all 90 comments

[–]MCrazyHorseInvincible[M] 207 points208 points  (29 children)

I can't remove this in good conscience, because you make a good and useful point.

But please for the love of fucking Invisible Space Jesus learn the difference between your and you're.

[–]Stopher 78 points79 points  (17 children)

Important TRP point. Don't be illiterate. Fucking hilarious.

Sadly this info shouldn't need to be said.

[–]Traz_Onmale 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Reminds me of "expiriance".

[–]ont_anon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Reminds me of a rant that I posted a while ago re: tenet vs. tenant. You're / your isn't so bad, but when it's two words that have such completely different meanings, no matter how well-intentioned and informative the post is... you lose me.

[–]Gimprome 24 points25 points  (2 children)

Well, let's see if he mans up or takes it like a bitch.

[–]soccerplusaviation[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

I'm crying on my girls shoulder right now. :'(

[–]ilphae 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You killed me with that one.

[–]b0jack_horseman 7 points8 points  (1 child)

And it's not too difficult: If you could say it as "you are", use you're

[–]1Trellink 12 points13 points  (0 children)

You are correct. Yes indeed, you're correct. Your insight is correct.

[–]soccerplusaviation[S] 9 points10 points  (3 children)

LOL. I took engineering. I excelled in math and science, but I gave zero effort in high school English. I apologize for my poor grammar.

[–]1oldredder 2 points3 points  (2 children)

I'm gunna chew some straw an' write 'yer' from now on, tell you whut

[–]squishles 1 point2 points  (1 child)

It works on women. =/

Get a southern drawl going, start bullshitting about the farm. Goes marvelously in most cities.

[–]1oldredder 0 points1 point  (0 children)

:) I'm Canadian, in Canada - but I still think it would be funny as fuck.

[–]Dopebear 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's common here to see people messing up "you're" and "your"

Same goes for "their", "there" and "they're"

[–]2asd1100 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

you should because it's only adjusting TRP to be more warm and cuddly. His main point is valid, but his arguments are mostly comprised of weak behavior rationalised. What makes this a horrible advice is that he uses girlfriend as a target. That makes OP basically a enabler rationalising being weak.

[–]2RedPillSafe 41 points42 points  (0 children)

The man that can absorb setbacks with stoic firmness will be respected by women and men alike.

Men with "heart" are willing to endure and get through things.

A good post.

[–][deleted]  (3 children)


    [–]ClassicGoth 6 points7 points  (0 children)

    Can confirm. I've seen me do it.

    [–]ECoast_Man 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    Also can confirm.

    Mine wasn't financial setback as extreme pressure at work. Me coming home and responding honestly to "how was your day" was the wrong thing to do. Lesson learned.

    [–]soccerplusaviation[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

    Thanks bro. I learned this lesson back in first year where me and this cute Columbian girl were complaining how our sheltered up bringing made it hard to integrate and understand undergrad social life. She was attracted to me but friendzoned me when I complained too much,

    [–]Peanutbuttabrew 16 points17 points  (3 children)

    One thing I've learned is that women can't be your best friends. You, yourself are your best friend. That's it. Truly opening up and explaining everything like a woman does to you cannot be reciprocated. Unfortunately I believe this means you certainly can't tell a woman everything you're thinking. They process stress differently than a man does. They feed off of anxiety and fear and will take it all kinds of crazy directions. A man has to stay within himself or risk losing the respect to even his SO. Doesn't mean you can't share it, but needs to be shared cautiously.

    [–]1Trellink 6 points7 points  (2 children)

    Nah. Women can indeed be your best friend. Just not women you want to fuck.

    [–]omg_cats 10 points11 points  (1 child)

    No way. If you think a woman can be your best friend you've never had a best friend.

    [–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

    They can be your best friend in the ways that women are friends. I've used women as friends before. I'm aware that they imagine I'm one of their beta orbiters and this amuses me. It's their folly when they try to swing to this branch and fall instead.

    Nothing beats guy friends though. Or a dog. And a well trained dog staring at you in admiration waiting for your next command? This can get those gina tingles going.

