indications she's interested. Also, on fear: don't be afraid to escalate. Tell her to put her number in your phone if you want her number, she says no? Oh well, the sun's still in the sky and your hearts still pumping who really gives a fuck.

            [–]garlicextract 2 points3 points  (3 children)

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            I know this is going to sound like a real beta bitch statement but here goes:

            Pre RP, I'd always shoot myself in the foot by being too much a pussy to ask a girl out to a place, just me and her. Hot girls intimidated me... Essentially, I'd be afraid she would get "bored" of me, there would be an awkward silence, etc. Her finding me boring/not knowing what to say is seriously the biggest mental block.

            I swallowed the pill recently so there hasn't been much time yet to spit game.

            I will take the wit suggestion seriously, but I know I'll never be that ultra suave guy with a comeback, retort, and witty banter for any situation which is what the fear of her getting "Bored" of me comes from.

            [–]arbyq5000 11 points12 points  (0 children)

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            but I know I'll never be that ultra suave guy with a comeback, retort, and witty banter for any situation which is what the fear of her getting "Bored" of me comes from.

            no, this is incorrect. if you open yourself up and you train, as IM said, you will develop skills. forget perfection; get better.

            [–]LordXerces 3 points4 points  (0 children)

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            On mobile, but Google: How to hold conversation like a man by Nick Sparks.

            [–]Shire_Leaf 2 points3 points  (0 children)

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            I will also suggest joining an Improv group or class. Check your area or local community college. Improv is an excellent tool to help you think and react on the fly.

            [–]Namerali 3 points4 points  (2 children)

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            It's posts like this that make TRP harder for me to swallow back when I joined ... and I'm damn thankful for it. Sadly, I came to this sub initially to find ways to get myself laid as I have had a bit of dry spell going for some time now. I was angered at many of the things I found out when I came here until I took a step back to examine why I was becoming angry with some objectivity: I was mad at reality. The reality, of course, was the low SMV I felt I had. At that point, I was still regurgitating the Blue Pill before I took my RP vaccine.

            So this sub turned me around quite a bit; I read more and, as I did, the more I come to terms with the fact that I'm not ready to have women come into my life without working on me. It was hard for me to accept but I need to work on the man I want to be before I get start getting laid. But the wonderful thing is my life significantly improved since I started being more focused on being a man.

            Being a man. Before I came here, I thought I was manly enough. I was big and muscled, ambitious, somewhat promiscuous (before the dry spell) and very assertive. Thing is, I was wrong. I was wrong because I clung to the concept of "enough". Swallowing the TRP, from my understanding, is you should never be satisfied being "enough" or doing "enough"; there is perpetually more room for improvement and more still with every given challenge and even a little more still at every fucking milestone.

            I realize getting laid is a lot of fun and I will keep trying to put myself out there. However, building on a good chassis of a man will result in an even better man tomorrow. I'm content with using potential to make myself stronger, wiser, smarter and my prospects more lucrative. Sex ... well, I'm going to have to wait on that.

            Saved and upvoted. Things like this need to be said more often on this sub.

            [–]Dark triad expert: - http://illimitablemen.com/ - [3 Points]IllimitableMan[S] 3 points4 points  (1 child)

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            is you should never be satisfied being "enough" or doing "enough"

            Amen, complacency kills comfortably.

            [–]Blood_Vaults 2 points3 points  (0 children)

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            Complacency kills. Period.

            [–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

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            Sticky this for a month imo.

            [–]1independentmale 5 points6 points  (1 child)

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            This post is spot on. Outstanding advice. I'd like to add:

            Put down the goddamn video games and shut off the tv. You're not going to do yourself a damn bit of good if you sit on your fat ass and play WoW when you're supposed to be working on yourself and getting your life in order. Go cold turkey if you can. If not, allot yourself a specific amount of time per day and stick to it.

            Bored and don't know what else to do with your free time?

            Improve your job. If you like it, go work your ass off and make yourself valuable to your bosses. Get raises and promotions. If you don't like it or don't see it going anywhere, polish up your resume, take some classes, apply for other jobs, learn some new skills, move up in the world.

