all 73 comments

[–]Endorsed Contributordeepthrill 26 points27 points  (4 children)

Disclaimer: This isn't directed at you, OP.

But be careful you don't use monk mode as an excuse to avoid interactions until "you're 100% ready" or anything. Don't make it a defense mechanism. Make sure you're doing it for you, not doing it out of reaction to fear.

Read the free ebook "Flinch" and you'll realize that you should be climbing trees and falling, rather than sitting around for too long figuring out the best branch to grab.

[–]GeneralDogsbody 9 points10 points  (1 child)

"...you should be climbing trees and falling rather than sitting around for too long figuring out the best brach to grab"

That is a fantastic image. I'm going to have to borrow it. Thank you.

[–]Endorsed Contributordeepthrill 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Credit given where credit is due.

Just fucking jump in the water. Your brain will naturally adapt to the actual interactions and subtleties much better than intellectually determining the optimal path.

You're not going to die from it. Any significant fear is therefore unfounded.

[–]latino666 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Huge advice here. I've seen men go into isolation to "improve" themselves only to find out later they were actually just protecting themselves from a world of challenges and difficulties. You must find you reasoning before trying to improve yourself, it will be useless otherwise

[–]GhostInTheRedPill 35 points36 points  (2 children)

The video on verbal structure from Julien.

Having watched it, yes a very effective strategy to deal with not knowing what to say during an interaction.

[–]Indianbro 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks. Ran out of something to say today during a set. It really sucked. This is just what I needed. You da real mvp.

[–][deleted]  (38 children)

[deleted]

    [–][deleted]  (14 children)

    [deleted]

      [–]Dark triad expert: - http://illimitablemen.com/ - [3 Points]IllimitableMan 17 points18 points  (6 children)

      He should have used an ego destroying Patrice Opener. "Hey bitch your breath stink"

      [–][deleted]  (2 children)

      [deleted]

        [–]md619 9 points10 points  (0 children)

        Yeah I'd be careful with that opener if you're a newbie. Not because it can't work but because if you don't have experience with this shit, it's going to backfire hard. You're gonna have to know how to handle the shit-test storm that you just created. Not to mention any white knights that may have heard you and will get pissed off and try and shame you. That means you better have rock solid frame. Anything less and you'll look like a fucking asshole, and not the good kind of asshole that gets you laid.

        If you're gonna come out and say that, use it on a girl who's displaying way too much ego. If you use it after she rejects you then you just sound butthurt and outcome dependent as fuck.

        You should never be angry, sad, happy or really any emotion when you get rejected. You should be nothing. That's what it means to be outcome independent. You can still play around with rejection and use it to boost your own state (Julien from RSD likes to fuck around by yelling "last chance for love!") but it has to completely be for you. Her reaction is irrelevant.

        [–]1cover20 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        Not if she's rejected you! Then it sounds butthurt and just increases her feeling of victory. Her vag will turn into the Gobi Desert with respect to you.

        If she's rejected you, get other girls, and if you want just keep gaming her.

        I'd use it in a confident smiling manner. I would be quiet and conspiratorial, but that's because I naturally have good manners, which are a handicap for me. Maybe the direct approach is best, but keep at least the inner smile.

        [–]my_sfw_alias 0 points1 point  (1 child)

        Only if you are hunting bears... I doubt thats gonna work on the cute lil bunny. Even if she has the dragon breff

        [–]Dark triad expert: - http://illimitablemen.com/ - [3 Points]IllimitableMan 5 points6 points  (0 children)

        True say man. But if you don't give a fuck about any particular chick and want to have fun being antagonistic, patrice game is great for shits and giggles. If there's a particular girl you're fiending, then sure, gotta calibrate. Bunnies are annoying.

        Edit: this is called black knighting, the antithesis to white knighting. If you dig through TRP there's a really old topic by /u/GayLubeOil on it.

        [–]Chinny4daWinny 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        What do you say after that in worst case scenario?

        [–]TravellingIndian 0 points1 point  (5 children)

        Interesting point.