    [–]MyNewAccount9 10 points11 points  (2 children)

    I'd add: you CAN be down for a few days or whatever. Just dont make it like there's no end in sight. And dont make it like you're totally overwhelmed and drowning in it. There's a difference between "I feel like shit becuase of this temporary situation" vs. "woe is me the sky is fallling i'm having all these feelings and i'm just so so scared and needy"

    Had some difficult stuff professionally over the past year. talked to my gf and told her: "this sucks right now. I'm not real happy about this and i dont feel good right now. It will change though. But- Right now I feel like shit. And that's just how it is. Not gonna be like this forever."

    You know what I found:

    -if i said I needed some time to just feel like shit before i rebound, I got it. When i said i need space, I got what i needed.

    -there was no hope for genuine sympathy or understanding. I dont know how to explain it: she could accept that i felt shitty, she wanted me to feel happier. But at no point do i feel like she actually connected with what I was going through. there was no empathy. She never "got it."

    -I also found you gotta snap out of it. Doesn't have to be immediately. But your woman has to know that you're not crippled for life. She needs to know that this shitty thing isn't the end of the world for you. You CAN say: "I lost a battle" or "Man, I just took a hit." But DON'T say: "i'm a loser." "I dont know if i'll ever win" "It's so hard." Women dont want to hear that shit.

    Anyway, that was my experience. I pretty much was a straight shooter, but i didn't expect any empathy or understanding or comfort from her. And I didn't wallow in it or make it a big dramatic thing. Just: "Babe this shitty stuff happened. There's really no way for me to feel good about this right now. I feel like shit and that's just how it is. This isn't going to last, but this is where i'm at right now."

    She was actually pretty supportive, and we're still together.

    Those were my observations.

    [–]omg_cats 4 points5 points  (1 child)

    Honestly nobody wants to hear that shit. If I have a guy friend who whines like a bitch about how the world is against him it makes me cringe and want to gtfo asap.

    [–]MyNewAccount9 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    Agreed. whining is unattractive in any relationship.

    [–]Air4ce1 8 points9 points  (2 children)

    The second paragraph really resonated with me because just recently I posted in AskTRP about what exactly "vulnerability" meant according to "Models" by Mark Manson. I always thought stoicism in a realistic sense meant never showing emotion. I tried it for awhile thinking that that was synonymous with frame, but it never felt right.

    Now I'm coming to the sense that showing emotion is ok and that's how you can truly connect with people, but it's the control of emotion that you must have. You can be vulnerable, but you must control your vulnerability and the reactions that stem from being vulnerable.

    [–]xibipiio 0 points1 point  (0 children)

    I agree with this. Emotion is part of what makes us human, but our ability to have emotions, or more specifically for experience difficult times, and reframe our emotional state to be able to persevere through difficult times and emotions is what makes us excellent humans. And who wants anything less than an excellent human as a lifelong companion as well as provider and ideal mate for healthy offspring?

    [–]IceColdTang 12 points13 points  (4 children)

    Good observations. My takeaway is: acknowledge your own shortcomings and seek to improve rather than anything else. Use the possible anger and/or frustration as an internal motivator. Don't expect nor demand justice or any kind of bullshit like that, just man up.

    Now, I'd have to say that this works best with an LTR, because if you fuck up with a possible plate and keep trying with the same girl after failing, you might just come off as a "creep" as they say, so hard next and keep working on yourself.


    A short while back I've mistakenly "broke out" of monk mode when I took home a girl who is friends with some of my closer friends and although I did okay with all sexual escalations and major shit tests, I fucked up with LMR. I know I fell into the FZ after that, so instead of keep pushing, I am just rolling back into monk mode, and in Spring 2015 when I come out again, it will be a whole 'nother story.

    [–]Endorsed ContributorRedPillDad 6 points7 points  (3 children)

    Yeah, monk mode is what you're describing - no women, no sex, working on self-improvement and cleansing yourself of neediness.

    What OP was describing was Mr. Fix-It mode. Taking care of the immediate problem without whining or bitching. Women love a Utility Guy who can fix shit. Just like they love Emotional Tampon Guy who they can tell their sob stories to.

    Monk mode is an alpha move because it's taking the steps to transform yourself from a softie into a soldier... OP's story is more about NOT being beta.

    Good luck with your transformation.