            Build a second income stream. I spent years buying stuff off eBay and craigslist to resell for a profit. Any time I saw a deal on something I knew a little about, I bought it as cheap as I could get it and resold it. Are you good with cars? Pick up one that doesn't run, fix it and flip it for cash. Good with computers? Place an ad on Craigslist and help people fix theirs for quick cash. Mow lawns or do odd jobs. This will eat up time and make you money. The key to being successful: Do what you say you're going to do. This makes you trustworthy, which makes you valuable.

            Work out. A good exercise routine can easily eat up an hour.

            Find some hobbies, something you enjoy doing and that you're passionate about. Then you'll have something interesting to discuss with others.

            Learn a new skill. Learn to play a musical instrument, fly a plane, fix shit, etc. I have a lot of handyman skills because I was too broke in my twenties to pay for plumbers and painters and electricians and such. So when I wanted to fix or improve something on my house, I got online and talked to people and learned and did it myself.

            If you have the time and are willing to make a long term commitment, get a dog. Sign up for classes and learn how to train it. Play with it every single day. Teach it to be a bad ass companion, protector, etc.

            [–]TytalusWarden 2 points3 points  (0 children)

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            For three of my friends WoW isn't the sole reason they don't improve themselves, but it certainly enables their anti-social tendencies. It's what they do in WoW that's the catalyst... WoW itself isn't the problem, but they insist they "have to be the best". They all joined a guild that requires them to be on 4-5 nights each week for 3-4 hours each night. With that much effort being expended in WoW there's no way they can get a workout in.

            I occasionally nudge them to come to the gym with me or to go play some pool, but for the most part they're set in their ways and insist that playing WoW is fun for them. I always tell them, "Playing WoW is fun, but your crappy life will always be there when you're done with the leveling treadmill and the gear grind."

            -WoW-free for 18 months and counting!

            [–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

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            I've said this in a previous thread, but I think it still applies; Couldn't have said it better myself. I think there is a certain subset of people that go into game without having baseline things down and handled. (Deep seated inner game issues, poor overall social skills, few productive passions & hobbies besides women.) A lot of things can be gained from getting the above handled before going into game and faking high value behaviors.

            All rejection is feedback and there is nothing wrong with taking the L (as Patrice O'Neal says) and learning from it. A lot of awkward people can stand to get their other shit together and just go into game expecting nothing and enjoying the ride, not unlike first starting with weight lifting.

            Be content with being the backup QB and rookie for a short while and hold the clipboard. Be content with making progress and growing into your own skin.

            [–]limbooo 5 points6 points  (2 children)

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            Man I've spent years in spectator and chode/ fantasy mode.

            [–]Dark triad expert: - http://illimitablemen.com/ - [3 Points]IllimitableMan[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

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            Self-discipline and motivation, get those on lockdown and you're golden.

            [–]TaylorWolf 1 point2 points  (0 children)

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            That was me too a few years back. Martial arts like submission grappling really helped me though. It's as fun as any video game and you shredded in the process, doesn't even feel like effort it's so fun. I'd recommend it to anyone.

            [–]RedSpectrum 4 points5 points  (0 children)

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            Another great post, IM.

            Im doing this right now actually. I call it going Rogue.

            Just me, my thoughts, and my goals. And the fucking bench press, of course.

            [–]ERP_BLARP 3 points4 points  (0 children)

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            TRP got me off my arse drinking a six pack a day and back to the gym.

            Luckily I've been very fit before so I'm not starting from zero, but fuck it feels good to lift things again.

            I'm giving myself the 6-12 months to sort my shit out and get that SMV then I'm gonna hit the circuit and see how we go.

            [–]x7CR7x 2 points3 points  (0 children)

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            I cocoon after every breakup that I didn't initiate. They always come back after they see changes. The current one ain't as easy because now that I'm 25, money finally plays a role.

            [–]Chatmauve 2 points3 points  (0 children)

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            This is my first Red Pill thread.

            This won't be my last. I am definitely, as RedPillDad says, in the chode mode right now. At least, I am working myself physically, and have a good job. However, it is a too comfortable entry level job.

            Thanks for the eye opening.

