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[–]17 Endorsed ContributorArchwinger 56 points57 points  (34 children)

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I hate that things are this way, but I accept what is. My problems are mine alone.

I work at a small-ish lawfirm that might be going under. I'm close with the accountant (a pretty 30-something, divorced, with kids. Go figure), and she spilled the beans that unless we get a big influx of cash in the next couple of months, we might not last more than two or three more pay periods unless the boss takes out a huge line of credit to float things.

I'm interviewing somewhere else tomorrow, as well as beginning my lists and calls for the clients I'm planning on poaching, whether I take them to a new firm or go it on my own if this place goes down.

When I come home from work in the evening, I cook an awesome dinner, play with my daughter, and tell my wife that my day was "Fine."

A year ago when I was looking to jump ship from my last firm, I'd tell her how many resumes I sent out, who I heard back from, who said no, who I interviewed with and how it went. I was just talking about my day. It's not like I didn't have a job. It just sucked, wasn't the most secure, wasn't the highest paying, and I wanted to move on. But I talked about my job search and my bad days at work.

A year ago, I wasn't having any sex. We fought all the time. We were at the brink of divorce.

[–]Pill_Red 39 points40 points  (1 child)

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Someone on Reddit once told about his boss, who said something along the lines of: 'When you walk through these doors in the morning, I want you to forget all the bad stuff that happened back home. And when you walk out of these doors in the evening, I want you to stop thinking about your day at work and be with your family'.

[–]Griever114 1 point2 points  (0 children)

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That is some freaking amazing advice.

[–]NoLongerSisyphus 3 points4 points  (30 children)

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Are you having sex now? Cause I can't tell from your post.

[–]17 Endorsed ContributorArchwinger 19 points20 points  (29 children)

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More or less. Not the every 2-3 days like I'd prefer, but far more than the once every 6 weeks duty sex we were having. We probably average weekly when she's not being a bitch, but skip a week if she's in full-on "must disrespect my newly assertive husband to desperately try to maintain control of marriage" mode, which is just fine with me.

[–]Fuk_Boonyalls 10 points11 points  (28 children)

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Your wife sounds like a barrel of laughs. Do you think you'll be able to ever solidify you role, or is she just going to fight you till the end?

[–]17 Endorsed ContributorArchwinger 19 points20 points  (26 children)

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Honestly, my wife is smart. Master's degree, awesome at her job. She's also stubborn as fuck. Catholic upbringing, very practical, reasonably manly father (who's equally stubborn). His wife and other daughter ride him all the time, but he mostly lets it roll off him and occasionally barks, "Get off my ass!" Her mother's a pessimistic, bitchy complainer who's impossible to please. Wolfgang Puck could cook her a seven-course meal, and she'd complain that while the veal in the second course was delicious, she's never been a big fan of veal. If she doesn't have anything negative to comment about something, she might die.

There's no "fixing" my wife. She wants what she wants (or at least wants what she thinks she wants), and once she's decided that, there's no altering the course for her. She's exceptionally resistant to change. Always has been. She'll never change. She'll never truly respect me. But like I said, she's smart. If being a bitch stops getting her what she wants, she'll stop, develop a new tactic, or just take care of her own wants without blowing up at me about it. Her new tactic and/or taking care of herself might involve filing for divorce. Who knows?

I'm not out to transform my marriage into some kind of lame-ass dominant-submissive dynamic. I'm just going to keep shutting down my wife's poor behavior until she can keep it in check herself. If bottling it up leads her to divorce me, I'll be fine. I'll miss my daughter like crazy, but there are plenty of positives to no longer being accountable to someone else.

[–]monsieurhire2 14 points15 points  (0 children)

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"Her mother's a pessimistic, bitchy complainer who's impossible to please. Wolfgang Puck could cook her a seven-course meal, and she'd complain that while the veal in the second course was delicious, she's never been a big fan of veal. If she doesn't have anything negative to comment about something, she might die."

Ah yes, the old "impossible to please" con. The way it works is that by being impossible to please, they think they'll con people into thinking that they by having ridiculously high standards, they themselves are a prize who needs to be slaved over.

[–]1needathrowawayplease 11 points12 points  (12 children)

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Keep up the good work man, and dread game, dread game, dread game.

If you want sex more than once every week and a half, don't be afraid to get it elsewhere.

[–]mrsahi 0 points1 point  (9 children)

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Could you link me to more info on dread game? Keep seeing that phrase thrown around.

[–]tedted8888 7 points8 points  (4 children)

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If i understand it correctly, its pretty much get her jealous of other women. Keep a few female friends around and be flirtatious with them around her. Text them and let the phone buzz, and let her wonder what your texting women about etc.

[–]mrsahi 2 points3 points  (1 child)

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Thanks, that's helpful, I assumed there was more to it than that.