    [–]IceColdTang 0 points1 point  (2 children)

    Thank you. I'll post a FR next year, and I'll be damned if it isn't a positive one.

    [–]Endorsed ContributorRedPillDad 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    You're already solid. Not being beta is the important part. In every situation, every shit test, you can fall, hold or rise. By not falling you can sustain a LTR.

    [–]KarmaEnthusiast 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    I do remember hearing this in "The Superior Man" whereby it states women don't care about track record. I think it references a man going to work and never being late for 10 years. That man explaining to his male boss can simply cite his previous 10 years of good record and that will be enough for the male boss. He's trustworthy so give him some lenience.

    A female boss however will want him to show her that he learned from his mistake, despite his good track record.

    In this way you can show weakness, so long as you plan to resolve it. So dwelling on something is exactly what OP is saying, not learning from a mistake and moving forward. A mistake could be a blip on the radar (men) or it could be a sign of a deeper issue that is taking hold (women).

    Edit: This is a masculine boss and a feminine boss, I just said male and female for ease.

    [–]LeggyBlueEyes 3 points4 points  (0 children)

    I agree with this completely. It's unrealistic to expect anyone, man or woman, to be in complete control all the time. But how you handle the failures is critical. This is not necessity a RP thing - this is a maturity/responsibility thing.

    [–]2asd1100 8 points9 points  (5 children)


    nobody cares about the process just results, trying hard does not get you a medal, this is beyond the fact that some issues are unforeseeable and out of your control.

    What your women wants to see you do after you fail, is accept your failure like a man(i.e. take the hit and stop complaining, the less you reflect onto her the more strength you project, as long as she isn't affected, it's all fine by her), strengthen your resolve, and go back out and attain whatever your after in full force. WHEN FAILURE HAPPENS, (and it will happen, it must happen, you cannot succeed without failure), SHE WANTS THE COMFORT IN KNOWING THAT HER MAN CAN PICK HIMSELF UP AFTER HE FALLS AND CONTINUE FIGHTING. SHE WANTS TO SEE YOU ENTER MONK MODE. WOMEN LOVE MEN THAT ARE IN MONK MODE.

    fuck no, in hard times she needs even more comfort and reassurance that you got it, you can not let her feel the hardship, if she wanted hardship or a partner in hardship she would not be with you, you are a shield, the girl isn't with you to share the rent, she is with you because she wants to have a back up if she can't pay rent, if she never had to worry about making rent when she was single(because orbiters and dates would take care of her) what the fuck makes you think she'll be fine not making rent when she is with you, from her perspective you are a anchor in that case, you are limiting, the chain of attraction will keep her tied to you, but it does have a breaking point.

    Stop twisting the red pill to be comfortable and warm. It's not, it's cruel and harsh. You are enabling bad behavior in people. You are doing what scared people have done since the beginning of folklore: making shit up so you aren't scared of life. Grow up.

    Understand that sharing your emotions is a behavior you do for her benefit ONLY. You build comfort trust and intimacy that way. You are NEVER ALLOWED to depend on her for your benefit, for your comfort. (even if your girl has seen some shit and could easaly support your shit, the behavior is selfish and weak, it doesn't do you any favors and it makes you weaker in the long run)

    [–]1whatsazipper 2 points3 points  (3 children)

    Yes, thanks for cutting through the feel-good bullshit. It's comfortable to cling to soothing lies, and people around here do it all the time too.

    [–]2asd1100 1 point2 points  (2 children)

    That is what the internet is for, creating and indulging in faulty paradigms that make you feel better.

    [–]1whatsazipper 1 point2 points  (1 child)

    Oh man. I've been using the internet wrong my whole life ;)

    [–]2asd1100 4 points5 points  (0 children)

    Dude, ASD still remembers the times when you where nobody on the internet, you could have been just a string of alphanumerical caracters. It was a different world, a stranger world filled with porn, pedos and wierd shit. But it was a better world because you could "punish" other alphanumerical strings for being pussies, for being wrong or for being retarded. But the dam broke and identity, responsibility and principles flooded trough the faster fiber or optic pipes and now you are drowning in retards everywhere. Ideals everywhere feeding circle jerk and reinforcing biases and ignorance. The internet has suck great promise, but like with all good things humans turned it into a pot of shit.