            [–]cryptica 2 points3 points  (0 children)

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            Definately a "best of" reddit nomination.

            [–]4J5533T6SZ9 2 points3 points  (1 child)

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            fuck bitches, get $mv

            [–]mycroftdoyle 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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            thread winner

            [–]RevDrStrangelove 1 point2 points  (5 children)

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            Hm. I did some of my most prolific man-whoring when I was dirt poor. I mean living in crack-town with no electricity. To be fair, I was in my twenties and running in a circle of super cool musicians, but still.....

            [–]Dark triad expert: - http://illimitablemen.com/ - [3 Points]IllimitableMan[S] 18 points19 points  (3 children)

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            I was in my twenties and running in a circle of super cool musicians

            Social proof isn't something most "dirt poor" guys have.

            [–]RevDrStrangelove 1 point2 points  (2 children)

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            My point is that attitude goes a long way and (in my humble opinion) is more important than status or shiny things. Of course it helps if you're attractive...

            I was working fast food. I was so broke I couldn't afford the coin laundry so I would wash my work uniform (while wearing it) in the shower and dry it walking to work. Most of my meals were 'five finger discounts' from work. I, and my friends/room mates, gave zero fucks and enjoyed life as much as we could. As a result I got laid by candle light A LOT.

            [–]Dark triad expert: - http://illimitablemen.com/ - [3 Points]IllimitableMan[S] 12 points13 points  (1 child)

            sorry, this has been archived and can no longer be voted on

            I, and my friends/room mates, gave zero fucks and enjoyed life as much as we could.

            Most people who can't even afford to wash their own shit don't even have friends, nobody wants to know them. This is what I'm saying, the only reason you got any was because you had social proof despite the fact your value was so low at that moment in time. One can assume you weren't fat or half bad looking if you were living on stolen burgers in a solitary room and still getting laid.

            I don't know you, maybe you have a very likeable personality/good sense of humour or whatever and people are drawn to you, some people have that "gift" and have no problem getting people to like them and chicks to fuck them, that is what it is, but it isn't how it goes for most guys. Say you do have those traits in your personality, most guys in your situation wouldn't have those traits, they'd need to build themselves to get those traits and then they'd get a circle of friends later on, you see where I'm coming from?

            I'd say you're an exception, not an example.

            PS: positive attitude is always a helpful attribute.

            [–]SilviOnPC 1 point2 points  (0 children)

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            Post of the fucking year

            Good job OP

            [–]RPthrowaway123 1 point2 points  (10 children)

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            This is probably the hardest thing for me. I think I'm in pretty good shape as a recently retired athlete who works out 5 times a week, and I like to think I'm pretty intelligent too.

            But I'm very unpopular around here. I've only had one gf in college and she was nuts. I want to just get up, move up, and find new women, but I'm just very unpopular and most girls seem to be able to sense that. I know I have to do stuff for me, but I can't shake the unpopularity and the worrying what other people think on most days. It's lonely.

            And advice on how to get through this?

            [–]Science_isthenewcool 3 points4 points  (4 children)

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            Hey man, make some new friends/associates by doing or trying something new. Just being a little bit more social than you normally would will help. Baby steps. You have to step outside your comfort zone to realize it's really not that bad. Take up a new hobby or some shit, anything social.

            IMPORTANT: Try and smile/say "hi" to someone that serves you coffee or lunch or whatever. If they reciprocate, introduce yourself at the end of the conversation and REMEMBER THEIR NAME! Bam, next time you go in, use their name: "Hi cool coffee guy/girl", people appreciate that shit. The chances to interact with people are numerous and constant. Once you get better at making friends in general, speaking with girls/women becomes a hell of a lot easier.

            I do it everywhere, I make friends with bartenders/coffee guys/girls etc. at every opportunity. It totally makes their fucking day, helps you with small talk, and occasionally you get preferred treatment, freebies etc. Some people may also class it as "social proof". Which is actually pretty true, because it impresses the fuck out of random chicks when everyone knows your name.

            Once you have been doing this for a few(3-6) months, it becomes your new MO. Next thing you know, you are one cool, charming motherfucker.

