top 200 commentsshow all 240

[–]Evers89 90 points91 points  (32 children)

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Actually had this same conversation with a girl I've been sleeping with. She wanted some feeling. I told her quite plainly that I've seen what she does to guys who wear their hearts on their sleeve. Ruthless. I told her that as much as she thinks she wants what I'm hiding, I won't give it to her bc she will regret it later.

She understood this and made a comment about when feelings come out of a guy that likes her, she can't help but be extremely irritated.

[–][deleted]  (31 children)

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[deleted]

    [–]ZombieDracula 114 points115 points  (9 children)

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    Because they're like little sociopaths. They goad you into doing something they don't like so they can weed you out.

    [–]srtor 16 points17 points  (1 child)

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    This. I am not generalizing but most of the women are like sociopaths, they are laying out traps for the guys all the times.

    [–]Abbrevi8 3 points4 points  (0 children)

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    Not that I disagree with the thrust of your argument, but you did generalise.

    /pedant

    [–]football1010 9 points10 points  (0 children)

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    sounds legit.

    [–][deleted]  (5 children)

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    [deleted]

      [–]Endorsed ContributorVZPurp 23 points24 points  (4 children)

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      Ok, so their entire behavior is sociopathic, once you realize their emotions have no depth

      [–]gprime312 8 points9 points  (3 children)

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      And people call us misogynistic. though I completely agree

      [–]Endorsed ContributorVZPurp 20 points21 points  (2 children)

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      They'll cycle between them in an attempt to manipulate you. I've held frame enough times with enough women to realize the emotional display is just that: a display. It's one of their tools. Yet if that's only a display, effectively a manipulative tool, and there's nothing ever to back it of substance, then by default their behavior is sociopathic. Only we think of the male sociopath as one without emotion. In this case, they have something that imitates emotion as we know it, in order to game us.

      In the beginning I used to fuck up and fall for this in LTRs, but the twisted behavior my exes could subsequently engage in led me to believe that they don't experience emotion as we're led to believe.

      Further testing, and I found women would cycle through emotional display and demeanor until giving up, as long as you maintain a solid frame that doesn't budge.

      Then instead of losing attraction, like I would in LTRs, this would lead to continued sex.

      Go fucking figure. lol

      [–]gprime312 10 points11 points  (0 children)

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      Comedians have joked for centuries that women don't know what they want. The funny part is how true it is and how nefarious their reasons are for obscuring their real desires.

      [–]selfishgene32 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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      I have started listening Patrice O neil- Black Philip Show - He was talking about chick who is humble and arrogant at the same time. Chick was asking " Which side of the bed you want to take?"/..Women are good at social engineering ..

      [–]Evers89 36 points37 points  (0 children)

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      Same reason they claim to want nice and docile boys. Logically it makes sense to want that. The main problem is that they're emotional by nature and their primal desires override that whole thing really quick in the moment. That whole "It just happened!" excuse for fucking around comes from that.

      [–]atlas87 33 points34 points  (2 children)

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      I've also heard the argument that everything they say they want is how they want to be treated by Channing Tatum (or their flavor of celebrity heart-throb). She would be massively intimidated, he has so much status and social proof, and she would need constant re-assurance that she was good enough. This applies to all advice women give about how they want a man to act.

      [–]BooksofMagic 5 points6 points  (0 children)

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      he has so much status and social proof, and she would need constant re-assurance that she was good enough.

      Girls have pedestals too.

      [–]atleastitsnotaids 5 points6 points  (0 children)

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      I've never thought about it that way, thanks.

      [–][deleted] 18 points19 points  (1 child)

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      Instinctual shit-testing. They can't help it, they have to know if you're still Alpha.

      [–]ImnotTHATdrunk[S] 27 points28 points  (1 child)

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      Because they want to think that they are caring, considerate, good human beings. Their cognitive dissonance allows them to think they care about other people while still perpetuating their solipsism. They only really care as much as it affects them.

      [–]17 Endorsed ContributorWhisper 14 points15 points  (2 children)

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      Because femininity means nurturing, caring, understanding, compassionate, loving, and so on.

      If they were to say they don't want their man sharing his feelings, they would be saying they don't care about his feelings, and that would make them feel unfeminine.

      [–]Dark triad expert: - http://illimitablemen.com/ - [3 Points]IllimitableMan 6 points7 points  (1 child)

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      So ultimately they only give a shit about feeling and being perceived as feminine, whilst the nature of being female means no fucks are actually given about a man's weaknesses as they are inherently repulsive and to be avoided at all costs.

      TLDR: They make no fucking logical sense whatsoever, their love is derived from a respect for power, nothing else.

      [–]17 Endorsed ContributorWhisper 5 points6 points  (0 children)

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      Yes, women are inherently selfish. This is because humans are inherently selfish.

      Both men and women avoid that which is instinctively repulsive to them. For women, it's weakness. For men, it's ugliness.

      Protesting this is both futile and kinda silly.

      [–]1johnnight 15 points16 points  (3 children)

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      Just assume they have two brains, OK? The upper brain says it wants it on a rationalization[1] level, but the lower brain, which controls sexual attraction will despise you for your weakness.

      The upper level, which you can hear talking, wants to be a caring, moral person. But the lower sexual level, which will assess your fitness, is amoral.