Just stoking jealousy basically.

[–]Pallanas 1 point2 points  (0 children)

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Nice exemple of it, from wife's perspective http://www.redditlog.com/snapshots/256717

[–]Pill_Red 2 points3 points  (0 children)

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Yes. The term 'dread' refers to her latent anxiety that you could replace her at any time.

[–]Agent1407 2 points3 points  (0 children)

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[–]2 Endorsed ContributorFLFTW16 6 points7 points  (2 children)

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lame-ass dominant-submissive dynamic

I think you are putting it down to avoid admitting to yourself that you would probably prefer this dynamic, but you're never going to get it because she just doesn't respect you enough.

[–]17 Endorsed ContributorArchwinger 2 points3 points  (1 child)

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You may be right. It might be my conditioning growing up, but I'm really uncomfortable with the idea of my wife doing something she absolutely doesn't want to do or strongly disagrees with, because I said so and I'm the big boss. The extent of the "submission" I would be content with is to have everything I say respected, and seriously considered and discussed, instead of being bitched away off hand because the all-powerful woman that I should consider myself lucky to have thinks she's smarter than I am and doesn't need to listen to my bullshit. I might have been interested in throwing around and fucking a "yes sir" submissive girl growing up, but I don't know if I'd have been happy married to a girl like that. Maybe someone halfway between her and my wife would have been ideal.

[–]2 Endorsed ContributorFLFTW16 5 points6 points  (0 children)

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I'm really uncomfortable with the idea of my wife doing something she absolutely doesn't want to do or strongly disagrees with

A D/s dynamic has hard and soft limits to be respected by both partners. It has nothing to do with coercion.

The extent of the "submission" I would be content with is to have everything I say respected, and seriously considered and discussed, instead of being bitched away....

No. You have it backward. She doesn't "consider" what you have said, you consider what she says. You do the considering, pondering, and decision making. It's her job to persuade you and make you change your mind.

The sweetest thing in the world is a D/s with a capable, intelligent woman that will do her man's bidding. He calls the shots and she puts her energy into making it happen. Yeah there is still negotiating and discussing, but when you make a decision for the family, she goes along with it rather than fighting you tooth and nail. The prerequisite for this is that she has to respect that you know how to make tough decisions and trust that you have the group's best interest at heart, not just your own.

Good luck.

[–]opencover 1 point2 points  (0 children)

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I'm right there with you, brother. Don't be sure you won't get at least 50% custody if you fight for it. If your daughter describes her tantrums to the judge, it can make a difference.

Becoming a better man to shut down this behavior would strike me as enabling and rewarding it. Then you're nervous about whether you're a good enough man to keep things together. A marriage should not have such concerns. You do whatever you see fit, which if you've each chosen well, is consistently pretty good stuff on both sides.

[–]opencover 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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There was some study I heard of the other day, saying that abusive women (as in relationship abuse) never become non-abusive.

And guys in relationships, like me, all seem to confirm there is at least some ongoing level of shit in their relationships from the woman.

Seems to me the solution is NOT to man up. That would put this abusive person on a pedestal. The solution is to realize she is what she is. Don't try to maintain such high smv that she's always lusting, man that's impossible. Have confidence, and let the shit roll off. If she's mad, OK she's mad, there she goes again. Don't let it turn you beta / apologetic or trying to solve the problem -- even by working out to be more appealing to her.

That's just rewarding her bitchiness.

[–]adamlikesprettygirls 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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Great post man. Stay strong, good luck.

[–]RedPillJohnny 134 points135 points  (85 children)

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I get this too dude...you can never ever cry on your wife's shoulder. That is the price we pay to be men. It doesn't mean you can't be sad or that you should repress emotions but women and children cannot see that the "ground under their feet" is wobbly...because in reality all the ground under our feet is wobbly, men make it not so while they are around!

[–]bluemyselfearly19 39 points40 points  (4 children)

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I get this too dude...you can never ever cry on your wife's shoulder. That is the price we pay to be men. It doesn't mean you can't be sad or that you should repress emotions but women and children cannot see that the "ground under their feet" is wobbly...because in reality all the ground under our feet is wobbly, men make it not so while they are around!

Best way to describe it. In my first LTR, I went against my better judgement and opened up more than I should have. (She kept nagging me about opening up, but that's no excuse.) I will never forget her reaction and loss of respect for me after that. We didn't have sex for 3-4 days after that.

*spelling.

[–]Mymobileacoconut 17 points18 points  (3 children)

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I can understand why opening up is detrimental. But if your going through tough times, instead of putting extra load on your back, why not call on your wife and demand she do A, B and C. That way youre still the leader but your not getting stressed out and running on zero sleep.