            Edit: at some point in the last 5-10 years, people just seem to sense that I'm a friendly/chilled kind of guy and start coming up to me in random places and chat. I have no idea how this works but I swear to god it's hilarious could be because I'm an eye contact kind of guy, i.e I don't look away if someone is looking at me, I just look right back. That's one theory anyway, also I am often slightly smiling, because life and people are amusing, let's be honest. When people see you smile, they just start smiling too, it's infectious so that could also be a reason. Just smile, some eye contact and be relaxed - magic.

            [–]1independentmale 4 points5 points  (1 child)

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            This is so true. Talk to people just for the sake of talking to them, with no ulterior motive (sex, dates, etc). Consider it practicing, because that's exactly what it is.

            I talk to everyone. Fat girls, ugly girls, old people, dudes, you name it. I'm that fucker in line with you at the grocery store striking up a conversation about whatever is on my mind. I try to make friends everywhere I go. Staff at many locations now address me by my first name when I walk in. One restaurant even knows my voice on the phone, I simply have to request a table and the girl says, "Okay, 1IM. I'll have that ready for you in 15 minutes!"

            I didn't do anything special to get here. Just went about my daily life. Eventually you go to the same places often enough and if you're friendly and cool and talk to people, they'll start to remember you.

            Sometimes people won't want to talk, or you'll put your foot in your mouth and look awkward, etc. No worries, just brush it off and try again with someone else.

            Do this long enough and picking up women becomes easy. You'll talk to them like you do with everyone else and the next thing you know, you'll have a date.

            [–]RPthrowaway123 1 point2 points  (1 child)

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            This is awesome advice, thanks! I think the reason I come off that way is that I'm good at saying hi to people and good with friends I've had a long time but really awkward at all the social stages in-between. So basically, I just need to take the issue head on by talking to lots of people and practicing? That will be much easier once I'm out of school in a few months...I fell for the stupid small school bs and I'm stuck in a small town with only 1,500 other students so everyone knows everything about everyone.

            Great advice about the coffee/server types though that's a great place for me to try and start this!

            [–]Science_isthenewcool 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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            Absolutely! Best of luck, it'll get easier and easier the more often you do it, til it eventually becomes natural as fuck. Like anything. In a month let us know how it's going.

            [–][deleted]  (1 child)

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            [deleted]

              [–]RPthrowaway123 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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              Personally, I think its because I'm good at saying hi to people and good with friends I've known for a long time, but awkward at the social stages in-between. I can be loud sometimes and my sense of humor is very dry and can go over people's heads. But I might be judging myself too harshly, so I don't really know. People just...don't like me that much, it seems.

              [–]11411181 1 point2 points  (2 children)

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              Not giving a fuck. The fact that you state you're hung up on being perceived as 'unpopular' means you're too concerned about what people think of you.

              By the sounds of it, you're physically fit but lack actual friends for whatever reason. There's your point of self-improvement to work on: social proof.

              [–]RPthrowaway123 0 points1 point  (1 child)

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              Do you have any tips for working on social proof? It will be hard for me to change anything in my last 2 months of college, especially at my tiny school, but I plan on getting a job and moving to the city so I'll basically have a clean slate soon.

              [–]11411181 1 point2 points  (0 children)

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              Make friends. Be socially available while holding frame. Body language control for yourself is a must. If women can sense it, then you're giving off a vibe due to the way you present yourself.

              [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

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              [–]zerohistory 1 point2 points  (0 children)

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              Good post. I am somewhat fat at the moment and just joined a gym. Increasing my SMV is a core goal. As far as money and status, I'm at my top game. But even there I'm building out.

              Focus on yourself. Get what you want & need. The rest follows.

              [–]mysterioussydney 1 point2 points  (0 children)

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              Amen

              [–]Grainslol 1 point2 points  (4 children)

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              I've known many people full of talent who lack the proclivity to apply themselves. You can be a brain box but if you don't feel motivated or see a point in anything then you'll just fulfill your immediate needs and end up a failure rather than build yourself into a success.

              Struggling with this right now.