    Here's to the next frontier of human expression, my friend, <sipping hot cocoa with butter and wiskey>, Wherever that may be, because wherever there is freedom, there will forever be pirates and outlaws, expaning the human condition in it's purest manifestation

    [–]gideonrakthor 2 points3 points  (0 children)

    Alot of guys think they get this but instead repress all of themselves in fear of appearing weak. Some even become chronic liars. This actually pushes people away, especially women. EVERYONE has weaknesses and failiures. The key is to be comfortable in your own skin and confident in how you deal with your shortcomings - don't hide them.

    [–]yeahweewee 2 points3 points  (4 children)

    So the goal is to open up without actually opening up? sounds like too much fucking maneuvering to be worth your time

    [–][deleted]  (3 children)


      [–]1Trellink 8 points9 points  (1 child)

      I really, really want to buy you a shitload of contractions, my friend. Your and you're are not the same words.

      [–]1oldredder 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Aye laddie, there be so few contractions here wee kin only say this one be stillborn!

      [–]mister_barfly75 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      You went to uni and you still don't know the difference between You're and Your?

      I'm betting you studied Sports Science.

      [–]aOs_Student 5 points6 points  (13 children)

      But, when it comes to your SO, if something doesn't go your way, or something bad happens to you, you are allowed show your discomfort, your fear or sadness. Your allowed to admit your mistakes or failures to her.

      Nothing dries a vagina faster than this. You are the rock of the relationship...once you stop being that rock she will start looking elsewhere.

      [–]soccerplusaviation[S] 13 points14 points  (9 children)

      You've missed the point. The vagina will only stay dry if you maintain the state of helplessness and despair. The vagina will flow like a waterfall if you show you can take a hit and get back into the game like a champ.
      And being the rock of the relationship?... it's a bad metaphor. Because when a rock is smashed, it's broken permanently.

      [–]TRP-Gunsmith 11 points12 points  (2 children)

      Older guy with a 20 year successful marriage here. I agree with you. "IF" by Rudyard Kippling aught to be on the sidebar.

      (Found this place thanks to a student of mine who told me the life advice I give him sounds like this place).

      [–]BloodRoseTRP 4 points5 points  (1 child)

      When your student referred to this place, was it in a positive light?

      [–]TRP-Gunsmith 4 points5 points  (0 children)

      It was positive. His statement was "you did it right, according to TRP." Pulled my wife when she was 19, two guys before me, none after. Two well adjusted kids. Blowjobs and sex whenever I want and I'm in my 40's. Can't get divorce raped cause she's worth 7 figures independent of joint assets.

      My grandad once told me the most important body part to being a happy married guy is a spine. He was right.

      [–]BluepillProfessor 1 point2 points  (2 children)

      Is it the tearful confession of failure that dries it up? I thought usually that was accompanied by some bland sex. OP is saying she will "start looking" if you hand the aftermath like a bitch. I think he is right.

      [–]aOs_Student -2 points-1 points  (1 child)

      OP is saying she will "start looking" if you hand the aftermath like a bitch. I think he is right

      There are different ways a man can handle it, for example they can show vulnerabilty like the op says which correlates with mark mansons method. I on the other hand choose the way redpill does it which is being a rock and not showing any vulnerability.

      [–]JaiFysher 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      You show no vulnerability because you think that makes you a man? Interesting.

      [–]nrmjba 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      I experienced this shortly after I went red pill. It ended an 11 year marriage. Good call out OP.

      [–]bilbuthehobbit 1 point2 points  (0 children)

      nahhhhh im pretty sure its because of the failure part. Male hamster alert

      [–]hb8only 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      I remember the OP about it and my comment that I don't know what to do because I cannot be in top without problems all the time and now, the great solution came to me. THANK YOU FOR THIS! I believe you are right!

      edit: maybe when talking about problem have already a solution for it :)

      [–]alreadyredschool 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      This has been said since ages. Always have a plan and a backup plan. When you make a mistake or when there is any situation provide a way to solve it.