      [1] Rationalization, not rational. The rationalization is about being a good person. A good person would want to care about your problems and would ask you about them.

      [–][deleted] -2 points-1 points  (2 children)

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      So true. Our emotional brains make almost all of our decisions and our rational brains come in after ward to work out how they were the right decisions all along.

      [–]1FloranHunter 2 points3 points  (0 children)

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      Be default, yes. A person can train themselves to disregard their feelings when they're harmful.

      [–]1johnnight 3 points4 points  (0 children)

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      The emotional part tells us what we want. The rational part tells us how to get it. The rationalization part helps avoid inner emotional conflict.

      The emotional part is necessary, because without it we would have no motivation in life. Pure rational beings would have no ambition, no drive to do anything.

      [–]Teutonicfox 3 points4 points  (1 child)

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      its a shit test probably.

      [–]Dark triad expert: - http://illimitablemen.com/ - [3 Points]IllimitableMan 2 points3 points  (0 children)

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      Everything's a fucking shit test.

      [–]life036 1 point2 points  (0 children)

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      I think it's closely related to their deep-seated need to gossip incessantly.

      They have this very powerful, innate drive to completely unravel every single social thread they come across, consequences be damned.

      [–]17 Endorsed ContributorJP_Whoregan -1 points0 points  (2 children)

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      Never, ever try to understand the hamster, my friend.

      [–]Evers89 5 points6 points  (1 child)

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      This shit here. You can't argue logic into something that won't see it. Just frustrate yourself.

      [–]thro_way 18 points19 points  (0 children)

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      It's extremely logical. Telling a guy that they should show emotions better equips them to filter out the sort of guys who would show emotions if they thought it'd be acceptable.

      Sure, if their goal was to help you get laid it would be illogical, but that's not their goal. From their perspective it makes total sense and really is optimal female strategy.

      [–]1redpillbanana 79 points80 points  (2 children)

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      [–]ButterMyBiscuit 11 points12 points  (0 children)

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      Damn, talk about relevance. That's just a comic version of OP's post.

      [–]MockingDead 190 points191 points  (50 children)

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      All of my exes took my beta whining as explicit commission to ride some other dudes cock.

      [–]THORAXE_THE_IMPALER7 71 points72 points  (25 children)

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      There was a another thread about this the other week, "She's not your shoulder to cry on."

      I made the mistake of coming forward with things that bothered me with three different girls. Every time, they broke up with me within the week. Not making that mistake again.

      This is probably one of the most useful things I've learned from TRP.

      [–]netgrey 63 points64 points  (20 children)

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      Men make the mistake of treating a romantic partner like their mother, expecting her to kiss your boo boos better when you're hurt.

      You're a man, you don't need your damn mommy. On the other hand, if you act more like a father to her, setting boundaries, being a leader and kissing her boo boos, and then fucking her like a cave man, she will love you to death.

      [–]Wednesdayayay 88 points89 points  (13 children)

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      I know when I'm fucking my wife I am constantly thinking how I am her dad

      [–]cdx75xmx 34 points35 points  (1 child)

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      lol

      [–]UnitedStatesCitizen 4 points5 points  (0 children)

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      I think he's serious.

      [–]SpecialBuddy 26 points27 points  (3 children)

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      I think I'm doing it wrong. I asked her who's your daddy and she said her dads name.

      [–]AndrewCarnage 23 points24 points  (2 children)

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      Technically correct.

      [–]Lucid829 14 points15 points  (1 child)

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      The best kind of correct

      [–]SpecialBuddy 5 points6 points  (0 children)

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      Not in this case. Sad part is that this actually happened Lol.

      [–]wittyposts 10 points11 points  (0 children)

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      dude

      [–]TfahsNoriEht 4 points5 points  (0 children)

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      giggity

      [–]JustACrosshair_ 2 points3 points  (1 child)

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      Erm.

      [–]szip88 1 point2 points  (0 children)

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      Nooo

      [–]thethirdcoast -1 points0 points  (0 children)

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      HOT

      [–]douchey_mcbaggins 16 points17 points  (0 children)

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      You make a great point. Think about it this way. How many fathers go to their daughters and cry on their shoulders? None, because that's not what Daddy does!

      [–]olivermihoff 3 points4 points  (4 children)

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      If this is true, then Kim and Kanye will be on the rocks this year because lately all he's been doing is complaining..

      [–]AveofSpades 9 points10 points  (0 children)

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      Elliot Hulse breaks it down perfectly and succintly http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TIPF14Dk17E

      [–]borderline_sociopath 3 points4 points  (1 child)

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      This one: http://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/1vajq2/reminder_she_is_not_your_shoulder_to_cry_on/

      It's a lesson that stings, but hopefully we all learn from it.

      [–]THORAXE_THE_IMPALER7 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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      Most good lessons do!

      [–]Abbrevi8 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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      Third time's the charm huh?

      [–]SillyAmerican 101 points102 points  (3 children)

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      "I am a Man. And as a Man my problems are no ones but my own. They are not be shared, but to be burdened. My Men will rally, as Mens problems are exactly that; Mens problems. But the moment a female is introduced to a Mans troubles, she will retreat back to a time where those "feelings" were shrouded in mystery. A Man's reality is too much a burden for females to carry. Thats why they must never know."-L. Ward

      [–]smithIV 20 points21 points  (2 children)

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      I think mystery is key. 99% of the time you don't need to say shit. The less you say about yourself, the more fascinated people become. Speak like a mix between a god and a homeless drunk, and do so as if you got the juice. There is absolutely no value in continuing to make noise and throw shade with mere mortal men. Use The Word as it was intended.