              After I graduated from college, got a good job, and started losing weight passively by doing keto (296 to 184 lbs. at 6'3), I started to smoke a lot of weed.

              I used to smoke unfailingly every day. I'm 2 days in without any weed. Should I expect my motivation to magically return instantaneously, gradually, or is this something that I have to consciously be aware of and improve on?

              [–]Dark triad expert: - http://illimitablemen.com/ - [3 Points]IllimitableMan[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

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              is this something that I have to consciously be aware of and improve on?

              People with low motivation have to pretty much bully/inspire themselves into taking action. Getting angry and/or inspired will get you to do shit. Otherwise you'll just sit around. I speak from experience. Aggressive music helps.

              [–]TytalusWarden 1 point2 points  (1 child)

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              I have an eating issue. I'm on keto right now and over the past several years I've lost anywhere from 70-110 pounds (depends on which month we're looking at, I've yo-yo'd a lot.) What has me motivated to lose right now (I'm 80 down right now from my high of 341) is recognizing my learned behaviors and consciously breaking out of them.

              Consider this scenario: You have a group activity you partake in once a week on a particular day of the week. It could be playing pool on Monday evenings, or going to see a movie every Friday, or hanging out a the bar every Tuesday evening, or watching a common-interest TV show on Sunday evening. Do you notice any rituals you follow that are closely associated with that activity?

              The last paragraph is the major issue I had when breaking out of my eating habits. Years ago my days looked like this:

              • 8AM-6PM - work (eat a large lunch, typically 1300+ calories from McD's)
              • 6PM-10PM - WoW (while eating dinner and snacking)
              • 10PM-pass out in recliner - watch TV (or DVR) (while snacking on ice cream or cookie dough for dessert)

              When I started my diet I noticed that I'd have strong urges to follow this pattern, so I had to change the pattern so I could have the result I desired.

              Now, all of this rolls back to you--do you have a particular group of friends you smoke with? If so, do these friends frequently smoke in your presence? You only have two options if this is the case:

              • Ditch the friends and meet new friends whose goals align with your own; or
              • Convince your friends not to smoke while around you, or at a minimum don't offer it to you

              Your learned behavior (in my theoretical example above) is "when with friends, smoke", so you need to break that behavior. It's more than just saying, "I won't smoke" because smoking wasn't just a "thing" you did... you "smoked while {insert item here}", so if you continue to do {insert item here} you will unconsciously want to smoke.

              Do you have a frequent activity that you associate with smoking? If so then when you perform that activity you're going to feel a strong draw to smoke while performing the activity. Be aware of this and actively fight the resulting urge--it'll likely be strong!

              Sorry if it's so long-winded, but I've been helping both myself and friends with these types of issues for the last 2 years. I see people who hit a catalyzing event in their lives (mom finds out she has cancer, brother/sister dies to drugs/disease, friend ODs on heroin, whatever) and they think, "This one catalyzing event can easily motivate me to change my life!" What's the first thing they do after that? They go do the same fucking thing they do every day with zero life changes! If your buddy OD'd on heroin and you don't want to do heroin anymore you can't hang out with your heroin-loving buddies and shoot hoops with your dealer anymore!

              Okay, done harping on this for now. Hope the point sticks even if it isn't intuitive to pick up at first.

              TL;DR: Change your lifestyle to reflect your change in attitude, otherwise you're likely to fail due to the continued familiar internal and external influences on your life.

              [–]Grainslol 1 point2 points  (0 children)

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              After doing keto the discipline just became a part of me because I internalized how I will feel both as a consequence of what I ate and how I perceived my appearance. I crawled back up to 195 over the last few weeks as of Sunday. Intermittent fasting is like second nature to me today whereas it would sound crazy and impossible if I was back in 2011. I'm already back down to 190.

              I'm 3 days in w/o weed and I'm already feeling like I have more energy at work and my sense of wit is starting to return.

              One thing I love about this sub using your comment as an example is it clearly underscores the importance of isolating people that encourage unhealthy behavior. You hit the nail on the head with that one. Thank you for taking the time to respond.

              [–]Science_isthenewcool 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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              Gradually.

              [–]1 Endorsed Contributorvandaalen 1 point2 points  (0 children)

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              Rock solid post.