      [–]freemale101 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Laugh at your losses and carry on IF y'know what yr doing. Otherwise sit it out. In terms of the Pussy you shouldn't be trying anything for Prestige; a form of sex currency. You do WHAT yr good at--even if its only collecting rubbish. You are you're own best friend. On that point--there's a fellow the Red Pillers can copy. He was written about 3000 years ago. Superficially he was a scoundrel, a loafer BUT he seduced and controlled the world's most beautiful woman (Helen of Troy) AND he defeated the world's strongest and most dangerous male (Achilles) using a sneaky covert trick (sniper shot). If yr intrigued check out Paris.

      [–]da-way 0 points1 point  (0 children)

      Basically fellas, if you show an increase in energy after your go down.. your lady will beg you to fuck her brains out. (personal experience)

      A man who becomes re-energized after failure is a winner or a winner waiting to happen. Women love winners. Ergo attraction.

      [–][deleted]  (7 children)


        [–]JakeRay 1 point2 points  (6 children)

        I agree, the text itself is crudely written, but he does have a good point that should be common knowledge.

        [–]1Trellink 0 points1 point  (5 children)

        His point is good, and relevant. Damn timely for me, too, since I'm in the process of picking myself up after a setback. My girlfriend is as supportive as can be, but OP is right: if you wallow, the vagina shall lie fallow.

        Resilience is a form of strength.

        [–]JakeRay 1 point2 points  (4 children)

        The point is still not about getting sex. That's what I think is annoying about TRP sometimes; instead of saying "get respected" it's "get sex".

        Many of these advice on TRP doesn't only target people in relationships, but also just basic human interaction and friendship.

        If a friend of mine wallows, he will not recieve my respect nor my attention. Doesn't have to do with sex necessarily.

        edit/ I'm not saying you're wrong at all. I'm just picky about phrasing.

        [–]1oldredder 0 points1 point  (3 children)

        That's even worse advice.

        Friends are supposed to be capable of assisting each other & if that's opposite of respect to you, you're a bad friend and no one should be your friend.

        [–]JakeRay 0 points1 point  (2 children)

        You're right, and maybe wallow is the wrong word.

        But if you had a friend that kept being miserable without picking himself up even after he's gotten a friendly pat on the back, wouldn't you be annoyed?

        I didn't say anything about breaking up the friendship, but I wouldn't waste my effort on someone who doesn't want to get better.

        Also, I'm young and from another country. My definition of "friend" is probably a little broader than what you imagine.

        [–]1oldredder 0 points1 point  (1 child)

        no: I'm annoyed only by what happens to me that's in my control if it needs fixing, until it's fixed. Then I'm not annoyed.

        My definition of 'friend' is incredibly narrow. A broad definition... breaks the meaning of the word.

        [–]JakeRay -1 points0 points  (0 children)

        Hahaha, okay old man. I'm all good for discussion, but I've read some of your comments and I don't feel like discussing anything with you. Feel free to post your opinions and move along.

        [–]1oldredder 0 points1 point  (3 children)


        The expectations of most women are beyond reasonable & a man showing weakness will be exploited and eventually will be left.

        That's how it is. Downvote for this one: lack of life experience is what wrote this. My life experience very clearly shows me and all that I've seen with other men that women will seek to exploit a weakness because they must do so.

        You can believe what you want but you'll find out how wrong you are when your failures, not how you handled them but the actual failure itself, leads to her being gone.

        How you handle it is how you handle it so you can recover. She doesn't give a shit if you recover.

        [–]viavitae 1 point2 points  (0 children)

        Someone downvoted you. UFB. What is more TRP 101 than innate female hypergamy and Briffault's law?

        [–]soccerplusaviation[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

        what has life thrown at you that led you to this conclusion?

        [–]1oldredder 0 points1 point  (0 children)

        Every woman I've ever seen leave a man has done so precisely for the reasons I described. It's not always just hypergamy, there's a thing a man can do to lower his value so another man now has a higher relative value & that's that. It's done. Could be decrease in pay, got sick a week longer than is possible to keep things running smoothly, whatever it might be, it's over then.

        How you handle this proves your strength. Just receiving the damage & not being able to brush it off as a thing she doesn't need to know about automatically lowers your value to her.

        Because of when I was born I've seen the recession of the 90's, 2001 dot-com bust and 2008 collapse all layer on each other, introduction of NAFTA & other trade agreements that ended careers and seen the result many times over.