[–]1Ill_mumble_that 9 points10 points  (0 children)

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This. It's fine to delegate. But you must not show weakness while doing so.

[–]2 Mredpillschool 0 points1 point  (1 child)

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Only so much she can do when your troubles are elsewhere, such as layoffs at work.

[–]opencover 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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But promising it will be OK when the problems are beyond your control too is foolish imho. Then she really has something on you if things go sour: you're a liar, you misled her, you didn't carry the load you promised, etc.

I prefer to expose her to all the risks and explicitly refuse to make it all better for her. Women hate it, but isn't game partly about taking women off the pedestal?

[–]terabyter9000 9 points10 points  (1 child)

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Perfectly said. I've been through it too. It's like they literally dont know what to do or say when you mention you are having troubles.

[–]opencover 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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If she doesn't know (what to do or say), that sounds like her problem.

I don't see how it's my problem. She's the one who is feeling desperate because of the real, actual problems that I refuse to shield her from.

(I am not a human shield.)

[–][deleted]  (7 children)

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[deleted]

    [–]Panzer_Geist 85 points86 points  (13 children)

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    That's why you have close male buddies - brothers - either in blood or by a deep connection. I would take a bullet for my close male friends. The relationship is so much closer than it can ever be with a woman because there is no sexual tension. I have nothing to prove to my male friends. They don't care if I show weakness - they support me and guide me through it.

    I can't over emphasize the importance of having a group of male friends. I don't mean your wife's girlfriends' husbands. I mean men who you really like. If you're close friends they won't mind if your throwing some emotional baggage on them. Au contrare - they will be eager to help their brother.

    [–]oldbluebox 29 points30 points  (0 children)

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    This. You confide in your bros your problems and complaints. Not your girl. Nobody wants to deal with your emotional bullshit. Even your bros can only take so much.

    [–]criveros 2 points3 points  (0 children)

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    Or join a support group for men only.

    [–]ygbs 46 points47 points  (1 child)

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    FFS make MALE friends, you can cry on those shoulders, they won't judge and will suport you, might even help you figure things out. Women are just not for that.

    [EDIT] Do that sparingly though, and don't literally cry on their shoulders, everyone go through rough times which fine, but absolutely NOBODY likes a weak man.

    [–]borderline_sociopath[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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    I've got the circle of silence, don't worry. Good, lifelong friends that can lean on each other.

    This is why I said I "slipped up". Shouldn't have let her see my confidence wane.

    [–]2RedPill4LYF 44 points45 points  (10 children)

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    I did exactly this to beta my way out of an LTR I didn't want to be in anymore. Imagine that. Sharing your weakness, your insecurities, your past failures and harships, all make her run for the hills, when this is exactly the kind of talk we're told will bring you closer together.

    If you cease to be the leader, she starts looking for the door.

    [–]borderline_sociopath[S] 56 points57 points  (6 children)

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    If you cease to be the leader, she starts looking for the door.

    If you hear that your employer might not make payroll, you start sending out resumes...

    [–]phil_mcrevis 6 points7 points  (2 children)

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    Hooooly shit...this is such an insightful and relevant analogy I can't even fully wrap my brain around it....amazing.

    [–]1Ill_mumble_that 2 points3 points  (1 child)

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    Work relationships are very similar to that with a woman.

    As an employee you are similar to that of the feminine part of the relationship, with the business being your leader.

    Feminine <--------------> Masculine
    Employee <-------------> Business

    But from the outside with customers, it's the opposite:

    Feminine <-------------> Masculine
    Business <-------------> Customer

    [–]phil_mcrevis 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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    Yeah for sure. I just had archwinger's comment above in my mind as I read it (for some reason I thought this was in that comment thread). Here he is with an employer that's possibly going under and he's preparing for it...but when someone compared that to a woman's version of "sending out resumes" it really was incredible.

    [–]2 Endorsed ContributorFLFTW16 2 points3 points  (0 children)

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    Exactly. The classic analogy is that the relationship is the ship. The man is the captain. The woman is the first mate.

    If the captain indicates that the ship is going down, the first mate will prepare to abandon ship.

    [–]Aaron565 1 point2 points  (1 child)

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    Except she isn't your employee nor does she do even close to the work that an employee would. I guess the analogy is too easy on hypocritical women.

    [–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (2 children)

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    Ha. I have done the same thing. For me, I just wanted to test the waters of red pill effectiveness. So I took a clingy plate and covertly started injecting neediness, non dominance, excessive texting, sharing life problems, and I even paid for a couple of her dinners.

    The surprising element was how long it took to work. At the beginning, she started gobbling up my beta cues. I was now being "more affectionate." Had I not been conscious of what I was doing, I would not have made the connection because the relationship changed at a pace that was imperceptible. But over a month, it was obvious things were different. She "needed time to think."