              While doing all this you want to listen to this on repeat 24/7: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=brQ80gIOY9Q&list=RDbrQ80gIOY9Q

              [–]0ringer 1 point2 points  (0 children)

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              /r/nonzeroday it's to help people figure out how to do those 2 things that help you become a better person

              [–]dc2040 1 point2 points  (1 child)

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              I've been lurking on this sub a year have been in a real depressive slump. You've described my situation and experience down to a tee. I'm bookmarking this.

              [–]Dark triad expert: - http://illimitablemen.com/ - [3 Points]IllimitableMan[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

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              I get my moments of clarity but still even with my faculties of reason I suffer from all the fallacies that any human does on occasion, I'm not perfect. I'm a guy, not a god.

              Shit, sometimes when I lose my way I catch myself reading my own crap to remind myself to keep focused. It's like reaching back into a solid frame that you've lost from before to restabilise your current frame. Life gets to us, sometimes while we're in the process of trying to make it, we lose frame because adversity knocks us down whilst we're processing it, analysing it and trying to learn from it. People who've already "made it" are less likely to lose frame unless they get too comfortable, that's their only danger - not staying sharp. If you "make it" and keep momentum, you're golden. You always need momentum, inertia isn't enough.

              None of us are perfect, most of us preaching this shit talk from experience, it's the voice of mistake and regret manifesting as a reason to form an actionable plan for change. The difference between a guy who can help you from his experiences and a guy who can't is a simple problem - articulacy. Many guys are just plain BAD at explaining their problems, how they deal with them, how they overcome them. They "feel their problems" but they can't say it in words. So many times I've been told "you've said what I've been thinking but didn't know how to put into words" it's a common thread I've begun to notice among men, and it's this inability to communicate and pass knowledge on, especially with fathers, that sons suffer from. Many men here no doubt suffer from having poor quality dads or no dad at all and you know what? We have to suck that up, we can't change that. No doubt some of the men here are those shitty beta fathers that regret being such huge ass pussies, it is what it is - we're all here to be better.

              That's what we're all about here, change. Changing ourselves to be better men. Making men out of boys, and stronger men out of weak men.

              Men don't become great without adversity, embrace it or suffer the comfortable mediocrity of complacency.

              Listen to angry music, shit is a great emotive motivator, shit reaches your essence on a level words alone rarely will. Gym playlist or not.

              [–]DarkSayed 1 point2 points  (0 children)

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              This is great advice.

              After my current project is over, I'm signing up to a new gym. I don't really care about my SMV any more, I just miss being in good shape when I used to work out and eat well, and trying to be the best person I can be.

              [–]Kiddmorbidd 1 point2 points  (0 children)

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              Sorry guys what's smv

              [–]iamkarnath 1 point2 points  (0 children)

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              Practicing game when you're dirt poor, suffering from low self-esteem/depression/lack of confidence, don't have enough food in the fridge or whatever is retarded, you're placing a "less immediate need" higher in priority than the shit that matters.

              Spot on advice! I'm RP, after walking away from a 17-year marriage. Time to focus on me while I rebuild my life.

              [–]SWALLOWTHISPILLBITCH 1 point2 points  (1 child)

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              Male RN here, one of the tools to teach students the proper order to heal someone who has had some major health issue is Maslow's hierarchy of needs.

              The gist is that a person has to have the very basic things to support life first, this supports the next stage and so on, for example one needs air, water and food before having shelter and employment, it doesn't work in reverse. Male to female relationships can begin COMFORTABLY in the third stage.

              Ask yourself if you have satisfied your physiological and safety needs; the first two levels of Maslow's hierarchy. If not, improve your lot in life, if so, let the games begin.

              [–]autowikibot 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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              Maslow's hierarchy of needs:


              Maslow's hierarchy of needs is a theory in psychology proposed by Abraham Maslow in his 1943 paper "A Theory of Human Motivation" in Psychological Review. Maslow subsequently extended the idea to include his observations of humans' innate curiosity. His theories parallel many other theories of human developmental psychology, some of which focus on describing the stages of growth in humans. Maslow used the terms Physiological, Safety, Belongingness and Love, Esteem, Self-Actualization and Self-Transcendence needs to describe the pattern that human motivations generally move through.