      King shit

      [–]SillyAmerican 14 points15 points  (1 child)

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      Law of Power #4 Always say less than necessary. People thinking they know what your motives are usually work to your advantage rather than playing with your all your cards on the table. This particular law helps set up so many others.

      [–]1FloranHunter 4 points5 points  (0 children)

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      I've made a bit of a game out of saying as much as possible with only body language.

      [–][deleted] 50 points51 points  (13 children)

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      Yep, I gave my brother advice over the phone the other day basically saying "Don't share your tragic, broken emotional side with chicks, they hate that. They won't tell you they hate it, but they hate it." My wife heard me say that and said "that's not true". It was funny, because she's proof that it's true. Once I stopped being a beta and using her for therapy sessions, our relationship got a lot better.

      [–]cthulhucumsicle 15 points16 points  (2 children)

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      So true - last night my wife crawled into bed after me, cuddled up to me, woke me up and said; "We are doing better lately aren't we? I feel good, like you really hear me lately. Like what I have to say matters."

      Funny thing - Working my my RP I no longer smile at her. I don't welcome her when she enters the room, even if I give huge hellos to the kids, I give her complements very rarely, I ignore 2 out of every 3 texts she sends, I suddenly became slightly publicly "misogynist" about two months ago, if I touch her it's never a sweet hug or kiss - it's me grabbing her ass or pussy with no concern for how she does or does not react. And the biggest thing is I always call out her emotions and non-logical reactions, and let her know I am not going to listen to it.

      Still half asleep I rolled over and let her know that I expected a hand job for being woken up. After I went back to sleep.

      The next morning she was in such a happy homemaker attitude that she insisted that I stay in bed while she made breakfast and took care of both kids by herself. "Shh, quiet kids, daddy needs his sleep!"

      RP foreva!

      [–]Evolved_Red 40 points41 points  (7 children)

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      Never have I seen a woman's vagina dry up so fast without her even having to remove a piece of clothing.

      Sadly I've been on the receiving end of this - the last girl I had major oneitis for pre RP discovery. The thing was, this girl chased me.

      For weeks she persisted on why I split from my fiancé (a mutual friend told her), and one night I eventually told her the story of the cheating hag. The look on her face said everything.

      Text messages stopped after that. No return on phone calls. I had to chalk it up to a loss, learnt my lesson the hard way, and moved on.

      Great post, OP.

      [–]borderline_sociopath 30 points31 points  (0 children)

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      Correct answer?

      "It's complicated."

      [–]6TLaRm4g 7 points8 points  (5 children)

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      Maybe it's not because you opened up to her, but because you displayed yourself as beta. If you'd have said that it was you who cheated and she left you, I doubt she would have stopped messaging.

      [–]Autosleep 16 points17 points  (3 children)

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      Funny how it works. You can expose a hidden side of yours without consequences, as long it fits a "bad boy" trait (I can't find better words to describe it).

      If you could test it in the same women, telling her you murdered someone or exposing how you like to dress women underwear when no one is around.

      I could guarantee you 90% that she would get attracted to the murder story and completely drop you if you told her about your female underwear fetish, even one is (was) totally harmless.

      [–]Endorsed ContributorRS73 5 points6 points  (1 child)

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      Yep. Look at all the women who get wet for killers on death row and who send them fan letters and marriage proposals.

      I know a guy who's an alcoholic ex-con. He does drugs too and now he needs a liver transplant. He killed somebody about 25 years ago and spent a lot of years in prison. He can get poon pretty much anytime he wants. He may be a broken down scumbag but he's a bad boy who doesn't blubber about his feelings.

      [–]xxTin 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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      Does he get spoons because they knows of his killing or because he's good player?

      [–]6TLaRm4g 3 points4 points  (0 children)

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      Yes, it works the way it works. Social impact is attractive and a murder is one of the biggest social impacts you can make.

      Women themselves tend to be soft, but they don't want soft men. Many enjoy seeing men fighting. And if she knew a guy murdered an enemy of the group, she has no choice but be attracted.

      [–]Evolved_Red 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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      Oh no doubt. I know I was extremely beta back then (2010). But I'm wiser now to know that you learn and gain experience from everything, especially in the losses.

      I've never mentioned that ho again!

      [–]17 Endorsed ContributorWhisper 53 points54 points  (1 child)

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      Yesterday I was having a real shit day, was exhausted, and needed to vent. Rather than talking to one of my buddies like I normally would, I tried venting to her. She promptly got disinterested and basically ignored me. Not only ignored my problem but even had little interest for me in general afterwards. She had temporarily lost attraction for the ‘weak’, ‘whiney’, ‘feminine’ person I was showing her.

      In my experience, venting to a woman is like making a withdrawal from the opinion bank. It always reduces your balance, you can become overdrawn if you haven't been making deposits, and it's best to keep your withdrawals small. But if you are in credit, you can survive.