        But how does it apply to an introvert person. I understand why being an open talker is being eulogized here but that subway passenger, bystander in line, person having coffee alone could be an introvert who literally doesn't want to exert "energy" in talking to random people.

        Also, what if you are the introvert person. Going out and talking to everything that moves is going to be ridiculously hard for you. You can probably do it on days you're feeling "energetic" but even then shut down internally after 4 or 5 random convos.

        [–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (4 children)

        The answer is stop being an introvert. Yes, it sucks the first few (100) times you initiate convos with strangers and uses up "energy" because it is hard. But, like anything, the more you do it the easier it becomes and the less "energy" you use doing it. It becomes natural. I say this as someone who used to identify themselves as an introvert and can see the changes in mentality that come from simply practicing social skills and improving myself.

        As for talking to introverts, its pretty obvious, by observing body language, who will be receptive to random conversations with you.

        [–]KonradKant 0 points1 point  (3 children)

        This is mostly a terminology clarification, but it seems that you're confusing shyness and introversion. One can be a non-shy introvert, shy introvert, non-shy extravert, shy extravert. Talking to strangers is much for difficult for the shy than the non-shy, whether they're introverted or extroverted. I agree with you that it's a good idea for pretty much everyone to get over that – something I haven't accomplished myself yet.

        But there's no training yourself to be an extravert or "getting over" being an introvert. That is at least partially genetically determined – twin studies confirm this, and dopamine system genes predict extraversion in individuals. An extravert's dopamine system is much more sensitive than an introverts, meaning that they are feeling rewards more intensely. This helps us differentiate between shyness and introversion – the introvert chooses to avoid certain social events because he doesn't find them rewarding, the shy person chooses to avoid such events because he has some kind of fear about that social event.

        It's also not at all clear why an introvert would want to become an extravert, even if that were possible. Introverts are better at planning and problem, solving they are also more intelligent and much more likely to be gifted. Extraverts on the other hand report to be happier. Both introversion and extraversion are normal behaviour, neither is better than the other.

        [–]TravellingIndian 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        This. I don't know how AirWrenB "stopped" being an introvert. I am an introvert but definitely not shy. When I am feeling "energetic", I can initiate random convos and even work a whole room. But, after a point, it drains me and the thought of doing it everyday lights up some cozy me-time images in my head.

        [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

        You are correct, an introvert cannot BECOME an extrovert. Talking to more people is not going to change your brain chemistry. But that's not what I'm getting at. An introvert will never receive a chemical reward from the social interaction itself, but they can receive one from the accomplishment of getting better at social interaction, for getting better at the game. I still consider myself an introvert. I take no pleasure in the conversation itself, but i do take pleasure in the results of the conversation.

        As for why an introvert would want to be an extrovert, look no further than the purpose of this sub; sexual strategy. Unless you plan on going MGTOW or look like brad pitt, you need social interaction to practice sexual strategy.

        While it is helpful to understand yourself and how your brain/body works, it is important not to use these as excuses for not improving.

        Introvert that appears to be an extrovert > extrovert.

        [–]KonradKant 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Good that we're clear on that point. But I think there are still some issues with your view. 1) "An introvert will never receive a chemical reward from the social interaction itself" Yes, introverts do receive this award, it's just much less potent than it is for the extravert.

        2) You seem to have the underlying premise that introverts hate social interactions in general. The response is two-fold. First, introverts don't hate the kind of social interaction you're referring to, they can enjoy it as well. The difference is that they have a much lower 'tolerance', so to speak, and since our everyday lives consist of tons of social interactions it might like like introverts hate them in general. Second, there are different kinds of social interactions, and introverts do much better in one-on-one interactions than extraverts.

        3) "Introvert that appears to be an extrovert > extrovert" That seems rather arrogant. Maybe "Introvert that appears to be an extravert > introvert" as far as sexual strategy is concerned, but even that's far from being obviously true.

        Apologies for all the nitpicking, but I think that this is an important yet very misunderstood topic, even by people who have done some reading on it.