    The moment she said this, I replied," I understand." She never contacted me again.

    Just out of curiosity, how long did it take you to "beta" out of the relationship?

    [–]2RedPill4LYF 1 point2 points  (0 children)

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    I'd say all in all about two weeks before I got the I don't know what I want now speech. Fascinating stuff.

    [–]cashmoney_x 1 point2 points  (0 children)

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    Yet the mainstream ideal is exactly this. Opening up and sharing feelings.

    Lol.

    [–]DougieTheCaker 14 points15 points  (2 children)

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    The only 'negative' emotion you can ever express to your SO is anger.

    I noticed this growing up with my dad...deaths in the family, tough times, u name it etc..never seen this guy budge except for the odd outburst of anger and being pissed off

    [–]1lucifa 12 points13 points  (0 children)

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    My whole upbringing my dad was stoic, even after his sister's suicide. There was only one occasion where I witnessed him breakdown - and yeah it's unnerving as fuck. As a child it's like realising Santa isn't real. You are the rock of the family that keeps everything grounded, when you lose it everyone around you is thrown off-balance.

    [–]Dark triad expert: - http://illimitablemen.com/ - [3 Points]IllimitableMan 29 points30 points  (1 child)

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    You can't show weakness if you do, she will lose her shit. Women are insecure as it is, that's what all the shit testing is about - assuring herself she has a strong male, it's part of the entire reason women are so difficult. Don't swallow the equality bullshit, she can show her insecurities and you won't think any less of her, if you let her in on your insecurities she'll think you're a bitch, it'll be nothing but a downward spiral from then on. Remember, as a man, there is nobody higher than yourself to turn to. Children have their parents to lean on, women have men to lean on, men have nobody to lean on (probably why in part so many men off themselves.) Just try leaning on your woman, the temptation is there, they'll even tell you they'll want you to do it (fucked up as that is) go on do it, even if she's a good woman and she loves you and helps you (many won't even do that) she'll respect you a lot less as she's "doing your job" and "all the pressure is on her", most women want to be taken care of, they don't want to do the caring unless you're their kid. This is why stoicism wins EVERY TIME, opening up is the worst thing you can do. If she's not your mother, don't do it.

    Remember, support and responsibility is linear, it goes in one direction:

    Men --> Women --> Children

    Lifes unfair we get nobody to lean on, buckle up and deal with it, as a man you're the end of the line.... unless you believe in a god, and shit, with that kind of burden on your shoulders, I can understand why so many men are religious, it's nice to think there's someone else to take care of shit for you and that it isn't all on you, but in reality, it is. Being a man is tough, its tougher than being a kid and its tougher than being a woman, a lot is expected of you, that's why so many of us fail "to step up to the plate" especially those with a less than favourable start in life. You sink or swim.

    [–]borderline_sociopath[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

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    Remember, support and responsibility is linear, it goes in one direction:

    Men --> Women --> Children

    Exactly. Reminds me of what I wrote in my first post about this topic:

    That's the price of being in charge. Problems and complaints flow upward; stability and leadership flow down.

    If this sounds terrifying to single guys out there...good. If you're not willing to put it all on your shoulders, don't have kids. Please. None of us need more kids of single mothers in the system and culture. My first kid wasn't planned but when I found out, I knew instantly that I'd do anything and everything necessary to raise the kid well (even if that meant divorcing the mother if needed).

    I can't go back, but if I learned all this 15 years ago, I would have leaned heavily towards staying single for life.

    [–]lloopy 20 points21 points  (1 child)

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    Women complain that men never open up to them emotionally.

    It turns out there's a really fucking good reason for that!

    [–]1whatsazipper 8 points9 points  (0 children)

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    Yeah, it leads to the end of the relationship. Go figure -- potent little trap they have going. Fell for it once, not going to do that again, ever.

    [–]rebuildingMyself 5 points6 points  (1 child)

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    You know what's the WORST thing about all this? My girlfriend does the exact same cold shit when I have a down moment. And you know what she says every fucking time after I help her through her down moments?

    "Baby, you know I'm there for you just like you are there for me."

    [–]cashmoney_x 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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    They'll take the ego boost and ignore the lie.

    [–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

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    Remember this: You only hate that things are this way because you weren't warned that they would be this way.

    The only hard thing about this is the gap between reality and your expectations, and you can control that.

    [–]_DiscoNinja_ 9 points10 points  (2 children)

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    My sister saw my Father cry ONCE during my parent's painfully hypergamous split.

    Her relationship with him after that was marked by consistent disrespect which persists to this day. Though her feelings for him have shifted from contempt to pity as he's grown older, she never saw him as a man again.

    [–]natethegreattt 1 point2 points  (1 child)

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    whoa, i didn't think women would feel that way towards their father too.