      If I wish to vent to a woman, there are some principles I keep in mind:

      • I am not sad or hurt. I am disappointed, or better yet, annoyed.
      • I have a plan for fixing it. If I do not have a plan, I have a plan to make a plan.
      • I will always handle it myself. I will brush off any advice she gives me.
      • If I am in pain, it is never agonizing or awful. It is annoying, distracting, or "unlikely to replace baseball as the national pastime".
      • Things are never bad. They only just bad enough so that I am mentioning it in passage.
      • I never need a hug. Instead, she wants to give me one because she is concerned about me.

      In general, women can be quite the caregivers if they feel like it's their idea, and that it is their own tender sensibilities, rather than your needs, that make them do it.

      Always make sure you appear to be understating your discomforts. Always make sure that you retain your composure. And always make sure she looks more upset about your problem than you do. If she doesn't, stop.

      If she ever responds to "I'll be all right" with something to the effect of "I don't want you to be just 'all right'. I want you to be happy/comfortable/etc!", then you have done it right, and can relax and enjoy some feminine care.

      Women are evolved to care for people's comfort just like we are evolved to care for people's safety. But just like we have to feel like it's our idea, they have to feel like it's theirs.

      [–]Endorsed ContributorRS73 19 points20 points  (1 child)

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      One of my favorite quotes is from Lou Holtz, the football coach: "You can't tell people your troubles. Ninety percent don't care and the other ten percent are glad you got 'em." That's especially true with women.

      It is absolutely true that you cannot spill your guts by telling your sadness or weaknesses or doubts to women. Even women who you consider friends. They will be as repelled as if you had sat there and shit your pants. If you need to talk to someone or unload, go to a trusted male family member or a good male friend. Maybe a shrink if you're really depressed.

      That doesn't mean you can't say anything at all to them and come off like some kind of unfeeling robot. But you have to limit how much weakness or vulnerability you show or you will be rejected. That's just the way it is.

      The OP is absolutely right that this "share your feelings" stuff is a ridiculous lie. It's like getting dating advice from women. It will always be bad. They have certain bullshit ideas built or trained into them and they can't help being completely full of shit even if they're sincerely trying to help.

      I've made the mistake of "sharing" feelings of doubt or weakness with some women and you can literally see the caring and interest in you drain from their faces. Don't do it.

      [–]2emptyform 1 point2 points  (0 children)

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      Printing out that goddamn quote, I needed to hear it.

      [–]douchey_mcbaggins 17 points18 points  (1 child)

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      This is something I've noticed as well. Generally speaking, I'm pretty cold and unemotional. I don't get upset about things and I generally don't give much of a fuck, so things really don't "bother" me or "get me down". Apparently that was one of the things that my last girlfriend really liked about me. I never really showed much emotion and she actually viewed it in a positive light saying I was "stable" and "calming". (of course it ended up being a downfall when SHE became yet another thing I didn't give much of a fuck about)

      [–]KaptainCavy 9 points10 points  (0 children)

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      her downfall, lol.

      [–][deleted] 51 points52 points  (16 children)

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      If you have issues, get a therapist. Never share them with a woman.

      [–][deleted]  (3 children)

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      [deleted]

        [–]6TLaRm4g 10 points11 points  (2 children)

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        I will never think of therapists and psychologists the same as before.

        [–][deleted]  (1 child)

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        [deleted]

          [–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

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          Psychologists, sure. Psychiatrists, well, if you've got PSTD from Iraq you need to get meds from somewhere, right?

          [–]Gfresh405 21 points22 points  (4 children)

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          If you have issues, get a male therapist.

          FTFY

          [–]Autosleep 26 points27 points  (3 children)

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          I recommend the best therapist possible regardless of sex.

          It's better to have a female therapist than a full blue pill male therapist.

          [–][deleted]  (2 children)

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          [deleted]

            [–]Autosleep 5 points6 points  (1 child)

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            My experience so far with a female therapist has been quite "productive". She was able to make me understand quite few things about me, without her direct "intervention".

            It's hard to put it, but for the last 6 months I was able to identify my comfort zones, she clearly put some effort in me avoiding "rationalizing" my way out when confronting "discomfort" situations.

            That and she never ever tried to say that something I did/think was either good or bad, she always empowered my inner self (let's call it the suppressed alpha male that I built the last few years of research/past mistakes but still can't make it my main behavior) instead of trying to insert some type of blueprint.

            But like I said, go for the best therapist, don't filter on genders. I share most of the TRP ideals but it can get quite tiring, it's like some folks here think that behind every woman there is a raging feminist with dagger hidden in her purse ready to slit your throat.

            [–]verus_mas 5 points6 points  (4 children)

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            Aside from dropping dough for a therapist, is there anyone else you could talk to? Even male friends start to lose respect when you start whining... Should you just try to make a couple friends that you're not trying to be RP around and confide in them?

            [–]FinnianWhitefir 9 points10 points  (1 child)

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            That lesbian who passed as a man for a year talked about this as a huge issue. Men having no person or place to share this with. She claimed to be shocked in all-male support groups and camping trips how much men would open up and complain.

            Find better friends. Make sure you are not whining but working through issues and progressing. Look for all-male groups that actually do things.

            [–]widec 7 points8 points  (0 children)

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            I feel like male friends are generally supportive and try to help you fix your problem when you come complaining to them. It only gets annoying when that's all they have to talk about.