        [–]gqtrees 8 points9 points  (8 children)

        agreed. Ever since i came on Red pill (last week) I just started talking to everyone at work. i don't care how boring the convo got....I just talk and try to find their interest and expand. I am finding i am getting better at it (even if its minute) by the day.

        [–]Endorsed ContributorRedPillDad 2 points3 points  (6 children)

        Good stuff. Once you get good at rapport-connection, try building a deeper engagement with people. Move beyond the surface skimming most people do. Listen more profoundly, speak more profoundly (vibing in PUA lingo), even if it's just for a minute or two.

        Gradually add more to your toolbox, such as breaking rapport, push and pull, teasing, intentional awkwardness, emotional spiking, and such. RSD's Julien is a master of this shit.

        For Average Guy she only feels boredom and indifference. For you, she interprets the intensity and range of emotions she feels in your presence as powerful attraction, and craves more.

        [–]gqtrees 2 points3 points  (5 children)

        my biggest issue in past has been escalating into sexual tension. Do they go hand in hand? Like i am good at physical contact, but i am sometimes sloppy with words, where I am not sure when to actually turn a conversation from normal talk to sexual talk. For instance on a first date, if she is telling me something about her owing a dog (and has already shows few IOIs), how do i casually but surely move it into more sexual talk? can't find proper article on that...

        [–]Endorsed ContributorRedPillDad 2 points3 points  (3 children)

        Separate your verbal game from your physical game. Verbal escalation is potentially weird/creepy and talking too much can game you right out of contention.

        Physical escalation is the ticket. And be sure to demonstrate sexual intent early. You can build comfort to help her feel at ease, but if you overdo friendship, sex falls off the table.

        [–]gqtrees 0 points1 point  (2 children)

        is rsd the best vids to see on building comfort or is there other vids?

        [–]Endorsed ContributorRedPillDad 0 points1 point  (1 child)

        RSD has plenty of videos, but why on comfort building? It's adding some bluepill vibe to make her feel at ease. Don't overdo that shit.

        Here's a new video from Alex on Psychology of Women. It's redpill as fuck.

        EDIT: Not sure what happened, but all the videos on his channel have now been switched to private.

        [–]gqtrees 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        so keep it simply to escalation until fucking basically?

        [–]Chikinhok 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        sex talk doesn't start until she has already agreed to go home with you. give her a small kiss, if she reacts positively ask her to go to your place. as you get close to your place, you can start telling her what you're going to do to her.

        [–]teeelo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Good for you.

        Try slipping in little comments questions or jokes to people waiting in lines with you, or elevators, hell even servers or people on the other side of the counter.

        No expectations. No plan. No motive. You don't even need to say goodbye most of the time. It's just an average totally normal 'I'm awesome and share my awesomeness with people every day' kinda attitude. Non-chalante.

        [–]DoctorWelch 3 points4 points  (3 children)

        This is a problem I always had when I was beta. Even when I was beta I was a natural alpha conditioned to be beta so I still dominated rooms and people were intimidated to talk to me.

        It's always been that I am the one to have to initiate conversations and hanging out with people because they are usually scared to engage me out of fear of what I will think.

        After finding TRP I have realized most people would love to talk to me cause I'm smart, hot, and basically pretty awesome. Where before I would be self-conscious about people not talking to me, now I realize they all want to but I'm the one controlling the interaction.

        So before I would talk to no one and feel shitty about it, but now if I talk to no one it's because I'm busy and its of my choice to not engage despite them accepting the engagement if I did approach them.

        [–][deleted]  (2 children)

        [deleted]

          [–]theultimatewarriors 2 points3 points  (0 children)

          Positive people want others to succeed. A movement forward will have more impact the more people there are in a movement. People working on themselves feel better and want everyone to experience it.

          Also, fuck yeah.

          Also, keep killin it.