    [–]DarthRoach 5 points6 points  (0 children)

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    Husband, boyfriend, father, older brother - makes no difference. Women expect the leader to be stoic and always ready to provide and protect.

    It's just more pronounced with sexual partners due to the fact that generally children are involved, and the woman is allowing sex and potential reproduction with the person in question. Staying wit a weak man means potentially having weak offspring, and having to raise those without the protection of the patriarch.

    [–]steveob42 10 points11 points  (0 children)

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    Confirmed, from my own situation and other "friends". Dude was in the hospital and wife (2 kids) started fucking around. I pressure my ex to get a job playing the "I can get terminated any time" card and she has an affair (instead of looking for a job). Wives generally fucking suck. Value your independence.

    [–]1Zanford 10 points11 points  (1 child)

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    Good adivce.

    Craziest thing about this is: a chick will be happier if you act optimistic and confident and yet provide zero good ideas for fixing the situation (or actual bad ones), than she will be if you have a solid game plan, but deliver it in a shaky way. Women have a very limited grasp of the physical world (especially compared to you if you are a smart, STEM-y type guy) and so they take their cues from the emotions of others. Preselection for everything!

    Also, I should get a vasecomty.

    [–]borderline_sociopath[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

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    As Roissy always said, "always err on the side of overconfidence".

    [–]RiseAboveIt 2 points3 points  (8 children)

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    Could you maybe call her out on this? I mean, I'm interested to know that if you told her what you've told us, and how for when you let your guard down she did that to you....

    Doesn't seem like someone I want to wife really

    [–]lloopy 7 points8 points  (0 children)

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    The whole point of the red pill is to see things as they really are, not as you'd hope them to be.

    The fact that women are more caring, the gentler sex, etc. is just bullshit. When you're the man of the house, they expect things from you. If they don't get 'em, then that's the end of your being the man.

    [–]TheSKSpecial 11 points12 points  (2 children)

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    Problem is, all women are like that. Letting your guard down in front of any woman will kill her attraction towards you, even more so if you complain to her about her reaction.

    Why? Because by complaining to her you've placed the burden on her to try to "fix" it, something she's not equipped to do. You've given her the responsibility to be the strong one in the relationship and ceased to be the stoic male figure in her life. And to her, if she's got to be the strong one while you're weak, then what are you there for?

    [–]1FloranHunter 2 points3 points  (0 children)

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    This is also why dogs of untrained owners are aggressive and ineffectual. It's a universal dynamic.

    [–]borderline_sociopath[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children)

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    She's actually a really solid RP woman. No feminist bullshit. Very loyal. Works hard as hell for our family.

    But she's still got little kids to think about, and when the leader shows signs of breaking down, she subconsciously starts to plan for how she will take care of herself and the offspring. It's not like I broke down in tears or stayed in bed all day. I muttered two or three lines about "things might not get better" and it hit the wrong nerve.

    [–]Traz_Onmale 0 points1 point  (1 child)

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    It's not like I broke down in tears or stayed in bed all day. I muttered two or three lines about "things might not get better" and it hit the wrong nerve.

    You had a fight, didn't you?

    [–]mysterioussydney 1 point2 points  (0 children)

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    Women cannot help but be attracted to strength and disgusted by weakness. If they were attracted to vulnerability they would all be hooking up with women instead of men.

    When you're vulnerable in a crisis she will have to assume control because you are not standing up coupled with her fears and she will still think less of you and your vulnerability will come off as whining and comlaining. Be her rock at all times and if you do fall, do not show it.

    [–]Roll9ers 4 points5 points  (0 children)

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    This right here is one of the things that got me to really buy into the redpill. Not this post per say, but the ideas from it.

    The only people I ever open up to now are my dad and best friend, and it's going to stay that way.

    [–]jova33 4 points5 points  (1 child)

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    This is why I'm just going MGTOW after I get divorced. Maybe I just don't want to carry a woman's baggage along with my own. It's not that I'm weak, it's that I just don't want to.

    [–]OKJaded 16 points17 points  (11 children)

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    The only person in the world you share your problems with is the doctor you pay $200/H to sit and listen to your problems. That's it. Period.

    Friends, brothers, can betray you. The $200/H isn't so much to listen, but to keep their mouth shut.

    [–]monsieurhire2 13 points14 points  (7 children)

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    Save the money. Go see a priest. It's all just confession at the end of the day.

    [–]weirdnamedindian 4 points5 points  (6 children)

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    Especially if it's one of those traditional pre-Vatican II Catholic priests ... boy, those guys don't mince words!

    [–]theozoph 1 point2 points  (5 children)

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    Do you have any good anecdote? I'm thinking about joining one of those traditionalist congregations one day, I'd like to know what the mindset is.