            [–]draketton 1 point2 points  (0 children)

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            That's exactly what you should do yes. Don't try to fuck the women you confide in.

            [–]tenin2010br 1 point2 points  (0 children)

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            Beer and friends are my co-therapists.

            [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

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            Bah, that's why man invented scotch.

            [–]curiusblue 25 points26 points  (2 children)

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            I'll usually say, "I need a backrub" and sort of say this or that stressed me out while she does it. I'll say that she really helped, thanks. 60% of the time it works all the time, or whatever, never seen that movie.

            Give her a concrete thing that "fixes" it. Doesn't solve the problem alltogether, but gives a moment to vent.

            [–]twentyo 14 points15 points  (0 children)

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            This is really great. She feels like has done her part and helped you, even though you didn't actually 'open up' or give details or emotions. You've basically re-set her temporary view of your stress, avoided breaking frame, and gotten a backrub. It's a win-win-win.

            [–][deleted]  (3 children)

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            [deleted]

              [–]KidKady 2 points3 points  (2 children)

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              wtf dude... what a... bitch?

              [–]17 Endorsed ContributorArchwinger 30 points31 points  (10 children)

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              This is a critically relevant concept. A woman cares about your problems only to the extent that they affect her.

              Well, that's not entirely true. A generally good woman might like you and/or care about you as a human being, and listen to your problems and be there for you. (She won't actually "care," per se, but she'll listen, like she might for one of her girlfriends.) But she's definitely not going to feel attracted to all of that vulnerability, weakness, and emotion you're demonstrating by letting adversity affect you. You're not going to solidify your sexual relationship with a woman by "sharing your feelings" with her.

              [–]46xy 8 points9 points  (9 children)

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              Maybe you are right. But part of being alpha was supposedly being so sure of yourself that you are comfortable sharing your imperfections and sharing things which would make other weaker men seem vulnerable - but not you, because you are so confident that it is just a property of existing, just like a blue sky may be pierced by black birds, or a black sky by white stars, that you just don't care.

              [–][deleted]  (4 children)

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              [deleted]

                [–]46xy 0 points1 point  (3 children)

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                Ok I see. Makes a lot of sense, the key being asking for support or not.

                [–]key402 7 points8 points  (0 children)

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                This is so true...when I was in my beta stages I fucked up a few relationships by spilling all of my emotional baggage onto the girl. The worst part is society and women themselves will tell you they want an emotional parter than shares everything with them. I can tell you from experience that they might think they want that, but the minute you give it to them, their vagina will turn into the Sahara desert within a split second. A lot of guys don't believe this either. I would encourage everyone to fuck up at least one relationship by being emotional, just to see how truly repulsed by it these women are.

                [–]blazin_ 5 points6 points  (0 children)

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                "I want you to open up and share your feelings."

                Translation:

                "I want to see your weaknesses so I can judge whether or not you are man enough to take care of me."

                Just another Shit Test. Don't fall for it.

                [–]Ohai2you 18 points19 points  (5 children)

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                From my experience, Western girls want you to fail so they have more leverage, power and control over you. Eastern girls try to control you in a good way, whether it be eating healthier, exercise, doing better at work/school. They benefit from it by getting a better man.

                [–]srtor 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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                this is an important distinction. TRP should note of this.

                [–]analrapeage 11 points12 points  (0 children)

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                I think 1 moment of venting is not a "permanent chink in the alpha armor." You may be taking TRP to an extreme. A real man is someone who, while not always sharing his feelings, does indeed have moments of true anguish or exhaustion. It makes us human. Now, if you complain every other day, that's classic beta behavior. Once every six months isn't a problem, and ESPECIALLY IF YOU AREN'T LOOKING FOR HER TO SOLVE YOUR PROBLEMS and get it over with quickly. Being a real man at its essence is not requiring her attention/affection every second. You do shit the way you see fit. If that means sharing what you think once in a while, no problem. When you start worrying if you're allowed to do something--feelings or otherwise--that's actually beta behavior.

                [–]StuR 4 points5 points  (0 children)

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                My old housemate went out with a couple of betas, she'd tell me how they'd use her as a shoulder to cry on. One of them was French and he was always crying to her about the fact that he was missing home.

                Anyway, I got to fuck her because she came to me complaining about that fact that she was sick of dating these emotional wrecks of men.

                Totally agree with you OP.

                [–]emmettfitz 3 points4 points  (0 children)

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                Can't agree more, I've been dealing with PTSD/depression/seizures for a couple of years now. If I am irritable get angry I'm an asshole, if I try to vent to her she immediately changes the subject, if my seizures are bad and I don't do stuff I'm lazy. She has had some heart trouble lately, she's "too young to be on medication/be sick, it just isn't fair, the world is coming to an end" (she's 6 months older than me). We've been married for 20 years, I've been provider and given up a lot to have a "happy home," I've been a man my whole life and never needed help, didn't realize if I were to stumble and show some weakness I would be ignored. It doesn't get better boys, your problems don't provide her security or happiness, therefore they are irrelevant.

                [–]Fitch0y 14 points15 points  (3 children)

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                Nobody gives a shit about your problems, everyone wants you to be happy all the time, being down is forbidden, bad feelings are forbidden. Feel good bullshit is used all the time to solve being down, that is a short term solution that mainly helps the one who spouts feel good bullshit because when you are a downer he/she has less fun.