          [–]iCollectNails 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          Found noFap before this sub and its one of few subs that teaches a lot of the same shit. So happy it teaches the same, if not i would probably just have written this whole sub off as arrogant women-haters like a lot of reddit do. Still not swallowed the pill, but learning a lot.

          [–]AntixD 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          also haters gonna hate when they see how social you are

          [–]easyrandomguy 0 points1 point  (0 children)

          TL;DR: talk to people. They fucking love that shit.

          except this bitch: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b1XGPvbWn0A

          [–][deleted]  (6 children)

          [deleted]

            [–]Dillett7799 4 points5 points  (0 children)

            I really liked the acronym BAM for Birth of Abundance Mentality. I think that this is a great use because abundance mentality hits you like a truck. Well worded if you just kept it there, but when you used bam again I was disappointed you missed this opportunity. Great post.

            [–]mega_beta 14 points15 points  (7 children)

            I've known people like this, who talk to everyone. I always found them to be super annoying. Like the guys who I was friends with, but not really who would come up to me at parties and start talking about something. I would always nod like, "yeah cool bro, but I don't really care." If you're making an effort to talk to everyone, remember some of them are just going to be nodding their heads.

            [–]Endorsed ContributorDownvoteToDisagree 32 points33 points  (3 children)

            That's why you should always drive the conversation by

            1. Finding out the person's interests, through questions or baited statements
            2. Let the person talk about their interest
            3. Reinforce your shared connection to the topic and / or repeat the question cycle again

            A good conversationalist should be talking about what interests the OTHER person--and letting the other person do most of the talking.

            [–][deleted]  (1 child)

            [deleted]

              [–]antariusz 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              And if you can actually find what the person is talking about interesting, which isn't hard if you have empathy, then you can become a "natural"

              [–]theultimatewarriors 5 points6 points  (1 child)

              Talking just to talk is annoying, mostly because if you aren't engaged with the person, then you are just talking to be acknowledged. The truth is if you are engaged, then you will be focussed on the other person and not focussed in your head ("did she like what I said?"). Engaged talking is never annoying, it's just a way of connecting to a person, the trick then is finding what engages others with us in conversation (and why guys usually are looking for good openers to emulate when they see them "work"). And true, there are tons of openers that engage people into conversation (asking a guy about the most useful tool he owns or a girl about her favorite animal ), but none of those work if you are only using them to be acknowledged instead of trying to engage the person. That's why context is king, an opener is like a cheap clickbait subject, but finding where the persons brain is at and exploring the same subject together will always bring about a better conversation than simply talking just to talk. However, engaging with someone will almost always be a rewarding experience.

              [–]analredemption12 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              I feel like there's a different dynamic when girls are involved. Most girls like to small talk to some degree and if you're an attractive guy she'll probably see it as a pleasant interaction.

              I've had to train myself a bit to not become annoyed when random people that come up and talk to me, whether it's a beta, an over-confident/desperate chick, or a bum on the street. I realized that I had to stop letting that put me in an agitated mood and just roll with it. You never know when that person could be useful in the future. If you really don't want to talk to them very long then just deflect playfully. And they should be gone soon.

              On the flip side you might end up having a lot in common with a stranger, and connections can be useful.

              [–]thebattlecat5 2 points3 points  (1 child)

              BAM - Birth of Abundance Mentality. I like it.

              [–]johnnywahd 2 points3 points  (4 children)

              "...They gradually start talking to more and more people, finding comfort in the fact that it’s fun having random convo’s..."

              I've always found it hard to become interested in BS small talk. I feign interest and go though the motions. Want to really grab my interest, then let's talk philosophy or deep life topics, not BS pop culture.

              I have however started to force myself to have more and more random conversations with strangers. Get out of my comfort zone and practice conversational skills so as to become better when I interact with girls.

              [–]harkrank 7 points8 points  (0 children)

              Most people exercise very zero to very little influence in society, among their friends, on their own life or even on their own mind. It is hard to find motivation in exploring your relationship with them. Unfortunately this is what it looks like today. I think you don't have to go very far back in the past to find a time where getting to know people actually mattered a lot and could give opportunities. All kinds of wealth has been much more condensed into fewer people, wether it's economic power, political power or social power. The rewards are greater than ever but the competition is tougher than ever as well.