    [–]weirdnamedindian 2 points3 points  (1 child)

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    There is only one I can give because its mine - told him my problems and usually the priest would be all understanding, letting me know I need to pray over it. This guy - makes it clear im being a little bitch and tells me to work my shit out. He had to leave forever though to another country, so I couldn't continue going to see him.

    [–]weirdnamedindian 1 point2 points  (2 children)

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    My guy was an Opus Dei priest. Which traditional congregation u looking into?

    [–]theozoph 0 points1 point  (1 child)

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    Probably one where the priest is a member of the Society of Saint Pie X, which in France seems the best bet for traditional Catholicism without breaking with the Church totally.

    [–]weirdnamedindian 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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    U French? Then yeah, they're the best and most prominent! Go for it! Godspeed bro! :)

    [–]Cypher211 12 points13 points  (2 children)

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    That's a bit too pessimistic for me to be honest. Friends are there for that very reason, ok fair enough maybe your woman isn't the person to turn to when you need to share your insecurities but you should always be able to turn to your mates

    [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

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    If there's something particularly hard like a divorce then yes, go ahead and talk it out. But the one thing I can't stand is people who are constantly negative and complaining, I hang out with my buddies to have fun not to hear about your shit.

    [–]Cypher211 1 point2 points  (0 children)

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    Yeah don't misunderstand me I'm not saying you should be constantly crying and bitching to your mates I'm saying though if something genuinely big happens then you absolutely should have a friend you can talk it out with or even just vent to. For myself I prefer to just deal with things myself rather than going to someone about it but not everyone is like that and I have had friends approach me in the past when they're in trouble and needed someone to talk to and I made sure I was there for them.

    [–]NYJets7 5 points6 points  (2 children)

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    This situation is just a whole lot of nope. I am never getting married

    [–]borderline_sociopath[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

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    I don't blame you for that notion at all. Much safer bet.

    [–]cashmoney_x 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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    Yep, life post divorce has been so much less stressful it's like I have a secret. Seriously, getting married is a bad deal for guys.

    [–]ColdEiric 2 points3 points  (0 children)

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    I thought of that drill sergeant from Full Metal Jacket, when I read the post title.

    "That is not your daddy's shotgun, cowboy!"

    "She is not your shoulder to cry on!"

    [–]human_bean_ 2 points3 points  (0 children)

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    I reckon the real reason why women are so interested in knowing mens problems is that they can immediately dump his ass if the problems are too big and extensive. There's nothing quite like male weakness and neediness to repel a woman away.

    [–]LukeMooney 2 points3 points  (0 children)

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    I think I read your original post, something about not using your woman as an emotional tampon???

    This whole concept is massively true. Never use your woman for anything apart from sex and cleaning and cooking and social gatherings. They are literally useful for nothing else without supervision.

    Think when you unload emotionally on them, it triggers that "I was tricked" thing in their mind when they lose attractiveness to you and they feel duped for having ever liked you.

    Women are not complex enough to understand that some days you won't be on point, they just assume you're now weak all the time. Which, is why your real buddies (US) or mates (UK) are really important. Far from the media bullshit of women helping each other emotionally, men, actually do help each other in deeply caring ways, by providing solutions and real advice. I don't even trust my own mother with my emotional shit, no woman can be trusted.

    [–]whoops_fap 6 points7 points  (2 children)

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    I'd rather be a man than a woman, no matter the price.

    [–]tallwheel 8 points9 points  (1 child)

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    Why? Being a woman is sounding pretty sweet these days.

    [EDIT: This is a serious question and was hoping for an answer rather than just downvotes.

    Personally, I am a man and I can't change what I am (or have not intention doing so surgically :)). I make the best lot of what I was given in life, so I try to be the best man I can. I lift. I do my best to appear as close to alpha as possible. I try to give women the tingles so I can get laid.

    The whole 'It sucks more to be a woman' thing though, it just seems to me like a convenient lie men have been told throughout history to make them accept their role as protector and beast of burden. If a good portion of men were to ever look at women's role and start saying, "I could do that. Doesn't look too bad," then the whole system would fall apart since the human race needs men's labor in order to prosper. That's why it's important that men are always fully convinced that they are lucky to be men. If anything, this whole thread is just further proof of its importance to the system.]

    [–]jova33 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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    Maybe 60 years ago or in some Islamic country today it would suck to be born a female, but here in America, women are pretty fucking set. All they have to do is fuck the right guy with money and never have to work again.

    [–]heist_of_saint_graft 6 points7 points  (0 children)

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    Great job, OP, as an RP man you understand Briffault's Law. It would be "nice" if women would listen sympathetically to our troubles the way they expect us to, but that's just not the way the traffic flows. You have to be the man, you have to lead, you have to always see the light at the end of the tunnel, especially when she can't.