                [–]Coz7 0 points1 point  (2 children)

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                I don't think this post is red pill. After all other men don't give a shit about your problems either. It's not limited to women.

                [–]Autosleep 14 points15 points  (0 children)

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                The difference is, your best buddy (at least one which is a loyal friend) will stand for your and listen to your crap in your worst moments, a women, even in a supposed intimate relationship with you (both sexually and emotional) will not give two fucks about your problems.

                [–]TfahsNoriEht 4 points5 points  (0 children)

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                After all other men don't give a shit about your problems either.

                Your acquaintances don't. I sure as shit hope you've got some friends that do.

                [–]thekidfromthegutter 8 points9 points  (5 children)

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                Not bragging, but being a beta is absolutely a foreign land to me, I was born in a extremely patriarchal society, where standing by yourself is appreciated and the only why to get respected from your peers. Then, I came to the west at young age, but old enough to differentiate between my culture and the western cultures. Western society is demolishing their civilization by it's own hands, and through bunch of stuck up delusional weirdos, who desperately want to put down and emasculate the same men who made happen this civilization, comfort, luxury and Tech items that they are using to spread their spurious fantasy. And this reminds me what my old man used to say '' Do not do favor to a women, they don't know how to turn around''

                [–]happyhorse_g 0 points1 point  (3 children)

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                out of interest, where did you come from?

                [–]thekidfromthegutter 1 point2 points  (2 children)

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                a bit late buddy, but yeah I'm from Jack sparrow land aka Somalia

                [–]happyhorse_g 1 point2 points  (1 child)

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                God bless (and your tribe) you for being so late but still replying.

                [–]stopeatingsodamnmuch 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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                Excellent post.

                [–]Florist_Gump 7 points8 points  (4 children)

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                For all you shy, quiet betas out there, this is one advantage you have in relationships. I'm a naturally quiet person who doesn't feel the need to chat about everything going on in my life, I've had several girlfriends along with the wife comment that they felt there was something intriguingly "secretive" about me. I lead an incredibly dull, boring life but one of them actually thought I was some kind a undercover agent!

                Don't talk about yourself, don't brag about yourself. If there is something of yourself you want to reveal in a relationship show it don't say it. I'm a pretty good carver, during one first date I got bored of all the talking and pulled out a small block of wood and quickly cut out a decent-looking wolf. The girl was obviously impressed with the (admittedly-minor) talent, asked if it was for her... "no, that I make them for special friends when my hands need to move". No gifts, and leave them hanging on exactly what the two bits of that comment entailed.

                [–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (3 children)

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                I find that situation so hard to imagine without picturing you as try hard. It must be a male thing, looking at such actions through pessimism. For example:

                When I read about Heartiste's Pictogram Text Game the first thing that came to my mind was: Wait a minute, isn't she going to think that you went out of your way to do something that out of the ordinary.

                But I guess female solipsism and hamster can even find a reason for a guy carrying around blocks of wood in his pockets. Unless you were camping in the woods ofc.

                [–]Florist_Gump 0 points1 point  (2 children)

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                Its a small block of wood. "block" is probably the wrong term, maybe three inches by two by two. She knew enough about me to know I was the outdoorsy rural type.

                I'll just have to ask you to trust me on this, if you were present in the situation and knew the details it was the exact opposite of trying too hard, it was boredom.

                [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

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                If you have an archetype working for you, it's perfect DHV-by-congruence. Whipping out a block of wood if you're some pale IT guy who never leaves the cubicle just screams try hard.

                Good job.

                [–]Autosleep 1 point2 points  (0 children)

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                It all comes around to "context".

                You are hungry at home with your date after a exhausting day and decide to make a great meal of the most exotic recipes you can remember, you sit down and glutton yourself, you look at the girl and say "you should try the mushrooms, they taste great cooked this way", or you invite her to your home and try to "seduce" her with your cooking skills, with pretty plates and light meals and a good bottle of wine. Maybe I date simple women, but I know which one would sound the most try hard.

                [–]TheeRyanGrey 4 points5 points  (0 children)

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                Women are not your mother.

                They don't love you like your mother does.

                Moms loves you unconditionally; women love how you make them feel. Mom wants to hear your problems, women tell you they do so they can find weaknesses they can exploit.

                Again, I know we live in single mom america but women are NOT your mom.

                [–]FreudJesusGod 3 points4 points  (0 children)

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                I have to agree. Women are terrible at communicating. They emote very well, but are horrible at comprehending 50% of the population (men). When they hear men's problems, they internalize it as weakness rather than a desire for support (as they would for other women). Men, of course, are expected to understand and support women when they need it, and to do so without judging (/eyeroll).

                Get your support from other men. They won't judge you for it. Women will, and will dump your ass.

                [–]trpArtVandelay 3 points4 points  (0 children)

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                A huge problem is that modern entertainment always sells this DUMB idea that being emotionally tragic makes you "deep". It's everywhere. So guys think that by "sharing" that they're coming across as profound, whereas really they're just coming across as weak.

                A great show, but: I think in some ways Mad Men is a good example of this. Early in the show Don Draper seems /incredibly/ badass. Later on, when you know about his past.. he just seems kind of sad. The allusion to having a dark past is fine, but the actual illustration of it helping his character's appeal? Not so great.