              [–]KarmaEnthusiast 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              You can learn to enjoy the smalltalk. I don't laugh anywhere near as much as I used to, but on the opposite end people laugh a lot more because of me. I find the easiest people to talk to are the ones who are basically obligated to, cashiers mostly.

              I'd say 90% of people can't be arsed for a conversation or aren't any good at it and don't want to develop it. Fair enough, there are lots of skills to be had in the world. You need this skill if you want to meet new people (including women).

              I put a lot of people I haven't seen in a few years on the backfoot because I was a nervous mess who was always nervously smiling/laughing and could barely speak then and now I do MMA and control quite a lot of interactions.

              Don't be that beta guy who's quiet and then one day suddenly gets all uppity and acts like he should be alpha in his own right. It's a constant everyday battle and if you're any good at it it's kind of fun to test your conversational skills against another.

              [–]ROIVeritas 0 points1 point  (0 children)

              then let's talk philosophy or deep life topics, not BS pop culture.

              This is where you lose a vast majority of women and ALL BP BB men.

              [–]simple_human 1 point2 points  (0 children)

              im not there, but im well on my way, thanks for this.

              i stumbled on TRP right after realizing "red pill" truths on my own, makes things much easier, each day i realize and see my "alpha" potential, and that its already there i just need to act on it.

              [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (6 children)

              Wow, I wish it was as easy as this for me. Approach anxiety barely exists for me anymore. I have killer conversational skills and quick wit. Looks must be 8/10, very masculine features except my nose is big as fuck and bent to the side from a high school wrestling injury. Really don't have any social anxiety at all anymore. But girls just never seem to want to take up the offer... it fucking sucks.

              [–][deleted]  (5 children)

              [deleted]

                [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (4 children)

                It honestly seems like the more I talk, the faster they become unattracted. I always get the feeling that they've realized how weird/quirky I am. I have a Jim Carrey kind of sense of humor, a little eccentric. And I'm in college (frat too... but we pretty much can't have parties anymore), so most of these girls are used to the stonerish/frat "whaaaat?" kind of bros. It seems like being unintelligent and unaware of your surroundings is attractive to them.

                edit: And I don't mean like "focused" unaware-of-your-surroundings. Just like, "Man I'm so dumb what's going on..."

                [–][deleted]  (2 children)

                [deleted]

                  [–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

                  I guess taking Adderall doesn't help... but I have a bunch of sleeping disorders and need it to feel awake and focused. Not taking the adderall just leaves me totally unfunctional in social situations, like... it's really bad.

                  [–]cheechawcheechaw 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                  Don't do that eccentric stuff if you want to get some strange. You are not supposed to be the entertainer for them.

                  [–]greatmikeshark 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                  After my ex broke my heart, I went into monk mode without knowing it. For the next 4 months all I did was train for the this,http://www.mountainproject.com/v/sharkstooth/105745133 This was before I knew about TRP.

                  [–]aazav 1 point2 points  (0 children)

                  Natural Alphas* Took

                  No apostrophe on a plural.

                  [–]Cubixdealer 0 points1 point  (3 children)

                  I did this. This was my personality and for a while it works. But eventually it collapses. I couldn't go anywhere without everyone knowing who I was.

                  I mean i guess it works to an extent.

                  All things in balance.

                  [–][deleted]  (2 children)

                  [deleted]

                    [–]Cubixdealer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                    I would walk onto a bus and know every person there independently. It's one thing to know everybody and they all know each other. It's a totally different situation when you know everyone independently. You can't just take over the entire bus and start introducing everyone to everyone. You can't talk to everyone at once. A celebrity has the advantage of everyone having a prepared mindset that the celebrity's time is valuable. You don't have this advantage. There comes a point where you kind of become a mini celeb but unless people are aware or expecting this, you end up getting too much attention.