    [–][deleted]  (2 children)

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    [deleted]

      [–]monsieurhire2 11 points12 points  (0 children)

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      EXACTLY. I used to wonder why Tony Soprano went and told his problems to a shrink. I don't wonder that anymore.

      [–]borderline_sociopath[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

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      She's a RP woman who stays home with our kids and does a shit ton of work for our family. Extremely competent second-in-command.

      This happened when she was sick and feeling completely wiped out by the laundry list of shit that fell down on our family.

      [–]tallwheel 4 points5 points  (0 children)

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      Being the man in a relationship is too much fucking work. Definitely count me out for marriage. I can only do plates, and maybe the initial honeymoon stage of an LTR.

      [–]1whatsazipper 1 point2 points  (0 children)

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      Yeah, this is the one mistake that's absolutely fatal. Open up too much or lean too hard and it's gone. Even if everything's falling apart you've got to conjure an illusion that you're a rock and have the plan for victory.

      [–]Yoda7 1 point2 points  (0 children)

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      Women are typically sickened by weakness. Like they want to puke its so repulsive.

      [–]biffsocko 1 point2 points  (0 children)

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      When it gets like that for me, I get in the car and take a drive. Sometimes i'll punch the steering wheel a few times. Then I pull it together and go home. Fuck it.

      [–]AngraMainyuu 1 point2 points  (0 children)

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      This right here is reason enough to feel resentment towards women. I don't condone it, but damn do I understand it. She gets to dump her problems on you, making an already bad situation worse, but as soon as you need her, suddenly you're looked at like pitiful scum, and we're told women are supposed to be "nurturing" and "understanding" and shit.

      [–]doomred 1 point2 points  (2 children)

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      TL;DR - Stop being a pussy and cry like a man.

      This is one of the few things that is red pill advice that is wrong for me, but is probably right for the majority of users. I have never had a problem crying in front of a woman that I like. I think it shows great strength in being vulnerable.

      However, I will only cry if I can tell she is on the edge of doing so herself. Many women will hold back tears if they think it will trigger their man to cry. I take the lead.

      Some instances where I openly cry and tend to suddenly give permission to everyone around me to open up the floodgates: funerals; at the vet when I put down an arthritic dog; when a woman is going out of her way to be considerate and I want to show her how much I appreciate it.

      People need to cry and they need leaders to help them at times. Don't cry if you are uncertain you can get others to join the cryfest.

      [–]2Occams_Shiv 2 points3 points  (1 child)

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      Grief is normal, and even socially expected. Women don't expect us to be positive and upbeat when our brother has just died. That would be creepy. Beyond dark-triad and into psychological disorder territory. What you can never show, however, is fear, or an inability to cope with stress and pressure.

      Also, your crying can be not totally destructive if it demonstrates that you are not afraid to cry, and in fact, do not care what any other people think of you. However, this is asking for a level of nuance and complexity of which most (maybe all) women are not capable. They tend to recoil at any perceived weakness.

      [–]doomred 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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      Your insight makes a lot of sense. My ability to emote has proved to be a great filter against undesirable women. I don't want no scrubs.

      [–][deleted]  (3 children)

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      [deleted]

        [–]borderline_sociopath[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children)

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        You are conflating vulnerability with weakness. There's a distinction between the two.

        [–][deleted]  (1 child)

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        [deleted]

          [–]jova33 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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          Definitely not the woman you're with. Even if you think she's fine with it, she's just hiding what she really feels, like you should be.

          [–]dancingwithcats 1 point2 points  (0 children)

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          They expect us to be strong, as well they should. A good woman will know when you need her support without you asking for it or crying on their shoulder.

          [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

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          You got it, man. It is okay to show stress, but only when you have a clear plan to get through it.

          This is okay: "There are a bunch of things that suck right now and it's bothering me too, but I have a clear plan on how to deal with it."

          This is not: "I'm so stressed right now I can't cope. I don't know what we will do."

          If you're feeling the latter, find someone else to tell or just use healthy coping mechanisms to get through it, like exercise, positive social interactions--heck, even a good deep tissue massage--whatever, until you can say something along the lines of the first example.

          [–]Endorsed ContributorAerobus 1 point2 points  (0 children)

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          If you need help with your problems, or need to vent, or need someone for emotional support, you go to your male best friend. Not your wife.

          The minute you talk to your wife about problems you are killing the marriage.

          [–]Mightyskunk 1 point2 points  (2 children)

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          You married a weak woman. Sorry bro.

          [–]2Occams_Shiv 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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          No. There are no strong ones.

          [–]borderline_sociopath[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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          I disagree. She was near her low-point with illness and exhaustion, too. She knew that if I lost my shit she would have full responsibility for herself and sick kids.