                [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

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                I had a experience recently that very confirms all your theories

                [–]skimdit 2 points3 points  (0 children)

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                I agree up to a point. Don't ever be a sniveling whiner to your girl. Let her play that feminine role. But once in a while I believe it is good to not whine but share with her some of the serious, complex, and intense issues I face and deal with like a man on a daily basis, usually at my job at a high profile software company. I don't solicit advice from her on any of it and she never offers any. But it's a good reality check of what truly serious and complex problems are and how a man deals with them with intelligence and confidence. It also puts her frequent petty complaints about her friends, family, or co-workers into perspective and makes her even more grateful of my advising and comforting her about them. It makes her realize that I have far more serious problems to deal with than her but deal with them on my own like a man AND still have time and energy to be her rock when she gets emotional about her own petty problems.

                [–]Captain_Self_Promotr 2 points3 points  (0 children)

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                Related: never complain about women in front of either another man or another woman. If you need female advice or want to vent go to a trusted trusted friend. A man who can't handle his woman is automatically beta and you will exude that perception in spades.

                Complaining in general can be done in an alpha way only if it's tinged with ridicule.

                [–]Darth_Pete 2 points3 points  (0 children)

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                This is a trap!

                Wise words from a wise man.

                This is so true. No matter how many Dr. Phils and and Dr. Phil wannabes tell you to express your feelings and emotions more to your SO - Don't. If you do, her gina will dry up faster than the Atacama desert.

                [–]phx-au 2 points3 points  (0 children)

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                Be very careful showing emotional vulnerability. Feel free to mention things that you are having issues with, and are dealing with.

                It works in your favour to be managing well when things are going to shit. A quality partner is very happy to stand by you when you are needing to spend extra time dealing with legit problems that crop up from time to time (note: this does not include being work's bitch).

                [–]badluser 4 points5 points  (0 children)

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                I am sure the blue pill will mock your post to death. But if you are in a LTR/Marriage with a female, and you can't vent with her--you are going to have a rough life. That sounds more like selfishness and immaturity than anything else.

                [–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

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                People are very oblivious to this issue, I've had people tell me their problems with me barely listening and them assume that I care. I mean, I'm not a bad person or anything, I have problems myself and don't want to take on your shit about your ex, Jesus.

                [–]DMVSavant 1 point2 points  (0 children)

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                No reason for marriage then...let's just have a marriage bonfire party one night and be done with it-

                [–]cmycorps 1 point2 points  (0 children)

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                *And a bitch don't care about one. Just flows better.

                [–]General_Fear 1 point2 points  (0 children)

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                It is my experience that women want men to open up and share because they are looking for dirt to emotionally blackmail you on a later date. That is why when you leave them alone in your apartment they ransack your apartment and go thru every drawer and coat pocket. Is this love? No! They are looking for dirt on you.

                [–]Hatchet_Kilo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

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                After taking a little field trip down memory lane, you are right. It makes sense, I'm liking TRP already.

                [–]evenlouder 1 point2 points  (0 children)

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                Thank you

                [–]choppingthetarts 1 point2 points  (0 children)

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                I love that last line. Beautiful summary.

                [–]probably_a_bitch 3 points4 points  (1 child)

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                You know, almost everything here makes me roll my eyes. But this one actually made me think. I've experienced this myself. Guys I've been seeing feel they can be completely open and vulnerable to me and I lose interest. But that has not always been the case. I realize now that the distinction is whether or not they are having actual difficult adult problems. MOST guys honestly whine about really insignificant crap. That's when I get annoyed and turned off. They don't know what real problems are. It's the inability to cope with really tiny things that is unattractive.

                The guy I see now has only ever told me about problems that I can empathize with and see a reason to complain about. Slipped disc? Jesus christ that sucks. Brother is in the hospital because he tried to kill himself again? I'm so sorry, let's have a really long talk about this. You are feeling depressed because your dad who was your best friend died from drug abuse a few years ago? You could collapse on the floor in front of me sobbing about this and I would never be put off.

                But Barbara in HR keeps saying passive agressive things to you and now you want to bitch about it for 2 hours? No thanks. I don't even stay friends with women who complain to that extent.

                [–]ImnotTHATdrunk[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

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                Yeah, nobody wants to hear that level of bitching and moaning. The point of this post is to point out that typically showing any level of emotional instability or weakness will most definitely never make a woman more attracted to you and has the danger of turning her off completely. Men are the rock the woman leans on. If you start leaning on her she is afraid of being crushed.

                [–]monsieurhire2 1 point2 points  (1 child)

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                The nice thing about this dynamic is that you can use it as justification for NEVER telling them ANYTHING. Just smirk, and say: "The last time I opened up to you about how sad I was when Rover died, all you did was yawn and look vaguely bored and pissed off, I'll never tell you ANYTHING again."

                On a related note, I went out on a date with this girl and she started throwing shit tests at me and I failed them hardcore because I showed emotion like a fool. The irony was, right before I showed the emotion, she had gotten all dewy-eyed telling me about her sad childhood. But then, when I was talking about something my childhood that was sad, and getting a bit emotional myself, her face INSTANTLY hardened into disgust. I instantly picked up on the hypocrisy, called out her intention to friendzone me, and dumped her that night. She was not happy about it.