              Image from article i


              Interesting: Abraham Maslow | Self-actualization | Self-esteem

              Parent commenter can toggle NSFW or delete. Will also delete on comment score of -1 or less. | FAQs | Mods | Magic Words

              [–]iwannagethugeee 1 point2 points  (0 children)

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              One of the best posts I've had the pleasure of reading this year - well done.

              MGTOW is often overlooked in this sub because getting women seems to go hand-in-hand with RP. However, it does offer benefits, like you listed. Instead of spending time impressing others and making them like you, spend that time making yourself more impressive and likable. Raising SMV takes time, and if you're like me, you aren't very patient. But you need to know that anything worth attaining takes time and sacrifice. Becoming the man you want to be is worth all the blood, sweat and tears you have.

              [–]Macky_Hauser 1 point2 points  (0 children)

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              Thank you for this post! It made so much sense. You hit the nail on the head with everything you wrote. I am going to put this to use in my own life.

              [–]Wesley2016 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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              Finally a post that applies to me, a broke 19 year old college student.

              [–]v8skittles 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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              Awesome post man, new to /r/theredpill and this is really useful.

              [–]the99percent1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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              Good advice, as always from you OP.

              Sounds like its coming from the bottom of the heart too. I've been through similar shit and have hit rock bottom in my early twenties. Things have improved since, especially when you get a stable income which you can build upon and make more money.

              Life sucks for 99% of young males. Just remember to slug at it and try something that improves you bit by bit everyday. Go easy on yourself, life is a marathon and thing will always improve itself as you go along.

              It takes a lot of resilience in a man to hit rock bottom and still find the strength to carry on. that alone is a character trait of an attractive man.

              [–]szip88 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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              Epic, I agree. Took me 2 years of working on myself and I can proudly say I see ppl turn heads at the gym and where I go....can't wait til summer to show what's under the hoodie ;)

              [–]ohsweetword 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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              Totally agree. Hit the gym. Fake it til you make it just doesn't work if you want to play with the big boys.

              [–]charlie_bodango 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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              Caveat to that, you don't even need a weight set. Do bodyweight training/ running/ yoga. I lift regularly, but these things still kick my ass, and if I couldn't afford to lift or didn't have time I'd choose the more practical strength and endurance of bodyweight any day of the week.

              [–]W-Z-R 0 points1 point  (1 child)

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              I did this

              I used to be some really quiet nerdy kid who went on 4chan looking for porn, then I saw about this thing called cocoon mode

              and just cut social contact (which was easy because I'm naturally pretty shy) spending my time lifting, studying and finding ways to make money, I had been doing this for a while before finding this subreddit, but I still found this helps not get sucked into the bullshit women tell me so I don't just become some girl's paycheck and caregiver

              [–]noblepaladin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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              This is particular important in your finances. There are far too many people who graduate from college with large debt and only an average paying job. Basically, they are nobody on the financial scale, they are worst than some people who didn't even go to college due to the debt. However, they insist on getting a nice apartment in the city and use debt to create a certain image. They think, how else am I going to attract women?

              This is a type of "beta bucks". Worse yet, the guy doesn't even have the bucks today, it's his future bucks that is being spent, and his actions ensure that he will be poor forever. If you are graduating college at 22 years old and you have a ton of debt, and you are not making big money, there is no shame in having a lower standard of living or even living with your parents for a year or two to get your finances in order. Plenty of time to chase tail later. It's easy to get rich, it is hard to get rich in a manner that impresses your peers. By your mid 20s, you can be debt free and have investments piling up while most of your age group are still debt slaves. It's hard to be alpha when your entire life would crumble if the next paycheck doesn't come.

              [–]wishIcared 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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              I switch between champion mode and chode mode. I'm happiest in champion mode, I get shit done and feel ontop of my shit.

              I tend to burnout and spend a month or two in chode mode before switching again. Not sure how to beat this other than keep trying.