          [–]theultimatewarriors 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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          It's the one thing we know as men. Shit happens everywhere, it just is what it is. For attractive women, and probably because I think innocence and vulnerability is attractive, she knows a world where things magically go right and great things happen if you just are positive... hahaha, they have no idea of what pushing ahead is like (or the realities of being poor and hustling, or where meat comes from, or why competition is vital, but that's all another talk for another time).

          I have amazing luck in the sense that I have what normal people would call "shit luck" but has forced me to learn how to laugh while knee deep in constant bullshit. I make the mistake of saying what I'm thinking about, especially after work or when I'm exhausted. I'm not complaining, but I'm showing something that is not a force in the world, so she goes into one of two modes...

          The amazing part of women is that they are constantly looking to you and admiring you, but the worst part, is that means if you lose their admiration, you become a child or the other scenario is that they no longer look to you altogether (and some other man, maybe even her father or someone else, gains her gaze and her vulnerability).

          This is the one reason I've realized I absolutely need male friendships. It's a side by side thing, you tell each other all the bullshit that's on your mind, and you both drink and say "fuck it man, that sucks, go kill it" and continue playing whatever activity you're doing. With women, it's them looking to you and when those things come up (just because they're on your mind, not even if you are complaining) they will worry themselves stupid.

          [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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          Stories like this are good for men to hear regardless of how they decide to live their lives. The red pill is painful as hell, but the blue pill might as well have cyanide in it. The men killing themselves after divorce are more than likely the ones who believe "evolution stops at the neck" (a term coined by Girl Writes What) and this idea of romantic equality based on that.

          [–]FunctionallyInsane 0 points1 point  (1 child)

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          I have to wonder. Did things "magically" get better? Or did you voice how you felt, got it out of your system, and pushed through anyway?

          Crying on someone's shoulder seems to me to be when someone can't take responsibility and move on. You didn't do that.

          [–]borderline_sociopath[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

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          Yeah, in this case I wasn't crying about anything, I didn't need my bottom rubbed. I just let a crack show in the facade and she caught it right away.

          [–]alreadyredschool 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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          The rules of the game never change: briffaults law

          [–]myschadenfreude 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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          Agreed. I loved my ex-wife. She was my world and I shared everything with her.

          My ex-wife. Proof positive for me.

          [–]Koss424 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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          I think you're missing the point. Learn to take a compliment

          [–]rk111 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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          Showing vulnerability does not have to mean showing weakness. If a man can express real and deep emotions of hurt without fear or guilt, he is being vulnerable without being weak. It seems like the reason OP's wife lost attraction was that OP was coming from a place of total fear. He was telling his wife that he was deathly afraid for the future of his familiy, meaning he was not just vulnerable, but weak and insecure.

          Making the analogy to a business and its employees...

          Scenario 1: A company is deep in the red and is on the brink of bankruptcy and dissolution. The respected CEO of the company starts crying in front of all of the employees and telling them that he's been working like a dog day and night to try to keep the company afloat and is a real mess because of it, mentally and physically, and has no idea if anything he is doing is going to save the company and that all the employees might be fired tomorrow.

          Scenario 2: A respected CEO gathers all of his employees together to inform them that one of their most beloved co-workers has died in a car accident. As he recounts some of his favorite memories of working with the deceased, tears start streaming down his face.

          [–]Juan23Four5 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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          Every guy needs somebody they can dump their feelings on.... Just not their wife/LTR/children. Or even parents.

          That's why a guy needs at least one good guy friend, if not more. If you can't swing that you have to pay for a therapist. But you need something.

          You need to be the rock that she leans on. You can never let the cracks show.

          [–]insickness 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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          I know this sounds crazy, but this is one reason why it's good to have a therapist. You pay someone so you can dump your problems on them. You talk to him/her about all this shit, get a sympathetic ear, have them ask you how you feel about things. We all suffer from mental and emotional stresses. Better to talk to someone who won't fuck you over for revealing them.

          [–]SunAtNight 0 points1 point  (0 children)

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          Thanks for this. In my first (and only so far) LTR, we were both open books. I think it started as me telling anecdotes regarding my day. I like telling stories, and it comes natural to me, but at some point it must have morphed into complaining. In the end, we became this perpetual-motion machine of negativity. Unable to progress, always pivoting around the same issues. I know better now.

          Edit: what I learned

          I learned that the man needs to be stalwart. He endures, he does not complain. Thus he leads by example. And if the woman he's with just keeps on whining, she won't change and it is better to let her go than be swallowed in her abyss of negativity. The man conquers his problems.

          [–]Pentdad -2 points-1 points  (1 child)

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          If a man teared up and went onward, like a soldier to almost certain doom, it must be the most attractive sight a woman can witness. I do not believe emotion repression to be totally wrong.

          [–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

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          The beautiful death. I'd tear up in a situation like that.