                In retrospect, I should have just friendzoned her, but I was so angry at her hypocrisy, that I just her loose. IMO, friendzoning is always a good strategy because then you get to enjoy their jealousy when other girls are interested in you.

                [–]redpillgirl 1 point2 points  (0 children)

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                The nice thing about this dynamic is that you can use it as justification for NEVER telling them ANYTHING. Just smirk, and say: "The last time I opened up to you about how sad I was when Rover died, all you did was yawn and look vaguely bored and pissed off, I'll never tell you ANYTHING again."

                That comes off making you look like you're still butthurt about something she did a long time ago. It makes you look weaker in my opinion.

                [–]10199 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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                nobody gives a shit about your problems except (maybe) family.

                [–]Hardparty 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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                Haha oh wow. Thanks for that

                [–]CptJackSwallows 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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                my ex-girlfriend said nearly the same thing, need to show my emotions more she wants to know etc etc, as soon as I started trying to do that relationship went downhill really fast. Think it is a shit test to see if things are worth taking further from her persepective

                [–]FindMitch 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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                I agree with 95% of what you said. I do believe being very emotional and filling your conversations with SOB stories is no way to command the attraction and respect of a woman. The woman should be the one venting to you and all you have to do is go "Come here baby, there there."

                However, I believe a small ounce (quite small) of vulnerability on the man's part goes a long way sometimes. If every now and then, you share something deep and very personal about yourself, I believe that establishes emotional connection and can make a relationship even more intimate. And when you do share something honest about yourself, make sure you do it for yourself not for her. Choose to share yourself as a means of expression not as a means of winning her affection or expecting her to comfort you. But make her work for it, don't spill all your secrets at once.

                With that being said, you definitely are a replaceable resource. Marriage, relationships, and partners are all conditional. They're conditional on you being a man and maintaining your frame and your principles.

                [–]thomas41546 1 point2 points  (1 child)

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                I disagree. My girlfriend provides me the support when I need it. Though, I do admit that I rarely vent any issues, but when I do she does listen. So just because some girls are only interested in themselves does not mean all girls are. If she respects you, she will not ignore you. Respect in itself though is complicated and being a pushover does not help you achieve it - a strong frame of mind and confidence is essential.

                [–]Villaintine[🍰] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

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                Really? Downvoted because this guy had different anecdotal evidence than other people's anecdotal evidence. That's great, TRP is becoming another circle jerk subreddit.

                [–]Victorious666 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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                I've always maintained that complimenting and complaining reveals potential weakness and will eventually used against you directly or indirectly. Play it cool women like mystery and once they've figured it out they move on to the next one.

                [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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                Damn you, red pill! Why are you so hard to swallow at some times?!

                [–]Endorsed ContributorYouDislikeMyOpinion 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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                People, women included, also don't give a shit about you:

                http://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/1tsw92/no_one_gives_a_shit_about_you/

                [–]rednukleus 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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                Haha so true. I've done the same mistake!

                [–]Syberchica -5 points-4 points  (1 child)

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                As a woman, this is true. Kinda. We want to know what's going on and do care, but man-drama and neediness is SUCH a turn off.

                [–]lono12 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

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                what's it like being a cunt?

                [–]6TLaRm4g -1 points0 points  (2 children)

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                I am not sure if it is true or not, but I've heard that women want to be "fixers". What this means is that women want a man to have some flaw that she could help fix, because that gives her some kind of role and purpose in a relationship. So maybe when she is saying "i want to know what you are thinking" what she really means is she wants you to share some problem that nobody else knows about that would make a relationship between you special in her eyes. That doesn't mean she wants to know your weakness. I may be talking out of my ass, but it is supposedly the reason why some women stay with abusive men - they find some flaws (even violence) attractive and they hope that they will be special and fix it in men. (Maybe violence wasn't good example, because that might be the case of dominance, or maybe both.)

                Anyway, a flaw which a women can help fix supposedly gives women purpose and role and is very attractive to them.

                [–]se7ens_travels 1 point2 points  (1 child)

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                Actually, you have it backward. When talking about helping behavior Men are "the fixers". My professor described it as men want to help in "heroic ways" i.e. changing tires, with demonstrations of strength and power. Women are more likely to be the listeners and vent about their problems for you to hear them out and not for you to fix but a guy's mind instantly goes to solutions.

                That doesn't change OP's point that you should keep from sharing with women, but your statement is incorrect.

                Women stay in abusive relationships not to change men, but delude themselves into thinking they can change. This justification allows the cognitive dissonance they experience to dissuade.

                They stay because of low self-esteem and father issues. They may even experience Stockholm Syndrome at one point.

                Source: BA in Psych.

                [–]6TLaRm4g 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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                My professor described it as men want to help in "heroic ways" i.e. changing tires, with demonstrations of strength and power.

                What I meant by "fixer" is that she wants to "fix" man (therefore "fixer" in quotes), not fix a broken clock. So she feel special. Not powerful or strong. She wants to fix something that's not hard or complicated to fix, but what nobody else, but only she knows that it's "broken".

                [–]trentthecaptain -1 points0 points  (0 children)

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                Why did I read this is Tom Cruise's voice?

                [–]Mandeponium -1 points0 points  (0 children)

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                Except for your own mother, NO ONE cares about your problems. If you choose to share, your buddies will put up with you. A woman will resent you.