              [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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              just remember to come back every 2 years you age heightens the lowest age of girls you can hook up with normally by 1 year or so.

              its better being a young rake and an old monk than a young monk and an old rake.

              [–]TheLolomancer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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              Not exactly on the low end but this was an epic read regardless. You, my friend, know how to give a rock solid pep-talk.

              [–]megaphones 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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              This article, I needed this today. Thank you for writing this amazing entry for all of us to read and digest.

              [–]TRPublius 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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              AKA "Cocoon mode". One of the best ways to concentrate on self-improvement.

              [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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              Needed this.

              [–]Relaxation1 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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              Good post, getting financials in order and lifting is important. It isn't mandatory though to get women. As long as you have some sort of income and a roof over your head, you can get chicks. There are some guys that are basically poor that get hot women. Not recommending it, but to say you need to not be a loser living in moms basement to get women is false. Loser + game + alpha = women for some guys.

              [–]Unknowndistress 0 points1 point  (1 child)

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              I've been a lurker on here for a while, and I still don't know what SMV is. Can some explain?

              [–]Dark triad expert: - http://illimitablemen.com/ - [3 Points]IllimitableMan[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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              SMV = sexual/social market value.

              [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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              Monk mode

              [–]JGH8763 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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              Problem is, you need sex in order to motivate you to keep going; to keep living; to keep you from being bitter and stressed, which prevents you from getting anything done; to keep you from killing yourself. You can't get shit done without proper dopamine regulation, and you need sex for proper dopamine regulation. It's a catch 22. Sexual satisfaction is at the bottom of the hierarchy of needs, self-actualization is at the top.

              If guys in their mid-to-late twenties who haven't gotten laid much, and who have a real sense of the kind of sex lives other people are having, a real sense of perspective, try to follow the advice you gave, they'd just be spinning their wheels for a LONG time, if not forever, and they'd probably just give up after a while. Regular sexual interaction is healthy and necessary. Not having regular sexual interaction is very unhealthy and damaging and inhibits a person's development drastically and perhaps permanently.

              You need balance - raise your SMV, and try to apply yourself with girls as much as you can. Both are necessary. It's a hard line to walk, but the avenue you suggest is much harder, and I don't think it's an effective route.

              [–]zephyrprime 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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              I agree that you need to focus on yourself and improve yourself if you are having problems in these basic areas. However, just ignoring everyone will cause your social skills to deteriorate so I advise against doing that.

              [–]cloudstryfe 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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              Excellent

              [–]marak94 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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              That's exactly what I needed to hear. I just discovered TRP and wanted to jump right in, but your right. It never dawned on me till I read this that I have to be a better me if I want to up my SMV. Thanks for this.

              [–]watersign -3 points-2 points  (8 children)

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              Good advice. This is ESPECIALLY important now that we live in Obamastan. It's more difficult and more important than ever to get a career or a skill because things in the USA are not going good, economically.

              [–]modernneo 2 points3 points  (5 children)

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              Too bad men can't just marry rich. Although I prefer earning my own money and being independent.

              [–]watersign 1 point2 points  (4 children)

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              They certainly can. John Mcain and John Kerry come to mind..

              [–]garlicextract 2 points3 points  (2 children)

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              In one of the sidebar posts, it says you need to be superior to the girl (if you don't want her cheating) in two of the following three areas: looks, money, status.

              I'm sure McCain was a decently handsome young fella, but lets not forget the kicker: he was a god damn war hero. We're talking the alphaest of alpha status.

              If you want to marry rich when you aren't, your options are something like professional athlete, war hero, rockstar. Not exactly a realistic scenario for most.

              edit: I don't know how Kerry pulled it off. The point remains, marrying rich isn't an option for the vast majority of men.

              [–][deleted]  (1 child)

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              [deleted]

                [–]modernneo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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                [–]modernneo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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                That's very true. But those are more of exceptions than rules.

                [–]123draw 2 points3 points  (1 child)

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                Lol guess you don't own much stock, things have been feeling real good for the past 5 years or so.

                [–]watersign -1 points0 points  (0 children)

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                yea thanks to ponzi scheme paper money printed by the FED. shits gonna end reall fiuckin soon