                    It's nice to have girls see you are getting that attention because then they want a piece of it too, however it can also hurt you. It limits you in how you can approach girls. If you are always the center of attention then she feels everything she does is being judged. It's harder to get isolation and harder build the right frame.

                    Just like they say on here: no one should get your attention and time for free.

                    You end up having to choose the people you interact with and ostracizing people who felt they had a connection with you. To everyone else you just became the dick who is now too cool for them not because you wanted to but physically you can't pull off talking to everyone.

                    You can't walk into a class and say, Hi a, b, c, d, e, f and so on. Sometimes I would do that and it would just be weird.

                    It's like everywhere you go there are exs.

                    Granted I was the extreme example of following this mindset. It did have perks. Wherever you go someone is bound to know you and if not you will meet many new people.

                    Having this mindset works in bursts but you gotta be wary about what kind of environment you are creating for yourself.

                    [–]PlebDestroyer 0 points1 point  (4 children)

                    You say monk mode but then say to approach everyone...isn't a large pillar of monk mode, isolation? I feel that approaching everyone and isolation are both very contradictory.

                    Would you recommend monk mode for a 17 year old who is starting college next year?

                    [–][deleted]  (1 child)

                    [deleted]

                      [–]PlebDestroyer 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                      I did read it and he also blurs the lines of monk mode and socializing. From what I have read form illimitable man, isolation is key, socializing should only be done intermittently, when it feels necessary to preserve your ability to socialize and articulate.

                      He also says that "socializing should not feature prominently prime intently until you reach the top 10% of men." Which is also another contradiction with what you said.

                      But monk mode requires introspections, I know that my social skills are not that of a top 10% man. I still have approach anxiety and not great at game (due to a lack of application). He says during monk mode you must eliminate your weaknesses, like the ones I just listed; but he also says emphasizes isolation and as mentioned above "should not feature prominently". But how else am I going to rid myself of these weaknesses? Is he implying that one must first exit monk mode and improve ones self before learning game and building social status/skills?

                      [–]antariusz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                      No, approach everyone, the more practice the better.

                      [–]Yozki 0 points1 point  (0 children)

                      It worked for me the very first time I tried it, thought it only got me a kiss since I was too drunk to escalate, but still.

                      [–]crbirt -4 points-3 points  (10 children)

                      Why do you want to dominate social interactions? How could this be a group movement for likemindeds? If your collective goal is to individually dominate social interactions, who's going to win? What is this shit?

                      [–]RedCurtis 0 points1 point  (3 children)

                      You're not making sense. TRP is not a movement, and dominating a social interaction doesn't mean what you think it means.

                      [–]crbirt 1 point2 points  (2 children)

                      Then what is it, and what does it mean? Feel free to elaborate.

                      [–]RedCurtis 0 points1 point  (1 child)

                      1. A place for men to discuss sexual strategy and self improvement. It has no "collective goal".

                      2. Taking an active role in your interactions with others, being confident and talkative, taking the lead in conversations and social situations in general. You don't have to always do it, but it's an important skill to have.

                      Get it now?

                      [–]crbirt -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

                      Oh my, you use the logic of a female in distress, but you have the arrogance of a ridiculously drunk redneck male. Now, explain to me how the hell you get "dominate social interactions" to mean "being talkative in social situations"? You do realize that you're making a complete U-turn for twisting this around to make it sound sensible, you're completely aware of the fact that you're defending something that can not be rationalised. I so deeply apologize to myself for being too polite to you when asking you to elaborate. Don't ever end a reply to me with "get it now?" or something along those lines. You get it?

                      [–][deleted]  (5 children)

                      [deleted]

                        [–]MacBadoo -2 points-1 points  (2 children)

                        I don't really like people though. Will this make me appreciate people? In crowded areas people start to look less like like people but look more like warm meat and blood bags. When I see a hot chick in a crowded subway I don't give a damn, I want her mint breath as far as fucking away from me as possible and god forbid if you touch me.

                        [–][deleted]  (1 child)

                        [deleted]