By Solomon II
Somewhere out in the suburbs in a rather typical neighborhood, a meat market opens its doors
for business just as it has every morning for the past three decades. There in the cool meat
counter, brilliantly displayed and fresh as can be, two cuts of meat lay side by side.
Garnished and ready for sale, a beautiful slab of ground chuck beckons shoppers. Yes it’s
fatty, grisly, and may contain a small bone chip or two, but it’s fresh, tasty, and a favorite for
backyard grilling parties. Every day men line up to get their portion.
Right next to the ground chuck, another cut of beef is on display. The filet mignon looks
great too, and though some consider it to be a significantly better grade of beef, it shares the
meat cooler with the ground chuck.
The ground chuck isn’t jealous of the filet mignon. In fact, the chuck makes fun of the filet
for not being as popular. Two or three men per hour line up at the counter to purchase a filet,
while ground chuck is in huge demand by dozens of men every hour. Ground chuck ends up
at parties in tacos, burgers and chili, and finds itself on all kinds of fun and exciting menus.
But one day things changed. It was discovered that men were paying the butcher more for
filet mignon than ground chuck, and this made ground chuck furious.
“How dare you devalue me!” said the ground chuck to the butcher “Filet Mignon and I are
both beef, and we even came from the same cow. There’s absolutely no difference between
us at all!”
The butcher responded “Same cow, yes, but the two of you are very different cuts of meat
and are desired for different reasons. Filet mignon is an expensive delicacy because of its
flavor and purity, while you are cheaper, more abundant, ground up, and contain fillers. Men
value the filet more, and they’re willing to pay more for it on special occasions.”
Ground chuck was shocked. “What? Are you telling me filet has been going to upscale
dinners and I’ve been nothing but party food? I’ve never been purchased for an upscale
dinner, and I’m every bit as good as the filet. This is all your fault because the butcher
society has labeled me a cheaper meat based on outdated guidelines, and now everyone is
buying into the stereotype. This is 2011, and I demand equality!”
“I don’t think it works that way”, said the butcher. ”The market sets the price, not me”.
Ground chuck responded “That’s bullshit. I came from the same cow as the filet, so it
shouldn’t matter that I’m a different cut of meat. Besides, that’s what makes me special,
unique, and popular to so many men. I didn’t asked to be ground up with filler, it just
happened that way, so I shouldn’t be valued less for it”.
Against the recommendation of the butcher, ground chuck appealed to the National
Organization of Meat and asked for equality. N.O.M. responded by making it illegal for the
butcher to charge $26.99 per pound for filet mignon and only $3.69 per pound for ground
chuck, calling it price discrimination. N.O.M.’s position was that assigning a lower value to
ground chuck would lower its self esteem and prohibit it from becoming filet mignon in the
future while simultaneously refusing to acknowledge a difference existed. N.O.M. censured
the butcher society, shaming them as a bigoted and judgmental group for not treating all beef
equally. According to N.O.M., men had no right to decide for themselves where they would invest their capital, so they took steps to end beef discrimination once and for all. Ground
chuck everywhere celebrated the decision.
Somewhere out in the suburbs in a rather normal neighborhood, a meat market opens its
doors for business just as it has every morning for the past three decades. There in the cool
meat counter, brilliantly displayed and fresh as can be, set two equally priced cuts of meat
side by side.
As usual, the men lined up to make their purchase.
All of a sudden, the line shifted. The men were overheard saying “why would I buy ground
chuck when filet mignon is the same price?” Ground chuck was livid, and began screaming
at customers, telling them all how horrible filet mignon was and how ground chuck was an
exciting mix of flavors. Ground chuck began shaming the men by telling them they had no
right to value filet so much when each of them had purchased ground chuck dozens of times
in the past.
A few betas caved in and bought the ground chuck at $26.99 per pound. The rest of the men
feasted on filet mignon that night.
Even with market forces staring it right in the face, ground chuck refused to budge on
pricing. It tried to reshape itself to resemble filets, and even switched places with the filet in
the meat cooler, but nothing seemed to work because the men could easily distinguish
between the two. Day in and day out, the scene was the same: the majority of men chose filet
though they would have gladly settled for a lesser cut if a lesser investment was involved.
As the ground chuck sat there all pissed off in the meat cooler with no one to purchase it, it
began to grow old and crusty. Finally the butcher had no choice but to pull it and throw it
away because it was toxic and no longer suitable for consumption. The ground chuck that
once had a purpose – a low grade piece of meat that could be easily had for a cheap price –
was now completely worthless. It had overvalued itself and became irrelevant in the
All over this great country of ours, ground chuck femcunts are demanding to be valued like
filet mignon. I struggle with this every time I meet a new chick. You have no idea how
many times I’ve been subjected to “why don’t we travel like you and your ex did?” or “why
don’t you treat me as good as you treated her?” It’s a strange situation to be in because I can’t
say “she was filet mignon, and you’re nothing but an old half-eaten wad of ground chuck”
without having a fight on my hands.
One of my ex girls posted on her Facebook wall the old saying “Why would a man go out for
a burger when he has steak at home?” I laughed and thought about responding “He
wouldn’t. If a man goes out for a burger, it’s probably because he needs a break from the
delusional burger at home that thinks it’s steak.”
I didn’t have the balls to post it.
Men, ground chuck serves its purpose, and I highly recommend it if you can’t afford or are
not in the market for filet. The problem is that beta fucktards will pay filet mignon prices for ground chuck day in and day out. This screws up the market and creates an entitlement
syndrome the rest of us are forced to deal with.
Betas: Please don’t fuck it up for the rest of us. Those of us who are smart enough to refrain
from paying premium steak prices just to get a little ass from some day old ground chuck
would like to be able to do so without too much fuss.
Women: If you’re an emotional bitch and you’ve been a career bad girl, please acknowledge
that you’re ground chuck at best. Don’t worry, we’ll still eat you, but we’re not paying filet
mignon prices for you. So get your head out of your ass, acknowledge meat market
economics, and realize that you can’t spend the first half of your adult life as ground chuck
then turn yourself into filet mignon. If you refuse to acknowledge that the men you’d like to
marry have the right to have an opinion about how big of a bitch you are or be concerned
about who has been nailing your ass all over the country, that’ll work too. There’s a beta
born every minute, and he’ll gladly put a ring on the hand you’ll use to sign the divorce
documents in a few years.
Any man who would pay $26.99 per pound for your used up ass when he can get the same
thing (often younger and fresher) for $3.69 is a fool. Just remember, when you think your
man isn’t treating you like you deserve, he’s probably displaying Alpha tendencies by
refusing to pay more than market price. How many failed relationships have you had? How
many men have you walked away from because they didn’t value you the way you thought
That’s called an appraisal.
When in doubt, beta out; that’s the life raft you can use to paddle away from the sinking ship
after you spent a decade drilling holes in the hull. Have fun paddling through the sea of life
towards the shore. Don’t worry, the beta natives are friendly, and you’ll have plenty of time
to sit on the beach and pine for the alpha pirates who fascinated you so much in your younger
Alphas: Continue staying within the guidelines of meat market economics if you want the
greatest return on your investment. Enjoy ground chuck as often as you can, because unlike
women, our expiration date is connected to our wallets and not our age. Women control
access to sex, but Alpha males control access to commitment. In the end it’s men, not
women, who determine a woman’s sexual market value. Likewise, it’s women who
determine our sexual market value. Betas can mimic alpha traits and snag some poon, and
ground chuck sluts can mimic good girl traits and snag a beta for commitment, but the Alpha
male rises above such posturing, correctly identifies both parties, and plays the two
against each other for his own benefit.